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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 354
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 354 |
Divorce has not changed me. It has helped me find the person I tucked neatly away when I got married and tried to fit into the neat littl box my X tried to put me in. Honestly I would have stayed there not knowing I lost myself... forever.... if he hadn't been so unfaithful, cruel, and dishonest.
I have been divorsed for 2 years now. Left my H when my baby girl was 8 weeks old after 3 years of affairs and 13 empty promises.
We never really see what is happening to us and around us until we take a step out of the ring and look in. Even then it takes quite sometime to really see the big picture.
Be true to yourself. Take some time to sit back and be still for a while and just "see" your surroundings.
Oh and one big thought about life after divorse.. "I think dating is harder than marraige sometimes."
Last edited by eyes_wide_shut; 08/24/05 07:54 PM.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 8
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 8 |
Although I have not left yet I feel it will not be long now. My WW had a LTA which has destroyed everything I believed in, love, trust and so on. I have been reading the post here trying to get some idea of what it will be like when I leave. I see some that have faired very well and it gives me some hope, but I see others that have not. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone for posting and keep posting the good and the bad because I know now this thing called life has many good and bad turns in it.
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363
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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 363 |
I have more emphaty.
Less opinionated... or at least, I keep my opinions to myself whilst talking to morons and idiots!! :-)
I am able to do what I like -- without the ackwardness of X being there, not enjoying what I enjoy, like being able to attend Sunday sermon without him yawning, fidgeting, excusing himself for a pee or a smoke.
I do not blame the xwh for his affairs and abandoning our marriage. He fulfills 90% of the Cleckley Criteria
I forgive him for his insanity and I forgive myself for being gullible to his charms.
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,195
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,195 |
Last night TWO friends told me I seem much happier and more relaxed. If that's true, I can't WAIT until the D is finally over and I can really relax!
Waiting for dawn... ...but not afraid of the dark.
DDay: Sept 26, 2004 Moved out: Dec 16, 2004 D Final: Oct 10, 2006
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,173
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 1,173 |
It has been 2 plus years since my seperation, and I am SO MUCH HAPPIER!
My X used to sit in his recliner, clicking that darn remote control, and drinking beer all night long. I would literally come home from work, kiss him hello first - I had to make sure I always greeted him first becuase he always accused me of putting the kids first ahead of him, so I went out of my way to try to put him first. I would make dinner, and actually serve him dinner in his chair. I would bring him a plate, and a TV tray. Then I would serve the kids and I, and I would sit on the couch and visit with him while we ate. I did that for years. In spite of that, he still told me that OW put him first in her life, above everything else, and I never did that for him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
He also read porn magazines in the living room, in front of the kids. He used foul language - even screamed the F word at me several times in front of the kids. In spite of all that I spent about 6 months fighting for my M. But I can look back now, and realize that I like my life so much more without the porn, and the swearing. He has re-written history so many times, that no one believes a word he says any longer. I even said to him once, about a year ago "Do even YOU believe the crap that comes out of your mouth anymore?" to which he answered "no." I said "good, cause I don't believe it either, so don't waste my time with it anymore."
I have recently married a WONDERFUL man. A christian, who doesn't drink, doesn't swear, and doesn't look at porn. I am not trying to pass any judgements here about drinking, swearing, or porn. But after years of living with someone who did these things on a daily basis, it is so nice to be free from it all. My new H never calls me names, doesn't get drunk and puke all over my car, and I never walk into the bedroom to see him sitting in bed looking at porn instead of visiting with me.
My new H treats me with respect - and the SF is better than I have ever had before! I feel so loved, and respected, and protected now that it just overflows in my life.
Don't get me wrong - I am not saying that the reason my life is so good now is becuase I am married again. My life was good before I met my new H. I was doing things for me. I was singing in the church choir again, which I loved (I had given it up before becuase my X kept insiting that I needed to put him first in my life, and said that going to choir pracitce once a week was taking time away from him)
When I would hear about a new restaurant opening in town, I would call a friend, and we would go check it out.
When my Dad moved to Canada, I took a week off work and drove up there to visit him.
My X continues to try to slander my good name. He tells people that I was a horrible wife, too controlling, not affectionate enough, blah blah blah. Guess what I do? I live the best life I can! I reach out to people when they need help, I support my childrens activites, you name it. I do not sit back and feel sorry for myself for all I have lost. I get out there and seek the things that I want for my life.
and through all of that, a wonderful man came into my life, and saw how much fun I was having,and said "I want to be part of that."
I was terrifed to be a divorced woman. I never believed it would happen to me. But it did. In spite of all his issues, I would have stayed M to my XH anyway, just to avoid being divorced, but he insisted on Divorcing me so he could move on, so it happened anyway. I was ashamed for awhile. But then I decided to just live the best life I could.
As Dr Phil says, the best revenge that we can have against our X's is a life well lived.
Married 18 years D Day June 25, 2003 Divorced December 17, 2003
Newly married to a wonderful man!
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