Greetings All:

Today, I am celebrating my 30th anniversay alone. With no warning, no explanation my wife just packed up and left Sunday night with our 15 year-old son.

Communication has been very sparse, by email only, at least she has to receive emails at her work.

I have been in a living nightmare without them. They were my entire life and I thought she was my best friend.

She won't talk with our minister, or any of our life-long friends. And she adamantly expresses the wish not to be married any longer and that they will never come back.

We have almost always had the same interests, and when not, we each would learn the others interests in order to support each other.

As to medical problems, my wife is a confirmed ADHD and has been on prescribed anti-depressants for several years now. Sexual activity has been waning, (lack of desire on her part, according to Doctors attributed to pre-menopausal), but with our marriage, sex was no longer a biggie. Just having her with me was enough.

In June she went to an Endocrinologist and had some testing done. She was pre-menopausal and had extremely low testosterone levels. The Doctor prescribed testosterone creme. But within 3 weeks, she exhibited a withdrawal in attitude, similar to a heightened depression. No longer did she let me know what is wrong, as before. As a note on info, the testoserone creme appeared to not work for heightened sexual desire, but that was OK. But what worried me was that she had never held back her feelings, as we both let each other know what was right or wrong.

Then my son and wife went on a 2 week trip to NY and Virginia. Talked with them every day, all seemed well. 2 weeks after getting back, she left.

I am positive there is no one else. We did everything together, my son, wife and I.

Suggested marriage counseling, "no way" & "will do you good, don't count me in".

I refuse to let a marriage of 30 years go down in flames. Also with my son is in the 9th grade, I don't want a split household to affect his schooling and life. I love her too much to let her and my son go.

Any suggestions on what I can do ? or What I should do.

I have searched my soul and heart to see if I knew why she ay have left and the only thing I can think of is that I am guilty of taking her for granted.

The old saying is so true, "you never really know what you have until you lose it", and that's just how I feel.

Thanks in advance.

Klaatu

Welcome. It sure sounds like an affair. Are you absolutely positive that she didn't run into someone on her recent trip?

Is she still taking the T cream? That could have something to do with things.

I guess your starting point will be Plan A. That is showing her what a great husband you could be, not initiating relationship talks, and being calm and caring. Also you can try to figure out her top emotional needs, and try to meet them, even if it is only by email.

Where did she move to? Are you able to spend time with your son?

Believer:

I am absolutely sure that she did not meet anyone else on the trip. First my son would have raised holy heck, and then with her being around 41,000 Boy Scouts with separate living quarters for female staff, the heat, the work schedule, she hardly had time to do much personal things for herself.

Yes, I believe she is still using the T creme. I have a call into the endocrinologist to ask about possible side affects, especially concerning her use of anti-depressants. I have also read some of the side effects of the T creme can include heightened depression, internal anger, built-up aggression and/or withdrawal.

She must have moved very close by, as my son is still going to the private school he has been attending. Since Sunday, I have not talked with or messaged my son, but she has always, up to this point, been level headed and should not take them to anywhere that can be risky. I hope to see them this weekend.

I have looked at the financials and see nothing out of the ordinary, and no charges to hotels or condos. So she must be staying with or at a family friend's home or extra house. Again, my son wouldn't let them stay at any other man's house.

I will study Plan A in more depth.

Thanks for your response and if you think of anything else, please reply.

Thanks..

Klaatu

She moved and didn't tell you where? You don't know where your son is? Are you close with your family or hers? They don't know what's going on?

If she just up and left and your son is still going to school, I suspect she may have been planning this. Has she given you any explanation at all?

Okay, I'm thinking here.

It is extremely unusual for a woman to move with her child suddenly, and hold out no hope for the marriage, and with no desire to go to counseling.

And sorry, but boy scout activities have been the catalyst for many affairs. Also she would not let your son have any idea what was going on. Also most of us would have sworn that our spouse would never have an affair until it happened. But let's assume that she is not having an affair.

Then I would figure that it has something to do with hormones. I have been thru menopause, and it was not fun. I felt like people were picking on me - my husband, my kids, workmates, etc. And I knew that I was not thinking rationally - that everyone else couldn't be wrong, and me right, but continued to feel that way for almost a year.

So Plan A will work for that too. Read up on it soon. The other thing is to check out the emotional needs questionnaire. See if there may be some of hers that you haven't been filling.

Also do an inventory of the things about you that she complained about, and see if you can change some of those things. That will be a start, and I'll keep thinking. Hopefully some experts will check in too.

Klaatu, she's having an affair. Your first action is to uncover it and expose it.