It has been 2 plus years since my seperation, and I am SO MUCH HAPPIER!
My X used to sit in his recliner, clicking that darn remote control, and drinking beer all night long. I would literally come home from work, kiss him hello first - I had to make sure I always greeted him first becuase he always accused me of putting the kids first ahead of him, so I went out of my way to try to put him first. I would make dinner, and actually serve him dinner in his chair. I would bring him a plate, and a TV tray. Then I would serve the kids and I, and I would sit on the couch and visit with him while we ate. I did that for years. In spite of that, he still told me that OW put him first in her life, above everything else, and I never did that for him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
He also read porn magazines in the living room, in front of the kids. He used foul language - even screamed the F word at me several times in front of the kids. In spite of all that I spent about 6 months fighting for my M. But I can look back now, and realize that I like my life so much more without the porn, and the swearing.
He has re-written history so many times, that no one believes a word he says any longer. I even said to him once, about a year ago "Do even YOU believe the crap that comes out of your mouth anymore?" to which he answered "no." I said "good, cause I don't believe it either, so don't waste my time with it anymore."
I have recently married a WONDERFUL man. A christian, who doesn't drink, doesn't swear, and doesn't look at porn.
I am not trying to pass any judgements here about drinking, swearing, or porn. But after years of living with someone who did these things on a daily basis, it is so nice to be free from it all. My new H never calls me names, doesn't get drunk and puke all over my car, and I never walk into the bedroom to see him sitting in bed looking at porn instead of visiting with me.
My new H treats me with respect - and the SF is better than I have ever had before! I feel so loved, and respected, and protected now that it just overflows in my life.
Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that the reason my life is so good now is becuase I am married again. My life was good before I met my new H. I was doing things for me. I was singing in the church choir again, which I loved (I had given it up before becuase my X kept insiting that I needed to put him first in my life, and said that going to choir pracitce once a week was taking time away from him)
When I would hear about a new restaurant opening in town, I would call a friend, and we would go check it out.
When my Dad moved to Canada, I took a week off work and drove up there to visit him.
My X continues to try to slander my good name. He tells people that I was a horrible wife, too controlling, not affectionate enough, blah blah blah. Guess what I do? I live the best life I can! I reach out to people when they need help, I support my childrens activites, you name it. I do not sit back and feel sorry for myself for all I have lost. I get out there and seek the things that I want for my life.
and through all of that, a wonderful man came into my life, and saw how much fun I was having,and said "I want to be part of that."
I was terrifed to be a divorced woman. I never believed it would happen to me. But it did. In spite of all his issues, I would have stayed M to my XH anyway, just to avoid being divorced, but he insisted on Divorcing me so he could move on, so it happened anyway. I was ashamed for awhile. But then I decided to just live the best life I could.
As Dr Phil says, the best revenge that we can have against our X's is a life well lived.
