I agree with you wo5. I am so torn right now. I really do think we will end up D'd because now I know the lies were more prolific than I ever knew.

Plus I don't want that evil woman in my life!!!!

Maybe this is my anger at him speaking right now, but I would be tempted to have his stuff on the street and I would go very dark Plan B.

My mantra is "I've had enough lies to last me a lifetime" and it would be hard for me to be civil and sleep under the same roof with him.

Now your daughter knows. You can be a role model for her. Don't accept his behavior.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

No kidding ....

sheesh!

FF--I cut and pasted this from my thread last night. It doesn't try to give you marriage advice, or alphabetical plans. I only put it here because I know, from our previous personal communications, that you are a Christian, currently under attack and (no doubt) feeling sort of alone...and exposed. This is like going through the valley of the shadow of death for you, but it is only a shadow, and when the Son rises, the shadow will pass. And while you're in the valley,the promise is there for you that you don't need to be afraid, because God is with you.

I'm going to bed now. I always lie there and talk to God until I fall asleep. I wanted to tell you about the spiritual blessing I had today but I'm really, really tired and don't know if I could finish it before collapsing on the keyboard. Today has been a burdensome day for me. Maybe it has been especially for some of you too, and tonight as I pray myself to sleep I'll be specially upholding the people of MB to our heavenly Father, with faith in His promise that our names our carried on the breast plate of Jesus our High Priest into the very presence of God, where He interceeds in our behalf before a Father who Himself loves us, and sustains us so that we do not lose our confidence or our reward. Not only that, but since we don't know how to pray for ourselves and others as we ought, the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us "with groanings that cannot be uttered." Romans 8:24-28; Hebrews 10:35,36 Our names are engraved (carved in the nail prints which remain there still) in the palms of His hands and He cannot forget us. Can't remember the text but can provide it on request.

God promises peace in the storm and in danger. Claim it in the name of Jesus. By faith it belongs to you.

"There for me the Savior stands,
Shows His wounds and spreads His hands;
God is love! I know, I feel;
Jesus weeps and loves me still."

God bless...

t&l

When he is really serious, you will be able to sit back and watch him work. His actions will show the change. It won't be like pulling teeth.

Above was written by Susan and I so agree with it! It stinks that your DD heard--you really need to concentrate on her and get her some counseling.
BUT
I think that it will be good for YOU that your DD knows. See this through her eyes. I also agree with Susan that you should do a Plan B. Neither your dd or your H will respect you if you don't do something drastic. STOP blaming yourself. He has got to face some consequences for his actions. Give him a way out and in to a M with you, but unless he ponies up and works his a-- off, you have got to let him go.
Then you can start to work on yourself and your dd. Pep has incredible insight that will help you in your future.

Hey, are we back to the stuff on the street????????????????

FF - I think this is your hill to die on.

I'm with you. That would be my suggestion Believer.

Susan <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

What Thunder and Lightning said - now that right there is some good stuff!

I am going to agree with that, claim it for myself as well, and receive it in the name of Jesus!

FF - I pray that the Holy Spirit would build a hedge around you right now, that can not be penetrated by Evil.

You have a lot of people supporting you. That one Evil woman has no power over you.

I need to tatoo this on my forehead.

Yes, Susan et al I may need to do plan B and I may need to D his butt. But right now my DD wants us in the same house as an intact family. I broached gently the subject of divorce with her. Just that if we can't work out our differences we will both still love her and be her parents. She is broken right now and does not want to hear it.

Remember, your daughter is not old enough to understand and call the shots.

Listen to your gut.

Better yet, it should be tatooed to That Womans forehead!

This is all so hard. I think we all would agree that we could tolerate anything that a WS throws our way, but when you start hurting our babies, then we get Mad!

I remember my younger son being embarassed after his dad left, and making up excuses for why his dad was not home. He had a friend spend the night one time, and I overheard him telling the friend "My Dad is working a lot right now, so you probably won't see him. He leaves early in the morning, and gets home really late at night". His Dad had been gone about 2 weeks at that time. That broke my heart!!

I am happy to say that this same son is really blossoming, in spite of all that he went through!

I will not let her call the shots but this has to be taken gently and at a pace she can understand. Remember her whole world has just been shaken up. I have a good friend at church that is going to meet with DD tomorrow to allow her to vent, ask questions etc that she won't feel safe asking me.

Hurt so bad to hear her say today "how can I trust him?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

FF, all the kids want their family "together"...My son STILL begs his dad to stay when he comes to get them...It breaks my heart...but it is NOT THEIR CHOICE!

It is a much healthier enviornment when two parents are divorced and living seperate than when they are living together in these conditions....dont let her make you feel guilty...

Soon she will realize that it is better this way!

FF...

Instead of regretting that she knows, what if you look at it this way: now you have an added responsibility to demonstrate for DD how a compassionate, righteous, and marvelous woman handles a problem like this.

She may not get it or appreciate all its idiosyncracies right now, but one day she'll look back on these events, and for her sake, you want her to think, If that ever happens to me, I'm going to do exactly what Mom did.

GC

FF,

I am not going to be here much longer and will be gone next week so I would lob this idea into the mix.

I have followed and not followed your story since you came here. If I recall and I may not do so accurately, you had a rather long term affair on your H correct? For reasons only he understands and they may be complex, he permitted you to remain married to him, and you worked your fanny off to become a good W to him. You came her you learned, you changed and you have done well.

I know these revelations are very very new to you. I realize there is an OC involved, but I also realize you have a children involved as well.

It seems to me that you can D him any time, but what you MUST do now is give him the chance you were given. It may not work, he may not "get it". But, I truely think you should calm down, quit talking about D right now, and see if he will in fact respond as you have responded. He just might.

If he doesn't you can look your daughter in the eye and KNOW that you gave your marriage and her father every chance. She will KNOW it as well. My recommendation...calm down, reread plan A, and the other articles on this site in preparation of the toughest 6 months of your life. Give it that and see, if what plan the God you invoke in the title of this thread has a for you.

Just some thoughts. Please consider them.

God Bless,

JL

Two year A which I hid from him for 8 + years. JL, I respect your opinion and am honored you are responding. JL, I think with help here especially from Pep and Susan who are helping me see my own CA tendancies and my own destructive tendancies that I could last about 4 months. I paid for the D but we put it on hold. I have til mid January without the attorney charging me another penny. I think it is reasonable to give him a chance to let his actions show me he can be my H. I do believe he may have some sort of SA and that could be a deal breaker. He has expressed desire to be faithful to me but yet cannot be honest. I continue to hang in there BECAUSE he is still here with me despite the fact that I lied to him for many years.

thank you again.

MF4M, thanks again. Knowing your story I truly appreciate your insight. I plan to take this slow. Truly where is my hurry right now? I still have work to do on me and can give my H a chance to prove himself one way or the other.

Oh and JL, the words "calm down" should be own personal mantra right now! (right pep/sus?)

You know FF, I'm leaning toward throwing his stuff out in the street, but I have always admired what JL has to say. He is calm and level-headed, and gives great advice.

I know B, but JL has a valid point about my own A. I don't know I think I will take it slow. Guess what he did today on his own? Cancelled the two phones and the bill will come to the house to prove it.

Listen to JL. Forget what I say. I have seen JL bring back marriages from the jaws of death.