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Lexxxy #1451593 08/19/05 08:36 PM
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Wow, I thought this thread was about LL's new relationship..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />


26 years old
2 DD's, 3 and 6
Divorced after XWH's A
MARRIED to LostHusband 7/23/05!!
3 step DD's, 15, 13, 10
Lexxxy #1451594 08/19/05 10:15 PM
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one question...does Adgirl have kids?


Me, 43
DS18, DD12
Divorce final May 10, 2007
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Ok...

We want LL to be happy. And I can say, that I've met a few great guys...thought I was in luv once, and was wrong...and found tons of red flags circling bout his head once I got off the fog goggles ok?

I am off and on seeing 3 people: old guy from college who flaked out and is now getting better and acting like a new man, a doc I know who is divorced with a five year old daughter (xw in the fog) and very much healed from his d, THE KICKER...MY XBF FROM COLLEGE! Yea, the guy I the peach, almost married 14 years ago! The guy I was on the rebound from when I met Darth...as DARTH WAS MY REBOUND RELATIONSHIP...LOOK WHAT HAPPENED? NEEDEST I SAYETH MORE?

I like all 3 guys. I am wading thru. Nothing crystal clear but in time should be. And maybe one of them is Mr. Right. Or maybe none!

But I think on the same page, no matter the ages of our children, they have endured seeing a WS act irresponsibly...and that person is A ROLE MODEL IN THEIR LIFE. They've seen them run off with somebody else...most likely...and it's incredibly damaging..NO MATTER WHAT AGE.
Most of our kids as a result are left with but ONE RESPONSIBLE PARENT as A ROLE MODEL.

It's a much harder job than that of the WS who left. We have to be the positive force and that's hard to do. Let some other parent down the block walk a mile in our shoes ok? Let the darn PTA prez try! I dare him/her to do so!

And we may have kids WHO ACT OUT THESE ISSUES...and it gets labeled many things. While they may exhibit signs and symptoms of such disorders stated here, the fact of their parent leaving is a huge issue to be dealt with also. (I was child psych minor in college...masters' level classes).

So it is important that we DO NOT SHOW ANY OF THE SIGNS THE WS PARENT DID IN FRONT OF OUR KIDS...AND ONE WOULD BE INTRODUCING THEM TOO EARLY...even if it is casual...TO OUR KIDS...we have to PRESENT A DIFFERENCE TO OUR CHILDREN. Who do we want them to imprint on in future relationships they will have as adults one day? This is serious.

I think LL is deserving of all the love and happiness in the world.

But I think that she must not don the same FOG GOGGLES THAT I HAVE WORN EITHER. We're vulernable. We've been dealt a poopy hand. And our love bank is on negative ten zillion.

All I am saying is that sometimes we as parents, must always keep ourselves and our desires and needs secondary to our kids...UNTIL THEY'RE SUCCESSFULLY GROWN AND OUT ON THEIR OWN. That means teens too...just like my little fella who is six...I will remain MY SON'S ROCK UNTIL HE'S OUT...it's not a choice...it is your child.

When the kids are gone, you can wear the goggles and go wild! Do what you want! If you think it's love, PROCEED CAREFULLY AHEAD...MAKE HIM DO THE WORK...HNHN...READ IT! AND GET A COMMITTMENT AND A SECURE ONE WITH NO LOOPHOLES...and when it's secure, then introduce to the kids...

That's just my plan. One I feel is responsible and keeps my role as MOM in first place. I chose to have my child. It wasn't on a feeling. It was something carefully planned and I stood before my church when he was a baby and dedicated my life to being that mom in front of God. Yes, it is A VOW I TOOK...and MY XH...THE WS FATHER...TOOK THAT VOW TOO...and just like our marriage vow...HE DISHONORED IT. But I CHOOSE TO HONOR THIS VOW.


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
justpeachy #1451596 08/20/05 08:04 PM
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Nice Post Peach. I couldn't have said it better myself (obviously didn't!)
FWIW, no I do not have kids, but I WAS a kid, and I know what it feels like for a parent (actually parents) to put you 2nd to their own needs. To have to deal with their emotional issues and problems. I also have a close relative who is 16 years old and going through major issues (cutting, suicide attempts, ROUGH time in school, running away, etc).

Last edited by adgirl48; 08/20/05 08:24 PM.

adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
adgirl48 #1451597 08/20/05 08:16 PM
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I love LL. And i feel her pain completely. I just want her healthy and happy...and it goes also for her child. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


me:37 BS; s:7; xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
justpeachy #1451598 08/20/05 08:22 PM
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delete double

Last edited by adgirl48; 08/20/05 08:23 PM.

adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
justpeachy #1451599 08/20/05 08:22 PM
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I don't know LL enough to love her, I have only posted to her a few times, but certainly wish her the best.


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
Aslan_the_Lion #1451600 08/21/05 03:05 AM
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YOu know LL, you used to mention how you were so worried about finding the right guy, and doubting God's goodness to you, there was no hope, and then the pendulum swung completely the other way, and Mr. Right can do no wrong.

Then I read that apparently there's a whole new direction the pendulum can swing, and all that talk about your faith and trust and obedience and all that seem to have gone by the wayside.

I do hope Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wonderfully Right, but I'd sure like to see a whole lot more attention paid to acting on that sig of yours. Or at least if you're going to proclaim it, act it. If not, erase it so nobody else is confused by the mixed message.

Jaye Mathisen #1451601 08/21/05 10:14 AM
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I think LL is just going through the normal recovery process. She used to be very negative, the glass was always 1/2 empty. Now she sees some hope and that she can have a good future.

Good for her!

She will adjust. It's not that cut and dried. I know from my own experience that I swayed back and forth for a while. As time goes on the swings become a little less extreme and we settle towards our middle area.

Besides, just because LL no longer rubs our noses in her faith with every message does not mean she has abondoned it. She may have decided to be more private.


Just another guy exploring middle age.
JustinExplorer #1451602 08/22/05 12:36 AM
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I have stayed away and wasn't going to respond to anything dealing with my daughter, but there are a couple comments that I can't help but respond to:

Adgirl,

Quote
And meanwhile, her mother is ga ga over a guy she has known 3 weeks, when 4 weeks ago she thought she was pregnant with another man's child, and then wants to know if that is love!?

Just so we are clear here, July 6th was the date I started corresponding with the guy I'm seeing. It's been more than 3 weeks. I met him in person a month ago yesterday. Yes, I was corresponding with him already when I created the major issue with the other guy.

Lexxxy,

Quote
You have no idea what dealing with an ODD child is about.
They CRAVE conflict. They THRIVE on making authority figures go ballistic. They will push every button they can find FOR FUN.

AMEN!!!

FHL04,

Quote
Wow, I thought this thread was about LL's new relationship.....

Uh, me too...


Jaye,

Quote
I do hope Mr. Right turns out to be Mr. Wonderfully Right, but I'd sure like to see a whole lot more attention paid to acting on that sig of yours. Or at least if you're going to proclaim it, act it. If not, erase it so nobody else is confused by the mixed message.

I am open and honest enough to admit I am struggling with certain things. Not struggling with wondering if they're right or wrong. I am full well aware of the answer. I"m just strugging.

However, as of this moment, we're still okay with respect to not crossing that line. He did spend the weekend at my house. We slept in separete bedrooms, but we had an awesome weekend just doing simple things. We did have a talk about how fast things seem to be moving and our feelings (no, I didn't utter the "L" word) and our associated fears/concerns and I am convinced the two of us are on the same page. However, that page is a fairly serious one.

lordslady #1451603 08/22/05 04:44 AM
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[/quote]
Just so we are clear here, July 6th was the date I started corresponding with the guy I'm seeing. It's been more than 3 weeks. I met him in person a month ago yesterday. Yes, I was corresponding with him already when I created the major issue with the other guy. "

I'm sorry- I stand corrected but that matters why? Because it was 4 weeks since you met him and not 3? You dont' seem to understand the big picture. I would laugh, but it really isn't funny.

Last edited by adgirl48; 08/22/05 04:47 AM.

adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
adgirl48 #1451604 08/22/05 06:43 AM
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Sorry to sidetrack again LL....

adgirl, I'm 35 and I don't have kids. So I'm very careful about giving parenting advice or passing judgment on parents. My sister has 3 teenagers, and I dated a man for 2 years with 2 teenagers. I'm a smart lady, I was a teacher for a lil bit, I know a good bit about human nature, and it's very tempting to think that I know what they should or shouldn't be doing, based on what's "right", or based on what I think *I* would do. But I'm not the one that raised those kids from birth, and until I have my chance to do so, or have walked in their shoes, or have dealt with the particular situations they have dealt with, I have learned to be VERY careful with my words. If I say anything, I try to do so in love, respectfully, and offered as suggestions and opinions (because it's certainly not from experience). This is a forum, and you can say whatever you want, but your words have come across as judgemental and non-constructive, in my opinion. And you don't have any (first-hand) experience in the matter.

Faith1

Faith1 #1451605 08/22/05 07:23 AM
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Lordslady - I am glad that you had a good weekend... good for you .. and I hope it continues on well --this relationship....


Trying to Let myself find a life after four years of being divorced - Great at the mom thing.. Just not good at the "ME" thing....
maw64 #1451606 08/22/05 08:54 AM
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My intention is not to be judgmental. I thought the subject matter was closed.


adgirl48 29 years old. Excited about my future life with someone and excited about my purpose in life as well!!
maw64 #1451607 08/22/05 08:57 AM
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LL -- I appreciate your honesty and sharing your struggle.

I'm happy to see the great progress you've made in the last few months. It wasn't long ago that you were denying yourself even the possiblity of another relationship.

I'd prefer to see supportive posts to you, because I'd hate to see you feel beat up or ridiculed and slip back to questioning your future.

I think its very healthy for you to come here and address your thoughts and feelings. I think you're both infatuated, and thats a wonderful place to be. Be cautious, prudent, and it could very well grow into love.

Use all of the relationship skills you've learned here. You're building a good foundation. Good luck!

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