Hi Holiday,

I was thinking of you today and your friend Terry. I am reading a fantastic book called "The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot. It is about quantum physics and how it relates to unexplained phenomena. It has a riveting chapter (4. I Sing the body Holographic) on the power of our minds to both create and heal disease. It would be well worth his time to read it. Is he working with a visualization coach?

I lost my night to it. I find often when I really get into a book. I simply just read. It has great quotes.

" Take a moment and consider this. Look at your hand. Now look at the light streaming from the lamp beside you and at the dog resting at your feet. You are not merely made of the same things. You are the same thing. One thing. Unbroken. One enormous something that has extended its uncountable arms and appendages into all the aparent objects, atoms, restless oceans, and twinkling stars in the cosmos." P48

I walked by the OW tonight. She gave me a big smile. I calmly look right through her. Very neutral. Oddly at some level, she and I are one.

Wowser! Having to face my deceased mother in law in bed at night would quell my romantic urges and lead to concentration issues and giggling fits.

My mother in law is very cute. When we got married, she bought my husband three sets of new pyamas and told him he should wear them! I love her dearly. I will miss his family very much as time goes by. They are agog and it is awkward. At Christmas, one sister-in-law gave me a very heavy skillet, the other a book called "Fifty Relatives Worse than Yours", both gifts made me laugh.

Blue is very frisky these days. A haircut always gives him lots of energy, carrying all that fur around is tiring and hot. He was running around the park tonight like a puppy, full speed, screeching turns, front legs splayed as he bounded about. He is eight and doggy middle aged. I chase him. We look a silly pair.

Spinning is addictive. I have been trying to do back to back classes three times a week at lunch. It makes me sleep like a rock at night.

Life is filling in....

Wishing you happy and well.

Cheers,

PB

Journal,

It is a bright sunny but cold Saturday morning. I have a long list of things to get done today. I am prograstinating once again.

Last night, I went to a mini film festival with a couple I have known for decades. We watched very short, fresh films about climbing, living a life of service in the Himalayas, paragliding across the Grand Canyon!

Then we met another friend for martinis at a swishy bar and talked the night away. It was very late when I got home. Blue scolded me with his eyes.

We slept late. I awoke with his front legs around my neck and his head on my pillow. A short haircut makes him cuddly.

Mr. Midnight has been skiing in Colorado for 10 days. He returns home today. No contact for 16 days - our longest dark period yet.

I find I have to fight to keep my perspective. At times I want to just give up - forget - move on. Often I try to focus on his face, as it use to be....open charming...as much a part of me as my fingers that are typing this.

Plan B is challenging!

I am glad for the travel I have been doing. It makes your brain wider. When you see the horrific challenges others face, your own problems shrink in comparison.

Paradise...

I'm wondering...

If you ran into OW the other day, and Mr. M has been gone so long.. obviously he did not include OW on his trip?

That must make you smile a bit.... even if only a smile of "wondering".

We really care about you here. Very, very much.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Eibrab

Journal,

Another bright sunny day. We have been for a long walk. Sunday mornings are always alittle slower. I looked longingly at the diner then decided it would be too cold for Blue to wait outside with short hair.

A dear friend and her eight year old grandson came over last night for a swim. We rented a movie - Harry Potter "Goblet of Fire", ate pizza and drank coke. Her grandson watched the movie completely absorbed while tucking into six, count them, six slices of pizza. I had no idea where he put it all.

When they left and I read until the wee hours. Some nights I just don't really like the idea of going to sleep.

I read Eibrab last post before I went to bed last night. It made me smile. Funny how you can connect in this medium, with someone you have never met.

I wonder what her life is like sometimes. If our separateness is only an illusion of our senses then, I suspect that on some very deep unconscious level I may already know.

I have gone back to my regular reading program, lots of science books, history, bigraphies, mysteries and sometimes soppy romance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A busy and productive day, my housework, laundry are all done.

We went to the beach twice. The snow and ice have melted and the chip wagon has returned. Its owner is tanned and relaxed after a great winter in Greece. It is my first herald of Spring!

I did my Mom's grocery shopping and then took her out to kick around the stores.

She bought sterling jewelery and a spring top - pink. I tried on shoes but did not buy them! We had dinner and talked. She looked a little ragged - tonight. She is missing my Dad. She says she sees him regularly in her dreams, particularly when she is sad.

I came home, crawled into my pjs to read in bed and promptly fell asleep. I just woke up. It is the middle of the night, very still and silent. No movement. No cars. No noise. The world is asleep.

During my last go round at the beach, I ran into a friend I have not seen for quite awhile. She designs Casinos and is just back from Las Vegas. It made me think of Dukhuntr and Holiday. She complained that the city is so pernicious and calculating, there is no where to sit except in a restaurant or in front of a slot machine.

I think of Las Vegas as an engineering wonder of the world. There should be places to sit. Cities are for people.

My mother in law sent me an email from Florida - very cheery, as though nothing has changed - when almost everything has changed. I wonder what she really thinks ... She is at the very least determinedly hopeful.

I had another email from an out of town friend wanting me to come visit. She is just back from spending four days in Manhattan. I love Manhattan! It is intense, interesting, and sometimes plain magical.

I went there on business one year, stayed at the Plaza, dined at the Palm and lisened to Woody Allen play his clarinet at Michael's. One sunny afternoon walking down Fifth Avenue, I noticed a beautiful older woman coming out of store. She had an indentation in her forehead, which very much looked like a bullet hole. It was such a jarring contrast with the rest of her, the image stayed with me.

Even though I have travelled often, I find it hard to keep in my mind - just how big the world is. How many people, how many places there are. Somehow it always seems to shrink to what is happening in my day. When my day is only a tiny microcosm. It is the big picture that keeps the little picture in focus...

Journal,

It is late. I can't sleep. The dog and I are sharing some toast. He likes the crunchy bits. Life as a newbie single feels out of step when you have been married 25 years. I find I keep waking up lisening for noises that aren't there anymore.

I went to Dharma class tonight. We did some excellent visualization exercises tonight. I learn when I go this class. It tames your mind and opens your heart. It helps me deal day to day with my changing life.

I don't mind waking up in the middle of the night anymore. It is peaceful, quiet in a way no other part of the day is quiet.

I gave one of my class mates a ride tonight. He has been battling cancer. He is in remission. He quit his job as an engineer to study cartoon drawing - not animation - comic book sketching. He loves it. I smile at him, thinking with wonder of how fragile every moment of life is.

What a tremendous gift it is in a way, when you truly know it.

Paradise...

I think, at this point, that I cherish the noises that are here in the night. It's been a long hard road to get here.

Lately, my H has begun snoring.. It started back during the trip to Mexico. I gave some thought to blaming the food, blaming the pool volleyball or just blaming it on a "bit" more age.

But, I don't really care... truly.

It's an inconsistent snore... not always there, but never quite gone. Last night, we had quite a cold snap. H and I used to be a very "your side" of the bed couple... I now feel a bit lost if he doesn't have a leg or arm in my slumber territory. In the cold of last night... the snore was quite an echo, but as I lay there knowing that if I elbow him awake enough to roll over, that I'd lose the bodyheat and most of the covers, I chose to find a peace to go along with the snore.

It wasn't easy.. but I also wasn't shivering.

Many times lately, if he gets too loud, I'll come back to this site to do some more reading... and I realize how hard it is to be with someone you love, but also how hard it is to be without them.

I had some low moments today.. nothing of any huge scale, but enough to stop and think of how much it truly takes to make the pain go away.

I pray for your pain to lessen each day. I see continually that it has...and then, I wonder if the pain of change and growing within oneself might hurt even worse.

God is on our side. And there are big things for both of us.

Both of us, a very lucky toast-eating dog and hopefully a Vegas-lucky Dukhunter if he ever chooses to come back home..

Blessings..

Eibrab

Paradise...

If you are up again this evening.. I thought you might find great comedic pleasure in knowing that in the past week, my H and I have taken up archery.

Oh, but we are quite a pair. I am neglecting my duties and sneaking out to the back barn at every chance I can get. I am determined to "do" this.

H continues to watch Gunsmoke reruns in the cold weather and still outshoots me every night.

I have the bow. I have the sore arms. I have the determination.

I wish I had the eyesight.

I'll keep you posted. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Eibrab

Hi Eibrab,

Sort of a gentle, up and down soft snoozing kind of snore, or is it a train wreck snore, that leaves you shuddering, gritting your teeth and punching the pillow?

Every moment of life is precious, particulary the moments that you share with others.

I really miss the snoring. Yet when I lived with it daily I used to grumble to myself about it regularly. I miss the sound of his heart beat, the smell of his aftershave on the pillow, sleeping back to back and waking up to kisses on my eyelids. Such a nice way to wake up!

While only a snore, what it really means is that you have a living, breathing, albeit loudly, man who is sleeping next to you because you are the one he wants to share his life with.

Despite all the horrid painful memories, the nagging insecurities, every night you can lie awake and lisen to that sound and know what it means in your heart before you elbow him to turn over.

Archery cool! Tones your upper body. Sharpens you mind through focus. Allows you with practise to whup your husband and with a little hair flip smile and stroll in to make dinner. Or better yet loser cooks!

Cheers

PB

Journal,

I must be brief, the dog has given marching orders. It apparently is walk time!

We have had a quiet night. I cleaned my carpets. Always very rewarding to watch all that mucky water pour down the drain! We had a light supper while curled up reading. Blue likes dining in this manner. A little taste of cheese, a bit of ham, all very yummy.

I am reading a research paper on reincarnation, near death experiences. Very wild. I find it hard to reconcile such out there concepts with the number of footnotes displayed. Somehow footnotes always spell veracity to me. They are a comfort - you can go learn more.

I have been missing Dad this week. It is his 90th birthday tomorrow. We were planning a party. I am sad.

I miss his dry humor, his patience, his unfailing kindness to people and animals, his lively curiousity and quirky sense of mischief! I profoundly miss the sense of safety I always had when he was around.

Midnight has been incommunicato - since he has returned from skiing. I suspect he is busy and I can guess with what. The quiet is actually easier. The less contact the more productive I am. Seeing or talking to him seems to take it out of me, then I get less done.

A part of me is still really angry, but I am working hard to let go, accept and respect his choices. I do day dream sometimes - about that skillet!

I cleaned out files today and came across a picture of Midnight at his 50th birthday party. It was a great party. I worked for weeks on it. It was the night my life changed forever. You know even with that gasping hurt that I remember so well, I still enjoyed it. Very few times in life do you have everyone you love in the same room. Secretly I viewed it as my 50th birthday party too. Although mine was still 2 years away.

A friend of mine is a stewardess, the day before the party, she took her last flight before retiring. She went to Amsterdam and brought me back probably 150 tulips, vivid yellows and reds. They looked beautiful. Tulips fresh from Amsterdam's flower market. How cool was that!

I hope Dukhuntr is enjoying Las Vegas. Travel is always good - travel with friends the best.

I am looking forward to a sleep over Saturday night - four girlfriends. Sleep overs are fun no matter what your age. I think they are the ideal form of entertaining. That is why I like to entertain at the cottage. There is more time to connect, food preparation is communal, expectations of domestic hygiene are lower and there is more of a family or tribe feel to the time together. Plus you get those rare insights into your friends, flannel pjs - many vitamins - late night cookie raids - or the true shocker - curlers and gossip magazines!

Blue likes having overnight guests too. They bring him socks!

~~~~~~~~~~

We are back from our walk. I cheated and pulled jeans and tshirt over my pjs. There something liberating about being out in public and secretly knowing you're wearing your pyjamas. It is clear and mild here. There was a hint of snow in air today but it has warmed up.

As I walked I thought about Blue. He is a surprising dog. This afternoon I sat for moment in my favourite book store. It has down filled couches and a fireplace. It is not a chain. It has wonderful books.

One of the sales clerks came up behind me with her arms raised over her head talking loudly to a collegue some thirty feet away. Blue thought she meant me harm. He leap into action, barking fiercely getting between us. She practically had a heart attack.

He has been frequenting the store for many years. This is the first time he has actually said anything. Eventually she regained her composure and laughed. We quickly decamped. I was secretly proud and publicly apologetic. Even wearing a pouffy black turtleneck - he really sounded like he meant business! "Not one step further or else your shins are mine! grrrr"

Hello Paradise, Holiday and Eibrab,

I am home from spring training and did not create an arrest record or anything else bad for myself other than spending too much to play golf. And then playing poorly and losing a bunch of bets. We had a great time and saw some good baseball games. We saw games in Tuscon, Scottsdale and in Mesa. We played two rounds of golf and drank way too much and ate way too much and enjoyed ourselves to no end. Only six of us ended up going as opposed to the original twelve. Never fails that work or family will change the plans for half of a group.

The only bad part of our trip was one of our friends brought two customers to entertain while we were there. One was a great guy and added to our trip, the other guy was the stereotype loudmouth drunk you see in movies. We spent a good portion of the trip finding new and inventive ways to avoid being around him. I just felt bad for our friend who had to entertain the guy. What a nightmare!

Back to work today and not liking it. I am going in late because I wanted to check the progress on my Sewer line replacement here at the house. Spending a bunch of money to replace the 60yr old sewer before the city puts in a new main and re-does the street.I am going to have to redo all the plants and shrubs because they have pretty much torn all the old stuff out.

Holiday- I am sorry we did not connect while I was there. I came in on Sunday for a couple of hours and I flew home from Phoenix last night and did not return to Las Vegas as planned. I did not want to spend another five hours driving back to Las Vegas with the loudmouth that was already drunk on double Jack Daniels and cokes from the golf course and was looking forward to starting in on a case of Bud for the trip back. I will be coming down again soon and we can try again then.

Eibrab, Archery??? Are you going to start hunting too? Only the most skillful and determined hunters use bows to hunt. I have shot several different bows over the years and even though I enjoy shooting them I am just too impatient and , well lazy, to hunt with one. Have fun with it even if you dont plan to hunt.

Paradise, I'll bet the clerk was a little more scared of Blue than even you think. I'm sure she wasn't expecting to even run into a dog let alone provoke one into defending Mom! I'm sure she had to retire to the ladies room to change her undregarments too! That is too funny! Did she have the "deer in the headlights " look in her eyes too?

Well off to Mom and Dads to shower and then on to work. No water here now, they seem to have hit the water line and are now in the process of fixing that too!

Journal,

A busy day ending with a late meeting. I was first to arrive and waited quietly for the others, wearing my best little black suit and a string of pearls sitting alone in a posh private room.

Eventually, I got up, walked by a mirror and stopped to look at myself. Rested and relaxed, primped up - swish in my very best duds - heartache seems to be agreeing with me.

Nothing outward in my appearance would suggest that I am coping with a broken heart. Or that I wake up at last once a night not really believing the turn my life has taken - surely a dream?

Finally home, I made turkey soup for Blue. He started to whine. I walked into the kitchen wondering why. I had left out the vacumm this morning. He didn't want to eat dinner with his back to a dreaded enemy. I knew in an instance what the problem was. We are finely in tune as two friends should be...

Six police men glad in yellow jackets on bicycles rode by me while I was walking the dog tonight. When they stopped at a light. I asked "When you arrest people on your bike what do you do with them?" They laughed at me. Then raced ahead, one went up a ramp in the side walk and took some air, the following five did the same - a picture straight from the school yard.

I also ran into my neighbour who is battling cancer - John. He was in a track suit, using a walker, his wife holding his arm. It was a big deal for him to be outside. They went 400 feet and turned around.

At one time we worked in the same building. He was a partner in a law firm, with a corner office and great suits - always a smile and a joke.

I gave him my copy of the Holographic Universe by Michael Talbot. It has some out there ideas but the section on using visualization techniques to help healing is well researched. They are going to Florida next week for a month. Money makes things comfortable but it changes naught.

Faith however can move mountains.

Hi Dukhuntr,

Welcome home! I'm glad you made it back safe and sound, if perhaps a tad hung over...


Cheers,

PB

Journal,

It is a rainy foggy morning here. We are packed and ready to take off - going to a neighboring town for a day and night together with 4 girlfriends. Should be a hoot.



Wishing everyone well and at peace.

Cheers,

PB

Journal,

We had a great weekend. The girls all piled into a friend's old victorian and we were cooked for and waited on hand and foot by her very dear charming husband - a former collegue of mine for many years.

We drank wine, shopped the antique market and boutiques, ate wonderful pasta and talked to the wee hours.

Blue reigned supreme, soaking up female adoration - as his due.

There was a tiny hitch when a neighbourhood cat named Winston with a penchant for attacking dogs saw Blue. Winston likes to ride on dog's backs, claws imbedded, and revel in wounded yowls and yips. The two of them went mano a mano, the cat circled around Blue with an age old - lets fight swagger.

Blue only looks like a shaggy friendly pouffer. Underneath his skin pulses eons of sheep herding fierce guardian blood - that will stand up to wolf much less a 10 pound feline with a nasty disposition and an over blown ego.

As the black cat approached with arched back and yellow eyes alive with malice, Blue stood his ground, head cocked, with a look on his face that said it all " Surely, you must be joking!"

Winston backed down. Blue trotted back up to the porch and gave me a look that translated " ... nice house, great yard but Mom; the neighbors!"

I came home yesterday with only 30 minutes to shower, change and then on to another's friend's 50th birthday party. She was reflective, saying; " This one really gave pause and made me think - How could all that time pass so quickly!"

Their fridge has a bungee cord around it because their three hounds know how to open it. Their cat food cupboard is likewise secure. They came home one day to find 24 licked clean, tins of cat food littering the kitchen floor. The dogs had figured out how to work the pull tabs!

Her husband made a wonderful Indian feast. I had seconds. We played a trivia quizz on her life. It was fun. She was embarrassed. I suspected there would be lively comments directed at her hubby after the guests departed. I made her a polished amethyst necklace with big green pearls - it looked smashing against her blond hair and fair skin.

This couple makes documentaries. Some have won awards. He is french and they just bought a farm near his family home in a tiny hamlet in the Loire valley to please his Grandmother. They can't really afford it and it has been a challenge. I will spend time there this year at some point, pay rent and help them clean it up. It has no bathing facilities and rust colour water dribbles from the taps. Charmingly rustic, my brother will consider it palatial.

Another friend painted her a picture of her french farmhouse from a photo. It was a wonderful painting. Another gal, made her perhaps the most beautiful cake I have ever seen, with a watercolour of her yard and dogs painted on the frosting - with all the detail of a Renoir. No one could bring themselves to cut it.

In a way it was a strange weekend. I kept running across a sameness - a connectedness. Out shopping on Saturday, I walked into a boutique - that carried a little known perfume - I had bought in Sonoma county - produced at a farm by two men who named it after their grandmother. They made it themselves in the back of the farmhouse in vats, and there it sat in little rows on a shelf - thousands of miles away - just a year later.

I walked into the party last night wearing a coat, that another woman was wearing in a different colour. We discovered we were both addicted to the same designer. In their upper hallway, hung a portrait of one of their dogs now deceased done by the same artist - that drew Blue some four years ago.

I helped myself to salad from a handcrafted bowl by a local potter, identical to one I had served myself pasta from the night before in a different town.

The more I think about buddhism, and quantum mechanics, the more I believe we are just different appendages of one thing - irrevocably connected. No one superior and all very much the same.

I spoke with Midnight on business this morning. He was chipper and friendly. When I hung up - I realized the pangs I normally felt after contact with him - weren't there.

Walking the dog, picking up a paper and coffee at Starbucks on a brillant sunny morning today - the headline read: "Glad to Be Alive", referring to the Canadians rescued in Bagdad.

So true, no matter what your circumstance in life, when you deeply reflect and see with your heart, it is the only fitting response to this incredible, precious, moment by moment precarious, thing we call life.

Evening Paradise,

Sounds like you had a really great weekend! You sound so full of life and happiness it makes me feel good too. I had a good weekend too. Didn't do much other than housework and laundry and I enjoyed every minute of the peace and quiet. I did get to play golf on Sunday. Our first really nice day in a long time. About 65 degrees, no wind and a near cloudless sky. Just the type of day you long for after months of the other weather.

I e-mailed the EX today and will regret it for a long time. We have only agreed totally on one thing this past year and that was to keep our issues out of our relationship with the kids. Today I asked her to help me with my DD. I haven't seen or heard much from her in a month. When I call her and ask what's up all I get is "nothing" , "just doing my own thing", etc. It's been eating at me for weeks and I asked EX to see if she could find out what was going on and to encourage DD to spend some time with me. I have done this for her with DS so I figured no big deal. WRONG! She basically told me I was on my own here and that I was creating the situation myself. Weird , how do you create something when you don't see the DD enough to even ask how things are with her?

I lost my cool and told her to forget it and to go back to doing what she does best, lying and adultery. Not smart, I know but it was the last bit of trust between us, a promise to help each other with the kids. She chose to break this final bond between us and I just don't respect her or even like her much anymore. No sense of integrity, no honesty, and no honor for anything in life. I just don't see how someone could lose all of these values so quickly and so completely.

Well, I have gotten my rant out and taken it out on you once again and I'm sorry. I just can't seem to keep this stuff bottled up and inside me. I have to vent somewhere and I hope you don't mind that I do it with you. I just hope that someday EX will realize what this is doing to our relationship with our kids. If we could have kept that one last promise I think things would be much better for both kids in the long run. I don't think this will cause them that much hurt or grief, I just think we could both be better parents if we worked together.

Well I have begun to ween myself off of the crutches I have been leaning on the past year. I am off the AD's after slowly reducing the doses. Next up will be the snuff. That will be a booger for sure. I gained 40lbs the last time and I can't afford to do that again. So its off the snuff and back to the gym at the same time so I don't gain any weight in the process this time. Once off the snuff the diet can begin again and I can shed the 40lbs I had lost at this time last year all over again. Call me yo-yo duk I guess! Not bright but at least I am optimistic and have a plan for a change.

Have a great evening!

Hi Dukhuntr,

I am sorry for your pain. The only answer I have is to tell you what helps me stay sane. I try my best to:

Be kind.
Be polite.
Be helpful.
Be patient.
Be generous.
Be loving with my family and friends.
Not judge anyone - including myself.

If I stick to those rules I know all will be well if only because I will be fulfilling my own potential. When I stray from that game plan - it causes me pain, limits my growth, undermines my connection with those I care about.

We all tell ourselves stories about the world and those we share it with. Often they don't do us any good. Keep your mind silent for awhile.

People meditate because it creates peace - a calm mind.

Times of intense emotion create such mental confusion for all the parties involved. Sometimes, it is just better to be still.

Your daughter loves you very much. She understands how hard it is for you. It is hard for her too.

Remember your wife is dealing with major guilt - a dramatic conflict in her behaviour versus her self image. The natural response is to rationalize it away by projection of all manner of confused criticism on the BS. Best to ignore it and understand where it is coming from. Forgive her, don't hold on to anger or resentment - it is the best gift you can give to yourself and to her.

Eventually with time... her perspective will return.

Live in the moment. Golf, date, enjoy your friends, improve your home: move on with life without recreating history, without distorting your memories and appreciation for a wonderful period of shared living and experience.

Cheers,

PB

P.S. Lose the snuff!!!!!!!!!! Serious Yuckies!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dukhuntr...

This was such a good post by Ark over in GQ II that I thought I would repost it here. It captures what I was trying to get across beautifully...

BY ARK - BS BE STILL

Some of the most painful posts to read here ....is the confusion and turmoil of betrayed spouses....

those post D-day days weeks and sadly months in which so many things are left unanswered, unaddressed and emtpy...

be still.....

In our turmoil and chaos and the gnawing need to fix and address.....bs bring into their hearts more pain and crisis....

be still...

There was once a saying I read somewhere that went something like to really ever understand someone else we must crawl inside of them and feel the gentle beat of their heart....

easier probably for a BS to move a mountain than to grasp and work from that realm....

but be still...
each moment of stillness you can buy grab or gobble is a moment in which you are free from the pain and free from the fear..

fear of doing the wrong thing
fear of saying the wrong thing...

the goal is not marriage rebuilding at any cost...
the goal is guiding yourself to a place of stillness...no matter the outcome....

the anatomy of a WS is that they changed and molded their own thought processes so that they could engage in a affair....

they did this....
they did this....over time and in a way in which they can barely see the reality of this...but they did do it...

be still

it takes time.....

too many posts are from BS with unrealistic EXPECTATIONS which will harm you...

it is unrealistic to think that the thought processes needed to engage in such vile actions....vanishes over night

working through affair issues takes time...gobs and gobs of it...
and if you find yourself standing in a place of demanding change and specified responses, introspection, apologies, and instant change...

be still

for you are causing more grief that you need to burdon....

they did this...and they must undo this...

will they?
the truth is we don't know..
but to ever be a whole person again they darn well better...otherwise they carry their chaos on and on..and in the end no BS needs to burdon that.....

WS, though hard to see when they have used you as a weapon are very very damaged inside.....

they can not face that damage...and since that damage is YOU the BS...they often can not face you..

so they continue to waffle and wallow in the path that brought them to this place...

the way of rationalizing and justifying downright no two ways about it dispicable behavior acts....

force them to the face and process at once..
they will withdrawal
they will deny
they will retaliate

or even worse they will self destruct themselves....

be still....

don't force responses and actions and answers...be still and know that their non-responses , non actions and non answers ARE their answers....and you can hold them accountable to that

be still
and then make your moves....

ARK^^

Thank you Paradise!

Your posts always bring me back to a sense of calmness and are always thoughtful and caring. ARK's post has a real meaningful message for me. Now all I need to do is to learn to keep my own personal balance and remain still. I have a ways to go on this for sure.

The good news is that I took both kids to dinner tonight and they sensed my worry and let me know all was fine with us. DD even went shopping with me and I bought a new pair of shoes and a new watch with her help. DD got the old man to buy a pair of shoes that looked way more comtemporary than I would have ever bought on my own. I feel relieved and relaxed again tonight. Maybe you gals are on to something with the shoe thing. I spent way more than normal and cant wait to go out and show off the new goods! The watch is one I have had my eye on for a long time. Something I could never justify spending the money on but I decided to do something strictly selfish and indulge myself. I will probably regret it later but it feels good right now.

The old watch was one EX bought me and I think a bit Freuidian(?) on her part. Its a model called the arkitect. Same as the OM's occupation. I loved throwing it in the junk drawer for use while doing yard work or hunting where it will get all beat up and abused.

Thank you again for your thoughtfulness and caring. I am sorry I vent to you all the time. I hope I am able to return this in kind somtime in a way that helps as much as you do every time I have needed it.

Have a peaceful and relaxing evening.

Duk

hey,

I'm a journalist researching an article on infidelity - looking for a few people to share their stories COMPLETE ANONYMITY of course. If any of you want to share, give advice or just mention what happened in their relationships please contact me at umullally@tribune.ie

Thanks

Journal,

I saw "Failure to Launch" with a friend tonight, light romantic fluff that was easy on the eye.

She went home to her hubby of 33 years to make him his grilled cheese sandwichs. Their usual supper on Wednesdays.

I went home to the dog. It was lonely and quiet. So we ended up going for a long walk.

I find when I am lonely. I naturally gravitate to bookstores. There is companionship in the written word. You can touch someone's mind and heart through what they write. Ideas line up neatly on the shelves.

The thought of Dukhuntr buying shoes with his daughter made me smile tonight. Shopping as therapy! Cheap! Effective! Fun!

The dog attracts lots of attention - he is a people magnet. It means I am always stopping to chat. Sometimes just superficial chatter and other times deep probing conversations that touch on all manner of topics.

Tonight a women stopped me to admire Blue.

Her father in law had died. She liked him immensely. Today was his funeral. Her husband has left her to go back to his first wife. She could not face seeing the two of them together - so she stayed home even though she wanted to be there.

She has a child with her husband that is 10 years old. He left his first wife - 7 years ago to marry her. Now he has left her to go back to his first wife. She was bereft and about to drink herself numb. It is a tangled mess.

I stood quietly lisening to her pain. Knowing there was naught to do but breathe. After she finished her story, she merely nodded, admired my boots and wandered back into a bar. I watched her walk away, thinking she would find no answers there.