Hi IC,

The OW - I haven't really thought about her alot. Today I really gave it some thought.

She is in her mid thirties now, quite pretty, extremely smart, with many emotional/psychological issues which include: severe depression since teenage years, for which she is on daily meds and in therapy for; and a personality disorder which results in conflict issues - she is on speaking terms with only 1 family member and aside from my WS has only 1 other real friend that I can think of.

She has the wit and charm to make friends but eventually her limitations kick in and she abuses and loses them. She is estranged from dozens and dozens of people. She has had only two boyfriend relationship of fairly short duration that I know of in her entire life and both ended badly.

Her problems result in it being difficult for her to hold down a job. She is lawyer who gets fired alot. Then she turns around and sues them and will not work for 1 to 2 years.

On the flip side, when she is on - she is the most captivating and charming woman I have ever met. The woman my husband is in love with is a total fantasy.

I can't say I feel threatened by her looks or youth. I am not a complete slouch in the looks department and there is simply no comparison in personality. Youth is fine, but every age has it pluses too. I like being 50. I think I have a better understanding of what is important now. I didn't have when I was younger.

I realize now I have what she wants but can't have : a very nice family who I am close to, lots of great friends, professional/financial success, a long happy marriage - 25 years is a good stint, and most importantly a happy balanced outlook on life. I think if she is incapable of friendship - lasting love will be impossible.

I was a sympathetic kind friend to her - but I think it must be hard to be day in day out miserable for good reason - and yet be around someone who is consistantly cheery.

Why she wanted to break us up - I have no explaination for. It doesn't make sense to me. It may be that my WS is the first real male friend that she has had. On her own, it wouldn't have lasted long - within the safe confines of our friendship - it blossomed. Or this may be a money thing - who knows. I think there may be a mixture of desires.

Do they have a chance of being happy together - no. People with her limitations are going to make themselves and those around them unhappy. I would say she scares me a bit. Frankly, because she is beyond my imagination, I could not imagine befriending a couple and then immediately trying to physically seduce the husband. When that didn't work, adopting a more subtle type of seduction through flattery. She understood my WS need for admiration and attention better than I did. Not withstanding that it took many years of pretty much daily effort. And I strongly suspect, if I hadn't been slightly overwhelmed by parental care, it would have taken much longer.

What I find hard to forget is the way she tried to destroy my respect and love for my husband, by rubbing my nose in it so to speak. Someone normal - would not have been been so vicious.

If you asked me two years ago, I would have said I was very happily married to just about the nicest guy on the planet. I am no longer happily married and he is definitely not acting like the nicest guy on the planet.

Ultimately, it takes two to tango. And he certainly seems to want to dance! Clearly this is not just her doing. He started to make wrong choices from the get go probably because important needs of his were not being met. I also think he has been dishonest with her. When he broke off contact for about a 1.5 years - it must have hurt her.

She has taught me three very valuable lessons: 1) Not to take things for granted. Marriages need constant upkeep. They are like a garden. 2) Not to be naive - most woman would not let their husband spend up to an hour a day for years with another very pretty woman - I thought we were all friends - what a dumb bunny! 3) To use caution when dealing with someone who is clearly dsyfunctional. I befriended her because clearly she needed a friend. I should have thought longer and harder on why she didn't have any.

On the plus side, I am starting to enjoy living on my own more - gelato for dinner tonight - in front of 2 chick flick movies. I've relaxed about the situation. People will make their own choices - unhappy or happy. I know asking him to leave was absolutely the right thing to do. You can't be part of triangle and not be messed up. Being messed up is such a waste of good days, fine weather, life!

I am happy that you and your husband have reconciled. I hope you have a great weekend.

Cheers,

PB

Hey PB,

Life is funny. Earlier today you came to mind and then I thought about CarolHK's story and how you might find it helpful. I tried to do a search on it but never found it. I logged in tonight and guess who had posted an update? The last time she posted was a year and a half ago! I believe things happen for a reason. Here's the link to her story... I encourage you to read her most recent post as well. Carol's Story

Cheers,
Nat

Good morning PB...

Hope your weekend is bright.

Hmmm, I must say the OW sounds like the semi new friend I have made at the gym. Young, on anti depressants, attractive in her late 30's etc, failed relationships, three children with different men (possibly one or both not from the husband she lived 7 years with). She recently went to her XH's business function and while under the influence she had relations with a married friend of hers.

She became suicidal after the fact...she just wanted his attention. She has no clue on how devastating all this will be to the MM's family and wife. She just moves forward not understanding why she now has lost so many friends (married or not) in her circle.

I think she has enlightened me to the world of the "OW". Why, you might ask do I still associate with her. I am the "motherly" type and I guess for some strange reason I think I can help her (probably not). She was placed with me by my personal trainer. He thought she would give me some competion (all this before I knew her past) not knowing I will usually back down and let the other guy (if he needs it more than I do) win.

My H even made a statement about watching out for her (glad he's been listening to me for the past few years). She is a dear, but I keep her at arm's length.

I agree with IC's "admiration" idea. Men need so much especially as they age. I need a nice hot cup of tea, a good book and a garden for the same endorphins!

Bad news last night, someone has used my debit card # and charged over $450.00 to my little ebay account. Been working on it all morning. What is up with people? The bank is working with me, but what a hassle. They suspected fraud immediately and froze my account.

Well, need to get my Saturday morning list done.

Peace,

holiday

Hi Natalie,

Thanks very much for the link. That is a great thread. I've copied the to do list below for other readers reference. It is an inspiring story.

Here is more on 180: I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com. I hope
this helps. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or
implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get
busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,
etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start
the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his
whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have
had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you
are going to move on with your life, with or without
your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull
back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more
important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show
your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him
someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on
hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which
may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes
their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really
saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you
want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &
focus on all the other parts of your life that are not
in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest
CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any
words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you
are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with
your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than
50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in
absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad
you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.

I'm going to order Michelle's books. If anything I will end up with a great library of marriage manuals.

Cheers,

PB

Hi Holiday,

So far the weekend has been fine. Cleaning house, errands, car washing etc. WS had to track me down at the beach today to pick up the dog. I decided not to take his calls for the last two days. No pressing business reasons to do so - right now. Still haven't given him the Plan B letter, although I suspect he may have read it on my computer while searching for some price lists this morning.

He wanted to walk and talk! He was actually a wee bit teary! I smiled made my way back to the car - gave him the leash and waved a cheery good-by. Very glad I had just had my hair done!

The dog went crazy - Dad and Mom at the beach at the same time WHOOO he was running estatic circles around us at full tilt. I should lisen to my dog more. He never liked the OW -would never let her touch him -barked at her alot. They know!

I watched a very touching film last night - Schultze Gets the Blues. Although, I had to play parts of it twice because I wasn't sure I was getting it. Quite lovely.. It has this little piece of music in it that keeps jigging away in my brain.

I'm really enjoying the ipod. I literally have it glued to my head at all times. My brother filled it with just great music. Music really does just reach in and soothe you...

Sorry to hear about the debit card hassle. I've always used paypal on ebay without any problems whatsoever. Hope they work it out for you...

Have a great weekend!

Cheers,

PB

Hi Holiday,

The weekend took a decided turn for the worst today.

Lovely weather - so I geared up for a bike ride and was heading out my front door. When I ran smack into the OW. I have carefully structured my movements to minimize the likelihood of running into her. She gave me a big smile and looked back over her shoulder. I could see her two little rat dogs rounding a corner. With a gut dropping sensation, I knew who would be holding their leash - wearing jaunty new clothes - and walking with a spring in his step.

I just put my head down and biked away - went 15 miles out and found myself some very deserted shoreline and just wailed and wailed and wailed - like some 4 year old whose cotton candy is in the mud.

I cry alot these days - probably an hour or two a day. I cry in the bath, when I'm driving, when I'm spinning (dark room, loud music and so much sweat no one notices the tears) and always before I go to bed. It is like I have big iceberg of grief inside and the tears just gradually melt it away. My brother stressed keeping a routine, staying busy - finding refuge in the mundane. But for me balling my eyes out seems to work best.

When I couldn't cry anymore and I felt just completely empty. I opened a cold beer ( handy foresight) and filled myself up with B.B. King - and thought about my predicament.

I have spent the better part of 20 years coming up with elegant solutions for a wide variety of problems - companies, institutions and governments get themselves into. Surely I can deal with one besotted old fool.


The counter intuitive behaviour recommended by this site and the divorce busters site - are only counter intuitive from the BS point of view. They make perfect sense from the WS point of view. BS fill up with dark emotions you can't help it. Those dark emotions are what actually destroy the relationship - not the fogged behaviour of the WS. Once you lose the love in your love bank - you have absolutely nothing left to work with.

My Nana use to say - Happiness is the best cosmetic. Is my husband going to want walk into a home filled with lit candles and a Katie Holmes lookalike who whispers one compliment after another. Or is he going to want to visit his 50 year old wife - who is curled up - pale faced - in agony because he is hurting her so bad. I would say the former -right.

If I let them destroy the love I have for him. I will lose big time. I lose my marriage, I may lose my perspective on the last 25 years of my life. I will have let them diminish me as a person. The love I have for him is one of my best parts. There is a real danger of becoming - angry, bitter, just nasty and living like that for a long time. I will be inevitably sitting in some courtroom some day - not only watching her pillage my finances but knowing I am a lesser person for it. Yuck!

My Dad was a great parent because - he really believed in his kids. Nothing could shake his belief in us. If we screwed up - there were never condemnations - just the question "Well what did you learn?"

What am I learning from this? I really think this is about the power of love and faith. Can I love my husband through this? Can I continue to believe in him? What do I need to do to accomplish both?

I think really this a time for prayer, remembering the good times - and most ironically for being happy - because happy is what will work to bring everything alive again. Unhappy will simply let it die...So on a happy note...

One of our favourite memories as a couple - was the night after our wedding. We didn't leave for our bargain basement cruise (a revamped WW2 hospital ship) till the following day. His grandmother gave us a party at her cottage on an island. She was in her 80s and all her friends attended it. At the end of the do, she hired the local ferry boat and driver and everyone piled into for boat cruise. We sat at the rear of the boat and they sang love songs to us. All songs from the 30s and 40s.

When they dropped us off on the ferry dock to return home. We stood and watched them motor off. The water was like glass under a big full moon and their voices drifted back to us in perfect harmony. It was magic.

Cheers,

PB

Hi Paradise,

I posted to you earlier on but I just noticed that it did not go through. I thought of you over the weekend and read Carols story. I suppose I instigated some of Carols tactics unconsciously post DD day. I wanted to share them with you.

DD day. I find love letters and cards. I exposed to my parents and teenage children. The children were disgusted with him. I told him to leave and that the children and I could live without him. He refused, saying he loved me and his family. I told him if he loved me, he would not have done what he did. How could he have in all conscious been communicating with this woman promising her the world and then facing me everyday. He refused to leave and slept in the car that night. He however continued to communicate with the OW for 2 weeks. I later found that he needed closure, to know that she was all right bla, bla. Anyway, he told her to get on with her life and that I had found out. She was most abusive towards him and really let him have it. A far cry from the sweet angel of her letters. Anyway, that was good for me. I did not insist that he leave.He came back inside the next night.

It is what I did over the next few days that stunned me when I think back. I was in shock horror over what I had found. I had complete trust in my husband. I would have trusted him with my life. I dont know if I can say that now. He knew how much I valued honesty and how I kept my distance from people I did not consider genuine. Despite this, he pursued this woman. It was an emotional affair and not physical but to me it was just as bad, if not worse. He was leading this double life. I thought over how all my married life, my husband, children and work always came first. I always came last. Infact,I did not even come into the equation. I fitted in with them. My husband and I were very good at making money, investing etc but not at enjoying it. I was a very conservatively dressed woman, as I felt that in my profession, I needed to be to be taken seriously.

After DD day, I was in so much pain as you are now. I lost so much weight. I did not know how sincere my husband was and whether he would go rushing back to her behind my back. I had so much anger as well. The thought of him abandoning his children to live in another country was sickening.
I became quite depressed.

I had lost so much weight in a matter of weeks- the infamous infidelity diet. I was actually looking quite good. I wore my clothes quite loose anyway but now they were too big for me. I went on a shopping spree. Over the next few weeks, I changed my mode of dress dramatically. I started wearing fitted, fashionable and younger looking clothes. I went to the hairdresser and told him I wanted a completely different look. A new hairstyle and colour. What had occurred had changed my life so much. I would never be the same person again. Over that month, My external appearance changed drastically, the weight loss, the stylish clothes and new hairdo, people did not recognize me. As some said to me, have you had one of those makeovers like in TV. I said yes, but without the surgery. I looked 10 years younger.

My husband sat up and took notice of this change. Privately, I was grief stricken as you are now. I had this knot in my stomach which I thought would never go away. I had lost my appetite. I was not sleeping. I did not let him know this and soldiered on. I became focussed on my appearance more than I had ever before. My husband noticed other men would look at me. He thought he was going to lose me. I believe that because of those immediate changes post
DD day, my husband did not suffer as much from withdrawal as what he may have. He was concentrating too much on me and my new look. He loved it. I enjoy how I look now.

I know you have bought a few new shoes. Have you thought of changing your look, something which will make your husband sit up and take notice. Look after yourself. You are indirectly letting him know that you can live without him. My husband told me that his wake up call was how close he came to losing me, especially when I did not break down (not in front of him anyway) and started looking after myself.

I really feel for you Paradise. You are a kind and honest woman. The true colours of this OW will eventually surface, as she will not be able to hide her dysfunctional personality. It is only a matter of time. Please be patient and look after yourself. Go out with friends.

Innocence_Lost

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paradise, your post brings tears. I am sorry your weekend started out as such.


Girl, you are a writer. Please start writing soon.

I wish we lived closer. We could have a long walk and talk. I really believe all this will get better for you and very soon.

I think this too. My face has seemed to age so much since my H's first A. I am drained when I dwell on it. Then with the second, even more so. The more my H and I talk about why we became vunerable to an A makes me feel more at ease. He needs his ego stroked more than I do. Perhaps, in your H's case, the OW sees him as you did 25 years ago and is playing on that part of his ego. You can do the same. May I suggest something for the next (should it occur) encounter? Stop and smile at them, really. Even tell your H in front of her how great he looks. I mean this. Fight fire with fire.

I agree wholeheartedly with IC. Just you wait and see.

I will say an even bigger, extra prayer for you today,

holiday

Hi IC,

Thank you very kindly for the encouragement. No I have not bought any new clothes. While I am also losing weight, for the most part I still have items that fit.

After reading your, comments, I looked at my wardrobe with a critical eye. I have really classy business attire, sport wear, nike golf, patagonia, columbia gear but absolutely nothing really sexy. I stopped doing sexy in my late 30s I think. For two reasons, 1) men do not really lisen to a sexy clad female. I really like being lisened to; and 2) My husband in no way approved.

I once came back for a weekend jaunt to Nassau with a girl friend, in a halter, mini, corn rows and lots of eye make-up. I had left in a long skirt loose fitting sweater -chignon - no make up. My husband stared at me for a solid 2 minutes without recognizing me. When he did he was cranky for a week. It looked liked I had way too fun!

With the OW, he loves her to do sexy. I think in some measure she is like an accessory. He told me that when he has her on his arm - all the other men look at him with envy and it makes him feel great. Do other men think like that? Worst yet, when did he start thinking like that?

When I look at them together they look mismatched. She looks younger than her years and he looks much older than 52 from the neck up. She is at least five inches taller, in heels taller still. The man looks like a wizened bald little garden gnome beside her. There is just a measure of the ridiculous in it.

I took the afternoon off today and popped up to a swanky area in town - to buy something sexy or at least feminine. First I sat and had a glass of wine and watched a fashion show and then scanned the crowds of people for women in their 40s for 50s who were sexy. For the most part, I didn't see many. Women in their 40s or 50s have been working two jobs for say 20 years, career/raising a family, everyone else has come first, most of the money goes on the kid's backs - and somewhere in the shuffle they've often lost sexy.

I actually like being 50, I passed the threashold about 10 years ago - where I definitely look better with clothes than without. My definition of hot is that you look you're best naked. I'm OK with that. If I stay miserable long enough, I will likely be getting back into my size 4 jeans - which I didn't think was going to happen again in this lifetime - but I wouldn't look forward to it. I found when I was really thin - I was more fragile - I got sick more easily. Every stage in life has it charms...

After mosing around for a couple of hours, with the dog in tow. I ended up buying a quite lovely peasant skirt from Guess - brown shirred chiffon- cute and a matching T-shirt. I haven't owned a peasant skirt since the 70s. Not exactly a shopping spree - but a start...

Cheers,

PB

Hi Holiday,

I must admit knowing that anythime I walk out my front door there is the possibility of running into hubby and his young honey - is deflating - even for a cheery soul like me. I find it curious, that I am the only one who is mortified in this situation. They both seem pleased with life right now.

Oh well Mom would say if you have lemons - you make lemonade!. I need to get over it - so at the very least I don't run like a bunny whenever I see them together.

Had a good day today - went shopping, later on I attended my first meditation session. I have been reading alot of different texts on buddhism for the last 6 years or so.
Being able to meditate - is a great way of stretching and relaxing your brain - and bringing your emotions into balance.

It was cool, four of us sat on a lovely persian rug - read a couple of verses from The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying - and thought about the various ways of bringing compassion into our life. I need to be VERY compassionate right now.

Never having done anything like that before I had a alittle awkward start. We had just commenced, a candle was burning, they strike a gong and you sit cross legged and try to clear your mind when the chap next to me said. "Excuse me do you have a walkman going - I think I can hear very faint music. In fact I may just be tuning into Elvis -not the divine! Sure enough, my ipod was not turned off. I had trouble not giggling for the next 10 minutes - I was actually bitting my lip to stop from laughing.

Thanks Holiday for so patiently lisening to me rant. Sometimes you really just need to rant, maybe not make a lot of sense, and maybe even be lame and it is lovely of you to put up with it.

Cheers,

PB

Hi IC,

I am replying to my own post - because I realize it is bollocks? I was thinking in stereotypes yesterday and when I was writing those comments I had just woken up and was groggy.

There really is nothing like having some Size 4 - Extra Tall lass shagging your husband to put your confidence in the toilet.

Older women are sexy - in all shapes and sizes. Hey they have had more practice at it! Catherine Deneuve will be hot when she is 85!

Sex is in your head. It is all about confidence, style and connecting and giving to a man. Most older women have been doing that for decades. I have been part of couple pretty much steadily with the current 7 weeks an exception since I was 14 - What could be more feminine?

What isn't sexy is curling up on the couch in your husband's old terry bathrobe because it still smells of him, eating dry cereal out of a box, and sobbing through light romantic comedies! Now that is a turn off!

Cheers,

PB

Good Afternoon,
I couldn't have said it any better PB!
My H doesn't think you need to be a size 4! It's what you do with what you've got that counts.
I am petite, but a size 4 was only around when I was in 6th grade.

I'm fit and fun! My H also says "sexy" is in my smile. When things get me down, I wear it on my face so much. Bums him out. When I am happy..."he" radiates.
And yes, men are "shallow" when it comes to someone on their arm that they can show off. But if she is as shallow, his friends will pick up on it very soon and will tell him to move on.

I feel men like a confidant woman that dresses sexy sophisticated (is that a term???). I think I look best in my old Levi 501 and Harley boots, yeeha!

We are leaving tomorrow for a 6 day tour on the bike with 20 other firemen. All men except me and one other girl and she rides her own bike.

I will chat when we get back. Take a deep breath when things get you down. And remember, every day is a new day.

Hope you have a nice week PB.
Peace,
holiday

Hey Holiday!

Have a great trip..... It sounds like it will be a blast.


Cheers,

PB

Journal,

I watched As Good As It Gets Last Night, - great movie. There is a part where all three characters are in the car and they are talking about Simon's break with his parents - Where Melvin says " Some people have happy lives, they picnic by the lake with friends and eat noodle salad. That is their life noodle salad."

My hand is up for noodle salad. There is a dark side to life, but you don't have to live life that way. You can choose not to - you can choose noodle salad.

I'm spending alot of time these days at a beach near me. People swim, kite surf, wind surf, sail, canoe, kayak, run, bike, roller blade, walk their dogs - leash free. All the dogs are smiling. All the people are smiling. It is a happy place. I chat with friends, walk lisening to music, read, throw tennis balls in the water for the dog - he loves to swim. It is free - you don't even pay to park. You don't even need a car. You can get there by bus. It is a noodle salad slice of life for anyone who cares to show up. When I leave with regret usually because the sun is setting, I feel better. Ultimately, feeling better is what it is all about.

Journal,

I had a girlfriend over for dinner last night, on my way back from driving her home. I was hit by cabbie while proceeding through an intersection after being waved on by a police officer. The other driver was charged but he is fine. The dog and I are fine, although he was pretty agitated and I will likely be really sore and bruised for a while. My car is not fine, it looks like it will be a write off.

Wow, this is just my year for drama. On the bright side, I will have to get a new car ... and I will not do my usual frugal thing and just buy the most practical used vehicle possible. I am going to go for something new, racy, and most defintely red.

My nana said that men in their 50s, either have a work crisis, a marriage crisis or they buy a convertible. I have been really wishing that my WS had opted for the convertible - hey maybe I will instead. The dog would look great with his ears flying in the wind....

Journal,

We'll be made it back to the beach tonight, both alittle worse for wear. I have a sore shoulder, the dog has a sore paw, my earphones are duck taped and we are both walking like a four door ford got the better of us.

But, we arrived in a spiffy new rental car with loads of intriguing buttons.

There are wooded trails at this park. Tonight we started there because the monarch butterflies have arrived. For a couple of weeks every year the woods here are full of thousands of monarch butterflies. They are incredible. I startled perhaps four hundred out of a sycamore grove - they whirled out in a dance of colour. I wish I could paint. Tomorrow I am taking my camera.

Walking along, I thought how life is just a multitude of small co-incidences. Last night, my girl friend and I decided to play scrabble. I seldom beat her but the games are hard fought and long. It was much later than I am normally on the roads - 1.30 a.m. The route I would normally take home was closed to traffic. When the police officer waved me through I slowed to smile at her and mouth thank you. Did that get me hit or save our lives? My car no longer has a front end. If the cab had hit me a couple feet further back - my noodle salad days would be pretty much over.

My Dad says now - that every day he wakes up breathing is a gift - so true!

I called my husband today to tell him about the accident. He was concerned. I kept saying I'm fine - no problem. He called back 10 minutes later to hear me say it again.

Two years ago - he would have dropped everything and raced home to see for himself. Maybe my marriage is over.

Journal,

My WS showed up at my door out of the blue about midnight last night. To see if I was OK - I guess. I hobbled around before I opened the door, changing from flannel to silk, quick hair brush - etc. As soon as he walked in and started talking I realized it was the pod person - not hubby. Cranky about the accident and the prospect we may not recover the true value of the car. (He takes immaculate care of our cars. They last forever.)

I have been driving accident free since I first got a license - 34 years. The other driver was charged with failing to obey a police officer - so no deductible. I and the dog are alive. What is there to complain about? Yes, we will probably lose money - but frankly I am really happy to just be breathing.

I miss my husband. This pod person is just a big pain. I should have stuck with the flannel. He stayed five minutes and left. I was happy to see him go.

When I read the other posts on this site. What impresses me most is that somehow, in the face of extraordinary bad behaviour, people keep their love alive. They maintain the faith they have in their spouse. I guess they manage to see and remember the whole person - not just the characterization that an episode of bad judgement provides.

I married just a wonderful man - 25 years ago - patient, generous, kind, honest, caring, affectionate, fun, curious, gifted, - 100% sweet and he stayed that way for 23 years.

Whereas this alien entity I'm dealing with now. Is not someone I want to be in the same room with. I keep telling myself he has been abducted - cut him some slack and stay clear, until either your faith, love or time ransoms him. I hope that is sooner rather than later. Next time I see him I am going to check under his collar for scales!

Journal,

Weekend slipped by really fast. Dined out with a group of friends Friday, a couple who make documentories - they are starving but happy happy happy. Another friend at the table just had a kidney transplant and is on tenderhooks to see if it will be accepted by his body successfully. Another couple trying for a second child - just had a miscarriage. Life is up and down for everyone.

Since the accident I have not cried much at all. It actually hurts to either cry or laugh. The cabbie may just have knocked some sense into me. Life is way too short and uncertain - to waste any of it being miserable - when miserable is the one thing that won't actually get you what you want.

Hiked wooded trails both Saturday and Sunday with a friend - great weather, excellent conversation.

Taking care of my parents, has taught me that life shrinks as you get older- particularly when you stop driving. So I accept all invitations, two luncheons, two dinners this week. Emailed my brother a yes to the cycling trip. There is no point saying no - you never know how many more opportunities you are going to get to do things - see people.

When I mentioned it to the WS - he said: "Aren't people shooting each other over there (Croatia). You'll be sleeping by the side of the road you know." No shooting, but with my brother's taste in travel I will be sleeping by the side of the road and given his expectations on milage -I will probably prefer to stand the entire flight home. On the up side there will be starry nights to look up at and the sound of the sea to fall asleep by....

I've decided I am going to treat the separation - as a husband holiday. I am going to buy floral sheets, paint our bedroom - something soft maybe peachy. Our home is way too masculine. I've signed up for a digital pbotography course. I am going to try something new every week - from food to sports to whatever. I am going to treat every day exactly like what it is - a blessing.

PB,
Just wanted to let you know we arrived home safe last night.
Spent my bday yesterday for about 600 miles from Albuquerque, NM to home here in Vegas.
Great dinner Sunday night at my most favorite rest in the world.
Sorry to read of your accident and glad you and puppy are fine.
RED, yes red will do nicely. Warm baths with salt and baking soda should help your soreness.
I will post more later.
Have a better day,
holiday

Hi Holiday,

A Very Happy Birthday to you, I trust it was a memorable one - hopefully wearing the levis and Harley boots!

So how was the trip? I would bet the whole of the six days flew by seemingly in an instant. I love road trips. You never know what is going to happen and the landscapes can be breathtaking.

Hope you had just a great time.

Cheers,

PB