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Mom - I am absolutely stunned. I can't believe this. You know that this is not right. Wait until you are divorced! You know that I had a slip - but I didn't think I was falling in love. Please don't latch on to another man.

Please, please, please be careful. Have fun but watch out. For one thing, you are still married. Two, you are vulnerable and have a negative balance in your LB. Three, it's a good time to find out what you're made of and stand for a bit by yourself. A voyage of discovery, if you will. Four, think about your boys. Do they need guys cycling in and out of their lives? If this man is the "one", he'll wait for you.

On the other hand, I can completely sympathize. It's been a long time since I've had a kind word, a warm hug or a passionate kiss. A compliment and a little attention to me, the woman, would go a long ways. That makes you and me vulnerable. Can you be strong?

If nothing else, don't give Ed any ammunition to use against you. We're here for ya.

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Sounds very good. Not too good to be true but still in a "honeymoon" period. Slow and sure, my dear. Enjoy the attention. If he's not the one, it'll be a good trail run.

nevermind....

Well, I thought you were going to make it. I meant make it thru this without something like this.

Kandi, you know this is adultery, right? It is the same as Ed's. You are still married, still carrying on with a man that is not your husband. These are the facts.

Everything else is rationalizations, the same rationalizations that EVERY other WS has made here. That they deserved it, that their BS didnt do this or didnt do that. That the marriage was already over...all we had was a piece of paper. Blah, blah, blah.

All fog, all wrong.

I had watched you work so hard to do this right, to earn a new marriage with Ed, or to earn your way out of the current one. Instead, you took the same route Ed did.

Am I disappointed? Sure. I have watched your situation from afar since the beginning. I, and others, have wanted only the best for you and your kids.

The reality is that although there are all kinds of dogs, big...small...black...brown...they are still dogs. And there are all types of affairs. But they all are still adultery.

So, the reality of this is that you ended up just like Ed. And that I do not say lightly or to hurt you.

But right now, you are in the fog...as Ed said. He is right. Look at your post. You said how wonderful things are...and even though it might be wrong, you didnt care. That is the epitomy of a fog statement.

Well, at least now you know how Ed felt.

Good luck Kandi. I do mean that. I just wish you could have seen this thru.

In His arms.

Hugh mistake, [color:"red"]HUGE [/color]

Kandi,

Ever since I saw you two on Dr. Phil, Ed has made me sick to my stomach...I was hoping at least for your kids things would turn around.

I'm not gonna beat you down with this but just something to consider OK?

YOU could not win ED back while he was in the throes of his infidelity, you didn't have a chance, you could not compete with his fantasy right?

Guess what? Ed can't win YOU back while you are in the throes of infidelty, he doesn't have a chance, he cannot compete with YOUR fantasy.

What you wrote above is no different than what I have read, and heard, from other WS Kandi and that really saddens me.

Stop it and finish this the right way, and if "Mr. Wonderful" was so wonderful, he wouldn't be interested in a married woman.

Where have we heard this before? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My favorite part was this: "it just happened"

**snort** <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

<<<<<<<<BIG sigh>>>>>>>>> Ohhh Kandi. I'm sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Some doors shouldn't be opened no matter how hard opportunity is knocking.

Hey Mel....we have got to get that checked out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

IMVHO...and I mean HUMBLE opinion....

I do not think that m23b is finished with her marriage. She has NOT moved on...I still see some waffling of her own in her postings. The drama in the posts reflects that.

committed

grapegirl said:


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Grapegirl? are you are serious?

~THUD~ (I fainted!)

Susan

*~*~*~* ammonia pack under Susan's nose....

Wake up...

committed

NOT MINE!

As a woman, I resent that statement. How many of you women *DREAM* of a man that will date a woman that is still married?

~THUD!~

Susan

MF4M, please read what I have to say about the above statement on this post. The bottom line is that there is no such thing as “it just happened”.

Susan,
With all that ~THUD~'ing, I sure hope you took your tiara off!
You're gonna knock all the rhinestones out!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Nerly....

back away from the tiara...and no one has to get hurt...

<<<<<snatces tiara and runs>>>>>>>>>

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

You knew that moving on with your life did not mean having an A yourself before your DV'd. You know that A's don't just happen and that people make conscious choices to allow themselves to go in a certain direction.

I understand that you were probably lonely and wanting reassurance and affection etc. You really needed time to heal yourself and get strong on your own. Now you have tainted your this new relationship by having it just as illicit as Ed's because you are in fact still married.

Most counselors suggest waiting a minimum of a year after a DV to seriously date. I know that is easier said than done. You did have full responsibility to inform the new man that you couldn't see him until after your DV. Then at least you would have been free. I suspected that maybe you were doing things you shouldn't when you were talking about your new friend and going out with her and other new friends.

In MB we know the dangers of allowing other's to fill our EN's. We know that we can all be susceptable to A's if we don't have clear bounderies set up. You have moved on emotionally prior to DV thus depriving your boys of an intact family should your H really make a turn around and want to recommit to your marriage and family and do the right thing. Now that he may be willing to do that your heart and mind is elsewhere. You came close to doing that before when you were separated and Ed got jealous. You already knew you weren't going to have a problem replacing Ed if and when the time came. You knew that you were an attractive woman who was worthy of love.

The choice for an A was all Ed's and you knew that your marriage could have been salvaged if he had decided to work on it with you instead of succumbing to the temptations of the A which has gone on to create havoc and instability in your boys lives. Now you are doing the same.

I am disappointed in your poor choices. We are all human and are indeed fallible. None of us is perfect. not me, not you...not your new man.