Hi All,

I noticed this thread that Daisy37 started in General Questions. I loved it so much I am copying it here...

Daisy 37,

I caught this Bill Moyers Faith and Reason episode last week and found it to be very enlightening. Others here may find it of interest too, forgiveness and personal recovery after an A are discussed in this interview along with some other very interesting concepts.


http://www.pbs.org/moyers/print/faithandreason107_print.html

((( Eibrab )))

Just wondering how you are doing dear.

Please do not stop posting. We care.

P.S. PB you sure sound good lately.

Please give Blue a big hug for me. We all wish we had that special gift of love that comes from such a companion.


Carnation - just sitting here in Texas ~~ praying for rain !!!

Hi Carnation ,

So nice to hear you are well. The weather has turned cool here, before I can blink we will be in long pants and jackets weather. Our shorts and sandals season is fleeting...

Blue says thanks for the hug... he knows how special he is...

You can tell by his prancing walk... head up... tail in their air ... "Yep I am the boss!"

Wishing you rain and happy times..

PB

Hey Eibrab,

I hope you are well. I was in a book store today and picked up a book on dealing with the grief of loss. There are all kinds of losses. One of the main points it made was that we each heal at our own rate. Accepting the feelings you have right now is important. They are valid. They are yours to come to understand.

I have been stressing the positive but you may not be ready to be cheery and positive. We each process grief at our unique pace.

There are moments where I am not there either. Moments where I feel violated by having to be in close proximity to OW1 or painfully wonder what Midnight says about our marriage to who ever these days... It gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach having such thoughts.

All I can really tell you for sure, is that you have a great deal of strength and patience. With the dedication that you have to your family, your husband and your marriage.. only good can come of it...

It might just take awhile.

Hoping you at least for a moment and maybe only in the shower: smile, dance.. and sing today!

PB

((( Eibrab )))

Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.


Car

Where ohh where has our wonderful paradise gone? Has she sailed off to some magical place with blue in tow? Or has she tired of hearing from those of us who yearn to be as spiritual, centered and grounded as she is always?

I miss you and your thoughts, I still look for them every day. I miss Eibrab too and hope that all is well for her and that a sense of peace has arrived in her life.

As for me I have finally met someone that could be special if I can muster up the patience to let things move at her speed and not mine. I love being with her and we have fun every minute we are together. She is witty, perceptive and her sense of humor is as warped as mine!

Wishing you all well and happy!

duk

I second all of the above.

Duk - you give many here hope and vision that there is life after a divorce caused by an A. (PB too of course). I read with great glee about you meeting someone new. Hopefully she is aware of what she has found too !!

Sending along my very best thoughts and prayers for y'all.

Carnation

Paradise and Eibrab,

Okay it's official now you have me very worried about the two of you. If I have said or done something send me a 2x4, don't just disappear. I would love to hear from both of you that you are okay and all is well. If you have grown weary of posting here that is fine too, just let me know what is up so I don't have to worry any more.

Wishing the both of you peace and happiness!

duk

Carnation,

Thanks for the kind words. I don't feel like I offer much other than a friendly ear and encouragement. Yes I have met someone, but she has been thru two seperate episodes of infidelity in her life and is not letting me get very close at all.

She is a wonderful person and very much someone I could fall for but after months of dating I have done little to crumble the wall she has errected in her life. I haven't given up yet, she's too nice to do that but I am steeling myself for a disappointment in the long run. As we have discussed here often, everyone recovers at their own pace, she is obviously still in this process.

Let's keep after our two missing friends to get back to us. I am very concerned about the both of them.

duk

Sorry Dukhuntr,Eibrab, Carnation2

I just kind fell off the earth for a while there. My plans to travel to France this September changed as my brother changed his plans. So I ended up galavanting about the province for a couple of weeks...

I hope everyone has been well. Blue and I have had a lot of fun over the last two three weeks. I still remember you and Eirab in my prayers daily... hoping all is well... all will heal.

Wishing you happy and well

Paradise.

Journal,

I haven't done a journal entry in a quite awhile now. Sometimes it seems you run out worthwhile things to say.

I find I don't think of Midnight very often these days.

My mother called him last week because she could not get me.. his latest girlfriend answered his cell phone. Mom exclaimed over the phone to me later... " really dear she sounds about 10."

After 14 months of separation, I no longer think of him as my husband anymore. I simply no longer think of him - period. I am gradually sorting things out.. not as fast as I probably could get it done.. but steadily.

There is great solace here on these pages... listening to everyone's thought's, experiences, wisdom. Somehow sharing it does make it so much easier. Knowing that at some point in their lives everyone faces intense heart ache or loss.

Perhaps the price of love is the pain of loss....Happily, like every thing it really does pass.

I share Dukhuntr’s worry about Eibrab, we have not heard from her in a long time. I hope her situation has improved. Sometimes you just get out of the habit of posting, other times it is just hard to find things to say. However, there is always ready support here should she need it…

Hi Paradise!

You have no idea how worrisome it is when someone you have come to care about here for so long simply disappears! You scared the heck out of me. I know it was unwarranted, but it still made me nervous and unsettled while you were on your "walkabout".

Same goes for Eibrab. With all the turmoil going on in her life it would be nice to hear from her occasionally just to know all is well, or at least that she is okay.

Sounds to me like you are finally entering the acceptance phase of all that has happened. You have been a model of patience and hope for many people for a very long time. I think given the length of time you have been seperated it is natural to enter this phase. The odd part is I think it is also the time when you become the most attractive again to the WS. It is not going to surprise me one bit if he starts sniffing around again soon. If he has the slightest bit of sense left in him he would. You are a gift of life and positive thought for all you come in contact with.

Have a great week, I have a really hectic schedule this week and can only pop in and out until this weekend.

duk

I am thinking that not hearing from Paradise or Duk is good news. You are both obviously moving on. No one deserves it more and is more well equipped to go onward. My very warmest regards are with you two. Although I do miss your writings.

Now Eibrab missing concerns me. Please dear, let us know that you are alright. My prayers and thoughts are with you still. You had alot on your plate and I am sending you hugs. ((( Eibrab )))

Sincerely, Car

Hey Carnation2,

Thank you for your kind words. I must admit it does feel good to be moving on. I share your worry about Eibrab.. I think of her often, wishing her and her family, horses, rabbits, turtles and birds - well and happy.

Sincerely.. Paradise

Paradise, Dukhunter and Carnation…

I am SO very sorry for leaving you all hanging. I have checked in and meant to post and simply ran out of words. Your thoughts and prayers mean the world to me and it was very rude of me not to share my thoughts as well. It isn’t healthy to revert to being in a hole. I simply kept saying that I would post tomorrow...Carnation's sentiments moved me to tears more than a few days.

Life isn’t all that bad…but I must explain that I feel some portions of my life are a movie that I am watching. I keep busy so as to try to keep changing the channels of my life when I stop and think too much.

Football has happened. MOWH’s never helped me get the teams switched as he said his “hands were tied”, H refused to step down..life has trudged on. It makes me ill, but it’s making me stronger. MOWH also has never attended one game. I've done this whole ordeal solo coming from the side of betrayal.

MOW has completely taken charge along with the head coach’s wife (HCW) in all the aspects of the team dealings, though I dare say that absolutely no communication takes place to the visable eye between my H and MOW. The OC is running around unsupervised at all times. He comes up to me on many occasions at these games and try my best to be dignified in ignoring him, though I know this is simply a child.

I was not allowed feelings for this child from the beginning, I cannot muster them at this point. Right or wrong. I don’t know what else to do. My children do not speak of this. I can't fathom how my H seems to accept this, never acknowledging this child or her.

I have only attended one practice, where MOW saw me and left. Her support system of the head coach’s wife was not there and I am so very grateful that everytime I attend a game and at this practice a sympathetic crowd forms around me. I do love people.

I prepare dinner, have it waiting, wash uniforms and never, ever say one word about this situation in regards to football especially. I have not uttered one word about any of it until I was signed up without my consent to work the concession stand that the HCW and MOW are in charge of and I refused.

I first refused to H, who told me that I would embarrass him for not supporting the team ( he should realize how lucky he is that I didn't tear this whole team apart, eh?), I then politely refused to HCW’s and assured her that I would replace myself so she need not worry. She was aghast. I did not care.

These people came down very hard on another woman (Sara) who’s son is on the older division of the same team for telling me about the team roster in the first place and referred to this woman (Sara) as a “big mouth.”.. It was the thought of MOW and HCW that I did not need to know who was on the team, and they verbally harassed poor Sara.

With that sample of disrespect, I chose to fill my time slot in the concession stand with my dear friend Sara.. who is all too happy to watch them squirm. We giggle at our feat here… H has not said another word about any of it.

This is hard. It is horrible.. it is simply unreal. H is treating me as if I am a Queen and I cannot understand why. He even bought me a dozen new arrows, Dukhunter, for my bow with fieldheads and a few broadheads… he suggested we might hunt together. I suggested that, while I was grateful, I would only need one arrow . <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Self-esteem has got to count for part of this battle, don't you think ?

I suppose H may be so attentive because his biggest mistake is running along the sidelines wearing inappropriate clothing and advertising what God has given her and this whole situation is simply too unreal for words.. and I sit trying to be dignified and gracious. It had better not be because he is guilty of more..LOL

I am so sure there is more that I missing… I feel a post or two in the near future. Right now I want to celebrate the friends I have here in silence..for caring, for moving on (SO happy for you PB) and for being the very best thing for this tortoise Mom.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you, my friends...

Eibrab

Praise the Lord !!!

So very nice to see you Eibrab.

I have tried to post this a million times today and have had problems. Hoping this one goes through.

Getting more love and attention from your H must ease the pain a little. Even if what he is doing right now is not what you need/want - it is probably the best that he can do. I hope that you can fill the hole in your heart - but frankly, I am not sure that is possible...

You are to be admired for enduring this with class and grace. Not sure I would be able to do the same in your shoes. You are the best !!!!

Sincerely, Carnation

Eibrab,

It surely is quite a relief to hear from you again! I'm glad to hear you are well. I wish the football situation was different but it really is a short season and will be over soon.

Go hunting, enjoy being outdoors and all that goes along with it. Sitting in a blind brings a peace you can find few other places in life. No phones, no TV, nothing but the world as it naturally exists with you in it. And people like you do make the world a better place. There is only one person who can make you happy- yourself. Find the people and the places that do this for you.

Wishing you nothing but happiness and peace!

Duk

Hey Eibrab,

I have been sending you big hugs all day. I wonder if you feel them.

Your aim is so true. I doubt you will ever need a single arrow.

I profoundly admire you not giving up on your family. It shows such fine strength of character and just titanium emotional endurance.

I watched a great film over the weekend. Little Miss Sunshine, I think was the title. There was a line in it about Proust and how he believed we learn and grow so much more through suffering than anything else in life. It is what lends us our greatness like metal or ceramics being made stronger by fire.

I hope you come to know just how great you truly are…. I suspect your husband and children at some level already do.


Wishing you free of football!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Paradise

(((( Eibrab ))))

I have been thinking over my post to you and what I wrote troubles me. Please forgive me Eibrab, for assuming that you have a hole in your heart. If my saying that brought you any more pain -- I so apologize. Of course, I have no real way to know such a thing and for me to assume it was wrong.

You see, Eibrab - I was talking of me. I am the one with a hole in my heart. It has been there for so long that I am accustom to it and doubt that it will ever go away.

Once again, if my saying that in my former post to you, brought you any more pain -- please forgive me, dear. Not my intentions at all.. Many blessings

Carnation

Free of football !!!

Oh what a wonderful thought... another month and a half and that will be me. What's next, we have to wonder?

Dear, dear Carnation... you and those here will never, ever offend me. I am so appreciative of thoughts, opinions and feelings..and I completely understand what you said. I sometimes wonder if it is truly a hole or simply a cloud overhead ?

It's a strange feeling. I try so hard to understand any of this. Of course, I've worked hard within my family to come to terms and learn form this..but the unknown is what keeps this cloud or "hole" with me... don't you agree?

Why? Why did two such selfish people hurt so many? Why is this MOW now forcing herself down the throat of my family once again in seeming innocence? Why is everyone ok with this other than me?

You have those thoughts in your life too?

Infidelty is a hole. It doesn't matter how much we run from it, it's there. I woke up this morning and the first thought in my mind is "how dare MOW's mother have said hello to me at the last football game after accusing me of harrassing her when I sent her a note saying that I am praying for her family as I am mine during the A" ?

Why am I now worthy of the respect of a hello? Why am I now forced to allow this woman to be wherever she wishes and and have this child run free and approach me on many occasions only to have others stare at my reaction and her giggle as she scoops him up?

Do I deserve this? Do my children deserve this? It is a hole.. but it is filled with people like you, PB and Dukhunter. People I may never, ever face, but who have made a huge difference in my life.

Please don't ever be afraid to type what you see and feel in regards to me. I can laugh and cry right along with you all.

Blessings...

Eibrab