I hate him, I hate him not... as you all know h moved out in july to stay with family friends. within 2 weeks of moving out (no legal sep or anything done) he was in full fog land and full swing with ow. If you have read my most recent posts you know the struggles going on and how my kids now have to go to counseling because of the mess. I cannot bring myself to go for a legal sep or start d papers. Just can't do it yet. Also feel I should not have to be the one to do it as I have done nothing wrong. I am so hurt and so angry and my family has been torn apart. My kids are so hurt and sad. I log everything that happens in case I do have to be the one to do the d.

It has not been a plan b although I really don't have a lot of contact with h. we have been slightly more commicative lately. when I did the major exposing he was so furious with me I had to hang up on him twice. But we have been able to talk a little more civilly lately. don't hardly ever see him in person. He still has a lot of stuff here but has no where else to store it. He still gets mail here, has not changed that yet and probably won't do any of that stuff until he gets back from iraq. He leaves in january. He is, I think, about as low as he has ever been on the morality and give a crap scale. His world seems to revolve around her and i see him now even starting to pull away from his kids because they haven't wanted to spend the night with him lately and that makes him mad. But he can't see i am sure that he is the cause of all of this.

I was thinking of writing him a letter to give him when the kids give him letters and pix to take with him to iraq. I don't know if I should or not. Being in a fog he may not "hear" I word I put in the letter. I want to express by feeling of hurt and sadness but that I do still love him. I am hoping iraq changes him for the best. But I just don't know if he will ever break free from her evil grasp. anyone, maybe even former wayward spouses can answer me as to whether or not I should write that letter. I am thinking that pending a miracle, I will probably have to go ahead and start d proceedings when he returns next spring. I will get everything including child support and alimony and the house and etc, due to him abandoning us and everything else he has done. he is pretty much toast.

I have been living my life, continuing to improve on myself. when h and I do talk it is strictly about the kids. I do not ask or accuse of his personal life even though we are still very legally married and it is entirely my business. I don't want him to know I care so I don't ask. I started college this semester and am redoing the whole house. Just doing all the right things I guess. I have not done a complete plan b although I probably could.

any input here? I just don't know what to do anymore. the military is also supposed to be talking with him soon since I exposed to them so I am sure soon he will be mad at me again for exposing. part of me is like why do I care or bother, just divorce him and take him for all he is worth! but why am I do scared to???? and why isn't he seeing a lawyer? I think it is because he figures as long as he is not living here we are not "married" and he can do as he wishes so why bother paying the big money to a lawyer? Most days I am ok but lately this has been bothering me. I miss the way things were and the man I married. :-( mlhb

I definately am not he one to give any advice, but I can say that my prayers are with you.
This is a hard place to be, it is like having your whole world change overnight, and you are the one dealing with all of the consequences of the person who ****** it all up, and they get to walk away.....
Kinda like a tornado.

have you already done plan A?

Hey...guess what? This stuff really sucks. I know that desnt help much, but you must understand that this is all a part of this mess. You being angry. Withdrawal. even depression sometimes. All consequences of your husband's selfish actions.

With the kids, I realized I really couldnt protect them from my wife's selfish actions, except to make sure that they lived with me, and for most of their life during that time, their home ran the same way it did before their mother "lost her mind." Routine was one of the best healers, and helped lessen the ups and downs.

So it is good you have these projects and going back to school.

One day at a time, one step at a time.

In His arms.

I haven't implemented any plan since he left. was in strong plan a before he left and he said he did notice the changes but thought it was too little too late. since july I have been just trying to heal from the immense pain I feel.

mortor, how long was your wifes a?? did she move out? what did you do when she did, did you implement a plan? did she "hate" you and say she didn't love you like my h does? my h slept on the couch for 2 years and now says he never loved me, etc... I believe he slept on the couch because he was having affairs all that time. he went from our bed to all of a sudden wanting nothing to do with me and almost complete hate and repulse towards me. from that point on he was on the couch. I don't know what to do mortor? should I do a plan now or what, and which one??? mlhb

bump