Hola! Que pasa?

t&l

Telling myself what?

(strange woman, AD mutters to himself, makes no sense.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

-AD

Of course I'm at the hospital. If it were my night off, I'd be long asleep. I'm not much fun on my nights off. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Or so I've heard.

My pt. already popped, and has gone to the great maternity ward in the sky. Actually down the hall and around the corner. But by finishing early, I got first break and first goof-off time.

It's all in the wrist!

t&l

T&L,

You have a small herd of young-uns in your clan.

Any advice for getting them to listen to the old parents?
And especially for cheerfully doing what the're supposed to be doing?

My brother's son, by the way, is great. I suppose I should be asking him (bro, not his son, LOL).

-AD

Is my husband there with you, feeding you ideas? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Oh no! frowny faces!

I hate it when I induce my fellow-MB'ers to emit frowny-faces.

I take it all back. I was trying to jest, and I'm jest not up to it.

I shouldn't be up to anything actually, except down to sleeping - to which I will go now.

I sorta promise, maybe.

-AD

Oh no! Even worse, now I sound sarcastic. The situation is spiraling out of control. Now I sound even more sarcastic.

Sleep! It's the on-line thing.

-AD

You'll have to ask Neak and Neaksis. All I do is scowl a lot and remind them that when I tell them to do something, it should NEVER be mistaken as personal curiousity about their feelings regarding the matter, or as an invitation to a discussion! I do know that if you tell a child to do something, you need to be very diligent in making sure you pay attention to whether or not you're being obeyed. If you become distracted by other things instead of following up on the performances of your instructions, kids will take advantage of that almost every single time. Even the good, the cute ones, like my grandkids and your DD. It is always my life's ambition never to be outwitted by a child, and when I have them, I expend a considerable amount of energy towards attaining that goal. It helps that I was such a naughty child, too. It's hard for them to come up with something I haven't already tried! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


Scratch the cheerful. Who cares? They can be cheerful when they get their rewards afterwards! You can make games, and clever little plans, and obtain cheerfulness at least some of the time. But they need to learn that life includes doing things you don't want because you have to, and whether you want to do them or not. As little as children like to learn this lesson, it's still much easier on them if they figure it out when they're little. Trust me on this. I have experience! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

Do people who are seriously cross really use those little frowny faces to show it? If I were seriously frowny that silly little emoticon would never be up to the task of expressing it adequately for me. They'd have to come up with some kind of a Wrath of Thor emoticon for those times, not little Pouty Pete here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Or don't you like people going pfft at you either? Think dandelion, AD, not gardenia. You are not a fragile flower. Not to imply that you're a noxiously-proliferating weed, either, that people spray poisons on, dig up, mow down, or otherwise try to obliterate from the face of the earth! It must be my age. Seems like the old metaphors are acting up again tonight!

t&l (dandelion phluhgh)

AD, I like your new fresh perspective. Good for you for beginning to detach. DD will be fine as long as you are the stable force in her life. Always, always put her first.

FF,

Well, I think you are seeing something that I'm not seeing when I look in the mirror. But thanks for your vote of confidence.

T&L,

As always thanks for all your comments. If I don't reply to each in detail, you may still be assured that I read them at least twice.

I'm glad I didn't offend you. It's dangerous to say some things in email or on-line since the tone of voice and other stuff helps to make the intent clear.

Update:

Today, I stopped wearing my ring.

Also, my watch battery died yesterday and I put the watch in a drawer. That watch was almost the only gift (other than the incalculably priceless DD) that my wife has given me in 7 years. I ordered a new watch (the one on the left with the dark gray face) - completely different in every way from the one WW gave me. It should be here Friday. Until then, I can use my cell for a pocket watch.

-AD

...more...

I regret that my posts here have deteriorated over the last months. Often I'm posting when I'm so tired I can hardly think - and it shows.

-AD

AD,

{{{{{Hugz}}}} Don't push yourself. Take a rest. Remember your little one depends on you and you on her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Be glad u 2 have each other.

1 day at a time right now, ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Orchid,

Thanks for the hugs, and for your kindness to remember me now and then. I'm ok-ish. I haven't been marriage-building for quite some time now, but I do appreciate you and all the others who check up on my countdown from time to time.

Exactly in what way DD needs me is the question that I must figure out.

Right now, I have a constant struggle to have my visitation occur on time. I have missed several nights lately, due to giving in to WW's almost constant attempts to renegotiate every single day that I have with DD. It's exhausting, and very disheartening when I look forward to 14 more years of this.

Wednesday night is suppose to be my weeknight visitation - from 3pm Wednesday til 8am Thursday. I intend to arrange to be off from work early on Wednesdays to take full advantage of this. Suddenly WW discovers that she wants to take DD to children's choir at a church that they occationally attend. Was DD in the 2-year-old choir? No! Was DD in the 3-year-old choir? No! Has DD in her entire life been to church on Wednesday night? Sadly, only once - after we separated - when WW attempted to enroll her in children's choir (which was out for the summer). Only now, that I'm granted visitation on Wednesdays does WW discover how vital this is to DD's life. And, one might ask, why can't I take hr to choir? Because it was ww's idea. She seems to think she's the first one ever to think of it.

So, I endured three sessions on the phone with begging, badgering, demanding, blaming etc. Each session about a half-hour or until I hung up on my wife. I am so disheartened by this. Finally, this afternoon, I called her up and told her I would take DD on Thursday this week.

This has got to stop!

If I have to go to court... Actually, we never went to court since we did it the easy way... But if I have to go to court to get some kind of action that would protect me from this constant badgering and harrasment whenever WW thinks of something that just must be done - by DD and her together on my visitation day, I'll do it. If this keeps up it will kill me.

A key factor in my decision to go ahead with the divorce - and not to fight for custody was the assurance that the standard visitation here is fairly generaous. Many times, on this forum, I explained to people who urged me to go for custody, that this deal was acceptable because "without a fight", I would get 10 overnights a month and about 1/4 of DD's total time would be with me. I did not anticipate that I would instead have an almost daily fight over actually getting the visitation that was agreed upon.

ON a brighter note, I found a concert tomorrow night that I think DD will enjoy - and even better, it's free - and relatively early - at 6pm. I'll get DD at 3, take her to some cornfield-maze thing, grab a bite and take her to the concert. We've been homebodies too much lately.

Also, this evening I got busy and did some chores outside - even after dark until after 11pm. If I did that every night instead of hanging 'round the MB forum, this place would look, as the Russians say, "like a toy."

-AD

Visitation is almost always the sticky point, and it's a rare couple who is able to manage everything satisfactorily with somebody having to be reined in, and gotten under control by some outside authority. Doesn't sound like your STBX is going to be one of those "rare" ones, either. So if she continues true to form, don't wait too long to do something about it. The longer you wait, the more bad feelings will build up, the more uprooted and unsettled-feeling your DD will become, and the harder everything will become to fix. And last but not least, everybody knows that the bigger the fixing, the bigger the bill!



MY house looks like a toy............you know, one of those toys that gets left lying out in the driveway and you run over it backing out in the morning? MB is a wonderful place to wander in, but it can be more time-consuming that I ever imagined, and hard to leave for some serious work time!

Take care. You're doing better than you think.

t&l

Hi T&L,

I'm still hoping things will settle down - but that's what I was hoping while I was married (which I still am, but you know what I mean).

I won't wait too long. Maybe I'll get my lawyer to send her a stern letter. That might shake her a little. I think I'll wait til after it's final before taking any action.

I had a nice visit with DD today. We had a discipline session. She was being defiant - which is certainly one of her most unfortunate weak points. I started taking things away from her - something to which she reacts quite strongly - and after 40 minutes, she melted into "I'm sorry"s and all was made right and we had a lovely evening.

<whew>!

I don't enjoy dealing with her defiance. I know it has to be broken, but it's no fun at all. She'll have to go to kindegarten in a year and by then, she'll have to be ready to follow instructions, comply with commands, pay attention, respond to questions - all that stuff - and sit up strait in a row for hours. We've got our year's work cut out for us.

-AD

AD, you are doing good things with your DD. No the discipline is not fun but if you weren't strong with her I am certain she would grow up with the same entitlement issues your WW has. <patting AD on the back>

Thanks FF.

Today, WW called and started in on "when are you going to get the house sold". She wants her money out of it. I told her not to call me at work - and hung up. This is the first time ever that she didn't immediately call back. Maybe she's getting better.

-AD

I see real strength in your defiance marathon with your DD. You showed this by taking the time to see the thing through until she "broke." A good pattern for the future, too. If it takes 40 minutes, take 40 minutes. Doesn't matter how long, once you start it, see it through to the end. I once had a marathon with Neakbro and Flard that lasted 2-1/2 days!!! It all started one morning when I told them to clean up their room. Instead of doing what they were told, they played and messed in their room all morning. So I said they couldn't eat lunch until they finished. Suppertime rolled around, without any improvement. So they went to bed without food, because they didn't clean AFTER dinner, either. Next day they got up and were supposed to get it done before breakfast. At suppertime on the 2nd day, they still hadn't done a thing in the way of progress, not that they didn't come out and whine regularly about being hungry! They simply would NOT obey. The next day, we started in again. Breakfast passed, and so did lunch. By suppertime, when they were still playing, I was getting frustrated, and a bit uncomfortable with not feeding them for so long (not that they were in any danger of starving!). Finally I told them that we were having macaroni and cheese for supper, and went out to fix it. Ten minutes later, their room was completely cleaned, and their appetites for the meal were excellent, let me tell you!

If I'd known how long it was going to take, I don't think I'd have started that particular consequence. But once it was in place, I didn't think I could safely back down, either. Too many parents start a disciplinary action, and then when it drags on longer than they thought, back down or get distracted by something else, and the child learns that if they just hold out long enough, the parent will give up and go away. So taking your confrontation through till the end was a good idea, speaks well of your parenting dedication and skill, and will pay off for you in the long run. Two thumbs up to you, AD.

t&l

Good man.

gc