|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
I had planned to tell the kids about our problems. Explain to them why I can not stay there expose therir mom to them. They are 18 and 17 , they should be able to see through the BS. Maybe they are the help that I have needed.
Maybe the best thing is to just trun into a major #ss an tolerate nothing from her.
I don't know!
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
do NOT move out
THAT would only send a message to your wife "I surrender everything to your affair"
NO!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Jeeping, tell the kids the truth, but do not move out. Do not surrender your home and your children's well being to this affair.
Then come back here when you are done and let us help you with a clear cut, rational, calm strategy, ok? We can help you avoid some very bad pitfalls.
But, DO NOT move out.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
OK i do need to calm down OK.
The cell bill is in my name.I could turn it off fro now but that would be shoprt fix, could make point though. However if I do cancell , she coiuld just get her own. WE are both self employeed and we have seperate money. She can't use our joint cards anymore , I chnaged that before any of this happened. I do think my kids need to know at this point . I just cant see her moving this guy into my house , my kids wouldnt tolorate it. Maybe that niave.
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112 |
Then do not REACT based upon your emotions until you develope a plan. Many here have experiences similiar to yours and have successfully restored their marriages. As long as you continue to fight your marriage still has hope. A restored marriage is usually better than any marriage you had previously ---AND YOU'LL REGRET NOT TRYING EVERYTHING. We are telling you there is still hope. Hope for you, her and your kids. ACT, Don't React
Me-BH 42
WW - 37
EA/PA Jan-June 2005
Dday April 15, 2005
NC-June 5, 2005
Recovery -so far so good
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I just cant see her moving this guy into my house , my kids wouldnt tolorate it. Maybe that niave. DO NOT move out of your house. That will ensure that she doesn't bring him there. You will only be enabling the affair if you move out. If anyone moves out, it should be HER. Don't you dare leave those boys to this crazy woman.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
OK ,
I will not move out.
But do you feel I should take a more agrresive stance. I mean even up to now I really let her do own thing. Should I become this kinda guy that wnats to know wher she is going , what she doing , why is she on the phone , who is she E-mailing, why did it take so long at the grocery store , etc?
I mean just try to blow up everything. It just seems that would than give her a reason to start fights with me.
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I do think my kids need to know at this point . I agree. they are old enough and sharp enough to know 'something is wrong' ... and they can be gently told "Your Mom and I are having marriage problems. It is not anything you have done." They may ask, "What is going on?" Tell them "Mom has been secretely seeing another man. I want her to stop seeing him and work on the marriage." Plain and simple.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
OK ,
I will not move out.
But do you feel I should take a more agrresive stance. I mean even up to now I really let her do own thing. Should I become this kinda guy that wnats to know wher she is going , what she doing , why is she on the phone , who is she E-mailing, why did it take so long at the grocery store , etc?
I mean just try to blow up everything. It just seems that would than give her a reason to start fights with me.
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Jeeping, you already know what she is doing, there is no reason to keep asking; she will just lie to you. Especially since you know it starts fights. That will get you nowhere.
We will help you fight the affair in a more strategic, effective way, if you let us help you.
But first things first. The first thing you have before you is this family meeting. Have you thought how you can calmly explain to your sons that their mother is having an affair? Are you prepared for her to lie to them and make excuses? You must also tell your W that you won't be going anywhere, but rather, you will do what it takes to bust up her little affair and save your marriage. [don't give her any details on how you intend on doing this]
Then come back here when you are done and talk to us, ok?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
OK i will do it,
Please don't let me down.
Thank you
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
WW will be majorly pissed ... just ignore anything she threatens.
She'll calm down.
She might even threaten to move out ... hold the door open for her... tell her "I won't keep you here against your will."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Should I become this kinda guy that wnats to know wher she is going , what she doing , why is she on the phone , who is she E-mailing, why did it take so long at the grocery store , etc?
, No, you become the kinda guy who knows it is pure folly to try and gather truth from a liar. Instead, you become the kinda guy who investigates and finds out the truth on his own.[/i]
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
OK i will do it,
Please don't let me down.
Thank you We are here for you and will help you through this, Jeeping. You will be just fine, I promise.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
OK,
I will invetigate, what is your opinion on hring an investigator. I mean I just don't see her copping to this without rock solid proof i can put in her face?
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Jeep... do you play poker?
Know how to bluff?
Steely eyed no blinking first ...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
A P.I. would be an excellent investment that would likely be well worth your money. I agree that you need to gather some rock solid proof in order to bust this open.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112 |
Try the recorder first while you price out P.I.. You'll get the same info on the recorder at a much cheaper price. You can even return the recorder.
ACT
Me-BH 42
WW - 37
EA/PA Jan-June 2005
Dday April 15, 2005
NC-June 5, 2005
Recovery -so far so good
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 77 |
I really have to figure out how to out smart her. THis could be interesting. I just need to find some new found stregth and buckle up.
ME: 42
WW: 52
DD : 22
DS: 21
WW filed D: 8/20/09
Together 25 Years
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 112 |
In most of the US, Radio Shack is still open. After tonights confrontation you will likely hear some juicy conversations. If she walks out on you the PI idea becomes necessary.
ACT
Me-BH 42
WW - 37
EA/PA Jan-June 2005
Dday April 15, 2005
NC-June 5, 2005
Recovery -so far so good
|
|
|
|
1 members (salmawis),
161
guests, and
54
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,490
Members71,963
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
