Step off the ride saving ~ it's your choice.

Be a place of peace, calm and quiet. Let him spin around with his chaos by himself.

You choose to be on this ride with him.

No, I do not choose to be on the ride.
Part of his actions have consequences that affect me too.
Remember, I have a family and I have to do what is in the best interests of my children.
I am not on the "ride", and I am not part of his chaos.
Thanks!

My BIL and SIL did not talk to my H about packing up and going home.They had promised me that they would talk to him before he left and tell him that his time was up at their house. That he needed to return to his family and look for a job and take care of his responsibilities.

So, I guess his visit will be for a week and then he will be returning with my MIL.
I guess my MIL will be in heaven....both of her sons all to herself!!!
I have to believe that this is Gods plan, and I will not try and meddle or interfere.
Maybe a short visit that is good will leave him with alot of good memories??? Something to think about!

Saving ~

This is you on his chaotic ride:


and next....


and then:


For your sanity, you must get off. Are you doing what he is doing? NO.

But your brain and heart is right along for the ride, and this DOES affect your ability to stay calm in his presence and it affects your ability to parent well.

It's not easy to do. But detach dear, detach with love.

Today is the big day!!
H doesn't arrive til late tonight.
He called last night, he picked up a few things for the kids.
They are so excited that their dad is finally coming home.
He told me he is packing light, as he is only staying for a week or so.
I did not react, but I have to admit that I am really dissapointed in his family for not sticking to their word.
I guess at the end of the day it is just me and the kids.

I picked the grump up at the airport.
He complained the whole way home.
I hate New Hampshire.
Blah Blah Blah!
Made a rude comment to me that I looked ill.
Spoke about his pitiful life.
Came home, said the house looked nice, but why was it never this orderly when he lived here?
He is very cold and distant, will not allow me to go near him.
So tell me oh wise ones, how the ****** am I supposed to fill any EN if he is being like this???
He said he only wants to be with the kids and any interaction he has with me needs to be about the kids or about cooking.
Back to 20 years of misery, I had the chance to love him properly for 20 years, i didn't do it then so don't even start to do it now.

about cooking??????????????????? Sorry, I know this isn't very MB/Plan A of me, but I'd tell him there is nothing to discuss with regard to cooking because with an attitude like his, there isn't going to be any cooking you need to discuss with him - he can do his own cooking.

BB

Talk to him about the kids. Lots of talk about the kids. Instruct the children to give 'daddy' all their thoughts, concerns and homework. LOL!!! Yea right.... he is such a jerk.

The WS doesn't deserve any 'cooking'. Give him a can of chili beans and a can opener. No, let him go find it himself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

You go keep yourself busy. When he babbles, remind him it needs t/b only about the kids. Let him taste his own medicine.

Go be happy w/o him but around him enough to see it.

As for the house, let him know it sparkles now because the dark cloud was gone. Now that the dark cloud is back, there's no guarantee it will stay this way and it w/b his fault, so don't even pick up after him.

L.

My H and I used to do alot of cooking together.
It is something we both enjoy.'
Last night we made dinner together and it was really fun, the kids were so happy.
This morning he made a huge family breakfast.
I was up bright and early, dressed, and made up.
It is really bothering him that I look good now.
I dress differently, make up, and only 105 pounds.
I think that is bothering him the most.
I am not sitting around in old sweats having a pity party, the kids have it together and I have my life in some kind of order.
ONLY A FEW MORE DAYS TIL MIL LEAVES!!!!!!
He had plans with his friends tomorrow night, but they are dropping like flies and only a few are showing up.
Guess he is going to have to realize that people are starting to see him for who he really is.

Keep praying, I need to keep this attitude up, and I sometimes feel so weary.

Alright, SM!!

105 pounds and drop dead gorgeous!

You can hold it together.

Do be careful with the sex, you don't know what he has been doing with his while he has been gone. A full panel STD test for him, if he wants you, is in order. AIDS is a killer of persons.

Good Plan A!

Gimble

GIMBLE
that was one of H EN that I did not fulfill properly.
We have not had sex in 9 months, so I don't think it is something he is even interested in with me anymore.
I wish he still found me attractive!!
He is still very distant with me, but ran a couple of errands with me today, and is now planning on making dinner with me.
Today he was helping my daughter to dye her hair and accidentally got a few drops of dye in my new rug.
The "old" me would have had a major cow.
I said" don't worry, it was an accident, no big deal", and he helped me to clean it up.
He seems a bit confused about things, like he is waiting for the other shoe to drop.

That is great!!!
Keep up the good work. I love that he is confused about your behavior. Don't be surprised if he tries to push one of your known buttons just to test the new you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Doing stuff for you and family? That's a good sign but not enough. It wasn't those things or lack thereof that took him out so make sure he eventually addresses the real issues.

Dangle that other shoe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Alluringly of course. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

You go girl!!! WOW!!! I am soooo impressed...you are definitely my hero of the day!!

Keep us posted...we're all thinking positive thoughts for you!!

Stayed up late last night just watching TV, he made us some midnight snacks.
He got a call last night from a friend he used to work with and they are getting together with a few guys tonight for a drink and some dinner.
When he got off of the phone he wanted me to know all of the details, and who had called etc.
Told him it sounds like great fun.
The kids love having him home.
I can honestly say I have missed him.

Hi, saving.

I'm glad you had a good evening with your husband. Do expect the stranger to come back at any time though.

You will find your trying times to be easier if you compartmentalize them. Example, this morning, you look back on last night as a good time. No matter what happens today, last night was a good time.

That way, when the stranger returns, you are not left wondering what happened, or how someone so giving and caring the night before could do those ugly things that they just did.

So in the book of records in your head, you write; "Last night was great. Hubby did X....". Then your next entry may be; "Well the stranger is back, and is doing some incredibly goofy stuff. I hope my husband comes back soon".

I am sure that you know this, but I wanted to remind you since you are in the middle of the battle.

God bless,
Gimble

So than you could be the one to reject him? :P

My god I have to say you have really grown strong, the title of this thread does not do you justice for the amount of strenght you have aquired, should be renamed "kicking some [censored]"

Today he got into the middle of an argument between D17 and myself. It was really none of his business but he suddenly feels as though he is here to fix everything like the dad/husband he is supposed to be.
It really pissed me off, he was talking to me like a child telling me that my anxieties have caused everyone loads of problems for years.
He also told me D17 that she had a really bad attitude, and needed to be respectful towards me.
I am going to tell him later on (when I have calmed down), that I would appreciate it if he NOT correct me in front of my children.
My anxieties are not the cause of the problems!!!
I have been alone to raise the kids for 12 weeks, he said I am being to hard on them. I told him that he has only been here for 3 days so it is much easier for him to patient as he hasn't had to do anything for 3 months.
His friends just came to pick him up, and I saw through the window as he greeted each one with a huge hug.
One of his EN is physical touch, so why won't he come near me?
Why can't he show me any affection?
I am starved for physical contact.
He sits on the couch cuddling his kids, and I am totally ignored in that way.
I pretend to ignore it, but I am hurting inside.

NOLIVING.......I don't think I will ever be in the position to reject him.
Like I said I do not think he is attracted to me any more.
I wish he was, I wish he would want to be with me again, but I think it would take a miracle to end up in bed with my estranged spouse.

He tried to press some buttons, my tongue is sore from biting down on it.
After he gave me his advice for my life, I told him thank you, you have given me much to think about.
I also said that it really hurts my feelings when i am being corrected, but some of the points you made were valid, and I will think about them.
UHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!