A couple things.. if the only PROVEN contact is the day after exposure... well, that is a good sign. As for the OW, not a single thing can be believed.

If the administrator said she was screening the calls, and still had some from him come through, then you can be assured he tried to call, but you don't know the intent. Perhaps you can establish some rules in that area (although, with MIL moved, he shouldn't need to call there anymore -- except maybe with some billing questions, so, you two should agree you make those calls).... if he is on the up and up, then he should agree to these requests, although I'm sure it will be begrudgingly... give him a time frame... don't leave it open ended. However, don't make it easy, it should be for 6 months or something, where he is responsible to you for every second, every call, every action.... if it's too much, then, you have your answers.

Since your WS is still a WS in spirit, let's refocus how you handle him.

1. In a calm but direct manner, inform him that for you to heal, he has to participate. He has to 'reassure' you of his commitment and love to the R and M. If he can't or choose not to, then other 'options' will need t/b taken. Do not elaborate on them even if he asks. Just make the statement.

(Practice this one if you need to).

2. Go check out your D options. Get your finances in order.

3. Pray for a clear mind, a calm heart and lots of patience.

4. No more ILY's to the WS. They don't like it and you can't love a WS.

5. Keep busy.

Each time his anger goes to hurtful places in front of you, pull back. Let him bury himself with his anger. Do not participate in it.

Why? Because right now he s/b reaching to help you heal. If he still focus' on him, that's a sign he is still a WS @ heart and chooses NOT to work on the M or R with you and for you.

L.

kd...

What makes you believe this about the OW? Are you 100% sure that there is NC? What about going to Radio Shack and purchasing a voice activated tape recorder for his car, just to make sure?

Mrs. Wondering [/quote]

The reason I believe there is not contact is the fact that w/h has been more stable, content, and was so happy about last weekend when he was able to help in dog field trials, and actually invited me to the next. (Very big step for him, because he didn't want to take me anywhere before and this time he was the one that offered it willingly and happily) All the frequent phone calls he was placing to his friends when he was actively involved with o/w stopped around the end of first week of discovery. I know that he would call friends a lot when he was trying to feel less guilty, or at least that is my thought on it. Plus now, he has a very settled feeling about him. I do think the voice activiated recorder is an excellent idea. But does it actually make click sounds when it stops. This is not something I want to get caught at.
I also want to install the keylogger on the computer.
Thanks for the suggestion Mrs. Wandering

The administrator recieved the information from the o/w that my w/h was still trying to contact her. O/W told administrator that she was not picking up the calls. Administrator told o/w not to answer any of the calls and not to try to explain anything to w/h period. This is the only time administrator and I have talked about this (the day of exposure to administrator of o/w and w/h ea) He now has no reason at all to contact o/w, the old facility, or anyone there. Mil is moved.

kds.

You're in a hard spot as far as the attitude of your spouse. I' not really sure what to make of it. If you think that the NC is in place, and going well...then I think you should continue on in that fashion. If you think he is lying and still contacting her then start the detective process....

My issue is this... if you practice at being sneaky, you get better and better at being sneaky. However, if you practice trusting, you get better and better at trusting. You gotta choose what way to go. Perhaps you just aren't ready for the trust side yet, and I surely wouldn't blame you for that.

What is a ILY???? I don't know what it stands for.

I like how you threw out the fishing line, but were very mysterious about the options if he doesn't want to participate in committing to the r or m. With that I don't back myself into a corner that leaves only one solution to statement.

I have already checked out my d options.

I have complete access of finances and do all the bill paying, less the 401k's and retirement.

Prayers are being said as I speak for clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience.

Keeping busy is the hard part, not that I don't have lots of things I could be doing, just that most of my thoughts center around w/s and improving myself.

I will pull back when w/s try's to use anger to shut me up.
Thank goodness, this has been happening less and less in the past two weeks. Just the recent blow up.

Thank you Orchid for your helpful tips, I will definately give thought to them and implement them.

Right now Rookev,
I want to trust husband, but being the pessimist that I am, I will prepare for w/s. I am not ready to trust w/h. I don't know if I ever will trust him completely again. I agree with Lemonman and others that until he talks about his ea with me and comes completely clean, I will always be wondering. I am a realist and like to handle my problems head on. One of my personality quirks is that there are times when I do the right thing and give little regard to the consequences I will have to pay for doing the right thing, if you can understand that one. My sisters always admired that in me. I don't know if that personality trait is good or bad.

ILY = I Love You

After reading some of the posts over I believe some of the readers might have the wrong impression.
When the administrator said my husband had been trying to contact o/w since discovery date; the info came from o/w. The supposed phone calls were made to o/w personal cell phone, not the facility's phone lines, at least that is what I believe to be true.
I just wanted to clear that up.