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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 102
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When is it ok to call it quite... biblically

The short story is this... my wife told me last Nov that she never was supposed to marry me... that God told her not to and she disobeyed him... because of the pressure, wanting to get out of her parents house, and also that she knew that I would take care of her...

I was upset but not surprised... it actually cleared up some things... like why she had been spending so much time with the Pastors son... so I started looking and found what I would call an EA...

I had to do a little digging... like internet logs, emails, phone records, etc... but it was all there plain as day to most people... but she said that they were really close friend and that yes... she loved him as a friend and that she didn't even ever get that close to me being that she never really loved me...

Oh yes... and there is the fact that we have 3 lovely children together...

So she tells me that she has never loved me... that I violated her by snooping into her business and the personal feelings that she had been sharing with that other person... and that I had ruined her over the years by not being a good husband and being good for her self esteem like this other person had...

She now tells me that she cannot love me and will not... and that she is trying to decide what to do for the kids sake...

She has told me horrible things like"I would rather be raped every day of my life than to not live with my kids" referring to being my wife and having to have sex...

Now what am I to think about that...

She is not my wife in any way at this time other than we have a piece of paper that says we are married and we live in the same building...

She will not talk to me, she will not go to counseling with me, she will not sleep with me, she will not go out with me...

She is a total stranger...


My questions are these:

1.How long do I have to take this...
2.When does God say it is ok to move on...
3.What is best for the kids... to learn to be cold to one another and how to give mean looks and never talk to or want to do anything with Daddy... or to live in 2 separate households with less craziness...
4.How can I get away from her hurt and still not be looked at by law as an abandoning husband...(she will not leave the house)

I will stop now... but I am really looking on some help understanding when to say Enough is Enough... and that she has really abandoned me... and if it is ok for me to move on...

I am willing to gamble a little with my life... but not with the lives of my three beautiful children...

Thanks in advance for any comments!


I need help... don't we all :-)
Joined: Mar 2001
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((DH))

I don’t believe I’ve ever posted to you but from what you’ve said in your post it sure sounds like your wife is in an affair.

“””1.How long do I have to take this...”””

As long as you choose to. I’m a firm believer that all marriages can’t be saved but I also firmly believe that you should exhaustively explore all the options before you go through the big D, especially with little ones.

“””2.When does God say it is ok to move on...”””

IMHO that’s pretty much a loaded question. It’s a common thought that the Bible only allows divorce in cases of adultery, which then leads to the argument of what is the biblical definition of adultery. 1st Corinthians also speaks to letting the unbeliever go. But IMVHO, I believe that we are allowed to depart in the 3 A’s, adultery, abuse, and addiction. All three of these go firmly against the teachings of Jesus who calls us to love and live in peace.

“””3.What is best for the kids... to learn to be cold to one another and how to give mean looks and never talk to or want to do anything with Daddy... or to live in 2 separate households with less craziness...”””

No, what’s best is for them to grow up in a normally functioning 2 parent home. How old are the kids? Do you currently have them in family counseling of some sort, if not, why not?

”””4.How can I get away from her hurt and still not be looked at by law as an abandoning husband...(she will not leave the house)”””

If you go through with divorce proceeding, someone will be forced to move out.


Hugz, Thoughtz, & Prayerz

Bill
Joined: Jan 2005
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LostHusband

You were great in your response. I was spiritually searching for a justification of divorce...(well my husband beat me to the filing)...and it IS written in the Bible to divorce without damage. Just that you have to marry a believer the next go around.

Thanks for confirming my views.
Nomoregames

Joined: Aug 2004
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I agree with lost husband. I also feel it is time to let go when your heart has grown completely cold. If you are still able to love and forgive (not try to punish them for the hurt & pain they caused you) them then it can be good to hang in there and continue to try and make your marriage work even when adultry has occurred. If their heart is cold and your heart has also grown cold to them because of all of the hurt, lies, etc. then it may be time to let go and move on.


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