When my wife leaves to spend time with him what do I say or how should I act?

Slash, I do believe you are ready to get busy and start being pro-active in dealing with your wife's affair.

We really don't know all that much about your story, and it makes it a little more difficult to give advice.

How would you feel about moving over to General Questions II and starting a new thread, and give us a better glimpse into where you are at today? There is much more "traffic" on GQII, and some very knowlegeable and caring people who will help you along this awful path.

About your above question. You need to be honest and tell her it hurts you tremendously, and you feel very much disrespected when she does it. No attitude, no neediness, no crying, just state the facts. Tell her you care for her deeply, and you are willing to do the work to give the marriage a chance, but you feel certain the marriage can NOT work with a third party (the OM) involved.

Have you bought and read Surviving an Affair yet? If not, do so immediately, and the advice given to you here will make a lot more sense.

Slash, you don't have to put up with the status quo here. There are steps you can take to help end the affair. You will feel a bit empowered when you take those steps. It's much better than standing by on the sidelines, doing nothing and feeling powerless.

You ready to "get er done"?

Best wishes,
SD

Slash; How's it going?

I just read this thread, and my heart goes out to you, Slash. This is a difficult situation. It seems you care enough for your wife to allow her to still see the other person. IMVHO I believe you need to give her an ultimatum. It's not fair for you nor is it for your children to have her exposing you to this situation. Her indecision is not benefiting you in any way. Does she want to stay married? Does she care for this person?

I don't really know what I would do in a situation like this. I'll keep you in my prayers. May God grant you the strength and wisdom to make the right decision.

<<<<Hugs>>>>