Hi Holiday,

I am sorry for your Dad's blindness, not everyone was cut out to be a parent. I'm sure in some ways your kids benefited indirectly. You learned what not to do by his example. I'm including your Dad in my prayers too.

It is beautiful weather here. I have packed up a kit to give Dad a haircut and shave with... going to spend the day with him... looking at photos if he is up to it. I may even sneak him a beer.

I have been cutting both my Dad's and Husband's hair for decades now. It started as a cost saving measure and ended up just a domestic ritual. I just wondered where WS has been getting his haircut lately... probably a chi chi salon.

I drove by a cute blond at the beach this morning that made me think of you... riding a brand new soft pink Vespa, matching helmet and leathers...not a Harley girl but certainly one with attitude.


Cheers,

PB

Holiday,
Yes it is a wonderful thing to have supportive and loving parents. In your case you are not the one missing the boat, your father is. Your father missed out on all that he could have shared and and been a part of and it makes me wonder if this is part of your siblings problems in life. You recognized what was missing and have chosen a different role for your own life and that speaks volumns about you as a person.

Paradise,
By all means take your Dad whatever he wants. Beer, wine, or even smuggle in a flask of expensive single malt scotch. Make it another memory you can look back on forever as something you and he shared together in fun. How many skills can one person possess. Writing, business, and now hair styling? Do you rodeo also? Bobsledding maybe? Don't tell me you flyfish and tie your own flies, if you do I may have to move! Ever tried golf? No don't tell me I would move then!

The Ex has started to e-mail me concerns about our children all of a sudden. Mind you these kids are 23 and 21 and pretty self sufficient and very bright. It's usually about how much time I am spending with them or one of them seems down in the dumps. When I ask the kids about it there is never a problem or issue involved. What is she doing here? Just trying to get me to break my plan B silence? She is definitely still with the guy and knowns I will not talk to her about anything but the kids, so whats up with the stupid stuff? I hope the fog is not lifting. I am not ready for that yet! Too many doubts still lingering and too much residual love and respect left over to outweigh the negatives. Would someone with the conflict aviodance issues she has try and get back on the fence between us again? Probably just my reconciliation fantasy talking again but what do you guys think?

Have a great day with your Dad Paradise and you too Holiday.

Dukhuntr

Hi Dukhuntr,

"Maybe there is a "fog" that the BS needs to clear also. It's the fog of their version of where they were headed in life and where they wanted to be and with whom they would share it. The future you want is still there you just have to alter how you get there."

I liked this comment. A marriage can be likened to two bonded atoms - when a separation occurs both atoms are sent spinning. I have gone from a very well ordered perspective on my life, my marriage, my husband, my career, myself to basically - pudding brain.

I don't even know what I want anymore. I am changing. I have absolutely no idea where I will be living or what I will be doing next year. Most days I really only know I have to spend as much time as possible at the beach.

As a BS you are dealing with accelerated changes amidst enormous uncertainty often relating to almost all aspects of your life - moving residence, living alone after decades of a couple existence, the option of divorce versus reconciliation, property issues. For example, in terms of the company we own... there are major issues there.. I will need to deal with. Whilst all this is happening there is an emotional rocket ride...

It also impacts how you view yourself and the world. Does it have to be negative - no. The old saying about the chinese symbol for crisis - same symbol for opportunity.

I do feel like I am in a fog. I also think if I manage to stay perfectly calm, free myself from any dark emotions and strain my senses, eventually my life in a new form will emerge from the mist. The only thing I know for sure is that there definitely will be more dancing.



Cheers,

PB

Journal,

Dad is Dad. What can I say. No IVs, no tubes, just my dear old shameless flirt of a father, chatting up the nurses, gleeful he has got his way.

On my way to the hospital I was sad. After seeing him so weak last night, hearing there had been a second heart attack and having to tell a doctor today to basically let him die should another attack occur - I was expecting the worst only to find the best.

I walk into his room on the cardiac ward and he beams at me - clear eyed and completely rational - looking positively fine.

Yes he would like a shave. "Leave me a bit of my nose ... Do I have to tip you? Would you like to be tipped up or down?"

Haircut sure... "Leave me at least one ear dear... Am I handsome now? Where is the dog? Tell him Grandpa misses him. Did I tell you your mother and I loved you the moment we saw you? " Likewise...

My husband walked into the room - as I was shaving my Dad, I looked up at him briefly before concentrating on the task at hand...

My Dad was really happy to see him... started to tease him right away.... Hubby looked at me and said "You know he really is an ever ready battery bunny."

I'm cautious with my husband these days. When visiting hours were over, we walked to our cars together - talking mostly business... he sounded almost normal there for awhile. I thanked him for coming. It was a nice thing to do.

Until, he started to complain about not seeing me... "Why can't we at least go to dinner this week end? Apparently, he really doesn't want to be married anymore, he wants to live in his own apartment - spend time with the OW but finds it unreasonable of me to not want to see him on casual dates... Wacko wacko wacko...

Even lisening to him talk about next year's numbers - he's just gone loopy.

The friend I stayed with over the weekend, had a long talk with him last week, her comment was that he has so much me, myself and I going on - I don't see that there is alot of room for a fourth person. He won't even consider seeking help but I firmly believe he needs it. I don't know what the proper medical jargon would be - banana head I think covers it for me.

Up late...
Trying to get my holiday stock up...a never ending process.

Well, dukhuntr...hmmm, her fog lifting? Could be or it sounds something like PB's husband...just keeping one foot in the door (hopefully they are wearing sandals!)

She sounds like she still wants a connection with you and your life. I feel when we are with someone as long as the three of us all have been, the WS definitely has a piece of us and when they "think" they need to "find themselves" and try to replace that piece, they wake up one day, look in the mirror and notice a hole they can't repair.

My H has been very edgy lately. Scares me. This is the month last year is when he had his second PA. He is studying very hard to pass his paramedic classes and when he's tired he gets opinionated (picky). I haven't worked since 1996 outside the home. We made a deal the day he bought his Harley...he gets Harley and I retire. He truly likes me home (at the time we still had two younger children home, now only our 16 year old). I don't make a killing on ebay as when we moved from our little 1914 cottage in Prescott, AZ (I miss that place terribly) and moved here to tract and stucco land, my business connections in vintage and collectible items seized.

Anyway, off to bed. PB have you asked your H what would he wish to talk about on a mini date at dinner? Like, what is his agenda? I still think your spouses want the best of both worlds...but they can't have it.

holiday

Paradise,
Sounds like you had the good day with your father you were looking for! You even "kept it in perspective" when the WH showed up. Good for you! I think you are right in not letting him fence sit with you. He needes to make up his mind to "fish or cut bait". Your being with him here and there will only allow his indecision to continue and as messed up as his thinking is,if he can get away with it it will feed his ego. Your friends even sensed his narcissim showing up. I thinks WS's all have some narcissm to an extent. You have to, to rationalize what you are doing to people you love or even just care for. WS's have to concentrate all of their focus on whats best for them and the he** with everyone else. How else can you continue down a path that is morally and socially wrong and still look yourself in the mirror every morning? My EX even said this to me after I exposed. Her comment was "I don't care about what other people think, they do not know about me".

And by the way no one who has ever read what you have to say or how you express your feelings would ever call you "pudding brained". You are as far from that as anyone I have ever corresponded with. Just because you you have emotions and feelings, and a conscience does not make you pudding brain. It makes you a real and complete person.


Holiday,
Thanks for your thoughts on the EX, thats a more likely explanation for her sudden concerns. She hasn't paid much attention to her children for a long time and now that the initial excitement of her new relationship is becoming more mundane a hole would appear where family used to fit. I worry about her still and I know it's no longer my place but how can you just suddenly stop after 28 years? Her "boy toy" is 15 years younger than her and wants a family. She has hers and doesn't want any more children. They started this even knowing that "it's not a permanent thing" from the beginning. I think that has been the hardest thing for me personally to deal with. Knowing that she left for something temporary and short term without ever trying to fix our relationship first. Heck, without saying we had problems first!

Your radar has popped up with your H so don't sit back and see what happens! He has been studying hard and I asume still working too so invest some time and effort with him. He may not be feeling the appreciation he needs right now and some LB deposits are in order! I know you need to get you stock up for the holidays but maybe he feels his stock needs to be replentished too. Time for the ride to Tahoe I think! My Grandmother lives in Prescott and its a lot like Northern Nevada. Reminds me a lot of Virginia City only bigger and fewer saloons.

Duck season only two days away!

dukhuntr

Hi Holiday,

my business connections in vintage and collectible items seized.

What about looking at a different business model. One say involving old movies in DVD format. I watched a fascinating documentary on Ebay. Their prime success story illustration was a couple who sell old movies on DVDs..- husband quit his job after four months.. they had to build a new building on their property to store stock.

It would be an easy model to build. You would have to research suppliers, costs, etc. You may be able to buy authorized versions made abroad economically. There are existing sites to look at for an example of how to go about it; getting an idea of the titles which move, what they are charging, where other sellers are getting their stock etc.

It is appealing because you can make much more money on a product class where you are adding a margin versus creating from scratch. Plus there would not be a big cash outlay up front. No sewing.. just shipping.

Hope you have a great day.

PB.

P.S. Just talked to a neighbor - she met my WS this morning coming out of you know whose door ... banana head!

Thanks PB.
I can always use business advise. My sitch is though that I love to sew (create). I just wish I could think of more things I can make that someone can't live without, ha!

So old Banana Head was in the neighborhood. How nice. You are so cool. I too don't think you are a "puddin head" for trying to make things still work. I think when we get to the gates and St Peter looks at us, then his clipboard, he'll say,
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, you were married to (spouse's name)? Well, you are going straight to heaven. You've already done your time in *ell."

I'm off to early bed,

holiday

Dukhuntr/Holiday,

I agree, it makes it harder to think that without real complaint - they are prepared to walk away for something that common sense would suggest is going to be temporary. It just that common sense has nothing to do with this. I think the love bank paradigm is a good one, but not the whole picture - wrong has a draw to it - breaking a rule is exciting.

This is compulsion. I haven't felt compulsion in a long long long time. I don't think regularly walking back to check that my car lights are off - when I'm positive they are -qualifies.

The last time I experienced compulsion I was a child. I've been trying to remember the sensation so I can relate to what my WS is going through.

I had two terrifying habits when I was a toddler and young child.

I took off the minute you weren't looking. Gone in a flash as fast as I could run out into the world. I spent many an hour in a wide variety of managers' offices usually being fed candy, even crossed a busy six lane highway once pushing a little pink pram as a four year old. No wonder my Mom went prematurely white.

I loved to be up high. I still do. I would climb out windows to the roof, trees, bridges anything high. I used to climb a very big old apple tree in our yard to the point where the new growth at the top was. Branches only as big as my finger. I'd leapt up gather an armful and hang there like a monkey swaying with them in the wind - just a fabulous feeling of being free - always a little tricky getting down, dropped 30 - 35 feet on more than one occasion.

My early vocations appeared to be hobo or aerial circus performer. Neither came to past. When scolding, spanking, isolation and taking away priviledges did nothing to curb my urges. My mother instead kept me in a harness and on a leash - literally I was tied to her wrist whenever we went anywhere.

I also spent several of my early years tied in that harness to a clothes line. I can still remember how sad I was on windy days, looking up at the tree branches swaying in the wind.

Sometimes when we would run into the OW my WS would look just unbelievably sad - it is all about compulsion how an experience makes you feel.

I never thought for a moment what it must have been like for my mother staring up at her six year old daughter clinging to a few twigs or scampering from roof to roof all the way down the street to avoid capture, or looking up from filling out a deposit slip at a bank to find me gone - the sheer gut wrenching terror of it. As a child I only knew that going places and being up high was exhilerating.

I will still drive 500 miles round trip for an ice cream and a good view... but I haven't climbed anything since I used to run up the rigging on the Tall Ships as a teenager -being up high while going somewhere - how cool was that.

My Dad cured me of running off. He wittled a willow branch into a hobo stick..(Dad grew up in the depression). Tied up my bunny, a dolly and some candy in a checked napkin and left it by the door. After calmly telling me that if I wanted to go live somewhere else that was fine, but I should take my things with me, so they would know I wanted to leave them. When he put it like that I didn't want go anymore. That stick stayed by our door for years my parents still laugh about it.

It is because it is wrong, dangerous, risky, a could lose everything proposition - that there is such a charge to it. The OW makes my WS feel alive.

However, when it is not wrong anymore, when they live with the OW or OM ... when reality sets in... the high evaporates.

My WS in his current state of mind has no concept of what this is putting me through... if he did he wouldn't be doing it.

Cheers,

PB

PS. Holiday loved your hole in them or pieces missing analogy.

Yes wrong really must create somthing like a high or a rush. Like moths to flame, I just hope they all get too close and burn their wings. I want to be there when it happens to hear the thud when they land.

Holiday can you imagine paradise being an unruly child? I'm having trouble with that one. Must have had a near death experience or some other life altering occurence. You are light years away from that persona now paradise.

All of this talk about business makes me think of work. As a CPA I have helped people with all of this stuff for years. Startups, Valuations, etc. Get together with a good CPA/Consulting firm locally. They can walk you thru all of this stuff and save both of you time and money in the long run. I work in private industry now so I'm a little rusty on this stuff but if you need basic advice, fire away.

Well I need to rest, big night at the duck club tomorrow night. Everyone goes cabin to cabin with their glass and just like trick or treat you get refills. Opening morning is "foggy" every year regardless of the weather. Pent up demand from the offseason I guess. That and good times with old friends and new!

Have a good night!

dukhuntr

Paradise and Holiday
Just have some free time this morning and have fallen back into the dwell mode. In the course of my IC we have been dealing with my feelings of loss and anger for the most part. We haven't spent a great deal of time talking about my issues that created the environment that allowed my Ex's A to happen. I am well aware that I have contributed to my own problems but nothing I would consider fatal. I would love for you guys to hear me out and tell me what you think.

My issues she took offense to were that I had all of my outlets such as hunting, fishing, etc and she was limited because of bad knees , and a recently replaced hip. She felt there was no excitement in her life and she could not go on doing the same things day after day any more. We traveled together, went to basketball and baseball games together and dined out frequently. We also followed a local band and would see them at every opportunity. So I am not sure what she meant by this.

I have also made two career moves in the past several years (all for the better) and I have spent a great deal of time at home after work by myself. I would come home eat and visit with the family then retreat to my basement to relax and unwind. I was very concerned about what I was doing with my career and the new jobs all entailed a higher level of performance and responsibility and I was under a considerable strain. I have to admit it probably appeared to her that I had distanced myself from her. When in fact I was simply unsure of myself and unsettled.

As far as SF, that has never been an issue in our marriage. We have always been passionate, caring and sometimes very daring in that respect. Even a very loving morning on D-Day!

As for the day to day household chores she was a dynamo. She liked to have a neat and clean home and never let anything slide. She only let me help out to a small extent inside the house and the outside was all mine except for her flower garden. She did all of the cooking except when we barbequed and I think enjoyed cooking.

Well my question here is do you think that after 24 years of making this work and being happy you can become bored with your life and just want out? Or is the OM the cause of the change? How much did my distancing myself effect her? Could her hip problem have contributed to her restlessness?

I know I am rambling here but some days you just need to search for answers even though you know there aren't any. I wonder now how long these questions will haunt me and send me back into my funk.


dukhuntr

Hey just want you both to know I will read your posts better later tonight or tomorrow.
Also, what does SF mean (I think I have a clue).
Hope you both are having a wonderful Friday.
ttyvs,
holiday

Hi Dukhuntr,

What were the things that your wife found interesting or enjoyed doing? Did you spend time on her passions as well? With bad knees - you can still line dance, swim, go to movies, cycle, play cards, entertain, do tai chi, take any manner of courses - photography - even couples cooking classes!

It sounds like maybe she would have liked trying different things.

Every marriage has shortcomings. I don't believe they justify having an affair. Virtually everyone I know has some needs that are not being met by their spouse. I do think this site has an excellent pardigm for improving communciation within marriages and provides a great perspective or how to manual on improving them. Marriages are all about communication.

Was the OM the sole cause or a contributing factor? No one knows that for certain I am sure not even your wife, but I would bet a combination of things come into play. It is easy to be harsh with a WS because the pain is so intense, but I suspect Dr. Harley is right everyone is capable of an affair given the right set of triggers.

From the details at the bottom of your posts, it looks as though in three or four months, you two decided to end a very long mostly happy relationship. A relationship, that given its tenure defines parts of both your lives and will leave a lasting perspective.

To me it seems too quick, like trying to make a decision on which way to go while standing in a dust storm. She was not thinking rationally and probably still isn't. People having affairs never do. Finding them together like that - must have tanked your ability to calmly assess the situation. I know I couldn't come to that conclusion in that time. Everyone is different dealing with this type of thing.

What is important is not your current marital status, it is answering the question - Do you still love your wife?

If you do - then you wait - do the program outlined on this site, keep your hope alive and do a personal inventory of what you would like to change in yourself, your life and your marriage.

If you don't - then you get on with exploring life but I still think you need to do the inventory on what you want to change in yourself and your life.

This kind of fundamental change is like a threshold, you need to pause and think carefully before you step through.

Cheers,

PB

Journal,


I keep losing track but I think next week I will have been separated for 10 or 11 weeks. I've thought non-stop pretty much every day and sorted out all of 2 conclusions:

1) Irrespective, of what I end up doing for a livelihood - I am not going to work the hours I am accustomed to working because I really like going to the beach.

2) I going to pursue old passsions. I want to: dance more frequently and more expertly; join a climbing gym, after my shoulder has healed and I've trained for it; take more trips maybe even take up horse back riding again.

I'm trying hard - but clearly not making huge progress.

I took my Mom out to dinner tonight then on to see Dad. He has been released from hospital and is doing fairly well back in the nursing home.

She always surprises me.

A tiny frail, white haired 80 year old woman with perfect hair and nails, sitting across from me, lisening calmly - as I simply said we had split up and he was seeing one of my former friends.

"Oh well, I'm glad, you're far too nice of a girl to be treated badly. Don't waste anytime getting your divorce dear - your only 50 - you have a very happy life ahead of you. The jacket you are wearing is lovely. Who made it? Where's my drink"

She spent the rest of dinner trying to convince me to get involved in politics. That's my Mom don't waste any time on nonsense - lets get to the broad strokes.

My mother needs help walking, she holds on to my arm and likes me to walk in step with her. She has plastic knees and a plastic hip. As I looked at our feet I smiled - she was wearing red boots!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I find journaling really helps me sort out my thoughts or at least put them to rest. Once you write a thought down it seems to leave the building - not just spin around a dozen or so times.

It just feels sooooo like I'm back in 10th grade, my boyfriend has ditched me for one of my girlfriends and I have to watch them flirt through home room. Except I'm 50 not 15, and they are doing more than flirting.

I'm getting better, with people prying and asking me questions. I just say.. I'm speechless what can I say and leave it at that.

It helps NOT to talk about it. I've stopped bringing up the subject with friends. Ultimately, if I am right and we had a pretty great marriage for a very long time.. I would think that at some point that may be relevant again but I don't know... in fact I know absolutely nothing. I remind myself of Schultz on Hogan's Heroes.

The problem with this kind of scenario is it puts into question - alot of what you believed to be true about a big chunk of your existence for a very long time - it opens the door to doubt your life. Even though one part of your brain knows this is all about him, not you... there is still something that nags away at you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am going to try to just let go. I'm not giving up on my marriage. I am just not going to spend any more time - puzzling over it - until there is some demonstrable change in his behaviour.

I need to make more lists. Get more done. Focus on regular day to day matters.

For example, I did finally go out and buy a floral duvet cover and sham pillow covers this week. A rich brown and gold chinese brocade. I was trying to go for something different from what we have and I ended up with something he would love too. After so many years together your tastes merge.

I went out today to upgrade my cell phone so it will work in Prague - should I decide I am still going next week - its going to be a last minute judgement call - given Dad's latest in a long series of heart attacks.

The chap who helped me looked terrible - thin, unshaven, like he hadn't slept in months. I smiled at him and wondered what was going on in his life. We are surrounded by so many people who are going through so many things...

PB - I have been following your story. I am a FWW, 4 years into recovery. We now have a new addition to our family, a beautiful baby boy and things are going good. There is the occasional set back, triggers can sometimes still be an issue. I fear that when we're 50 my H will have a mid life crisis like your H's and leave me. My parents divorced and I always felt like my mom got shafted.

You write so eloquently, I read your posts and wonder how I would handle what you are going thru. Having your H and the OW right there, seems almost like God is giving you more than you can handle. Yet, you are keeping your head held high and making plans for the future. I think you should do those things you just posted you would like to do, they sound like a blast.

Your H is going to wake up one day and realize he lost a great woman. I imagine it will be too late by then, you will have realized how great life is w/o him.

Hi Familycomesfirst,

Thanks for you encouragement. I suspect that it is harder for the WS than the BS over the long term. There is just timing differences on when you feel the pain.

Packing up for another overnight road trip right now, going to see Dad on my way to a friend's cottage near Algonquin Park. I can pop into see him on the way back too. I'm trying to figure whether or not I should be going to Europe? It's a tough call. He needs to perk up a bit more or I'm not going to want to go.

It is our Thanksgiving this weekend. My Mom is already booked for two turkey dinners. While I think going for a drive seems an easier option. The colours I hear are just stupendous, I've packed three bottles of great wine... and music of course.

No dog this weekend - he is with hubby - the place seems so empty without him...

Cheers,

PB

Great news about the baby...glad you two have put it behind you ...

Hope everyone had a nice weekend...
PB, no dog? I hope your puppy comes home today. He needs to take you for a run on the beach asap.

Thanksgiving already? I didn't even realize Canada had a Thanksgiving (however, I do understand we "all" need a Thanksgiving no matter how troubled our lives).

I am thankful each day that I wake up and I know I'm alive. That the air I breathe is still fresh (given I live in a city now) and that the water I drink will refresh me. I am thankful I have a roof over my head to protect me and clothes to keep me warm on a cool fall morning. And I am thankful for finding such wonderful people here on MB...and one special one in you PB.

Your journal, although makes me sad at times and wish I could help more from this far away place, is beautiful.
Peace,
holiday

Paradise,
It's funny to hear someone else miss their dog. I took my Dad out hunting this weekend and we had a great time, but he has a one year old lab he's been dying to get out hunting and I had to leave my lab behind in camp. That was harder to do than I could have ever imagined. She has been the one constant in my life for the last six months and it actually hurt to leave her behind. She got to hunt both days but she spent the afternoons with my mother prowling the house looking for me.

I know what you mean about worrying about leaving with your Dad the way he is. I think the only way it will work for you is to sit with him and talk about it. I'm not sure if you should leave because, could you really enjoy the trip worrying about him the whole time? And if something were to happen would you be okay with yourself after? The more time I spend with my Dad now the more I see how much he is failing in his health. It felt really good to get him out and to help him enjoy hunting again. I handled his dog for him and chased his ducks and did not even bring my shotgun that part of the day. Dad used to be the guy who saw everything first. This weekend I had to tell him where the birds were and when to get up to shoot. His diabetes is in his eyes and even after laser surgery twice in the last year he cant see past 50 yards. He is a very proud person and this is the first time I knew it was this bad. It's frightening to see the rock of your life become less than rocklike. I know I would not be able to leave if I thought anything would ever happen to him while I was gone.

On the positive side he was so excited to see the dog he and my mother have spent hours and hours training and taking care of show her natural abilities. She retrieved her first six ducks perfectly. I actually think the only reason he went out was to watch her and see her perform. A double benefit for me because I got to spend a great weekend with both of them and Mom too!

I hope you have your dog back and all went well with the WH during the handoff. Hearing that he still wants to see the dog gives me the feeling that there may be hope for him afterall. Six months later and my EX has yet to even ask to see the dog she raised from a puppy. Mind you this is a 70lb
Lab that used to sleep in our bed (between us if given the opportunity). No alarm clock needed in our house, 6am every morning and you get a big wet kiss that means get up, I gotta go! Still happens every morning just no one to take turns with on getting up first.

Dukhuntr

Hi Holiday,

You have such a great attitude. You are right, we all have so much to be thankful for every day.

Still no dog, I don't see him until tomorrow morning - definitely going into both puppy and beach withdrawal.

We ate turkey, played crazy 8s with the kids for quarters, talked, laughed until the wee hours yesterday. Then up early to walk wooded trails in just the most beautiful park you can imagine today - riotous colours - reds - oranges- yellows - jean jacket kind of cool weather, with a crisp fall flavor to it.

Then a long drive home, to visit with Mom and Dad, he was better today. He has eaten very little in the last week. We changed his diet to soft foods and he seems to be managing better. Mom is telling me to go but I am going to wait until the last minute before I decide. He is still basically sleeping all day - and pretty weak.

Life is like that - sometimes you just can't plan things.

Cheers,

PB

Hi Dukhuntr,

So trick or treat rounds of scotch, lab trials, and lots of time with your Dad - sounds like it was a great weekend.

Not sure what to do about the trip. My Dad is stable, out of the hospital, but weak.

If I don't go, my brother who is there already waiting for me, will be really disappointed. It leaves him at loose ends.

I think I will just wait and see how Dad is on the morning -I am suppose to leave. You are right, I would not be happy if I was a 12 hour plane ride away in an emergency. Even though with today's technology you can stay in constant contact - it is not the same as being an hour's drive away and getting to see him every day.

I can understand why you like the outdoors part of hunting. I really like being outside, somehow nature seems to creep up through the soles of my feet and end up a smile on my face. I've camped, canoed and hiked the park I was in today for over 20 years. I love it.

On the way home, I did a side trip to an old family cottage now sold - where both my husband and I practically grew up. I parked got out looked at the dock where I learned to waterski. I've spent every Thanksgiving for the last 30 years there until now - sad in a way.

Driving the road out, which I have run, walked, biked, thousands of times - I thought of your hands off the wheel quote. Going down quite a big hill - I let go for minute and just smiled. Life is just full of surprises. You never know what you are going to be doing one minute to the next. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.


Cheers,

PB