Yes I agree, feeling that God has left you at times is normal. He hasn't, and you know that. At the times I felt that it was helpful for me to read that recognizing God's existence was important, we don't FEEL it all the time. You will be tried over & over by satan to see if your faith will waiver. Satan would love for this experience to cause disillusionment and questioning of God. But as you see already, the way God carries us through these trials reaffirms His existence for us at these times, not the other way around as a rule. That isn't to say there aren't moments. I just couldn't understand what God was doing at the point I filed for D, but I just trusted that there was a bigger picture I wasn't privy to.

You are doing good with your H, just continue not to make reassuring statements to him. In fact, leave him wondering by saying very little at all. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your last sentences about if he doesn't come back broken you don't want him! Perfect, well done. And it DOES feel good, doesn't it. It's called taking your power back, regaining control, centering the shifting loads. You are doing a good job.

MSA

Today...today...hmmm how do i feel today? well guys i am curious. Last pm when i picked up my son from Hubby, he came running out on the porch..."i got you something today" i looked behind me in question if he were actually talking to me..and asked ME?

he was so much like my wonderful, good, charming H. he said well of course. he came out with a Christmas snowman. I collect them. he said he got it for me and jay ( it was a new one i saw on Saturday and i mentioned it to him...something he and i started collecting a long time ago..together) i just said...oh jay look what daddy got you...(still thinking i know he did not just say he got that for me too) and he quickly corrected me in saying...i didn't just get it for him, it was for you too.

what does this mean? He really has taken a huge turn the past few weeks but the last few days have just stunned me. I thanked him, but kept to my firmness, i was kind, loving, but firm.

i still believe he thinks he can just come on home in a few without ever admitting to anything. I think he thinks he can just decide he will come home, trying to keep his upper hand about things, but then when he see's how i am responding to him...he is starting to think...hmmm...she just doesn't care to much for me...wait a min. i can't possibly tell her and everyone what kind of a man i am. but maybe i am going to have to.

He came down to the house later yesterday evening. stayed a while, i just appeared busy and didn't pay much attention to him. He is still in contact with her ...my gut tells me...but...worrying about me and jay alot.

in answer to Jaye... I have tried to expose. as much as possible. the people who know...a few guys from his work...which he denies it to. his mom, which he denies, his best friend which denies...and me which he denies. i don't really know if she told me her correct name, where she works...all i have is a cell number. so if she's married..she said she was...i have nothing. Just prayers and God guiding me. I gave it to him told him if it were to be exposed anymore..her husband etc. he would have to do it.

any suggestions on why my H is acting this way now?

You really should expose to OWH. Or maybe someday he will expose to you.

At any rate, my take on your WH is the same as yours. He's torn. He has stopped thinking badly of you, that's good. But as you know, until he is willing to admit, take responsibility, be honest, etc I would just act loving, firm, but very unimpressed by his behavior. Nonchalant. Unmoved.

MSA

MSA,

God has really started changing me. My sister just told me she can't believe how much i have changed in just 2 weeks. She said you just glow. You are showing you are not going to stand for his crap. that you love him and you have given him every chance to do the right thing...but enough is enough.

I am moving towards a Plan B. Not a total as it is hard due to jake, and the fact that we are..* neighbors* i feel i am doing as God wants...being VERY firm now. i told him, he can't just keep coming by the house giving jay false hope that he might be coming home....and some other issues i have been bothered about. I told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore (it was a long conversation between the 2 of us which boiled down to him wanting to come home, although he didn't say that...but not wanting to admit anything.) I just can't live that way.

i need him to be broken and the man i used to love not this man he has become, he can't live with the guilt and i can't live without the truth.

so anyway, i have not talked to him since that conversation. I hung up on him because he started being a butt...and the last words i said was i can't live this way, i don't deserve to, and that i just did not want to speak with him again. HE called me back 2 hours later, i didn't answer. HE called this am. I let jacob answer and talk then i hung the phone up.

I plan on sticking to it. i have to...it's that time...God is telling me TOUGH...love must be...He needs me to be now. Pray for me...i am getting bitter with him. Maybe that is what God is having me feel to carry through with what He needs me to.

I am praying that God will break down H's pride and bring him to repent.

Hope you are well!

Jaysmom, I am well, thank you!
You have hit this right on the head, I can tell God is with you every step. You keep up the good work, you are doing the best thing for your family even if it feels like things are on the verge of breaking apart forever. I can see you really "get" what has to happen here - you can do this, and you & Jay will be okay no matter WHAT happens. I really have a good feeling about this turning around though. Just remember the conditions, and that you will NEVER have more power to enforce them then when he is first "broken" - and without them the risk of relapse is great. You've been down this road before, and I'm sure you don't want to go down it again, so make sure as much as you can that he "gets it" and agrees to counseling, etc when he does come begging. Have your list ready.

You are in my prayers,

MSA

it's monday...yuck...but it is a short week!!!

well my not talking lasted until 6:30 saturday morning. He had lasted as long as he could. and i could cut the ringer off, but i have a step-dad in active duty Army, mother alone, brother in college, and i am just too afraid of what "could" happen and not get the call. anyway, of course i was sleeping very soundly and jumped and answered.

his first question was "what time did you all get home last night?" i said...late. what did you do? stuff. just back and forth.

i again was firm and told him i have had enough. He is definitly different towards me now as i have said before, and not going as much, but still going at times...like saturday, but only a couple of hours gone. He lied to jacob and told me he was coming by before we left to go out saturday....but did not. this is where i am getting confused again somewhat.

He has really been doing better, better with me, and jay. not going out, coming by, not lying as much (as far as i know) and i really felt and still do feel a turn around coming. but he lied to jay and that hurt him so badly. He called that evening and apologized and again...i let him have it...THIS IS MY BABY! he lied to my son for the last time and i told him that. He is setting a terrible example, and has totally killed the trust in my son. He knows this and is very aware, yet its like he can't help himself.

i wish i could explain, maybe you can explain it to me. i can tell he is miserable. I can tell he now wants to come home, i can tell he misses me and he misses his life, his family...but something about this is keeping him away. Maybe pride, i just don't know...i honestly don't think he is that thrilled with her anymore, but yet there is still a her. Is it because he doesn't want to hurt her? or that she will know he doesn't care for her? what is the hold. i know it is an addiction, but once he gets to the point that he doesn't want it anymore and he has seen what he doesn't want to LOSE, why is it so hard...and am i just being to impatient...does it just take time from here? or does it take the...oh my gosh..she's gone i have lost everything?

any thing you can give me on this will be helpful. I still feel God keeping me put for now and i am praying to continue following in his will, not mine. But honestly...i feel somewhat in limbo. i know things are better, but i am getting really fed up too.

but then again..it is monday.

I asked my expert FWH for his take on it... he thinks and I agree that it differs from situation to situation - depends what you've said, how you've been, what he's thinking, how OW is acting, what friends & family are saying to him and how they portray his actions, if he's Christian and supported by Christians... it just depends. Hopefully the following words by Dr. Harley are helpful/hopeful...?


"But, remarkably, most affairs do not lead to divorce."

MSA

Mrs. Stow...hows it going? Just a little note to you and a special thank you...you have no idea how much comfort i get just from your advice. Really gets me through some tough days!

i think he is going backwards a bit. he has started going out again. Not as much but...i knew in my heart he wasn't finished with her. But he is different...he said something too...that struck me. the other day before he left, he lied about where he was going (intuition tells me) but i just brushed it off and he said..."do i look like i am happy about it?" and really ...no he is not. He has been really, really sad and his whole attitude has changed.

He seems miserable. just totally miserable away from us. But yet he is gone. He can't stand me talking about us being over. but i do...because...well 3 months now have gone by him living in his fantasy and reality is...it is over if he doesn't wake up. He is living with his mom, doing everything for him, her living in her own fog about what is going on. Not wanting to make him upset...(i am growing very bitter towards her and how she is allowing him to live under her roof and cater to his every need, all the while he is cheating on his wife and her grandson) she will say..oh we don't have any proof he is...i just think he is depressed.

GAG!!! i have prayed that God will reveal this if it is his WILL to reveal. I have tried and come up empty handed every time. i believe God doesn't want me to see him with her for what ever reason...to this point anyway.

He just about died because he thought i wasn't having Thanksgiving dinner with him and his mom. I said why should i? but i will for Jacobs sake.

i continue to be firm..that is what God wants. I speak alot about moving on. I hope that is okay? I talk about me and jacob not living "next door" forever. I generally speak to him alot about it being over do you think i shouldn't. I probably should just not say anything but sometimes i think...he needs to hear it. something has to get him out of his fantasy into reality. He honestly doesn't have any friends. No one that he speaks to regular. and just has his mom. family wise. oh well..any advise. should i just stop talking to him...i mean just be short with him, kind but short? God is working on him but i still feel in limbo somewhat...i think what i say is doing good...but i'm just getting impatient.

Jaysmom, I think you are doing well. As far as should you speak about moving on? I did. I didn't make stuff up, but as things seemed relevant I did talk about them. I don't know what affect it had. If I thought it was going to be our last Christmas together as a family, or I was thinking about selling the house (that HE said I could afford, but I couldn't have) and buying a little condo, or whatever my plans were I did share them.

One night I remember having a pretty long talk with him where I revealed that it had become clear to me that I needed someone I could rely on. Not just now, but forever. I became bitter about "What if I get cancer? What if I get in a car accident? What if one of my parents suddenly dies? What if I lose my job? What if...?" I was on my own, mowing my own lawn, taking out the trash, getting the kids to school & activities & church & to bed at night, no one was there to help me. I started to feel sorry for myself, and defensive. Then I decided that was not an okay way to live, and decided that I DESERVED to have a mate that I could count on for support, to take care of me if I needed it. I realized that my husband wasn't that person at that time. I was watching Dana Reeve (Christopher Reeve's wife) on Oprah one day talking about how she took care of him, and I realized that I deserved someone who would do that for me if I ever needed it, because I could commit to someone else that I would do it for them. I don't know how that affected him, but it was a pivotal night for me realizing that I didn't plan to stay married to him, or stay a single mom for long.

Having Thanksgiving with him & his Mom for your son's sake is understandable. Ugh. What about Christmas? Same thing? Too soon to tell.

I am also upset with your WH's mother for supporting his adultery and being in denial about it. Oh well. My H's mom met OW, for what it's worth. Didn't like her, but supported H all the while. That's what Moms do I guess. Unconditional love.

You know, as far as him being unhappy with OW... I took such comfort when my WH called OW "human crazy glue" - I actually thought that meant he was realizing how she was and losing his feelings for her. Not so. That was in the midst of the worst of the affair. Weird that he vented to me about OW being annoying, as if I was some kind of impartial friend or something. So strange. She didn't like him spending time with me or anyone else who didn't support their adultery. And most people didn't. Very tight leash. He complained about it, but did everything she said it seemed to me, from not attending concerts where we had purchased tix in advance to not calling or coming over or inviting me to his apt... she only supported him seeing the kids because he would have held it against her if she didn't.

Well, don't get too impatient, I have a good feeling that the holidays will be rough on him. Are there good holidays to fall back on, memories he can languish about being gone forever, Jake waking up and him not being there Christmas morning, things like that? At some point it's good to wax philosophical about how someday you'll find someone new, though the pain right now makes that hard to believe, but you are starting to gain confidence that you will move on...

MSA

MSA,

i am feeling so different towards him. I am growing angrier every day. Is this normal? It has been building up in me, but today...i could care less if he never comes home. I almost feel like i hope he stays with her so he can be miserable and i can have a better life.

down deep i know i still love him very much and want him. but i almost feel like I am in a fog now. this is normal right? pray for me that i won't kill him and the mom in law tomorrow.

It is normal. It is the natural effect of massive amounts of withdrawls being made from your love bank, and NO deposits. Just as lots of deposits trigger the feeling of being in love (yes, with OW too), lots of withdrawls trigger feelings of anger and hate.

I will pray for you for tomorrow, how long do you have to stay?

MSA

Happy Turkey Day!

this day has been eventful. I made it through the lunch with my head held high, my heart in one piece and my WH with his head bowed and miserable.

Lovely day! Oh MSA...i feel good. God has been so good to me, to Jacob, to H. Even though he is not in God's will, look how merciful he has been, keeping me there, holding on, giving H every chance to repent and make things right.

We had a very LONG talk on the phone this morning before i went up there for lunch. Well actually i had a long talk to him. I can't even remember all that i said, but it was from God, from my heart, everything God wanted him to hear. He listened. Never said a word, except yeagh, or "i don't know" but his replies are different than before. They are heartfelt, most of them. He goes from telling me he's not coming home, to i don't know if i am, to not answering all in the same conversation. Mainly he says "i don't know."

Not that i have been asking "are you ever coming home" it's not like that...i ask him what i feel God impresses upon me to ask...and it is always a very firm...FIRM question or comment. I have moved now to just really laying down the law.

But today...i feel God is saying after this morning, pull back. Cut down the communication some, cut off what you can. God is working, but also God i believe is hurting over H not responding to HIM.

Yes you are right. the holidays may be what brings his A to an end, and bring him home. Maybe? Maybe he never will. Maybe i will move on before he ever realizes he had a wonderful wife, son, and that his family was the most precious gift God could've ever given him. God only knows the outcome. My faith and trust still in HIM.

My H always loved, loved, loved getting the tree. We always get the tree the day after Thanksgiving. He of course just thought he could. I made it very clear today, that wasn't happening. I asked him if he planned on getting us one even after i remarry? He got mad, but didn't want to give in to anything...like committing to coming home to his family....so he just said...fine okay. but it is bothering him. Something as simple as getting the tree.

Imagine what Christmas morning will be like for him. I also have made that clear. NOT coming to stay the night. NO way! Too hard on Jay. Too hard on me. Live with your choices Mr. He knows what he should do and yet still doesn't do it.

He is still involved. He did finally admit to the viagra. But said that he wasn't using them for her, because "there isn't a her" "who" that is what he answers every time. He didn't directly admit, but did. he said they were for him. HA!!!! laughed at that one for hours...still laughing.

His denial of OW just kills me. But i have done everything i could, even follow to prove, everytime i lose him...but he doesn't know i am following. I can't afford a PI. so i give it to God. Let HIM reveal it, because i haven't been able to. Maybe your right. Maybe i feel he is growing tired all the while he may be in deeper and deeper.

Well...time to go eat again. this time with my family. Step-dad home from active duty. lil' bro. in from college and a big ol' turkey.

hope you and your family enjoy your day. I have really enjoyed mine. He really has been miserable today. I am glad. He is finally seeing what life will be like without us and he doesn't much like it. God is working. God is good ALL THE TIME! Take care!!!

Happy Thanksgiving, Jaysmom. Good job. You keep up the good work. Sounds like a good, productive day. God will take care of you through all of this, just as He has been so far.


MSA

MSA,

Hope you've had a good holiday weekend. Mine as you know started out good, but hasn't ended as well as i would like.

For 2 weeks (prior to this one) My H was soo close to what i thought was a change. He had changed, he was doing more for me, wanting to be with me, our son. Wanting to be home. Wasn't going out, hardly at all. then something happened. Last weekend, as i have said earlier this week, he started going out alot again.

This time, staying out alot. Alot. Last night he didn't come home. Calling his mother, using the excuse that i told him to find somewhere else to live. She calls me in a huff...because as you know she is living in his fantasy world of "what girl" "who" "what other cell phone" i even caught her in a lie. she lied for him covering up him on the phone. If she will lie about that what else has she lied about? even though...she hugs me and tells me she is "on my side" she cares nothing for her grandson, i feel, allowing her son to do this...but it isn't her fault.

she told him in the beginning, when he moved in, if there was OW, she would not condone his activities and she had no respect for a woman who would do such. NO RESPECT for OW. nothing about him. she cries and says...'i can't tell him to leave...he will go live in the slums..." i told her yesterday...she didn't much care if her grandson did...because that is where we will be if he doesn't straighten up. She also said he was doing good until you started talking to him "harshly" this week. No he started doing better when i started telling him to respect me and he would lose me...(this coming from a woman who was cheated on herself by her alcoholic husband and never even confronted him about it...the OW called and told her...she pretended it wasn't happening...let it go on...who knows how long)

Ill...can you tell? He of course called early am. Guilt killing him. but yet...he is still doing this. He even asked me this morning to ask Jake why he loved him...i said you want me to ask your 3 year old son why he loves you? (he was choked up) my friend thinks he was directing that question at me...but pride wouldn't allow him to ask me...but in answering i did so by me and jacob. i told him we both loved him because we knew the man he really was. that the real man he is, is the most wonderful man that i have ever known. That the real man told me with clenched teeth and tears in his eyes...that he had to live with what he did to me 5 years ago every day, and that i would never know the hurt he felt over it, and that he would never do anything to hurt me or jacob. i said that is who we love, not this man who is pretending to be 18, wearing his 18 year old clothes, living this life he has created for himself with no responsibilites...i said that isn't you.

so i guess...you were right on the money. me thinking it might be coming to an end...only proved to be...it at it's possible strongest. i have spent countless hours in prayer. so has jacob and he has really been struggling lately...even making up stuff about him being at home etc. why doesn't it affect my H? he really seems hurt but not enough to spend time with jacob. not enough to stop.

sorry this is so long. i have just had a day. He seems really sad over everything...but i am growing tired of his guilt...afterward. He isn't at all happy...so why continue on? i am growing weary. I am just not feeling much at all of anything today. My family is pressuring me to get legal seperation papers, but i don't feel lead to do so. I have prayed about this and i don't feel like God is leading me there yet. I don't feel as though i should pay for something i never wanted...but they are worried he will stop paying the bills, which i can understand, they never would have believed he would do this. (they did not know about before, until now), they worry for me and jacob.

i feel as though i am at a crossroad, not knowing which path to take. I know God will never leave me or forsake me, but i don't know His will right now, i feel as though i should just sit back......not talk about anything, except our son, just stay put, semi-ignoring him...(although...i never call him, he calls me), until i know in my heart what God is telling me, please pray i will be patient and wait on God. 2 weeks ago, he called me at 4:30 am, telling me he knew i was at the end of my rope. He was sincere. He knew he wanted to come home sometime, and he was definitely scared of losing me...so what happened this week? He has been afraid of losing me, but yet he's not, which is so confusing to me.

Any advice on where/what to do from here? I am going to sit tight and let God work, but any advice on how i should act/respond when i do have to be around him?

Maybe things will be better soon...especially for Jay.

Hmmm... well it's not like you haven't told him to make a choice, he isn't living home afterall. How to bring things to a head... probably not something you want to do during the holidays anyway. If only he would admit to OW, so you or someone knew what he is thinking about that relationship... frustrating that he denies. I think it's probably because he is just to weak to decide, and is afraid if he admits it you will file for divorce. Perhaps at some point you will want to write him a letter with your conditions to continue on with the marriage (as we discussed pages ago), so that he knows that you won't divorce him, but these are the conditions. Call if/when you are prepared to meet them. If not, my patience will eventually run out. Just a thought?

That way, he has it in writing to consider, and he knows exactly what he must do, if/when he wants to save his marriage. I know he isn't asking to come home, but perhaps it could be delivered in a very "I know you aren't saying you want to be together or divorce, but clearly you are concerned that I am 'at the end of my rope'... I thought I would clarify MY end of the deal for you. I understand you may choose not to agree to these conditions; you make your decision, I'll make mine."

??? Then you wouldn't need to be concerned with how you are communicating when you see him; you'll know you already said your piece.

Something to pray about.

MSA

oh my gosh MSA...

well i am so happy. so very happy. my best friend should work for the FBI.

I don't understand God's timing, but i know his time is the best. For whatever reason she had called all of the stores my H works except 1, from the get go. she has called stores he didn't work, asking for this girl and the name she gave, all but the one. I always had that store in the back of my mind but never ever thought of it for what ever reason...God's reasoning..i know.

Very long story short. He ended up getting us the tree. Now i know what everyone would think...i caved...no i did not...I am flat broke and cannot afford a tree this week. My next check is not until next week and i am praying God will get me through...He will. He was very upset for my son. Called me early Sunday (of course he had laid out all night you know, guilt setting in, scared, and called to feel me out.) He even got choked up...about our son...but not enough to change. anyway we went together yesterday to get it. I had prayed all day...feeling that God did not want me to say much of anything.

I did have a card that i bought several weeks ago and i felt impressed to write in it and give it to him. I prayed and asked God to give me the words to say...much to what you suggested but started out with...Yesterday you asked me to ask jay why he loved you...enclosed is a couple of pictures and reasons why...blah blah.

very long story trying to get short...sorry. anyway...the evening went well, he had supper at home, he was fine. put the tree up for us and Jacob went to get the very keepsake, loved ornaments that i keep in the house not in our storage. I got them out last week when i put jays stoking up etc. in the box contained our 1st christmas ornaments, 2 or 3 from 1995. Very special. I know they were there because jacob got them out the day i found them, i put them back in the box and set them in my closet floor. When jay brought them out yesterday they were gone. H had took them. He of course lied, but why would he have. that is the craziest. I know he did and he tried to blame jay. I don't understand and i was very upset telling him i wanted to keep them for jay. He said oh they will turn up...sure they will...they better today. anyway i know that is really insignificant, but i knew God was telling me something bigger. My BF called after he left and i was telling her about it. She said, weird. we just really need to find the OW. she then started to call a store he worked and i said, you've already called it all but the one. she called and asked for OW. they replied, sorry she is already done for the day.

Today BF went by, gave false name, ordered something from her, got real last name, i found out she is wealthy somewhat so my instinct on her buying clothes etc...was right on i think.. married, got husbands name from phone book (they were listed together) she has 2 children. so anyway...i am happy. God is working. Now i am unsure what to do. i must get physical proof first i think, don't know if her H will believe if i don't have it. but what do you think. I have finally gotten something. Now it can no longer hide. She isn't planning on leaving her H, why would she leave money, for a man getting ready to file bankruptcy. so what is the hold. BF said she is in her early 40's, almost 10 years older than H. any advice...gotta run before i get the axe! keep praying...God is moving.

That is good news about the OW (finding her). Yes, you need to be SURE. Do NOT do ANYTHING to tip her off, or your WH.

You will need to be looking for some proof (can BF follow, or something to even SEE him going to lunch with her, or after work?) as you know. You don't want to call OWH with false information of course, either.

BUT do NOT confront your H or OW. You want your first calls to be to OWH and your mother-in-law (with proof) and your H's Human Resource dept and their boss if applicable (his boss and/or OW's boss). You want to do all of this exposure as close together as possible.

I'm glad you have a good BF. Invaluable going thru this crisis. Good for her!

A question to Mrs STOWaway's mentioning that this should be exposed to the H's HR department and boss, isn't that a major LB? That would push my WH straight to his lawyer. ?? Just curious.

MSA,

well...you should know the ornaments turned up last night. H came down to help us get the Christmas stuff out of storage, he helped with lights and things some and like a *miracle* (HA) they appeared in a box he brought in. (although i have questioned my sanity some, that COULD THEY have really been in there, but..i was sooo sure they were not)

why take the ornaments? strange...anyway...they are unharmed and back at home HA! Well BF and I are going to do some snooping around this evening. See what we can see. I don't think we will find anything since he will be getting Jake from preschool. He doesn't take him out with him. But we might find something of use.

This whole situation has been so puzzling. No one can make anything of it. He never admits to her, now i see why...SHE doesn't want to be found out. Maybe he would if SHE would leave her H. Maybe that is the hold. Maybe that is why he is still so attached. He has left me, he has her at times but maybe the attraction is seeing if she will leave her H for him. Maybe it's her money. Maybe he feels obligated to stay since she has bought things for him. I don't know. I do know that up unitl a few days ago he was always afraid of losing me.

You know calling all hours, apologizing, worrying about where we had been, but yet nothing stopped him from continuing what he was doing...but in the last few days...he hasn't called me in the morning like he had been. of course we have seen each other every day, but he seems so withdrawn. don't get it. i can't explain. He doesn't when we are together, he seems almost the same, joking at times with me, fixing things, sad sometimes, it's not the same as before when he seemed like he couldn't stand me. but the calls have stopped (of course its only been 3 days but...)

Maybe i am being paranoid. Its not over with OW, and she must be pulling him or something. But i am just so stumped with his draw towards her. BF said when she first saw her she could NOT believe that was the OW. she said she was nothing to look at. Now not to say i am a beauty, but my BF was in such shock! she said she had bags under her eyes, about 5-10 years older. nothing what she expected to see him leave me for.

any clue what the draw to her is? its funny, pages back you gave me the thing on romantic infidelity...and in it it said they pick people sometimes decades older or younger..someone nothing they would expect. He is very unhappy....so why doesn't he straighten up? He misses his family, misses me (or at least until 3 days ago did) misses jay, but won't stop.

I do believe God will end this soon. I do believe HE will give me something very powerful, or H will sense that God is telling me to leave or let go...something will happen soon. My son keeps saying "daddy's coming home soon" I hope so. i truly hope so....i pray i can...let things go and believe in H again.

I really don't want to tell OWH. Even though i did nothing wrong and she did not care in the least to break apart our family and hurt me and my DS, i pray for her, and her family...this is her 2nd time around with a child from her first and one from the 2nd...i don't want her H to suffer what i have...or her children, but i will do what God leads me to.

Keep praying...and send any advice you can...any take on why he is still w/her. she isn't going to leave her H for him...she wouldn't...my H has nothing NOTHING to give her.

God is so good!!! speak to you soon JAYSMOM

Sadinthecity,
Although I did NOT expose to my H's boss and HR dept and OWH, I wish I had.

I give this advice because it is MB advice, and MelodyLane (experienced poster on GQII) swears this is the way to go, that exposure often kills affairs. It is the proper MB thing to do apparently, but I didn't know that when I was going thru it.

Will it push WH to the lawyer? Maybe. Most likely it sounds like it really makes them mad. And for good reason, affairs love to have secrecy, and exposure destroys that. How dare anyone ruin the romance of a torrid, elicit affair?

You could post to MelodyLane on GQII for more info... I'm not the exposure expert, just repeating some good advice I wish I had known about back then.

Hope that helps,
MSA