Hi Eibrab,

Apparently, it did not go as he expected. He did not fill me in on all the details except to say "She was not the person I thought she was". They still call each other frequently, though, I think things have cooled down alot.

It is hard being in love with fantasy and married to reality. He said he didn't sleep for two years because he wanted her so badly. Knowing he would hurt me deeply. Knowing I didn't deserve it.

I'm not sure I buy it, I was right there lisening to him snore!

Lonely is not his problem. He seems to have plenty of company that is to his liking!

They say when the gods want to punish you they give you what you want. Sadly, he is getting what he wants.

Cheers,

PB

Paradise...

I understand how you are thinking.

I am on the outside picking each bit of information as it ripens and not living with the tree itself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> In the signature at the end of my posts I stated that H and I were seperated briefly. Brief is a matter of opinion...and I should say that there were others who wished to take my place and tried. We are more alike than you may think.

Mr. Midnight may be surrounded..but sometimes the most lonely of people are the ones in the center of the crowd, too. I'm saying a special prayer for your wayward thinking, dog keeping, spouse tonight.

He needs it.

I truly care about you, my cyber-friend.

Eibrab

PS.. I have two things for you to remember... British have a wicked, dry humor..and you got the call after the accident. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great post Dukhuntr !!!

Easter blessings to all here....


carnation

Hi Eibrab the Tortise Queen!

Thank you for the kind words and thought. I took the blind date to a game feed last night and we had a great time. Some of my friends go to Mexico every year and shoot more Pheasants and other birds than they can eat on their own. So to make sure nothing goes to waste they rent a local restaurant for an evening every year and throw a party for their friends.

I took "J" and even though she was nervous and unsure, she still wanted to go with me. Turns out she knew as many people as I did and we really enjoyed the whole evening.

After dinner we came back home and spent much of the rest of the evening getting to know one another. Another plus -she likes cigars and we shared one with some wine while we talked. She has had her problems in relationships and is just as hesitant as I am to jump into anything serious. I need to spend some time with her and get to know her better before I ask details, but it seems she has been married twice already and had another long term relationship go bad too. She says she is just a poor judge of men but my radar is operating at full strength and sensitivity already. For now she is fun, friendly and really nice to just talk to and is a huge boost to my self esteem in that she is very, very pretty. Why she would want to be around a short, fat boring bean counter like me is baffling, but I am not going to question it, I am going to relish in it.

Sounds like you and Paradise are benefitting from some better weather while I have watched it snow all day here in Reno. I don't think we will be having spring here this year. It will go from snow to summer by the time the storms quit coming our way.


P.S. Being around her has helped immensely in getting off the snuff. I am deathly afraid of her reaction to that habit and have decided she will never see that from me. Especially after what you guys say about it!

Hi Dukhuntr,

How was your Easter?

It is easy to get mad at them. To think they are unworthy, but being a human being can be so complex.

Whereas we may just be simple!

I try to picture my outlook five years, ten years or twenty years from now - all the pain will be forgotten, and I will remember only the happy times. Accepting change as part of life - maybe even the good part!

Going for coffee - is not really a date. He may just want someone to talk to about the readings we do. I am not reading alot into to it - other than to find it kind of funny!

I have yet to give up on Midnight. I know in my heart I still love my husband.

One day at a time...they are very very long days when there is no puppy to play with...

Cheers,

PB

Paradise,

You don't have to give up on Midnight, but I still say "let go" and see where you end up. Even if Midnight's chemical imbalace or whatever you want to call it ends next week, the boost to your self confidence and self esteem will allow you to handle all the emotions with more confidence. Allowing someone else to show their interest in you and to feel the sense of self worth that comes with it is a powerful healing tonic. I know from just what limited experiences I have had that it really does bring you back to a more normal outlook on life. Especially since I have not taken the plunge into anything physical yet either.

Let Mr Surgeon take you to coffee and be your charming, witty, and beautiful self. Flirt, be coy, do whatever you used to do to attract Midnight. Nothing may ever come from it other than making a new friend. I have never heard anyone say they had too many friends. Allow him to woo you and if you feel you are leading him on in any way explain where you are in your M and tell him you need to keep it as a friendship only until the M is resolved one way or another. If he is like me he will appreciate your candor and if he is interested he will simply become a very good friend while you work out your M.

It's your choice now to go on with life as you want to live it. If that means no male companionship outside of family, so be it. I don't sense that about you though. I think you enjoy having a significant other in your life. If that is the case why not get back into "practice" on the meeting and attracting side of a relationship. It is a whole new ballgame out there now believe me. Mores and lifestyles have changed dramatically since we last started a new relationship.

Hi Dukhuntr,

Thank you for that lovely post and vote of confidence.

We all need to feel loved, wanted, appreciated for who we are. To a certain extent, everyone does have "Pay attention to me" stamped on their forhead. Remembering that is probably the best thought one can take to dealing with others.

I will take your advise.

I will make him laugh. I will look my Churchillian best and I too will refrain from using snuff!

Sweet dreams...

PB

Paradise ~~


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Ohh please!!!!!

I have never laid eyes on you and I would bet my house on the fact that you are stylish, extraordinarily beautiful, and a downright knockout in the looks department. The "Winston Churchill" reference gave that away a lonnng time ago. You will probably have to dress down so as not to scare him away! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

DukHunter...

I am laughing along with you...

You must have the same image of PB in your mind that I have.. and it isn't Winston Churchill.

I'm sure we must agree that stunning wouldn't even suffice, if her outside even comes close to what God gave her on the inside...


Eibrab

Hi Dukhuntr, Eibrab

Actually I find the image of Winston Churchill in a bikini -very appealing - he had the depth of character to pull it off. I see him calmly smoking a cigar - making minor adjustments to the straps - staring down anyone - daring to smirk.

I use to think the acid test of physical beauty was how much free stuff you got. For example, my dog is extraordinarily handsome, he gets free stuff all the time.

When I was younger, it seemed a daily occurrence. As you age, you appreciate such generous gestures.

Last summer, I spent part of every day at the beach. Once or twice a week, I would share an order of fries with the seagulls. It was not until almost the end of the summer that I realized my little greek friend who ran the chip wagon was always giving me a medium sized order for the price of a small.

I smiled for a good hour afterwards.... A wonderful compliment perfectly timed to when it was needed most.

Attractiveness encompasses alot more than physical beauty, it is attitude, energy, awareness of how you hold your body in space - the ability to connect, understand - appreciate. It is part grace, part humor - part confidence.

Now I think the true test of beauty is being able to see it. It is in the eye of the beholder. When you look for it - you find it - in everyone - in every shape - every face - it is there.

Wishing you both happy and well

Your stylish friend!

PB A.K.A. Winnie

To all the regulars in this thread,

Seems as though all of you have endured a lot of pain, and sorry to hear that. I really hate to announce this, but I'm one of those that cause that pain. Ive been married for 12 yrs now. Six years ago I committed an affair (1 night stand and 2 day affair) all within a months time. Then 3 yrs ago, I kissed another woman. I've kept it all suppressed within my head. My wife point blank asked me if I 'd every cheated while we were wathing a movie, I hesitated and litteraly started sweating. Long story short, I've eventually brought every thing out, but did not do it all at once, she had to drag it out of me. As I thought I was trying to lessen the blow of pain, I was truly causing more undue suffering. AAAAARRRRRGGGG!!!!! I truly love this woman and want to keep her with all my heart, but at this time it is so tough because my credibility is shot with her. I'm glad to see each of you are progressing in your own way too. Stay strong, not all guys are like me and others.

Hi Hirtz,

I am not sorry you are here. You are in precisely the right place to get the help you need to address the marriages issues that infidelity causes.

There are many expert people both WSs and BSs who post regularly and have successfully grappled with the difficult challenge of healing a marriage ripped asunder.

Good Luck

Cheers
PB

Journal,

Midnight called me this morning to tell me we needed to hire some one to do media releases! Crazy delusional talk. Our company is a long long long way from needing a media person!

I had an appointment with my family doctor this morning and told her I was concerned about radical changes in his behaviour over the course of the last two to three years. She has been our family doctor for over 20 years.

When I described them to her, she suggested that he may have developed some kind of bi-polar disorder born of depression and sleep deprivation

I have spent the evening reading about it. Rapid speech, hyper activity but scattered focus, increased sexual urges, grandiose thinking, flawed judgement, excessive spending countered by deep despondency and hopelessness. ( He told me the other day he thought he was a millstone around my neck. )

I know I will have a very difficult time persuading him to see a doctor. I am going to try.

I may be wrong. Maybe he is not sick and merely an emotionally retarded alien. However if he is sick. It has the potential to be a much more serious scenario.

Paradise -- If I may be so bold as to give my opinion, I believe your WH is smack dab in the middle of the classic

Mid Life Crisis

I could be wrong ~~ what do you think ?


Sending my very best, carnation

Hi Carnation2,

Yes that would be Midnight. Pronounced MLCs really are a form of bipolar disorder. Long periods of manic activity, followed by despondency. They can be really dangerous. Suicidal thoughts, psychotic episodes all can emerge if left untreated or if life situations worsen the pressure. Life pressures usually do get worse because the disorder is characterized by flawed judgement and often inappropriate social behaviour.

I had a long talk with Midnight this morning about it. He now has a doctor appointment set up with our family doctor. Although he doesn't agree with me. I was surprised at how he quietly lisened to my concerns.

He has promised to focus on sleeping more. Sleep deprivation can make a big impact on how severe the condition becomes. Hopefully, at some point he may agree to some IC.

What can you do - pray, wait, and damage control!

Just had a great walk with the dog. So nice to have the puppy home!

Hope you are having a good day.

Cheers
PB

Hello Winnie C. !!!!!

What you can make sure you do is to not get hopeful and build yourself up for a letdown! You have been doing so well with your efforts to plan for the worst and cut yourself off from the ties to Midnight, don't step back into the picture now! Continue on just as you have and let time and other more qualified people help Midnight. Feign indifference if you can. Don't throw him a crumb even, it will feed him for months!

I'm not trying to be cold hearterd or uncaring, I just don't think you need to be disappointed and hurt any more than you already have. It just seems you keep looking for a reason for Midnight's behavior and there may be one, or there may be many, many reason's. You will never know for sure, none of us will.

Go back to planning for your future and start your learning about Brain Surgery over coffee! Just remember not to intimidate the poor sod with your looks right off the bat. Let him settle into it slowly, it will keep him from drooling and stammering around you like we men seem to do when confronted unexpectedly by a beautiful woman. Hopefully an MD will be only temoporarily dazed and confused by your outward appearance and be rational enough to see the beauty inside that we get to see all the time.

The French Fry guy never had a chance! You are obviously more of an Ice Cream/Gelato type gal.

Have a nice evening!! Wish me well I am meeting the "blind date" again for drinks and a light dinner. Still holding my breath because she has just too much to offer in both the personality and looks department to be with a knucklehead like me. Sooner or later she will sober up I think!

Hi Dukhuntr,

You may be right and I'm just clutching at straws.

To be on the safe side, I expressed concern to his sister, just a wonderful woman. She has promised to call him every day and keep an eye on his mood. It made me feel better.

I am not really in a position where I can offer much help that he would be receptive to.

Nor can I cope with alot of contact, I find it painful.

I dined out with friends tonight. We talked for a couple of hours over wine and lamb. Very pleasant. Blue dined on veal sausage and is lying at my feet licking his chops!

Life goes on.... I hope you are having a great time.

Often, we are as good as we think we are. You have many admirers here who are rooting for you!

Sending you debonair confident thoughts!

Cheers,

PB

Journal,

It has been a good day. It is always a good day when I get my hair done.

My hair dresser is on holiday in Iran. Her replacement is a very big very burly bald middle age guy who dresses solely in black and if you added a leather vest would neatly fit the stereotypic image of bad guy biker to a T.

I was taken back at first and cast a quick glance at the salon owner. It turns out he is an excellent stylist, who washes and blow dries his 71 year old Mom's hair three times a week. She has a fused shoulder and cannot do it herself.

He has surprisingly gentle hands.

I am always struck by how easy it is to misread people by their appearance. Blue is much better at reading people than I am.

Opps he is offering me a glove and a play bow invitation to having a game of "I have the glove and you don't"

I'll be back....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pay attention to what Blue thinks these days. He has taken a dislike to a new neighbour of mine. I am more careful to lock my door.

I have always been lucky in my neighbours. For the three years my dad lived with us and his progressing dementia, our front door remained unlocked - all day.

He would wander out to get coffee once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Always to the same near by self serve coffee shop, where they would pour it for him, and help him to his seat as he was alittle unsteady on his feet.

Returning was much more difficult for him than going out - he could never remember the complete path back to our front door. He would get to the lobby and either sit and wait for someone to help him or fish in his wallet for my written instructions. He usually needed the help. People were always happy to oblige. He beamed good will at the world and it beamed it right back at him.

My neighbours and our concierge would bring him home faithfully. They would walk into my home helping him to his arm chair then quietly exit.

Nothing was ever taken.

A story like that would never get into the newspapers. One where a 83 year old Florida women with dementia who wandered from her home then was raped and shot to death - does.

I believe we are all part of something that is overwhelmingly good - it just that the bad is what captures everyone's attention. It is the contrast. It is what stands out - so your eye is immediately drawn to it.

Sometimes it can even obscure the much larger background of loving kindness which is the true fabric of life. It is why Moms and Dads work so hard to provide and take care of their families. Why children care for their elderly parents. Why friends are friends to friends!

The buddhists think that we all have access to a sort of big puddle of loving kindness that via meditation we can send our minds to for refuge, that will heal hearts and cleanse us of discursive thoughts.

I like the idea. By spending as little as 10 minutes a day following your breath or focusing on one thought you can shed some of the negative residue that builds from modern life.

Meditating gets easier with practise. I find it like a mental stretch - you come back calmer - with better focus and perspective - a karmic shower! MRI scans on the brains of trained meditators show remarkable increased activity in the brain areas associated with happiness. Some are off the scale when compared to normal subjects.

It really does work.

Journal,

Slowly I am beginning to feel normal. The weeks fly by. It is just chunks of time really, work, beach time with the dog, catching up on paperwork, working out, spending time with friends, cleaning, organizing, reading, sleeping - a stream of movement, thoughts - a life.

Yet I still miss my old life. Something I wrote to Dukhuntr has been running through my mind today. "You are addicted to your past." It is really hard to let go when you shared such a long time together.

Yet it has to happen. To me it is a day by day gradual shifting - I feel like an hourglass that was flipped and now adaption like sand is slowing filling the void left by Midnight.

Time is always the answer....