Hi AD, I'm glad you're back.

I'm sure that I have been ungenerous and I apologize. We base our judgements sometimes on what we've been through with our WS, but we really don't know your ex like you do. Like GC said, we just don't want to see you get hurt. You can consider us your pitbull guard dogs (grrrrr), but if you tell us to back off, we will. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm positive that there is good in your ex, otherwise you wouldn't have married her in the first place.

I pray that your ex reads all of the MB concepts, takes them to heart, and goes through the profound changes that many of us have done. If she does, then you all will be set. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

And, yes, please take everything slowly.

svb

I'd like 2 say "hi" and "welcome!" 2... ...xMrsAD? Don't really no how 2 address you.

I hope you'll sign in and post sometime! We'd love 2 hear from you. There are a great bunch of folk units here with a lot of valuable perspectives on these things.

best,
-ol' 2long

Hello 2!

It's great to see you!

I've got to run now... have to be at DD's birthday party with a gift that I don't have yet ... in about an hour. And, I'm still in my PJ's.

-AD

AD,

Very glad you're back and it really sounded like a great trip!
If your ex is reading here, well that is fantastic...I don't think that I've ever said anything negative, but if so and I was off-base, well I certainly apologize!!! (Wish my H would read here AND get it).

I always got the feeling that your XWW cared about you deeply AD. Maybe you were too nice, sometimes and then when you turned that around,she didn't know how to respond.

I always believe that where kids are involved, it is good to take the best road for them when possible. That does NOT mean that either parent should be miserable. I don't believe that is good for kids either!

Keep in touch,
jls

PS..Missed you, esp late-night-can't-sleep time. Oh and <waves hi to svb and everyone else>

Hi AD! I wrote to you on Gray's thread for some retarded reason, I should have wrote here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

XMrs. AD,

I have so much to say to you about AD. He is someone whom I admire a great deal...he is an incredible man. I admire the way he always came to your defense, the way he chose his own path regardless of the 2x4's and disdain often thrown at him (from me too), and I admire the advice he gave to me, many times, ...and above all his deeply ingrained kindness.

You are very fortunate to have him as a father for your daughter, and as your friend. Please be tender and gracious for this, if for nothing else.

I think you are going to make a hellofa woman, when you finally come out of the fog for good...and AD has done nothing but praise the love you have for your little girl.

I'm rooting for you xMrs AD, as I am for AD. And if I was less than generous of you in my comments to AD, it was out of concern, and I apologize for the judgments which were not mine to make.

Rock on AD!!!!

been just reading your posts AD...and so glad all is good.

to xMrs. AD,
Glad you're here...Ad is a wonderful guy...it has been such a pleasure to get to know him...he is a MB champ! Give the guy a chance and give yourself also a chance to work the MB program. My prayers are with you both. He is determined, astute, and kind. Just go for it girl!
He's a one in a million...

Well, I can't claim to be like Graycloud -- I don't assume the other spouse will see it, and I know I can be a bit harsh because of that.

If so, AD's XW, I apologize. We are cheering for you, as we have always cheered for AD.

Welcome to the board.

Here are some links to old threads, in case my XW wants to read them.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2682800


http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2709648

Welcome to AD's XW.

I think that for WSs to expect to find this board regularly overflowing with sympathy for them, is kinda like men expecting a lot of "poor baby's" from the women attending their wives in labor. In other words, not too likely. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> People tend to find any unflattering, or even uncomplimentary, analysis of themselves to be "ungenerous," or even critical. Accuracy is not always flattering. It certainly hasn't been for me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Having said that, let me also say that, in my opinion, some of the 2x4s on this board are wielded with more vigor than skill, and often land awry. So whether people were genuinely "ungenerous" or not, your XW is likely to find reading this uncomfortable, at the least.

Read anyway, my dear. If you can extract, from what has been said here, the information you need to understand yourself better, and the tools to avoid in the future the mistakes you've made in the past, then the experience of being on this board, even if it hurts, will have been an invaluable one for you. And the same people who, with their verbal hobnailed boots, tap-danced their way across my daughter's WS during his affair, leaving little cleat marks up and down his quivering flesh, are the very same ones who, when he made a turnaround and committed himself to restoring his marriage and his family, encouraged and supported him enthusiastically, and cheered him on to do even better.

Good luck to you both. Watch out for the CAUTION--PROCEED WITH CARE signs, though.

t&l

Dear Mrs AD,

It has been a long and hard journey for AD and his family. Glad you are reading his thoughts and our input. It is hard to read, that u c/b sure. It is enlightening as well. But for the light to come, it has be accompanied with a good attitude. Hard for many of us t/d as you will see with our thoughts posted here but in time, we all learn.

If I may, I would like to reocommend that you and AD give a call to Jennifer C @ MB and do some phone cousneling. Their assistance is worth their weight in gold (just hope they don't reaise their prices to match - LOL!!). Let AD know, he will know how to arrange it. U 2 c/b together or to portions of the call separately. That's how our 1st session went. It was done from the comfort of our home.

Keep reading and learning. Is it possible to recover? Yes. The rest is up to you.

take care,
L.

MB is a great place to obtain marriage building information and some of its infidelity forums may have one or two bitter BS that can get carried away and use the WS as an emotional punching bag. But you'd be doing yourself a great disservice if you let these folks get the best of you and let them run you out of Dodge for the VAST majority of BS here are caring and compassionate people to BOTH BS and WS. There are other sites that have forums as well.

AD,

Ahem. If I may give you a bit of advice...

I know you always wanted your marriage to work, first and foremost. Now you are divorced.

Give XW a chance to work her way back. She's got a lot of homework to do. You've bumped have a dozen posts for her -- but so far she hasn't introduced herself yet.

Let her do the work. It's the wrong thing if you do it for her.

Step back, take a deep breath, and keep your options open. Otherwise it will be a bumpy ride.

GC,
FF,
SVB1,
2Long,
JLS,
Weaver, (I’ll have to go look on GC’s thread to see what you sed there).
Peach,
A.M.M,
T&L,
Orchid,
Thank you Nothanku, (had to say that <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> – and welcome you to MB)

11 posters, "this is something new, I wish I had 11 too."

I didn't know all you folks were reading.

Although I would be glad if my XW posted here, she certainly doesn't have to, and I think she probably will not, and in this phase, I'll probably be posting less than before. We have been talking a lot and I am encouraged by many of the things she has said. I know this is painful for her, and I regret failing to defend her on a few occasions - which might have removed some unnecessary pain. All I can say is that, after reading many of these posts, she is still interested in reconciliation - which I consider a positive sign.

Y'all can go back to sleep now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> This will take a while.

-AD

AD,

I have never posted to you before but I have been keeping up. I just want to say that I hope for you and your wife things go well.

It's a shame it has to go all the way to divorce to get to possible reconsiliation but it does give those of us in the middle of all this madness hope.

I for one admire you for at least listening to your wife and maybe having a future together again. I can only imagine how hard it will be and the time it will take to trust again. If its something you both want though I am sure you will make it.

God Bless you both and may you have the future you want and deserve.

Hurting

Sorry AD, gotta ask this poster (nothanku)...... what r u talking about? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hi AD,
The twins asked about you today. If you were home safe, and if you had a good time. I told them yes twice.

They say thanks - and that you are nice.

I agree.

SS

SS,

I see you're still up. You have mail.

Say "Hi" to the twins for me!

-AD

I'll tell them HI in the morning.

W is gone this weekend. It's just the twins and I. We had a good weekend. I hope you did also.

SS

Well, she can read it here, but I'm persuaded that XW has been dishonest with me again - about a number things - and certainly about having broken off with OM.

She has lied to me and about me.

She left today (with DD, as agreed) - and is (supposedly) right now in the air on a long haul flight to go visit her family for New Years.

She told me who was "probably" driving her to the airport. I called them. It's the first they've heard of it. And there's more, but I'll not spill it all here.

I'm lonely. I feel betrayed again. Why do I keep listening to her?
Please help me stop.

-AD