Read toward bottom of post.

Cheating is having inappropriate relations with someone other than your spouse while married. That is a matter of fact and definition, rather than a matter of public opinion.

a·dul·ter·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-dlt-r, -tr)
n. pl. a·dul·ter·ies
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=adultery

Hi a1. If you want to work on your marriage you've come to the right place. And I have to commend you for stepping up to the plate when it comes to financially supporting your wife and son.

I have to say that your poll makes me smile, and wonder, "Hm... if Mrs. a1 were to put together a poll, what would IT look like?" (ie, Was it Abuse? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> )

If she's not willing to move back yet, maybe she'd be willing to fill out the Emotional Needs Questionnaire? Did you try counselling before she left?

I hope you're able to reconcile & work things out.

Yep, no if's and's or buts.

You had an affair.

Different subject: Any chance that your wife left you because she was having an affair in November 2003?

-ol' 2long

Do you know whether or not she had also cheated? What would she state as the cause for the separation? What were the issues in the marriage that precipitated the separation? Did she distant herself from you after the birth of your child?

Did she have post-partum depression? What was your work schedule?

Do you know which or each other's ENs were lacking in your relationship?

Do you understand the necessity of boundaries in a marriage which clearly define what is appropriate for opposite sex friendships?

It is best to maintain your moral integrity until the divorce is final. That is also wise when you had hopes to save the marriage.

Post deleted by a1b2c3d4e5

I say YES it was ADULTERY, by legal definition. However, don't think you can call it cheating, which Webster's defines as, "To use unfair or dishonest methods to gain an advantage, or to take something away from or keep from having something by dishonest tricks."

My opinion (as a newbie, so it doesn't count for much): pay less attention to your poll and more attention to the triggers as Trix points out above. Lots of blame to spread around, but if you'reboth going to make it work, you need to think about what you can both do now!

But my religion, or lack thereof, have nothing to do with it. Nor do any of those verses contradict the dictionary definition. You can change the verbiage and play mental masturbation games all day long, it won't change the fact that having sexual relations with someone other than your spouse is adultery.

The "pulse of the public" will not answer your question, words have specific meanings that transcend public opinion.

Dictionary definition of cheating:

cheat ( P ) Pronunciation Key (cht)
v. cheat·ed, cheat·ing, cheats
v. tr.
To deceive by trickery; swindle: cheated customers by overcharging them for purchases.
To deprive by trickery; defraud: cheated them of their land.
To mislead; fool: illusions that cheat the eye.
To elude; escape: cheat death.

v. intr.
To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
To violate rules deliberately, as in a game: was accused of cheating at cards.
Informal. To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=cheat

Post deleted by a1b2c3d4e5

Well, I believe I am "current society" and the last time I looked, the English language was defined by "current society" in the dictionary.

Words have specific meanings, my friend, and changing the word will not change the ACT, unfortunately. I can call my dog a baloney sandwich, but unfortunately, he will still be a dog. He will never be a baloney sandwich.

a1b,

Just curious - what difference does it make what the pulse of society is today? Why would that be relevant?

Perhaps I have said something that has upset you? Let's talk about it!

Mel,

With my dog, if you use the right tone of voice he would come if called bologne sandwich! Lol - I tried it and he did!

lol A yankee dog, no doubt! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> **snort**

As with all of our stories, which I'm just beginning to absorb, there is clearly a lot more to the story than time or prudence dictates. Just as it is clear that MelodyLane has strong opinions, I'm willing to bet (before I've read her story) that she is basing her strong opinions on her history.

MelodyLane is cool because she DOES say stuff that gets us going. I'm glad she has "given me a good shake" because it helps me focus on what is most important to me.

A1B2C3...(like that handle, BTW), I'm a newbie, and haven't had a D-day yet. I did a poll yesterday. My poll? I gave background on my story and asked "Is he having an A?" Kinda similar to your question, except I provided my limited circumstantial evidence, and asked an opinion. I think most/maybe all who responded said h-yes, are you an idiot? Of course he's cheating! I did a lot of undergrad and graduate work in statistics, and I can tell you that "WE" are not the pulse of society. "WE" are the "Pulse of those who were wronged and are/were very PO'd about it!"
Random ramblings, but if it is important to you what the "fly on the wall" thinks, then to to a totally unrelated site for your poll. (Maybe a Harry Potter fan club or something.) After your poll, I'd suggest you forget about the answer, and get back here and do some MB, if you feel inclined to save it. I'm still not sure if I want to MB, but I know if/when I do, that these are the folks I need to keep me grounded. You have my best wishes.

Here's my first quote for everyone:
"Today is only yesterday's tomorrow!"
From Uriah Heep, Demons and Wizards album

Post deleted by a1b2c3d4e5

Right. Sort of the equivalent of the "Take home test". The teacher sends it home with you, tells you not to look up answers or call friends, but "wink, wink!" don't bring it back unless you've got all the answers right. Legal separation is kind of the take-home-test of marriage. Ok, you flunked but got an A at the same time! (Bad boy! LOL)

As someone with kids in the picture and a WH who is yet to know I'm on to him, I can say that children, in my opinion, are a very noble reason for trying to make the M work. I hope to see you when we bothe make it to the recovery side!

Post deleted by a1b2c3d4e5