Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a pink bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates.
I got it for my husband".

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."


I want you to laugh, too, my friend.

Eibrab

Journal July 23,

Well another trying day, sitting with lawyers, in these sessions, I find I cannot sit still. I pace instead, head down, thinking hard, this is especially true if Midnight is present.

It is really like dealing with someone who has lost touch with reality completely. One of the lawyers asked him today, if he realized what he had signed was fraudulent. He just stared off into space for a while and then started talking about something else. No blinking, no blushing – no sign of any kind of emotion whatsoever. The deal had been in the works for almost two years.

I had been making strained jokes all day… though no one laughed much at them, at least it cut the tension. I like laughing. I really need to laugh, as much as I need to breathe sometimes. Both were difficult today.

When I got home, I read Eibrab’s post and really laughed. Funny as soon as I started to really laugh, I started to cry. The same jagged, howling I was doing two years ago – only minus the urge to break china. It moved through like a storm and left me calm and tired. The first tears I have shed over this and hopefully the last.

I think Dukhuntr is right. Sometimes when you do something that undermines your integrity – you lose it. You are operating without any kind of moral compass and then it is so easy to be swept in the direction of what ever cravings you happen to have at the moment. Our actions, our every thought has a consequence, they shape who we are.

I am not sure I really lost my husband to another woman after all, now it seems to me more like he lost himself first.

Hey Paradise,

I don't know if swept away with cravings is how I think of it. I'd have to say more likely they know what they have done and what it means to them personally. They know they have lost the trust and respect of the people who mean the most to them. At that point it's "in for nickel, in for a dime", what does it matter now? I see it as a form of self inflicted punishment.

Not sure if it's something they will ever come out of either. It's got to be playing he11 on their subconcious thought. Not that we will ever see any ill effect in person, wouldn't want to lose anymore ego to the Ex's. I think they are hurting inside and and have become lost in life. All we can hope is that as time has helped us, maybe it will do the same for them.

I for one hope that your attorney does more than mention fraud to Midnight. Looking at criminal charges from the wrong end of the law would be a great way to clear a lasting fog don't you think?

Okay girls some husbands are better than a box of chocolates. Not all but some.

Old Herb took his wife Bessie to the Doctor one day. Once in the examining room Bessie started complaining of a severe case of flatulence. She timidly added that they didn't smell and they were always silent. Bessie went so far as to add that she was passing gas as they spoke so that the doctor would realize how bad the flatulence was. She admitted it helped that no one knew when it was happening, especially since she had been doing it in the waiting room for quite some time that morning. The Doctor went and retrieved a botlle of pills and sent Bessie home with Herb with strict orders to take two pills three times a day for a week and come back for a check up at the end of the week.

The next week Herb loaded Bessie up again and they went to see the Doc. Again Bessie started complaining in the exam room that the pills had not helped and in fact only made the flatulence smell really bad! The kind Doctor replied "Good, now that we have the sinus infection cleared up we can work on the ear infection!". Herb could only smile!!!!

Hope these make you laugh ....

John asked his wife, Mary, what she wanted to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new mink coat?" he asked.

"Not really," said Mary.

"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" said John.

"No," she responded.

"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggested.

She again rejected his offer. "Well what would you like for our anniversary?" John asked.

"John, I'd like a divorce," answered Mary.

"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," said John.



Funny Sayings from Courts
A collection of what people have said in court whilst standing trial.



Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteen.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

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Q: And where was the location of the accident?

A: Approximately milepost 499.

Q: And where is milepost 499?

A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?

A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?

A: After the accident?

Q: Before the accident.

A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?

A: Yes.

Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: What did she say?

A: What disco am I at?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
it until the next morning?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Did he kill you?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?

A: Yes.

Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

--------------------------------------------------

Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?

A: I went to Europe, Sir.

Q: And you took your new wife?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?

A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

---------------------------------------------------

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?

A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practising law somewhere.

July 25th,

I sat down last night and figured out how much each sentence I said to my lawyers was actually costing. For a short sentence, $22.50 for a long sentence $45. I am not a big spender by nature, I can have a lot of fun with $45. Today, I went in with a list of prepared questions, and just listened.

During the middle of the session, I asked for a recess. So I could bring my mind into focus and assimilate what I am being told. During the recess, with the meters turned off, I thought. I meditated. I focused on filling my heart with gratitude for just having today - a precious day of life, I am enjoying or perhaps not so enjoying.

I have to say when I embraced meditation and Buddhism; I never realized how much it would help me, personally, professionally – spiritually. It is just good for business. It is good for life because it just makes it so much easier. Trying to deal with an adverse situation is only made more difficult if you are also battling adverse emotions.


I draw my 3 regular columns in how I think things through: What I need to know? What I think I know? What I really know?

What I really know – is that people come first… then money ..then things. Often people think money should be at the bottom of the pile of priorities but money is important, it is a means to a great deal of freedom and experience. Always, always, it is the things that are less important. Most of us have more things than we need or can really appreciate. And the things that are really important are valuable for sentiment not in monetary terms. What you drag from a burning home is not your plasma TV, it is the photos ..the items you cannot replace.

It is equally true that not respecting your money, is a kind disrespect to yourself in a way. Treat it with negligence or abandon and it flies away.

Usually when people crave money, or they think it will make them happy it is not just the money they envision - it is a life where they will be more…. In truth if you just work on the being more . the money always comes…

Ironically, I think Midnight has always wanted to be more than he is .. He just has never really known how to go about it. All the recent splurging is just a symptom of this.

Today, I sat and thought, well if he had been lost at sea on a sailing trip. What would I have done. I am pretty confident in saying, I would have spent every dime we had trying to locate him or the boat and I would likely have waited five years if I did not have a clear answer before doing much of anything.

When I sat across from him yesterday, it is painfully obvious he is lost… completely lost… in just a different kind of sea… bobbing around in different kinds of waves.. fear of dying. .fear of old age .. of not having, doing, living, BEING enough.

In every thing there is a blessing, during recess today, I had a kind of epiphany. Curled up, sitting on a table, clasping my knees to my chest, where I really saw him and I really saw me, free of prejudice, without any bias or the personal fictions we all have, it made me smile. In that moment, I was finally able to let him go… to feel a powerful compassion and understanding .. but to finally really let him go …

This situation is a gift, a blessing really! I think I was in real danger of continuing to love someone for maybe the rest of my days, who no longer loves me. It would have been a much more profound waste.

Iced tea - $1.79

High speed - $19.99

Paradise
Eibrab - Priceless
Duk


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Paradise..

Your latest entry gives me so much to think about tonight.

I am very proud of you.

Eibrab

I think I am feeling sorry for Midnight and I never thought I would ever say that. The man just does not know what he has lost.

Just from the tone in your posts I can hear and feel the confidence and firmness in your resolve. Now go and do something about ending all financial ties to the man! I know you and I am certaim you will only ask for and receive what you feel you are entitled to. Guarantee your own future and let the lost boy fend for himself.

All I can say is "IT"S ABOUT TIME!!!!!!".

Eibrab,

I'm sure that post makes you think! It applies just the same to your situation, maybe more so. And your H is as lost and confused as Midnight ever was.

How about thinking your way into getting back to me someday????

I would have thought you were writing about me...I have been married 25 years on 6/12 and just found out my H has been in an A since 1/07. Completely shocked me...we were not in a good place, but I never in a million years would have thought this could have happened to me.

I am grateful for the book...we are sort of reading it together. We are seeing a marriae counselor and working on our marriage but I have to tell you that this thing has rocked me to the very core of my being. I thought I was a strong independent woman, but I have had thoughts of suicide, depression, revenge and just plain irrational thoughts throughout the last 2 months since DDay (5/27/07).

I am grateful fo this forum...I see and red many of the things I am going through. Find a way to take care of yourself. That is the most important thing you can continue to do. Time can be your friend in this....and know that you are not alone.

yonnadoung

Yonnadoung,

So sorry you find yourself here, but really it is in your circumstance a truly wonderful resource full of understanding and insight. Often the hardest part of dealing with these kinds of issues is trying to come to a clear comprehension of how it happened.

I do believe the Harleys have just a great grasp of the dynamics of infidelity and reading pretty much everything on this site will help.

Good luck

Paradise

July 27, 2007

I have decided that for the next month, every day I would come up with a blessing that I can attribute to the break up of my marriage. To regain perspective and just generally cheer me up.

Today’s blessing is a biggie. I just did the math, over the course of our 25 years together I’ve spent at least 13.36 days of my life, shifting through the big pile of shells for the few whole peanuts left in the bowl. I really hated doing it because it was so unnecessary. And in all likelihood at least 7 days trying to convince Midnight of the merit of using the two bowl approach, it takes but a moment to take out an extra bowl for the shells. If I just tossed the lot out, there were always strident complaints. Walking by peanuts in the shell when I grocery shop, always puts a big grin on my face, because I don’t buy them anymore!!

I am reading an excellent book right now, called Count Your Blessings by Dr. John R. Demartini, he has some great quotes such as ..

“To see your drama, clearly is to be liberated from it” Ken Keyes, Jr.

and

“I have found out that a genius is someone who listens to the light of their soul and obeys. And wisdom is the light of the soul…” Dr. John Demartini..

Not sure how you listen to light but I really like the metaphor..

Hey PB!

Just checking in to see how you are doing. I hope you got the mess with Midnight all sorted out. I just find it hard to believe he could even begin to believe you would just sit by and watch while he did whatever it was he intended to do. Makes me wonder if he has had to force himself to rid any thoughts of you what so ever from his day to day thinking just to get by. I know it's giving him more credit than he probably deserves but what else could explain this?

How's Blue doing these days? I haven't heard much about him lately. You haven't been relegating him to the background in all of this have you?

Have a great week and let's hear about how things are up in the frozen north these days!


duk

Hey Dukhuntr,

Thank you for caring. Life has been a tad busy here. I am getting close to sorting out the dust up with Midnight, and then moving on with finalizing our financial separation in preparation for divorce. Doing things I should have probably done years ago.

The dog has been well. I find he has slowed down quite a bit, he turns 10 in November. He is not the frisky jumping bean that he use to be. He will no longer go on runs with me, preferring strolls where he methodically picks up his pee mail and promptly sits at every opportunity, happy to watch what is going on.

Rainy night tonight, I was out seeing Harry Potter (very good!) with a friend and then on to dinner, we chatted for a long time over a second glass of wine. Then I came home to walk the dog in the rain, which meant he needed a bath. Now I sit here in wet jeans and a wet shirt with my sleeves rolled up listening to the drum of the rain on the windows.

I have started another round of renovation at home, finding an outlet for the sheer frustration I was feeling over Midnight’s crazy actions. Ripping out carpet, I find is quite good therapy. I am doing an acid wash treatment on the floor in my home office and I have stenciled big gold fish swimming. When I sit at my desk and the sunlight hits them they glint – very pretty. I may tackle putting in new baseboards next. By the time my divorce degree comes through, (laughing) I suspect I will be quite handy.

I ran into John’s wife while walking, she has been adjusting to her loss. Her daughter is now going through a nasty marital break up and has moved in with her bringing her two grand children. Her life is crowded, hectic and noisy. She is starting to smile more.

I hope the weather has not been too hot, for you to enjoy the garden. I know in many places in the US, it has been sweltering.

I hope your family and Jamie are well.

Wishing you happy thoughts,

Cheers

Paradise

Hey PB!

Thanks for the kind wishes! It has been hot here but the flowers are doing good. I had many problems with them in the heat but it all came together just in time for Dad's 75th birtday party in the backyard. My 80+ year old neighbor/watchwoman spent the whole party regaling people about my skills as a gardner. I heard one quote that was actually semi embarassing. She said "you would never know it was just two men living here". Kinda made me feel a bit like someone out of Queer Eye.

I've been a really busy boy this summer going and doing again. So much so I long for a weekend at home this weekend. I volunteered to fly to Austin Texas last weekend and tag team drive a 4wd pickup home with a friend from work. Flew out Thursday morning and arrived home Saturday afternoon(1750 miles). We were beat by the time we pulled in.

I hope you start journaling again soon. The process for the actual D is going to bring back a bunch of the old emotions and you will need to channel the energy somewhere. I for one am hoping to see more of your writing as a means of coping. That is just me being selfish though and I know it. I'm sure you will handle all of this with the same style and grace you have shown from the beginning. The house will come out for the better, that's for sure!

Jaime is doing well but will need to get in a lot better shape soon for duck season. Dad has been negligent and let her go round again. I'm just too easy and she is the master of the hopeful and needy stare at the dinner table. The drooling helps too! Labs are way too loveable to be strict with.

Well off to another softball game! Out trying to prove I can still be competetive with the youngsters. Only now the strains and pulls take way too long to heal for it to be really fun. The beer after the game still tastes the same though!

Give Blue a good scratching for me!

duk

Journal August 14, 2007


Well Blue and I dined at the beach after work, on hot dogs, mine with sauerkraut, his plain without the bun. It was a glorious summer day; blue skies, bright sunshine and warm with a gentle breeze – perfect.

We got the goods on Mr. J., my Greek friend who runs the chip wagon. He spends at least three months a year in Greece and works every day for the rest of the year in Canada.

Tonight he confided while he cooked our hot dogs, that he is married with a wife of many years who lives with him here and he has a girlfriend in Greece. I suggested that it sounded like a complex and expensive arrangement. He nodded and said “..that is why I work so hard.. it is VERY expensive…” in a grave serious tone.

While I munched away, I thought about his poor wife who had to watch him pack every year to go to be with his other gal and then the poor girlfriend who would have to watch him pack to go to be with his wife. Yikes!!!!!!

The dog had no comment, he was happy to just eat and be at the beach. I was happy to just eat and be at the beach. We ate in companionable happy silence.

Before we left to come home, I spent a long while throwing stones in the water for him to chase and bark at the splash, taking care that he never got to close to them, his favorite game – doggie tail wagging ecstasy.

It put him in a very good mood all night, he followed me around from room to room, while I did chores.

Looking up at me as though to say, “Boy was that not a blast!!!”

Hi all!

Long time no post! I have to let you all know what I just heard from Eibrab aka "The Huntress". She just got her first deer with her bow. A big accomplishment for any sportman or sportswoman let alone a first time hunter with a new bow. It was a dandy buck too! I figured you would all want to hear about this and I know she might not want to do her own "bragging". I'm proud of her and her accomplishment! No help from the menfolk either.

It's been very quiet for our group and I hope that means good things for everyone. I am doing great. Jaime the Lab has retrieved a bunch of ducks already this year and has gotten back in hunting shape finally. She went from only being able to hunt a half a day on the opening weekend and hurting for days from that to going out both days last weekend and feeling fine afterwards. Dad is still lagging a bit behind but doing better too.

Hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving! I miss hearing from all of you and owe Paradise, Holiday, Eibrab and Carnation a big thank you for all the patience you have shown and the support you have given me here at MB.

duk

Hiya Dukhuntr,

I am sitting with a cup of coffee, looking out at a grey day with the dog asleep at my feet; just filled with happy thoughts - knowing you and Jamie are doing well. Big big big hug my friend.

I am so glad you have heard from Eibrab, I often find myself thinking of her - admiring her strength and patience - wondering how she is doing.

Life is good here. Just organizing - for a quick trip to California - a Buddhist thingy, I will be leaving on the weekend. I find myself repeatedly looking at my ticket and smiling.

I am working on a new plan for what I will do with my time. Our company was sold. It seemed to be the only practical response to the situation.

Sort of scary and delicious at the same time dealing with a blank page of possibilities, I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes with a thought or idea, which I scribble down and then curl up and promptly go back to sleep. Somehow I know whatever comes to fruition will be right…

I too am so thankful for all the support; wisdom; affection; humor and faith, I found here in this small circle of understanding. It helped enormously when I felt beyond help. Thank you all so much.

Be well, I will post in a couple of weeks .. by then we may have heard how Eibrab’s furry, feathery friends are all doing …


Cheers,
Paradise

Hi Dukhuntr, Eibrab, Holiday Carnation

It is almost 11 pm on xmas eve... just finished making and wrapping my last present ..an album for my mom. Full of happy pictures ..many of midnight smiling into the camera with a happy grin. We did have a lot of fun!!!

Funny how your life can dramatically change and those happy moments are frozen ..trapped on paper to remind you of how much joy life holds... even in a moment.

We are having a quiet xmas eve..just Mom the dog and I .. no company until tomorrow. She is sound asleep. It is peaceful here .. even the dog has started to snooze.

I do wish you one and all and anyone who happens to read this a very merry xmas. I know well for some this will be a horrible holiday filled with pain and hurt but it will pass. It always does.

Big big big big hugs

Paradise