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So, where do you live? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Just kidding. I love to cook too, but once I've made it, I'm not hungry. Go figure, I put all this time and effort into it, and then don't eat it.
Hm, maybe you should start leaving cooking books out on the counter or find a air freshner that smells like freshed baked pie and tell him you just took it over to a friend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Oh, I am bad! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Seriously, have you thought about taking cooking classes or joining a cooking group (I don't know if that even exists, but thought I would throw it out there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />)
To be honest, I don't really miss her. She has always been someone that lied, cheated and destroyed lives. I'm actually relieved she is out of my life. I'm just sad that it took this disgusting mess to make that choice for me.

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hrt1,

Quote
Hm, maybe you should start leaving cooking books out on the counter or find a air freshner that smells like freshed baked pie and tell him you just took it over to a friend. Oh, I am bad!

Good idea!!!

I have thought of taking cooking classes before...but really I enjoy being in my kitchen and trying new things from my cookbooks. I guess my bigest problem now is => who will eat it. I made an Indian dish last saturday and I had to throw some out because I just could not eat all the left overs. Bad! I have to learn to cook for one again...

Oh, I am sorry about your sister...i guess you can always hope she comes around and changes on her own...might take a while though....

Enjoy.
Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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How is your day going today? I hope it is going good.
Are you friends with your neighbors? You could cook and take it over to them. If you joined a cooking class I am sure you could find SOMEONE that would let you cook for them. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Hey, here is an idea. You could put an ad in the paper saying "Will cook for you, but don't complain if it isn't good." Just kidding. People at work will ALWAYS clear out anything left on a table in the breakrooms. You could cook what you want, take it to work and it will be GONE in a heartbeat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

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hrt1,
You got a great sense of humor <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />! I do know my neighbors and I am sure they would love it, they got kids...I'll think on that...

I got a flue, so I am tired today..and trying not to think too much about H. I am a bit ticked off today at him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. I don't know how to feel about the fact that I am noticing my love for this man being eaten away...The way he is acting is just so beyond me I don't even understand him now...He called yesterday, but basically wanted me to help him with something and when I refused (I really could not do it, he needed to do it himself) he just stopped engaging in the conversation (had nothing to say and did not seem interested in what I was saying). I ended the call, cause I really felt like he just called me out of duty (I had left a message the day earlier) and to get me to help him. I am angry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />. He just wants things his way...he does not even get it that he is trying to use me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />.....

I know it is probably a good think that we are still talking and that there may yet be hope for us...but hrt1, I really get the impression from him when he talks to me that he is trying to get me to hear his hidden message "don't think that because I am doing x or y, we are getting back together now". It makes me so mad. I really feel that vibe from him, almost every time we talk...it is getting to me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />...Does he not even realize that at the end the day I may not even want him back?!! My LB is not that full anymore...and he is not doing anything for that to change. No where to go but down <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...

I am sorry, I am just kind of ticked off today. I guess my H's superior attitude is getting to me...

Hope your day is going well...

Daisy

Last edited by white_daisy; 09/22/05 12:40 PM.

Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Daisy,
I love to know I've made someone smile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I'm sorry you are having a bad day today. It stinks you have the flu on top of everything. It's probably because your body has worn itself down and needs to relax and sleep.
I SWEAR your H is either my fiancee in disguise or is somehow related!!!!!!!!! They sound sooooooo much alike. My fiancee will be nice and sweet until he realizes I am not going to do what he wants, THEN he gets mean, ugly and starts to close me out. Of course, he knows this used to terrify me, so I would cave. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> But, little does he know, by doing what he did, he has released a side of me that I didn't even know existed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I am a lot stronger than I EVER imagined.
He just wants things his way... he does not even get it that he is trying to use me..... This statement is HUGE, HUGE, HUGE!!!!! I say this not because he can't get it, but because YOU DO!!!! YEAH for you!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
What I have found with this type of guy is that they like knowing there is someone they can step on, and they don't respect them at all. UNTIL the other person stands up for themself and shows that they wont be a floormat anymore. I can say this because that is how my fiancee is. When I begin to back away emotionally, not being rude or cold, but just backing away from him. Acting like I just don't need him anymore, he comes running and full force. Trust me, I never had the will or strength to do this until he had sex with my sister, but now, I realize that I CAN AND WILL live without him if I so choose to, I don't NEED him anymore and can do just fine without him. THAT above anything else, has shaken him to his core, that the person he thought would be there to put up with his junk, no matter what he did, has finally been pushed to the point of standing up and pushing back.
Have you told him you don't appreciate him using you and from now on you won't stand for it? I know it will be hard, but do you feel like you could tell him if he doesn't want a relationship with you, that you are going to move on? That you wont be anyones floormat or plaything anymore. That you have to start looking out for you and doing what is best for your life.

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Trust me, I never had the will or strength to do this until he had sex with my sister, but now, I realize that I CAN AND WILL live without him if I so choose to, I don't NEED him anymore and can do just fine without him.
...
do you feel like you could tell him if he doesn't want a relationship with you, that you are going to move on? That you wont be anyones floormat or plaything anymore. That you have to start looking out for you and doing what is best for your life.

hrt1,
I feel that I can live without him...I don't need him in my life...I would like him there but it is not a need...I know I'll be just fine...

I have not said anything like this to him, no. We are not talking about our R anymore...I don't know how to bring this up now...I basically am living my own life and I hope he can see that I am functioning and surviving without him...yes I have had opportunities where I guess I could have said something along these lines, but I did not. Basically, becuase I was still too surprised by his words to react in this way at the time...

About a week ago, I was at a BBQ with my collegues. The day later I told H about it and he said something like "how does it feel telling people about us"..or how I feel telling people about us (he said it with a smirk)...I was kind of surprised he would even ask that...I may be sensitive but I would never say anything like that. I just maniged an ok. My friend then told me, "Daisy, you got to stop being too nice, next time say, oh it feels great!!!". I wish I had said that. I think he was being insensitive? Or am I overreacting?


I am glad you are stronger. I think this kind of thing ends up showing us how strong we actually can be...and noone can put us down if we don't let them...YEY!

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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As tough as it may seem, you have begun to make your first steps to a new life. I also think you have made it through the toughest part.
I think he is being really insensitive. What an A$$. Does he enjoy seeing you hurt? I agree with your friend, don't let him walk all over you. If he treats you badly, stand up for yourself and shove back. I know it is easier said than done, oh do I know that. I guess I'm just tired of the selfish guys getting their way and treating us like they do, and getting away with it!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I know, when this all first happened I kept thinking "There is no way ANYTHING good could come out of this!!!" But, I've found the BEST thing that is coming out of this disaster is I am realizing how strong I am. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:):)

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I guess I'm just tired of the selfish guys getting their way and treating us like they do, and getting away with it!!


No one can get away with it or get their way, so to speak, unless you allow them.

Where are you boundaries? Do you find the line is flexible? If you allow the boundary line to be moved, they will continue to test it.

What are you willing to accept? If a behavior exists that you are not willing to accept, what are you prepared to do if a boundary is crossed?

Just food for thought.

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Frozen,
I know what you mean and that is a GOOD POINT. I guess I should rephrase what I said. I am definately directing this at myself more than anyone else.
"I'm just tired of selfish guys getting their way and treating us like they do and getting away with it, because we allow them to."

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hrt1 and frozen,
I do need to watch my bounderies...I have let him get away with many comments (many stupid comments)...for the most part I am a conflict avoider (I hate that title) and I am trying hard to change...The fact is that it does bother me and I need to do something about it then and there and not sit on it anymore...

I always worry that I will come of as mean...so I just say nothing, but that does not help the situation...I got to draw the boundery lines, seriously!

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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I know what you mean, I would rather just let things go and ignore them than face them head on sometimes. At other times I want to sit down and have it out NOW!!!!!
I guess it's just a matter of making bounderies and sticking to them. As quoted from Frozen.
"What are you willing to accept? If a behavior exists that you are not willing to accept, what are you prepared to do if a boundary is crossed?"

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"What are you willing to accept? If a behavior exists that you are not willing to accept, what are you prepared to do if a boundary is crossed?"

This is a tough one. I guess sometimes I questions whether I am just being too sensitive. But I do have to think about this very seriously...

I told myself I would not call H for a couple of days. I did not call yesterday and he did not either. It will be hard today not to call...but I have been thinking about what exactly am I getting out of talking to him...am I just prolonging the pain...would cutting all ties not be better for me in the long run...

I guess I just really don't know what to do. The last time we had any R talk (about a month ago), H said "I just want friendship". But what we have now is not friendship. I don't kiss my friends...and they don't kiss me back...

I am afraid to bring up any R talk, I just do not want to hear anything he has to say regarding the two of us together and how he is not even thinking that way...I would like to let him know that I understand he needs his space and that working on the R is a long term process and that we don't have to see a MC, but we can still see each other and see if we can find a way to each other without loosing ourselves. But, the fact is that I feel that by saying that I would yet again set myself up for more hurt...

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Right now it is really easy to be sensitive. Your feelings and emotions and been drug through the mud. Because of the past few months, you have been in a complete whirlwind.
Are you to the point you want to make the decision to move on with our without him? From what I have read, he wants his cake and eat it too. He is stringing you along, but wants to keep you on the backburner.
I would give him some space, no phonecalls, emails, movie nights etc.... You may find that YOU don't want him in your life anymore and you are tired of the yo-yo game he is playing.
How long are you willing to give him to make up his mind? I know that sounds harsh, but I am DEFINITELY not saying it that way in my mind. It's hard to show expressions and tones through the written word.

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hrt1,
Oh, I know you are not beeing harsh and even if you were, you are writing cause you want to help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have been thinking a lot about how long I am willing to give him...it is hard to say...In the long run, 6 months is not a lot...but it is a lot when I think I would still be in this stage for another 6 months and am I willing to have my life be at a stand still while he makes up his mind. And what if it is no, did I just waste 6 months? So, I am not set on that. I guess it would be easier to give myself a time line if I knew that he still thought we could potentially be together...if he told me today "I don't know what I want, I don't know if I want to be with you or not, I need time and space to figure things out, but I have not completely ruled out the two of us as a couple but there are no garantees that we will be a couple" I would appreciate that. I would be willing to wait 6 months or so and see what happens but at the same time take care of me and see what life has to offer for me ...

But as is, he said he wants to be just friends...yet at the same time he wants to hang at my house, watch movies, have sex when he feels like, ask me to do stuff for him...etc.
Yet, I cannot ask him anything(and certainly don't bring up the R/M)
It sure does sound like fense sitting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

So, what is my plan you may be asking <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.
It really is to put some distance between us. By that I mean that I do not call as often, that I do not pick up the phone (and don't return calls that day). That I in general make myself less available to him, maybe hang out once a week...or even less...It will help me move on (if we have no chance) and it might help him to see that he still wants me in his life. I think this is really the only way that I win. A 180. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for your thoughts...
Gives me something to think about...

Daisy

Last edited by white_daisy; 09/23/05 02:57 PM.

Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Whew! It's so hard to get the point across without sounding hard and rude. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
The only thing about time lines is, the closer you get to the end, if you aren't sure you make rash decisions because you gave yourself a cut off. That cut off may come before you are truly ready to make that choice. You will know in your heart when you are ready. Don't rush it or try to put an exact time on when to give up or move on. You may make a wrong choice.
Oh boy, you described the relationship I had at one time with my fiancee. At one time we broke up, I wasn't living with him at the time, and he wanted to "be friends" but have all the benefits of a relationship. I'm not trying to give you hope, but eventually I moved in with him and we started to make plans to get married. I mean, forget what he did three months ago, we truly were moving on TOGETHER. Even after going through a time where I felt there was just no way we were ever going to get back together. Eventually he realized he wasn't being fair, mind you, that was after I started going out and moving on, but he finally got off the fence.
Your plan sounds perfect. You take care of you FIRST and foremost. The rest will fall into place. I know, easier said than done. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Well, I am off of work and I don't usually sign on during the weekend, so I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and I will chat with you later.

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hrt1,
Thanks. It helps to have someone to talk to (or write to in this case). I guess sometimes I feel like my situation is so hopeless and that is when I really need to get it all out...and then I feel better again.

Enjoy your weekend...

I really hope that everything on your front is going well...it sounds to me like you got a handle on it all. Take care

Daisy

Last edited by white_daisy; 09/23/05 03:15 PM.

Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Daisy,
I know how much better it feels after you have just spilled it all. It seems to take a load off. I am just glad you feel like you can do that with me. I don't know if my advice is always the best, but I like to give it a shot.
How was your weekend?
I spent most of it sleeping. I haven't had a good nights sleep in about 2 months. I don't go to sleep until late, and then wake up about every hour. So, my body finally said, ENOUGH, and crashed.

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Hey hrt1, (sorry this is long, I just kept going...you don't have to read it all....thanks... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />)

I have been sleeping better now too. Just seem a bit less anxious...sleeping is nice...

It is cold here (we got our first bit of snow this morning but it is all melted now) and cold always makes me sleep better and longer. Hate getting up in the morning though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />.

I am realizing that my H wants all the benefits of being with me...he called me and we ended up watching a movie at my house F, S, and SU night. Then yesterday he wanted to go to the movies in the evening so we went....I don't expect to talk to see him for the next couple of days...He works a late shift T,W,Th, and is really not pleasant to be around nor to talk to...when he is tired he is quick at brushing me off ...

This is the problem...I really don't want to talk to him during these days cause he is so distant, but at the same time I need to talk to him during these times to get comfortable with him (if it is going to work) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> and also to show him that I can handle him in any mood.....His depression was a big issue for us...


I did not know how to handle it when he was really down...he is quite moody...and when he works late is extra so...

So, I don't know what I am doing...I know that I am in a better place and can walk away if need be, but at the same time, I still want to speak to him and see him and in general be around him...

This is where that saying "why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free" lurks around in the back of my mind... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
Is my H never going to miss me enough to come back if he can get his needs met by me (be with me for conversation, companionship(physical as well as emotional) etc, and at the same time does not need to deal with any responsibilities that come along when you are in a M?

I guess only time will tell how long this can go on...how long I can take it.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.

Is he getting his cake and eating it too? Perhaps. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But I am slowly very slowly showing my boundaries <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...He came over on Sat. and asked if I had eaten dinner. I said yes. He started rummaging around in the kitchen, wanting to know if there was anything to eat...I said, all I got are eggs and potatoes, and I left the kitchen. (I think he hoped I would make something for him). Then he started eating something I was saving and I told him next time he should ask me first before just eating it. He was surprised and was all (you got 2 jars of this stuff) and I said, that does not matter, you don't know why I am saving it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

So, small steps...

Then on Sun. he called and said he was up for going to the movies IF I wanted to take him out! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I said, who am I??? and laughed and did not commit to it. He ended up calling me later and just asking if he could come over and watch a movie that I just bought...

I don't know how long this can go on... On some level it feels like it is a game to him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />...

He wants me in his life...The other day, he started telling me all these different plans he was making for Fri night (he could go here, or here or there, etc...) I said I had no plans...and I got off the phone. He called me soon after and asked if he could come over again...So, even though he had all these potential plans he opted to come hang out with me...It is not easy to stop hanging out with a person that you have been with almost daily for the past 4 years...

Then he was telling me he saw a book downtown he wanted to get for me (but does not have enough cash), was thinking I would really be into it. He was at a jewellry galary and said we should go down there...that I would like it... (I have started making my own jewelry as a hoby, it is fun <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />!!)
So, he is thinking about me in a very nice way... : <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/ooo.gif" alt="" />

So, there it is...
I don't know what is happening...but on some level I have been fighting for 4 months after he left, and frankly I need a break...I cannot fight him now....I want to be able to get some sleep and go to work and function in general...I anyway feel that I am in a better place where if I don't talk to him I can keep going...

I'll stop now, since I am really not saying anything worthwhile, just rambling....

thanks for listening hrt1 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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Daisy,
Whew! I thought you were not posting anymore. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I've really looked forward to talking to you. I guess because we sound like we are so much alike.
I have to leave soon to take my new kitten to the vet, but I will try to log on tonight and write a lot more. If I don't get the time, I will definately get on first thing in the morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

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hrt1,
Oh yes, I am around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />..
I had a crazy day yesterday and then went to a late show to the movie with H...we ended up going to a theater about 35 miles from us...it was fun getting out of our town and going to this small town for a late movie...it just seems like I never get away....

I like chating with you too...Hey, what does hrt1 stand for? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Just curios...

I actually changed my log in name after my kitty died <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...her name was daisy...I then planted white daisy in my yard to remind me off her....I am a cat person now...

I actually was a dog person until I met H...He wanted cats, so last year we got daisy and she was such a wonderful cat! I grew to really love her. She was a true cat, gave me a lot of attitude <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />, but whenever I went outside she would walk with me to get the mail and walk around the neighberhood...I miss her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...

Now, I got these 2 kittens (I say kittens cause they are small cats, although they are over 1 year old.) They are best buds now and they just love to hang around me...I am glad I have then otherwise I would alone in this house....One of them is such a dear, but she talks up a storm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />...crazy!!!

Anyway, I appreciate any thoughts you got to my thread....

Hope your kitty is well... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy


Me: 30 WH: 29 WH: left May 8th, 2005 Now: no contact with WH since 07/02/2006 Ark on Plan A plan a tips and musings...get grounded here betrayed spouses...............JUST BE STILL...........
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