Bump for Chat.

Chat, just another quick $0.01, and hopefully an expert will still come in with several dollars. It is totally your choice what you want to do, but the difference between what you are doing and Plans A/B is that in A you are as nice and kind as possible, respond to his overtures (such as inviting you to work out), and try to re-bond him to you. If you know what problems there were in your marriage pre-A, you do what you can to correct them. You do all this expecting NOTHING in return from your WH. (That way you won't be disappointed when that is what you get.)

THEN, once he is again dependent on you to meet as many of his needs as possible, you yank the rug out from under him all at once. You don't push him away for a little while, then let him back for a little, then push him away again. You drop the axe and let him have it all at once. Let him experience life entirely without you. If he wants you badly enough, he will choose you over the OW and agree to all your terms.

This is far more likely to be effective than the yo-yo method. If you want to give Plan A your best shot, there are many very good people here who can advise you with the particulars and come up with a plan just for you. I really believe that will work better than what you are doing now. Are you willing to try it?

PS Exposure is a key part of Plan A. Have you done this?

I am not one of the experts, but it seems that there is abuse in this situation. Chat, you have referenced your husband physically forcing you to do something...like stay in bed or go to bed. You told him you would call the woman's shelter. This leads me to think he has been abusive to you, is that correct?

I would think the abuse would need to be addressed before the other stuff. But that is just my opinon!

I'm with Neak. Pick either Plan A or Plan B, but not a combination.

How long has your husband been going out to bars without you?

O.K. we had another talk tonight,WH says that our relationship has gone downhill since
Saturday. He can’t be married to a “Watch Dog”....I told him that I was sleeping in the other
room until he made his decision (to be a husband or a single guy) I get only “- we are together
tonight can’t we cuddle...we are in the same house it is hard..”...I said I love you but I think
you need time away from me to decide what you want. Then he said that he wasn’t giving
me false hope....then stopped with that he wasn’t “Cold-hearted” and if he does run into the
OW he wasn’t walking past her with his nose up in the air. I said I will not sleep with you
and you can get out tomorrow. Then I will make sure his parents know, also I found out
that the OW lives with her sister - who thought he was single-I will make sure she knows
too. Everyone will know the bast.....d. He said that nothing like this would have happened if
I had not received the booklet from the pastor and read the SA, this website ECT....even if
the last few days I have been keeping my education to myself....I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE
!!

CHAT

beliver,
My WH has been going to the bars for 21 years without me. He swears up and down that this is the only time he
has done anything with an OW not as so much as a kiss before...
Chat

Lost:

My WH has never been physical with me. Only the last week
has he held me down against my will (he didn't hurt me I
swear) My stepfather was abusive towards my mom and I would
never stay with someone like that.
Chat

Neak-
NO exposure- in fact I brought that up to him tonight -
that I have kept it to myself for 3 weeks (except for
you guys) I hope to get that appointment tom. with the
Pastor- because I am wearing thin.

Chat

He is just saying the typical thing. He got caught. That is why you need to be a watch-dog. He is blaming you for his bad choices. Continue standing your ground.

^^^

Lets see – trying the tough love did work to a degree but I think the Plan A
Is better (is it o.k. to switch ?) He coaxed me into sleeping in bed with him
And he promised not to touch me, just hold me. Of course we woke up
Around midnight – made out and that led to sxx – which was fantastic. Then
When it was time to wake up at 5 a.m. we did it again – this has been a norm
For the last 3 weeks – yes we have been wearing each other out- I think this
Is a good sign……………………. I do think I have a few things going for me..
His cell phone hasn’t had the OW # on it for over 3 weeks, he has been coming
Home, he did invite me to go out with him tonight, he won’t sleep without me,
Even though he hasn’t come out and say it he is scared to death about anyone
Finding out about his A, we are having the best sxx we have ever had – which
The OW was doing and now I have stepped up to the plate, he keeps saying
He loves me, that our sxx isn’t sxx it is real love, he doesn’t believe that he loved
The OW – more like infatuated-something new….,I like what Neak said
About making him dependent on me and then if he does any screw ups ( I did
Tell him this last night) I am outta here and will make his life miserable…..
Damn this rollercoaster ride !!

Chat

And are you practicing safe sex? Did he use protection with OW? Lots of diseases out there.

He said they used condoms...
Chat

This is definitely NOT PLAN A...

You know that, right?

It seems like you are choosing to LB. Why?

oh Mimi - I keep screwing up....maybe I am on the wrong
page of SA- where should I be ? Please help me....
Thanks,
Chat

I haven't been keeping up.

What about a NO CONTACT letter?

They all say that.

Darn and double Darn.....that gets me thinking more.....
Chat

This must have been a paraphrase. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Plan B is where you do not communicate with him in any fashion, and don't worry about whether that is making him miserable or not.

Last night I went to poker with the WH. I gave WH an apology
Letter before we left and all he said was “it’s not all your fault”
I really want him to re-read it….maybe he will later….I know
I’m not suppose to make him feel bad – but he hasn’t felt bad to
The degree that I would like him to….We didn’t talk about the R
I met some of the other “regular” girls at the bar and chatted with them
While WH played poker and later pool with his cousin – I am not
Going to cling – as he hates that…anyway while I am talking to
These other girls – I let them know who my husband is and we’ve
Been married 21 years and have 3 kids…I was thinking of becoming
Friends to my advantage….as the WH said that I wouldn’t be
Coming with him all the time to poker- I could have some other
Eyes there while I am not….anyway the OW did not show up and
I purposely did not look over my shoulder or give evil looks as
He claimed that I did on Saturday (which he thinks made the OW
Leave) I told him that she sat with her back towards me and I didn’t
Even see her face. Anyway I asked him if I should be sweetie nice
And ask her out for lunch…ha. The only thing he said about the R
Last night was that “the OW didn’t show up, see”. (I would love to
Make her feel uncomfortable so that she will make new hangouts &
So that my WH won’t see her at all- I hope this isn’t a LB! ) I made
no comment and changed the subject. I do really think he is playing
mind games with me. Other then that we had a great sxx night
and this morning. I am going to make me want me soooooo bad.

Chat