Just making a "fly by".
H just about over being sick and well, you guess it...I'm starting.
I rarely get sick, but since the shoulder injury and not properly working out like I have done for years, my body doesn't fight this stuff off as well as it used to.
DH, I will read your post tomorrow (hopefully with a clear head).
Sweet dreams,
holiday

Hey gals,

Just back from the "date". I am really happy I went. We had a great time! Good food, some wine and then a really good movie. "Walk the Line" the Johnny Cash/June Carter bio. We both loved it and it felt just as comfortable being with her as last time. She's as handy as Holiday too. She's building her own patio cover and has it all but done. I'm embarrassed to say she is better than me at that stuff!

I kept it simple as I said I would but the hug and kiss I got after walking her to her door sure felt good. Nine months between a good hug and kiss is a long time. I had never thought about it until I was headed home and I was still feeling it. Turned the radio up loud and smiled all the way home. Didn't hurt that one of my favorite old rocker songs AC/DC's "Hells Bells" happened to be on.

It was a good night and I thank all of you for the encouragement to go. It's been a long time since I enjoyed an evening this much outside of a hunting camp full of men acting like boys again. And this good time only involved one glass of wine. No hangover to worry about tomorrow!

What a date??? I really need to catch up.
Congrats DH! How wonderful. Nothing like a great date ending with a great kiss!
The first kiss with my H over 27 years ago was why I fell in love with him.
Glad you kept it simple and pretty much alcohol free. Hard to get readings on people under the influence.
She's handy too (hopefully, doesn't look like Bob Villa, ha!). Again, how wonderful.
Have a great day you guys,
holiday
PS "ac/dc rocks"

Hi Holiday,

Sorry to hear you are not feeling well. Are you doing physiotherapy for the shoulder? Daily exercises?

Rotator cuff injuries take a long time to heal. My therapist tells me I am 16 weeks away from being able to consider joining a climbing gym. I have been doing twice weekly physio sessions plus daily exercises.

It is a miserable time of year to be under the weather. I hope you feel better soon.

Cheers,

Paradise

Hi Dukhuntr,

I am happy to hear that the evening was enjoyable. Does one a world of good just to be out and about. Walking the Line has had excellent reviews. It sounds like a must see.

I was out tonight at the theatre and then on to a fairly nice place for a late dinner with a friend. It is lovely when someone else cooks - what a great concept that is.

It has been a good week. I have been really busy most days. It seems I have lists of things to do for everyone in the family, work, myself, the dog and things I want to get done around my home. Many pages of things to do, I usually only get two or three things done a day - slow progress.

I am thinking less and less of Mr. Midnight. I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks - he was away skiing. I find now when I talk to him on the phone - he justs sounds lame and kind of lost to me.

The poor dog went to the groomers today, he returned looking very resplendent, brushed and clipped to perfection.

We tried out a new puppy spa that opened up nearby. The place offers doggie daycare, it has a puppy pool. Two jack russell terriers were dogpaddling away biting at the splash their front paws were making. A very nice gal did the grooming - she spent three hours on him.

She talked me into buying him a black turtle neck sweater to wear because his hair is alittle shorter than it is normally this time of year. He looks debonair. A black turtleneck is classic timeless attire for people or dogs! We can go to parties in matching sweaters! Oh dear, now I am over the edge!

I hope you have a fun weekend planned.

Cheers,

Paradise

Journal,

We are just back from a long walk at the beach. Peeling off many layers of clothing, it is a cold windy day here. I have been saying prayers of gratitude to the person who first came up with the concept of fleece lined jeans. They make a huge difference in the cosy factor.

There were big waves today, crashing on ice garbed rocks. Everthing was either white, gray or brown. We ran into Mugsy. Mugsy is aptly named, he is a 90 pound, big, broad faced, golden short haired, heinz variety, bully of a dog. His favourite thing is take other dogs' toys, balls, sticks ... just because he can. I have known many Hugo Boss clad human versions of Mugsy. They are much the same.

Still he is kind of lovable, with his loose jowls. He furrows his brow when his owner berates him for bad behaviour which is a daily if not hourly occurence.

Mugsy and I have an understanding, he leaves my dog alone. In fact he gives him a wide berth. My 43 pound poofy looking benji pup never backs down in a fight. I have to be constantly vigilant, he will take on anything that trys to dominate him.

Mugsy and I had a run in this summer over a very large log, my dog was dragging in from the surf. We had a growling tug of war and I won, in front of the other dogs it was a loss of face, this bruiser was quite unused to. Now to make up I sneak him the occassional biscuit.

We also ran an errand in town, there were mummers out, doing traditional english country dances. Perhaps 15 older men in their 50s and 60s, faces blackend and coloured, wearing odd hats, colourful ragtag clothes with strands of bells on their shins, kicking up their heels to a fiddle and concertina. It was charming. We watched until they brought out sticks to do a sort smacking noisy country reel. The dog started to bark the moment they started up with the sticks. He is an expert on sticks and he well knows you are not suppose to try to hit anyone with them. Too bad it is not an universal understanding....

I have a quiet day planned...cleaning, baking, christmas decorating and maybe a workout later. I had planned on having two weekend guests but plans have changed. I have three rental movies in hand, should I want to veg. I like having options, I always opt for a Plan C in case I don't like my first two choices.

We all have options in life... for the most part that we never explore...

Hi,

This is from a thread in Divorced and Divorcing the quote was offered by Pieta.. It was so funny I thought I would also paste it here... Looking at birthday 51 in January.... it was refreshing to read....

Andy Rooney says:

As I grow in age, I value
older women most of all.
Here are just a few reasons why.

An older woman will never wake you in the
middle of the night to ask,
"What are you thinking?" She doesn't care
what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be
assured in who she is, what she is, what she
wants and from whom. Few women past the age
of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill
of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment."
The last thing she needs in her life is
another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a
screaming match with you at the opera or in
the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course,
if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you
if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well. They care about
cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce
you to her women friends. A younger woman with
a man will often ignore even her best friend
because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.
Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to
confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older
woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone.
Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal
and she's lived long enough to know how to please
a man in ways her daughter could never dream of.
(Young men, you have something to look forward to.)

Older women are forthright and honest.
They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you
are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of
reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70
there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants
making a fool of himself with some 22 year
old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us.

That men are genetically inferior is no secret.
Count your blessings that we die off at a far
younger age, leaving you the best part of your
lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've
become, without the distraction of some demanding
old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity."

Journal,

We had a run around day today. First stop the beach, then on to Petsmart. Both the dog and I love going there. We cruise the toy aisle with slow deliberation looking intently at each and every item.

I bought him a green and red Christmas collar, it has flashing little christmas lights ... it will look grand with the antlers.. plus lots of treat items for the several doggie stockings I do.

Then on to do grocery shopping for my Mom. I also picked her up a new portable phone. We assembled it and practiced using it for several minutes.

After she mastered the little buttons, she looked at me and said "You know I think I would like a cell phone too; alittle one like yours with same ring - a cat meow that is followed by a polka! Wonders never cease!

After which while cleaning her bathroom, I dropped said expensive little phone into the toilet! Another cell phone drowning in our family in under a month. I dissembled it and let it dry on my car dash vent with full heat on during the drive home and was happy when it came back to life.. although the meow is decidedly weaker...

Mr. Midnight called to ask if he could come over to walk the dog and I declined because dog and I were out and about. He is sounds unhappy and definitely whining these days. Something is up I suspect. He actually complained to me that his apartment needed cleaning! I held my breath - waiting to see if his unbelievable presumption materialized into a question. It didn't. I think he knew I would promptly tell him to 'Get on his bike' and clean it himself...

Hey Paradise,

Just walked in the door from hunting again and brought home my Christmas goose too! Took an old friend with me and we had a great weekend. He's the one the EX called last year to go with me when I was going to stay home and she had other "plans". He felt funny at first because he felt she used him last year and he felt bad about it. Once I explained that neither of us had any part in her issues we just had fun.

I'm not sure if I really want to know why the phone was so near the toilet and how it was deposited there unless Midnight was on the other end at the time. Don't get your hopes up that anything is happening on his end, it only leads to disappointment. Try real hard not to react to anything he says or does it just never materialzes the way we want and we are the only ones to feel anything. I know because this is how my rollercoaster went up and down, hoping to see a change in every word or action. It just doesn't happen.

I feel so bad for your poor dog! Firt antlers, and now lights and a turtle neck. You don't have to vent on the poor thing. Dogs have some self esteem too! His will be toast after all of this doo-dah. No wonder he challenges all other dogs, he has to prove his maleness over and over again to regain some self confidence! My poor Lab jumped into a tule bank after my goose and after much growling and thrashing about she let out a yelp and came runnung out tail between her legs. The goose was very much alive still and let her have it good. I didn't see what happened exactly but I would have to guess the goose pecked her on the snout pretty good. My hunting partner got a good laugh out of it and Dad went in and dispatched the bully post haste. No one messes with my dog!

Hope you are well and have baked to your hearts content! You are writing often and I can see your mood improve with each post so keep it up, I still love reading them.

P.S. - Andy Rooney is right on the money! No youngster in my future. I am going to find myself just the "lady" he describes. Especially in the honesty department!

Glad to read you two are doing better...sorry about the cell phone drowning...news at five.
Been sick with a cold my H gave me last Friday...and I was doin so good this year.
Finished tiling the kitchen head cold and all. Grouting today.
Had to miss two holiday parties (didn't wish to pass this on to anyone).
Working away on some custom orders this week.
Andy Rooney is too cool. We women do get better with age (only problem is the packaging gets a little roughed up in the process).
I will look for you later.
Have a wonderful Monday,
holiday

DukHunter,

So glad the date went well. See? God really does answer my prayers, though not always as I ask them to be..

As long as we hold fast to the faith that He knows best.

As for Paradise's phone misfortune... I go through cell phones like yesterday's news. Dropped in water buckets, stepped on by hooves, stolen by an ornery bulldog.. you name it. In Paradise's defense, during one call to the cellular insurance gentleman, I was told that dropping phones in the toilet is the most common form of damage..

What's worse... is that some folks have actually retrieved them from those lovely port-a-potties to turn them in...

Just a line in defense of Paradise's ladylike right to not give any further details...

As for me, I've been a bit "off" lately.. I did go and buy the biggest jar of Jiffy Peanut Butter to make the great cookie recipe that was posted.

I have left it on the countertop. I have stared at it for days.. I'm just scared.

For my now smoke-free home and my waistline..

Blessings,

Eibrab

HI Eibrab!

Thanks for the prayers, I need all the devine providence I can muster. How have you been "off"? Not feeling well or just restless and concerned? This is the place to talk so talk away. As for the cookies you don't have to eat them yourself, you can give them away as fast as you make them. Takes away the temptations. If I can bake as I have been doing lately for my son you can too!

Ready made cookie dough but it still counts as baking, right? Yes the date was wonderful. Just two friends having a nice dinner, a movie and a lot of conversation. I enjoyed it immensely. The hug and kiss made my month for sure! Something so simple but so special! Maybe it was the fresh cut flowers I stopped and got her, I doubt it was my sparkling personality. And it surely wasn't my because of my looks!

I still say Midnight called while paradise was cleaning the toilet and she put him in his place, litterally. Hope you off feelings pass and one of festive holiday spirit replaces it!

Talk to you soon!

Hi Dukhuntr, Holiday and Eibrab,

Boy it is cold here... the inside of your nose ices up in just a few minutes ... hands sting instantly when removed from gloves to pick up doggie unmentionables ...brrrbrrrr

Coming in from a walk has its own little ritual in our house.. the dog gets to play with either my hat or one of my gloves for a few minutes after we get in. He runs around as proud as punch with it. Often after actually pulling it off my head while I bend down to take my boots off. I have several faux fur hats of various descriptions, he loves playing with them lying on his back pulling at them with his paws - generally slobbering them up good. Happily they wash well.

Just back from Dharma class. We studied preliminary tonglens, prayers/visualizations of compassion. I practiced breathing in suffering and sending out compassion to all beings. It feels remarkably good to do this type of mind training.

I was doing really well at it until I came out and found a ticket on my car for not having my parking receipt displayed right side up on my dash - on a very dark night... grrrgrrrr.

I am starting to really enjoy single life. I grocery shopped today and made a point not to buy Mr. Midnight's favourite things...no proscuitto, feta cheese, peanuts in the shell and salted sunflower seeds. Instead I bought a science magazine, aromatherapy oil (balsam fir) for my bath water and laplander cheese - only because I have never tried it. I try eat something at least once a week I have never had before.

I also found a great variety of frozen dim sum items that can be steamed in just a few minutes from their frozen state. I can wash some bok choy and pop a few dumplings in the steamer, throw the bok choy in at the last minute and I have healthy dinner that is just about as easy as microwave popcorn!

The other marvelous thing about being single is you can be as obsessively clean as you wish or if you are in a hurry and can't make up your mind on what to wear (- frothy skirt and boots which would allow one to be fetching but surely hypothermic or fleece lined jeans - comfortable and cozy) - truly messy. The dog doesn't seem to mind if I leave a whirlwind of discarded clothing choices on the bed.

Mr. Midnight called twice today - he is shopping to replace my laptop with a new one - he is using my old one. Something is up, he is simply being too agreeable!

Eibrab, Trust me the cookies take a maximum of 22 minutes - all in - including the clean up. You can do this, if they prove too tempting - freeze them till company comes. If you are feeling seriously down, how about a little nail salon therapy...

Holiday, Tiling your kitchen while sick is beyond the call of duty! Take care of yourself... you are way more important than the entire global supply of grout!

Dukhuntr, Glad you had a great weekend... that would not have been a Canadian goose?

Off to soak in the tub with my new bath oil - not Ponderosa Pine but probably pretty close!

Cheers,

Paradise

Paradise,

Why yes it was a Canadian goose fleeing from your weather only to find little ol' me hiding in wait for him! He will make a fine dinner for myself and several friends one night this winter. I may even have to give the dog a small measure of revenge by giving her a bite or two to make up for the skin she lost off her nose to Mr. Goose.

Single life takes some adjustment but it grows on you and it really does get better with time. Had my last IC session today before Christmas and I'm thinking I may stop going. I think I have myself under control and only time will help now. Just have to avoid doing something stupid like seeing the EX or getting too involved with anyone else for now. We had a long talk today about my kids and how to make things easier for them. That is my main goal in life now. Keep them firmly planted in reality and help them by just being there for them. No heroics, just Dad being Dad. Nothing stupid either like hooking up with just anyone and bringing her home to meet the kids. My IC is pretty good at looking ahead and warning me off of potential stupidities. Wonder why he warns me of this kind of stuff? Maybe he knows me too well now!

Bundle up the cold is just getting started! Have a nice day tomorrow and make every day better than the last one.

Journal,

I had a late morning today, both the dog and I slept in. We got to the beach late but enjoyed glorious sunshine. It has warmed up. The water was as still as glass and a kind gray soft blue. The stretch of beach I walk has a curve to it - so you can look back from where you have come and see your footprints in the snow. There is bench towards the end, we often stop there to sit and admire the view.

Today, I watched a duck land on very thin ice that had formed because the water was so still. It was hysterical, not at all graceful - a slipping, out of control flapping of wings, kind of tumbling disaster of a landing. I believe he/she was slightly embarrassed because he/she took off again right away.

Despite my griping, I really love our winters - skiing in the woods when the trees are laden with snow, or pulled over on a dark country road to look up at a kaleidoscope of colour that shifts across the sky. I probably only get a look at the northern lights about twice during the season - they are awesome. Plus there is the skating rink late at night... where a puppy can chase a ball and have a very good time - slipping and sliding...

It just make the year more interesting when there are four seasons. Another added benefit is that you need a greater variety of foot wear!

I should go to back work now... I am just plain prograstinating.

Hi Paradise!

Went out last night with some friends to a basketball game and dinner and had a good evening. I am finally starting to relax and and be comfortable being single. I enjoyed myself even being the fifth wheel with two married couples. I ran into some of the Ex's coworkers we used to go out with and that didn't bring me down like it used to. They all have accepted the situation and are still friends with the two of them but you can tell it's a completely different friendship now.

As I was talking to these people I realized they still did not know why the EX and I were divorced. If EX and the OM were so happy about themselves don't you think they would have opened up to their friends at work by now? Instead of getting mad and telling them I just shook my head in wonderment over what the two of them have created for themselves. They can't even share their relationship with others around them even 9 months later. Tells me they really do know how wrong this A is, even if they refuse to admit it to themselves.

What have you been thinking about lately in regard to Mr. Midnight? I still have back and forth thoughts about my EX. I know how good our marriage could be but now I am becoming more skeptical about if the EX was ever really honest with me for our entire marriage. If she could hide the credit cards, and the A as well as she did, what else was she holding back on? Is she really even capable of having an open and honest relationship? I haven't decided one way or the other what I would do if she came to me and asked to start over. I think this will be the final hurdle for me to clear to really recover fully from the A.

I think it feels strange and unnatural to even think about a life with someone other than the EX. This is going to be a long road for me into acceptance of the reality of her choices. I know I could never have made this choice and that doesn't help my thinking at all. It's still part of the control of others issue that I struggle with. I guess I am just a simple man and logic is too big a part of my life. Logically none of this should have happened. Emotionally I let that part of our relationship slip and she let someone else become more important to her than me. I should be thinking more about the emotional side of life when it comes to relationships and that is the one good thing in this for me. I have learned a really hard lesson in this regard.

I hope you are warm and toasty and the dog is taking good care of you. I am glad to hear you are fully into holiday preparations. I haven't put a single light or decoration up yet. I just can't seem to get into the spirit. My daughter is all over me to decorate and get the tree up and if I do it it will be for her. She wants to feel normal in the house and it bothers her I haven't put up the usual decorations. She will be disappointed when she sees how little I kept of that stuff. I might have enough to decorate the mantle and that's it. If it were up to me I doubt I would decorate. It just doesn't feel like Christmas yet for me.

Hi Dukhuntr,

Just in from a night on the town with my Mom and a girlfriend of mine. We went to see the Chronicles of Narnia. Afterwards, we stopped at a road side diner where I haven't eaten - since I was a teenager. The same three brothers are still running it. They all look much older than I remember them looking, when I used to pull up with my boyfriend in his souped up Superbee! Time just spins by doesn't it!

The movie was an enjoyable little film. I loved the books growing up - C.S. Lewis was a wonderful writer and not a bad mathematician.

It is still brutally cold here. I zipped the dog into a down filled vest to keep him warm as he waited in the car while we watched the movie. I checked on him once - he was toasty in his little black turtleneck and a seafoam green down vest of mine that fit him not too badly.

I am not sure what I think about Mr. Midnight. It is too confusing. I try to focus on other things mostly - and not dwell on it. Despite this, I do mourn and miss him very much at times. For me, it is like the man I loved disappeared from the planet. The whole situation seems unbelievable and impossibly wrong.

The person inhabiting my husband's body is not someone I know - nor want to know. He has become self absorbed living only for - me, myself and I.

My girfriend was right when she said I shouldn't worry, about other women there is no room for a fourth person. I don't believe he will treat anyone he tries to connect with now in a fair or respectful manner. He is just plain loco!

I drove by his place tonight while dropping my friend off. She pointed it out to me. Frankly, although I have been there once, I couldn't even tell you his address. I just block it out...

I try to focus more on the positive - what I have gained not lost. I am seriously starting to enjoy life on my own with my dog. I find it more restful. I do what I want versus what someone else wants.

I used to be in the kitchen alot - cooking, baking etc... now I hardly spend any time there. It is like I have been kitchen liberated. I have friends who are jealous. They whisper " Just think how lucky you are not to have to come up with what to make for dinner every night!"

Celebrating the holidays, can be done at all sorts of speeds. This year doesn't have to be a big Christmas, it can be low key, relaxed and even peaceful for you. It will be as good as you make it...just like everything else in life.


Cheers,

Paradise

Paradise,

I think you can cut to the core of things faster than anyone I know or have ever heard of! WS's have to be self absorbed and blind to the hurts they inflict to be able to live with themselves. You and I couldn't look ourselves in the mirror if we were the WS. I believe my IC said it best. He told me once that my EX had this character flaw her whole life and she had always fought it and won until the right set of circumstances occurred. Something changes them and their thought patterns to allow for the loss of regard for themselves and for those who love them.

I took my daughter and her SO to dinner tonight for his graduation gift. He graduated from UNR on Saturday and begins his student teaching next semester. We had a nice dinner and a lot of good talk. My son and his GF came too. Just like before the A only minus the EX. Nothing has changed for me except my outlook on things. I have spent too much time and energy on what I "lost" and not enough on what is still there for me.

I sometimes think that I feel I have to mourn what is no more to pay it the respect it deserves. That is wrong! All that happened is someone I have no control over chose to seek something different in her life and I have to respect that. I don't have to respect how she chose to accomplish the change, just the decision to make a change. Now I need to look to myself to make my own life better and just as happy and fulfilling as before. Mourning doesn't do this! Nor does drinking too much or filling my face with food and gaining all the weight I lost back! There is a treadmill waiting with my name on it on Monday morning and every morning after that until I get all of the weight off again.

I think you friend's thoughts about being freed from dinner planning is so true. I had never thought of that in that way before, I never had to worry about it until recently and it is a pain in the [censored]! I never gave the EX enough credit in this area and I am finding out how difficult this can be.

Christmas will be low key and much more relaxed this year for sure. I am going to renew an old family tradition of hunting on Christmas eve. My Dad and my brother and I used to go every year regardless of the weather just to be together that day. Mom even made the trip if it wasn't too cold. This year I hope all of us can get together again and we can include my son too! I am looking forward to the trip. After dinner tonight the kids came back to the house with me and we put up what few decorations I kept. It was just enough to get the feel of the holiday without going overboard. I even found an overlooked box that had a bunch of the hunting and golf oriented ornaments the kids had given me over the years. A true treasure discovered in the back room of the basement!

Even with my WS working on the marriage, I find that I still mourn our/my innocence of our past marriage when I could feel in my heart I was the only one for him and he the only one for me. Things just don't run that perfect in life. I think we all struggle at different times in our lives for different reasons. Hopefully for only a short time.
You two are so strong. You are inspiring.
Have a wonderful day,
holiday
and DH...get on that treadmill!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Holiday..

I understand those words so very well.. I may get brave enough to pick your brain one of these days Holiday. Your wisdom might hopefully rub off.

I still haven't made those cookies.. The jar is staring at me. :-)

DukHunter...treadmills get boring.. I'd join a gym, where you can meet people..

Those you'd run across would benefit from it .:-)

Blessings,

Eibrab