The OW has now left the job.
I am THRILLED about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did they ship her off back to Chekoslovakia?
He is opening up about his feelings throughout and prior to the A and so have I. We've managed to do this without LB's (I'm so conscious of these now) Our disscussions mainly end postively.
Good for you guys! Sharing the EN questionnaires needs to be done w/o LBs - we still work so hard on FRAMING EVERYTHING POSITIVELY! It's hard! Never "Why didn't you..." or "You never..." or "I wish you would..." but it has to be always "I love it when you... empty the dishwasher for me!" It feels so stupid at first. Even though I admit it would work like a charm on me, I'm so skeptical of him seeing right through it. The EN exercise was very good for us. Good luck!
Last night I did get very upset regarding SF. I want to all the time and consequently he's now exhausted! I didn't handle the situation very well(I felt rejected) of course it's so much more painful due to the A.
Yup, this in particular is more painful after the A... everything is so loaded. Still an issue for us sometimes too, just be patient and understanding and try to give each other the benefit of the doubt and not focus on the worst.
He is extremely remorseful about the A and gets very upset when he sees me upset. He does what I need though which is to hug me and apologize for hurting.
I just knew you guys would make it!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sounds like he's handling this aspect just right, not defensive, etc.
Boy it's tough but it a different way now. He said last night that he's so glad to be home yet does not feel relaxed yet (like he's walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting me) I feel the same and would imagine that that is completely normal at this early stage.
Yes, that lasts for a little while. Doing and sharing your EN questionnaires will help break through some of that - improve and expand the communication.
We're going to fill an EN questionaire which I hope will give us both a better feeling for each others feelings! He hates this type of thing usually but his willingness to go to MC and do these questionaires speaks volumes to me about his commitment to try and build ourselves a better future.
It's so worth it - there is a particular way to share the information once it is written out though, to be careful of LB's. You want to focus on one need per person at a time going down the list, and focus on the positive only. It is amazing the difference of how something comes across framed positively.
I'm now going to post in RECOVERY.
Wonderful! Does your H ever read here?
Thankyou so very much to all those who've responded to my thread here and especially to you NOT TOO LOST. Your insight and support have helped me focus and proceed in the best way possible. Your voice along with my councelor and my own inner strength have helped me reach this point. FWH has told me he was amazed at my strength and calmness througout the whole episode and was very impressed! The stength is certainly something that will never leave me. I've had the biggest wake up call of my life and I've learnt very valuable lessons.
You bet, and you just remember that tornado image whenever the chaos swirls. Breathe.
See you over at Recovery!!!
NTL
