Hi Carnation,

Thank you for your thoughts. I post only here. It has become a habit - a way to sort out my thoughts, settle my mind.

I do visit the forty sixty site because there is a great deal of insight there too. Yet sometimes reading about all that sadness is hard. I would like to be able erase it. To do one of those bewitched nose wiggles and know that it has poofed and everyone is themselves again.

Not possible.

There is section in What the Bleep Do We Know - about a study done in Washington DC. They had 4000 experienced meditators - meditate on bringing peace to the city for one entire summer. They predicted based on 47 other studies that there would be a 25% reduction in crime.

The police chief went on TV saying that it would take two feet of snow in July to make that dramatic a reduction in crime. By the end of it, the police chief co-authored the report. Crime did reduce by 25%. There is enormous power in our thoughts.

While I seldom post on other threads, I do read them and practice tonglen daily. The concept is that you can draw someone's suffering into yourself, cleanse it and send it back as peace. It is a kind of prayer. I am a beginner, yet if that few experienced meditators can make such a huge difference is a city wracked with violent crime.

Trying can't hurt....

Cheers

PB

PB - All I want to say is you are an incredible woman!

Evening Paradise,

Well the blind date turned out to be the best date I have had since high school. An educated, articulate, and caring woman who was a joy to share a meal and some good wine with. We talked for several hours and made plans to do several other "dates". Golf, a hike in the Sierras, wine tasting and she is a gourmet cook to boot. She learned about my fondness for spicy, hot food and is making a chili dinner for us.

I feel a little hesitant to let this develop so fast though. Almost afraid of letting things get serious when no mention of this was made. Paranoid? Skeptical? What do you think? Why when I have been looking for someone like this would I become gunshy all of a sudden? Did I mention she is very attractive to boot? Almost makes me wonder what she sees in me. She could be with any man she chooses, she even told me her usual suitors are either decades younger or older than her 49yrs.

She called me an hour after our date and thanked me for a wonderful time and wanted to do something else right away and I balked. I have a dinner set up with DD depending on her schedule and put my new friend off indefinitely to make sure DD's dinner came first. I felt relieved in doing it and now I think I'm an idiot. She was witty, open and easy to be with and now I am running scared? I am a basket case!

It may be that it's the first time someone other than the EX has held my hand for hours and given me a hug and kiss that shook me to my shoes. In the back of my head I keep hearing a little voice saying don't get excited and for god's sake don't start thinking past today. Is it normal for a man to have these thoughts? It's almost like I refuse to believe my luck could be this good, there has to be something wrong and I am looking for that instead of enjoying the attention of someone who is interested in me for a change. What would the Wally Llama say in this instance?

Hi Dukhuntr,

Wally Lama would say: Open your heart; accept her for what she is a lovely and interesting woman and enjoy all the moments you can manage to get together.

Life is short. This is what you need. To live in the now and recognize that it is a very big world out there, full of interesting people. Who if you give them half a chance will come to like you very much...

Call her! Send flowers with a thank you note! Tell her you had a great time too.

Cheers

PB

Hi Sadandconfused67,

Thank you very much for the compliment.

I profoundly believe though, that we are all incredible. We are all special. Equally so.

I may have a gift of expression, yet I am no more special than the lady you will stand behind in line to get coffee tomorrow.

There is a samemess that is easy to overlook. We focus on superficial differences that to our eyes seem formidable.

They aren't. Everything and everyone connects in some way. The more I look at it, the more I see life as a whole.

I am sorry you are here, it must mean there is heartache in your life.

Wishing you well and happy...

PB

Thanks B,

Why would someone so grounded and wise think of hiring a "life coach"? You could have a career in this area yourself.

How are you doing these days? I see a mixture of things in your posts now like your thoughts are ever changing as you go. I've been there so I can see it in you too. I think you are accepting Midnight's comments and shifting your own thinking at the same time. I'm still rooting for you to persevere and overcome myself. Midnight is doing this to himself and sooner or later I think he will see it too. You don't have to wave the white flag on your marriage if you aren't ready. I think you should protect yourself financially because he could become even more self destructive as he becomes more aware of what he has done. But I don't see the need to throw in the towel just yet.

You have set an example for many many BS's to follow that is above reproach and if anyone ever deserved to recover their M from an A it is you. Sainthood is the only level you have not quite reached in your efforts.

Be happy and pet Blue for me tonight. I will be meditating in your honor from now on. Maybe I am on Midnights frequency and can reach him better than you. I know I have some strange thoughts these days.

Journal,

Blue and I had a quiet night. He slept. I made scratch tomato soup, did laundry, first checking his toy hamper for all my stray socks and read parts of "The Dance of 17 Lives" by Mick Brown. The night passed quickly.

We were caught in a heavy rain storm earlier - came home soaked to the skin -which meant Blue had to have a bath. There is a ritual to this. He groans and complains through the entire procedure.

However when it is over. He is a reborn puppy. We wrestle for the towel. He runs around like a mad harridan, trying to get into the bedroom so he can furiously dig in the bed. I cleverly shut the door. I have slept many a night in damp dog sheets. No more!

I cleaned a bit. Moused around. Made lists of things I should do, frankly was content - to have a quiet night.

I don't know what is up with Midnight these days. I hear he is seeing two other women. One I have met. One I have not met. The one I don't know is the gal he took to Vail for 10 days. I can tell her food preferences by my visa bill. The OW appears to be no longer really on the scene. I do not know all the particulars.

He has a short attention span these days.

Paradise Blue,Dukhuntr,Holiday, All,

I don't know if you remember me, I used to be Soooohurt and my FWH was Stop the Drama. Just want to thank you guys and how you helped me in the beginning. We now, are well on the road to recovery.

If you remember, my dad had Parkinson's Disease - he's doing ok and my husband was the one who refused to leave his job, after an affair with his secretary.

Well, it's been a long 10 months and after a lot of arguing, MC, crying, making up - we are well on our way to recovery. My husband finally left his job because the secretary filed charges against him (she just wanted to make more trouble), the company just swept it under the rug. The end result - he was told nicely to leave and now he has the job he always hoped for. He is so excited about his new job. His leaving the old job was like a weight had been lifted off both of our shoulders. Just wish he would have done this sooner.

I was determined to make our marriage work, for a long time, it was only me working at it - but it paid off. A lot of people on this site hit my husband with 2 x 4's and told me to leave him - but I hung in there - and I am glad I did.

I'm sure everyone loves to hear that things are going well with couples on this site, so thanks again for all your input when I needed it the most.

Happy Holidays to all.

Hi Forgiveandlove,

Thank you for the update.

I am really happy that as a couple you have been able to work through the "drama". Having your life return to normal must be a welcome relief.

Keep working on it. It will only get easier!

Cheers,

PB

Journal,

It is mild here, with a haze covered full moon. The dog and I are just in from a long walk. The streets were quiet and slightly shiny with moisture.

Walking by a beautiful lit fountain, on whim I tossed in some coins, wishing everyone I loved happiness and peace, then changed it at the last minute to include the whole planet. If one is going to wish - it might as well be a big wish.

Earlier, I watched Take the Lead with a girlfriend. We both liked it. How could you not like Antonio Banderas dancing...

Blue and I worked on a new game tonight - indoor soccer. I run the length of my living and dining room - foot jockeying a very large pilates ball trying to get him to engage it.

He prefers to chew on my pant legs trying to hold me back with every ounce of his 43 pound frame. This makes my soccer footing more challenging.

Apparentlly though it has real potential because he is whining at me to come back and play ...

I will be back.

Forgive,

Your post was well timed and very much appreciated! All of us would love to have the chance you made good on so keep after it, every effort is worth it. Good luck to you and I hope your happiness is contageous. Spend a few minutes meditating and send some positive vibes towards paradise, she could use them these days.

Paradise,

I took your advise and met the blind date again for lunch today. She is just a really nice person and so easy going it makes me feel good to just be around her. I'm not going to hang any expectations on her I am just going to spend as much time with her as she will allow and see what happens. I will be using you as my sounding board if you are okay with that. I can't think of anyone else with better instincts and insights about people than you.

Have a peaceful rest tonight.

Hi Dukhuntr,

It is foggy and still early.

Holidays are more difficult. I am fully booked for the weekend, yet know there will be moments of longing.

My sister in law usually does Easter dinner, she always sets her table the same way and cooks much the same menu. I will miss the chatter and banter and the view from her deck.

Someone I don't even know, will likely be smiling and sitting attentive in my chair, trying to make a good impression.

I will be a name that no one mentions. It feels wrong.

On the plus side, it is only a long weekend, three days instead of two. I have to create new traditions. Good Friday I think I will rollerblade!

I took my equipment out last night and washed it down. I have not bladed in quite a while. I will go slow. Blue will trot behind. The lovely thing about blading is that there is a flow to it. It is relaxing.

I like the sound of how you talk about this new gal - relaxed, easy. All good...all in due time....

Happy Easter!

Cheers,

PB

Oh Dukhuntr ~~ look at the growth in you !! Please enjoy the moment.... and her. How fortunate she is to have found you..

This thread reminds me of a little story ~~

There was once a very wise, wealthy man. This man seemed to have it all. His attitude drew people to him. He was truly loved by all and had it all.

On his deathbed he was asked *what is the secret for all the success* ? How could one man have it all !!

He told the inquirer ~~ My father once told me as a little boy

to picture every person you ever come across with this stamped on their forehead ~~

Please Pay Attention To Me


Those here so remind me of this thinking...

carnation

Hi Carnation2,

Adopting that wise man's approach makes life more meaningful - doesn't it. A great story to remember, thank you very much.

It is quiet here tonight. Midnight stopped by to pick up Blue. The place feels empty without him - in almost a palpable way.

My plans for tonight were cancelled. I have been reading and lazing about. I feel guilty, there is lots I could catch up on. Though loafing has its charm too.

I hope you are enjoying the holidays.

Wishing you well and happy

PB

Paradise...

I, too, will not be attending any in-law gatherings this holiday. I haven't for many years.

It does feel wrong.

I was supposed to be across the country judging, but took mercy on a fellow judge and did some date swaping. It was a hard thought process for me... Seattle in April or Daytona in November ?

I took the sun. .. fingers crossed.

I get alot done on the holidays. It is a time for me, where no business is at my door, and I am able to get so much more done. I have grown to like not being included.

You're right, it does feel wrong.

I wonder.. does the dog even really know Mr. Midnight any more? Of course, animals don't forget... but the feelings of home and familiarity count for so much in an animal's security. I think it must pain you to see your pup leave. Indoor soccer is no fun solo.

The new male tortoise will allow me to scratch his chin. Tortoises do have chins, you know... if you care to gingerly look for them. He perks up real tall when I come around as if I am someone very important to him. I wonder if it is my charm or the romaine lettuce that affords his affection for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I got an Easter card from Silver and his new owner. He is now called Cavalier, as his new mother finds him so regal.

I just giggle because I know better...as long as he is fed and happy, I'll keep my silence.

Happy Easter.

Eibrab

Dukhunter...

Words aren't enough here. I'm very happy for your recent days.

Happy Easter..

Eibrab

Hi Eibrab,

No male tortoise could possibly resist your charm. If they had email I am sure one morning you would awake to a long line up of hip swaying, shell shined, glint in their eyes - little romeos - chins out ... ready for love!

I spent the day and evening lisening to two very venerable buddhist masters. Meditating, lisening, meditating... all that focus and attentiveness has left my poor little brain pickled. In fact I am bordering on silly.

Tomorrow I am taking Mom to an Easter do. I will be spared taking her shopping for falsies. We won't have time. I must have earned merit today - my karma is looking up!

Blue is still with Daddy and you are right, I find it very lonely.

On the plus side, it will make Midnight's love life more complicated tonight. He goes into a barking frenzy when someone tries to hug me. I can well imagine the noise level if there was more than hugging going on. They will need ear plugs!

A fellow in one of dharma classes asked me out for coffee. I didn't say anything. I just blinked at him He said "Righto - next week then!" and strode away. I stood there sort of stunned - caught unawares. I wasn't sure what to say " Sorry I may be married I just not quite sure these days?" Oh well it is only coffee.

He is a british born brain surgeon. I find this very funny... It actually makes me giggle. I will look up brain surgeon jokes before next week's class and mercilessly tease him.

Having coffee with someone else, is not going to make me stop loving Midnight. Though if I am lucky, it may lead to a friendship, a tiny boost in self esteem (a tad low these days) and dare I say I will learn more about brains!

Silver was masculine, brave, unashamedly virile. It had lone ranger cachet. Cavalier is just pooffy - sorry to say it. I will bet a carrot he doesn't like it....Oh well... it is better than ugh!

Happy Easter to you and your family - the whole canine, equine and reptilian tribe!

PB

PB..

A British born brain surgeon.

Something tells me this might be a good match for coffee and wit. I might wait a while before I shared the story of Mom's falsies....or dare I say he might look at you with a strange wondering in the next class... and he probably won't be looking you in the eye.

A side thought for you.... your recent comment about Mr. Midnight not seemingly seeing the "main" OW as frequently.

I'm guessing he's a lonely man...not for the lack of company, but for the type of company he misses.

And, remember..the British have a wicked dry humor. No giggling when you egg him on.

Happy Easter.

Eibrab

Journal,

It has been a glorious day here. Bright sunshine, I spent the day with Mom. She was in lively form.

We went to a really nice easter do. My friend had worked for days sprucing up her home and garden. She had it filled with people. Lovely. Mom enjoyed it immensely.

It is quiet here. Still no dog. Midnight won't be bringing him by till Tuesday morning. I am going into puppy withdrawal.

He just called to confirm the details. He must be at his sister's - there was party chatter in the background. I could recognize all the voices except one. Ouch!

It has been nine months. I no longer cry much. There are moments when it is still very hard - like right now.

Now when I feel bleak, I try to draw pictures in my mind of a new life. A renovated home, new work, new hobbies - new is the recurring theme. I count my blessings and focus on being thankful for everything I have experienced.

Making happy memories is an art - it encompasses living well - being mindful of the present moment - caring for and respecting others. It takes hard work, restraint, discipline, training - just like any other human endeavor.

Being happy is a mindset - a mental outlook. I have alot to be happy about. In fact, most people do... they only have to look for it.

Evening Paradise,

I'm so glad to hear you had a happy easter even minus Blue. I am even happier you are going to coffee with a member of the opposite sex! For the life of me I can't see you having any troubles with self asteem but I know how low mine got so I understand completely. Savor every moment, every glance and every compliment he offers, you deserve all of that and more.

A Brain Surgeon huh? Figures you would attract the best and brightest out of a crowd. That in itself should bolster your ego alone. Just try as you have told me over and over to remember the A was all about Midnight and his issues not you. I still struggle with this and it is silly and self defeating to allow yourself to accept a bigger part in this A than is warranted.

People like you and I live life by our word and deeds. We could never have done what our respective spouses have done and been able to look ourselves in the mirror let alone revel in it. As things evolve for you in the future you can look back and take comfort from the fact that no matter what happens you did everything in your power to honor the committment and promise you made on you wedding day. You controlled all you had the ability to control and from there it's not your responsibility or burden to carry anymore.

Control the places your thoughts take you and dream about the possibilities in you future, surgical or otherwise! You are a terriffic person with a world of things to offer, I think now is the time you need to really "let go of the steering wheel" for real and see where life sends you.

Sweet dreams!