I'm thinking that you might consider moving back into PLAN B.

PLAN A at this point maybe enabling the A..

Your WH's desire for SF with you doesn't feel right...

He should be going through WITHDRAWAL if this is REAL..

I think he is stalling...and is maintaining contact with her..

Don't you think you should check with the OWH?

That statement about present/future is for couples in RECOVERY..

YOU ARE NOT IN RECOVERY YET....

I am busy this morning and will get back with you later...

Sorry about being so brief about this...

Mimi,

contacting OWH is no good. First of all, he is quite happy to have an excuse to sleep with ANY sleeze bag he can pick up in a bar and I mean ANY. Now that his wife is unfaithful, he says "Great, now I don't have to have a guilty conscience." He is just fine with an "open" relationship. On top of that, he thinks that it is really unfair for his wife to have to transfer to another bank, just because I can't tolerate my H continuing a working relationship and "f**k-buddy" relationship with his darling Skunkypoo.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> The thought of my H having sex with a hobag that regularly exchanges body fluids with that man makes my skin crawl.

I am fairly certain that the SA is over. It's become too troublesome, embarrasssing, and whatever. NC is my boundary to be respected before SF and before I am willing to discuss WH moving back in.

I, too, am thinking that back to Plan B might be best for protecting myself... BUT I do have verification that negotiation for a job transfer is happening NOW. I have this gut feeling that WH is beginning to see the porch light through the fog, is beginning to be hopeful of OUR future, is looking for a way out of this chaotic mess...
I think I am strong enough now to shine that light at an arm's distance.

Tomorrow is the last bank day of the year. Typically work takes a little longer to finish and the crew has dinner together ... WH is skipping that this year and coming to have dinner with me and our children...

Mimi, all through Plan A my WH and I had SF. To quote Willi Nelson, "Sex is like marajuana; if I don't have it every day, I get a headache." Well,my WH does not smoke marajuana, but the SF is something that we've always had good and frequently. It is a primary EN of Prince Charming that I am quite happy to fulfill.
I don't think that he has had ANY SF during Plan B, so his drive for it now is expected. Especially since he can not yet be going through withdrawal because NC has not yet been established ... a dwindling EA still exists at the very least.

Please, tell me if you disagree. And for that matter anyone else reading this.
Orchid?
Arkie?

LT:

You caught my point although I didn't state it well..



If he were going through withdrawal, he wouldn't be as interested in SF with you...due to the depression..

Just be careful about not enabling the A..one of my biggest mistakes...

He will cake-eat..getting his needs met by the both of you..and will do this for as long as possible...

Unless..you go back into PLAN B...

Be on the alert to make sure that this is not happening...

So the OW is just backing off and accepting this without a fight?

According to WH, OW is "falling apart", OWH is giving WH gruff, the personell manager and the GM are applying pressure, friends and family members are occasionally expressing their displeasure with WH's behaviour... life is not rosy for the frog prince.

My strategy is not to add to the confusion and chaos and not involve myself. WH can bathe in the mess he's created. I and my children are safe, busy, and happy. Our home is cozy, warm, and cheerful. WH is welcome to participate as a visitor as it suits my schedule at the moment. Arms length, and boundaries are clearly defined.

Plan B? You bet. At the drop of a hat. One wiff of Skunkypoo outside of purely necessary work contact until a transfer and complete NC is established and its done. Plan D? You bet. If NC negotiations at the bank do not progress in the next weeks, that is where I'm going. I've had enough. I certainly don't want my daughters to think they need to endure this kind of crapola.

LT,

I do not think nc is immenent. Your WS got what he wanted which is home for the holidays and your role as nurturer, entertainer, etc.

I see this as being all about him, again, not much has changed except for a request for transfer. Even tho' H's boss verified.

Ow is kicking up a fuss about transfer, going back on her decision to leave present bank, as is owh. Work is pressuring your H. ow doesn't have to leave if she doesn't want to. Sounds like ow transfer might be unsure right now.

It might be better for your WS to find another job at another company altogether. I believe that option was flung out there at one point?

Be very, very, careful. I think you need to protect your heart a bit more.

Don't mean to rain on everyone's parade here, but please be careful LT.

I know it is hard, you are so emeshed with MIL care and with your inlaws...

Blessings,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M,

I hope that you are wrong...

I will find out more this weekend.

lt,

I hope I am wrong also.

I did not mean to be a downer, as things are really looking up for your marriage. I just hope it all turns out without anymore grief from ow and owh.

That worries me. God Bless, you are awesome and doing a great job, just be cautious and protect yourself.

And bless you for taking such good care of your MIL, you are indeed a blessing for her.

Love in Christ,
Miss M

Miss M,

I am greatful to you and everyone else here helping me to protect myself and set healthy boundaries...
I will be cautious.

MIL is doing much better. Yesterday was the first day that I felt she was back to the mental and physical capacity she had before the gall stone operation.

It is looking serious. WH's boss says that a search for a replacement for Skunkypoo is underway. They are first looking internally within the bank for a suitable person to trade positions with her. This won't happen as quickly as I would like, but it is going to happen.
H is starting to reappear out of the alien fog.
I'm still wary, still cautious, still at arm's length...

and busy as heck. will check in again later!

GREAT NEWS!!!

Yes, Mimi, the first step towards NC is being taken.

This is a challenging time. I never know who I've got in front of me ... H or WH. There is still a lot of foggy babble.

Orchid's advice to look in his eyes is good ... it reveals all. Reverse babble works for me now, too.

I'm doing a very detatched Plan A. Everything is in place: all my ducks in one row, so to speak. Things have to look awfully good to Prince Charming, everything a man could want, but just out of reach. The Frog Prince has some hoops to jump through before he gets the magic kiss <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />. The first hoop is get rid of Skunkypoo --- get her out of the bank.

I'm in a strange place right now.

WH has agreed to NC, but its not in place yet and this could take several weeks.

My next appointment with SH is Wednesday, January 11th.

Meanwhile, I'm back to doing a seperated Plan A. WH is living next door, but having most of his evening and weekend meals with me, the children, and MIL. He's not really making an effort to fulfill any of my needs or date or anything like that. Except for inviting me one day to go mountaineering with him and another friend. We've spent no time alone. I'm not chasing after him or even inviting him for meals ... he just shows up.

LT,

U gotta figure out if u r willing to settle for such crumbs. Here u r a lady who deserves a 7 course meal, dining with a feast and grand elegance....yet u r getting less than table scrap. He has not offered anything close to what u need, yet u r filling his needs? Hm.... when that happened to me, I started to withhold. Easy t/d since I was no longer in plan A. I proved I could meet needs. Now it was my turn to have my needs met. Not the token stuff. When that showed up and he made the stupid mistake of telling me 'well at least I'm here'. Arrgh.... I showed him the door and said, 'not no more'. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> That shocked him. Got that puppy dog stare and had to make him leave quickly. LOL!!! Not because I was afraid I'd give in, I thought 'that puppy' might pee on the floor. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

LOL!!!

I need a new plan, Orchid.
On the one side, I don't want to rock the boat as long as Skunkypoo is still in sight. He's got the "prize" in full view, but is just getting a small taste.
On the other side, I don't want him to imagine that all he has to do is NC and show up. I am tired of not having my needs met.

It is a year now that we have been seperated. It is not as if other men have not shown any interest. One man showed up last Valentine's Day in his big fat Merc with flowers to shovel snow ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> That came in royally well during my beginning Plan A ... He got red carded immediately though and I haven't seen or heard from him since. Then of course there is Skunkypoo's husband that suggested that we let the two of us get caught in bed together. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Other approaches from male acquaintances have been more subtle and they have all respected my wish for a friendly distance.

Orchid, you have a wonderful way of putting things. I bet your H treats you just like the royalty you are!

Hi, LT.


Vultures, circling over our critically wounded egos... does your WH show any sign that he cared about this new attention you received? Is he the jealous type?

Happy New Year to you, BTW. I really think it will be a good one for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hugs.

Alph.

Alph,

At that point in time, I think that the frog prince would have been glad to be rid of me.

Now might be a different story.

The frog prince has tried to initiate SF a couple of times, but I've let him know that I'm not interested until NC is established and he has moved back in. ....I didn't tell him yet what other things are required of him before he moves back in. I don't want to scare him off or overchallenge his still very foggy brain. I think its best to wait until he has totally dissed Skunypoo forever and has made it through the worst of withdrawal.

Meanwhile, I shall try to polish my splendor. Tomorrow is a public holiday (Epiphany as another good Catholic girl should know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) It's a long weekend and WH has not anounced any plans or invitations. I think that I will be real busy.

Lost:

Sorry I didn't read your entire thread but only a couple of pieces of it. Am I reading this correctly, your WH is having and affair with a girl at his work and her husband is your husband's old Boy Friend? Were they having a homo sexual relationship before he began dating the wife? I am sorry if I misread your bio.

TooSoon

You do seem to have a good head on your shoulders. I plan on trying to deal my H's EA with the positive you have. I too am in Europe but I have no family other than my 2 D's 5 and 9. I hope he sees what my actions show for us. I like looking at your posts for hope.

LOL

BF is meant to mean "best friend", not boyfriend! My WH is definitely heterosexual!

WH's best friend and his wife, Skunkypoo, were close friends. We did many things together, including the occasional vacation. Our youngest and their oldest child were close friends and Skunkypoo was my youngest daughter's Godmother. So, as you can imagine, the betrayal was more than twofold, especially since after DDay, OWH suggestested as a solution, or revenge, that I start sleeping with him!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Obviously, I am not interested in continuing a friendship with these sleazy people. I have also found a replacement Godmother for my youngest in my SIL.

Lost:

Sorry about BF comment. I wasn't sure and I thought if he had an affair with him too, that really makes it a complicated case. I glad it is not that extreme.

toosoon