Hi,
My wife has a hard time to accept my friends. She will try to reject invitations from them, and when I want to invite them for a party (which is not very often, like a few times a year) she complains that it is a waste of time. This is weird considering two of my best friends were bestman and bridesmaid at my wedding.
Also, we will need the help from IVF to conceive... I told her many couples have this problem but she keeps telling me it's my family this my family that (eg. some members of my family had the same problem) and that her family never had any problem. To me it's a matter of statistics and "the way it is".
How can I try to achieve greater acceptance of my friends and understanding of my family from her? I enjoy my friends company and I would love to resolve this lingering issue.
I am close to a year's marriage, and it's tough sometimes <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Thanks for any help on this! Has anyone experienced something similar?
CG

Greetings,

Well, I can't say I've had this exact problem, but I can try to help anyway.

When your wife says having your friends over is a waste of time, do you get the impression that she doesn't enjoy whatever type of activity you do when they're over there? Has she expressed any further information about why she's reluctant to have them over? What types of activities do you normally enjoy and how often are her friends invited?

About the fertility issues - if your opinion is that it 'is the way it is' do you need her to hold the same opinion. I guess what I'm trying to ask is whether or not this is an argument that you need to have? How would you feel about just acknowledging that is her opinion and you don't agree with her instead of trying to argue with her or change her mind? In the end, as you said, it's just the way it is. Whether it's your family, her family, or just bad luck it's the issue you have to deal with. Her belief that it's your family doesn't necessarily affect the solution to the problem, does it? (Just as your belief that it's not doesn't necessarily affect the solution.)

What do you think?

Mys

Hello,

1) She does enjoy a few BBQs a year with my friends, except the work to prepare, clean, etc. which can make her feel overloaded but I help on that too. It always takes some convincing when I want to have a party (and again, it's not like it's every week but a few times a year!). She mentioned the age difference since my friends are younger than her (and me too). Often when she was angry it was at times of stress and when this happens she would rather isolate herself than speak to friends. She has a few friends but doesn't see them much now. Even though we mostly get along well I wish she would see her friends more and I tried to suggest that, but I didn't have much success. My own opinion is that seeing friends makes you more relaxed and you benefit from learning things from other people. How can I convince her it would be good to expand her social network?

2) You are right, it's just I haven't found the zen yet to accept such opinions (though everyone is entitled to his/her own opinions) :-D True, her belief doesn't change the solution to the problem. However I have a hard time when people judge other people arbitrarily :-(

CG