Whew! Damned with faint praise! I am reminded of the opinion I have formed over the years...there are WORSE things than living alone! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />


Then your instinct was great, and served you well. A sensitive, intuitive male. Will wonders never cease? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks to those idiots @ the USPS (I'm sure MS wouldn't be offended by that!), your book can't go out until morning, but it's 1st class so it shouldn't take more than 2-3 years! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there.

t&L

AD, I've never posted to you but I keep up with your story. Will be praying for you today.
cc

Hi AD,

Just wondering how you are? ISn't today the day? Hope you feel like posting soon and letting us know how it went and how you are dealing?

Thinking of you and sending good vibes your way! If you feel like talking, well, you know we are here.

jls

Hi AD -

I just wanted to let you know that I am following along and sorry for the situation you find yourself in.

I hope all is well with you.

Georgia

T&L, CC46, JLS, FGG,

Thanks ot each of you for remembering me today.

I'm trying to stay off the internet this week - and just work as much as I can around the ---> houses <--- that's two of 'em.

Update:

WW and I exchanged a few emails yesterday. ( She knows I prefer email, but was stubbornly refusing to reply to any of mine, but finally relented because it was the only open channel to me. ) Basicly she was becoming upset in advance about the stepmother issue. I told her there was no stepmother and if, at some time in the future, it seemed that there might be, we could discuss it then, but for now, I would not get into a contest of proving now that I won't do some horrible thing in the future.

We ended with a couple of constructive emails about DD's activities and the issues requiring work over this year to prepare her for entering kindergarten next fall.

Today, DD had a doctors appointment. I met XW (?) there so I would be in the loop on that. ( Dr said leave the stiches in until Friday. ) W was asking me in the waiting room "how do you feel." "Fine", I replied. And I do.

She had a run-in with her downstairs neighbor this morning - which seems to have upset her quite a bit. The girl downstairs (about 20-year-old student who is shacked up with her boyfriend) was pounding on the door and shouting. W came out of the shower and threw something on. The girl was complaining that DD running around the apartment makes too much noise.

WW (XW?) said that the boyfriend was standing out there at first, but she wasn't dressed, and when she came back to the door, only the girl was there. XW said that it would have been easier to talk to the guy - since men are usually less emotional about things and easier to talk to. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She said it is difficult to be yelled at and made the bad guy when all the person had to do was complain in a controlled and reasonable manner. I said "I understand completely". XW started to ask "how do you know?", but understood my drift and just looked at me.

Well, there was a time when I would have taken care of that, but that time has passed. WW will just have to handle it.

Thanks again to each of you for remembering me today.
I know each of you is also in the midst of difficult struggles.

-AD

Thinking of you today, AD.

Hey AD,

Came back in from the barn (have to get to bus pickup at end of driveway soon) and checked in and here ya are. Glad to hear you are feeling ok?. I would worry that you are in denial, but it might be more like you have already done the majority of your grieving. Sounds like XW? has some 2nd or 3rd thoughts (stepmother thing huh?)!

I know what you mean about staying off the internet, I have had a busy summer. Hope you don't stay away too long, tho, like I did.

Did you ever read my post about driving thru Birm area? I know we discussed where you live before and then you were into staying mysteriously lost, but I did forget whereabouts in A you lived....

See (?) ya later,
jls

Hi AD:

Good 2 hear you're doing okay. ...whatever happened 2day!

best,
-ol' 2long

Peerless prose perambulating peripatetically, um, eastward. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Take care. Better days are ahead.

t&l

AD..As I read this today I remember being here in my life and I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Been real busy with new job and just followed this thread...Keep your head up and it sounds like you'll be OK...good takes time....but it will come...

FF, JLS, 2Long, T&L, SMOMY,

Thanks to each of you for thinking of me today.

I'm OK, but not clearheaded enough to post.

DD was with me this afternoon and tonight. There were some problems - defiant child - conflicts with XW. DD had dance tonight. Both XW and I were there, which is a error I intend to correct.

I was disapointed at how poorly DD seemed to listen to the instructor. XW, correctly, pointed out that I should have hidden my disapointment and just told DD how proud I was of her and how nice she looked in her dance outfit. I messed that up. Even the instructor could see that I looked disapointed, and she (instructor) told me that all the other girls were doing this last year and DD is doing well considering that. OK, but why does she look at the wall when the instructor is talking etc. etc? We've got work to do. Forget marriage, this is about DD - getting her up to speed on life - and ready for kindergarten. I never learned to dance, and it's not about that, but in any class - especially one that supposed to be a "treat", listlessness is not an attitude I find encouraging or endearing.

XW's attitute toward my visitation is that it's something nice she's doing for me, and that I should "appreciate" that she doesn't tell DD bad things about me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> She says "I think that these things need to be flexible", which means that we ought to do it her way. I am supposed to have DD wednesdays, but XW wants to take DD to choir at church on Wednesday, so, just to be nice, I agreed to Tuesday, but wait, there's dance on Tuesdays - so XW comes along too - and calls me names, argues with me about visitation time in front of DD, on and on. She asked about Christmas. I replied that this year, I have her from 6pm December 25, until 8am January 3rd. To which XW says "We'll see about that! What if I want to go visit my parents?". Well, she'll either have to without DD, or she can go before Christmas.

See, I told you I'm too tired to post.

blech!
... edited to add ...
OT: Architecture/houses etc.

Oh, one spark I got from the "Pattern Language" (architecture and city planning) book (that mentioned a few days ago that I was reading) was about alcoves. I walked around my house and found a few places that would make good alcove sitting spots. I put a chair in one of them with a little table in front of it. I sat there for a moment and Wow! It resonates! As soon as DD came in, she went and sat there. It feels right. I'm excited about it! I want to create a little booth like place there, with a swag lamp hanging over it. It's in the living room! But who cares, it feels right! So, even if I don't agree with the political slant, there are some nuggets in that book. Yeah, I've read it elsewhere, but it reminded me about it - and I can really feel how it enhances a room to have places like that - that just feel right when you sit in them.

Today, DD and I went to a couple of furniture stores looking for something to put there, but I think I'm going to have to build it myself.

I found an outdoor spot too that looks promising - in an inside corner agaist the brick wall of the house - and I want to build a micro-deck about 4'x6' to put there. I haven't tried sitting there yet, but it looks like a good spot.

My backyard, BTW, looks wonderfully transformed already by the cleanup I've been doing. I'm excited about that. I've got the brick patio cleaned off (which was covered with ??? vines and stuff).

When I get up every morning, I just want to go outside and continue with my cleanup - which feels good. I'm glad I took the week off.

-AD

Huh???

???? The best words walking into the sunrise ????

-AD

I expect to have up's and downs. But my D is easier than others, because we never had good times in our marriage. There were pleasant hours here and there, but no sustained good times. We've been separated now for 4 months - and we had an earlier semi-separation for 18 months (starting when DD was 6 months). I rarely miss my wife. I do miss my daughter, but not as much as I feared. I feel very sorry for DD. Her life is all messed up now. She's doing as well as can be expected.


You might have missed my reply. I'm almost in Huntsville.

-AD

FF,

It's kind of you to think of me. I read part of your meltdown thread, but didn't have any wise words for you. I appologize that I didn't post there. I hope you are feeling better today.

-AD

2L,

I know you're going through interesting times right now. Some people have been pushing you one way or t'other. I have no wisdom to impart. You have to read your situation and play it as you see it. I respect that.

-AD

A cool book on the way to your house! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. If you can think of a "p" word that means east, I'll change it so it all "matches!"

I at least have to give her credit for consistency--bad temper, bad judgment, bad attitude, etc. Hope you still have some legal options, even after the divorce is final, to get proper visitation rights in some enforceable format.

t&l

Oh, she's not that bad really.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

If you say so, AD...but if I keep my mouth shut, may I keep my opinion?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

t&l

She's lost, T&L, stumbling in the dark. That's not the same as just plain bad. Don't forget she was born in a war - the only survivor of a masacre at the age of around 5 - probably saw her birth-mother shot to death in front of her. Cut her some slack. She's on a journey - just as you have been. She'll get stronger and wiser year by year. I believe in her.

-AD