Aww swearing is in its INFANCY in the US. It takes an English Notherner of mining stock to swear properly. I am simply grandiloquent at cussing. Eminem only knows five cuss words, man I even MADE SOME UP that are in common usage amongst people around me ! LOL !

Mum would be proud, eh?

lol

My Mom only ever heard me cuss once, when I threw a psychotic neighbour out of Mom and dad's house. Mom looked at me shocked and said " to think you kiss me with that mouth !".
Her eyes were twinkling though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I miss her being proud of me. I really do.

Love that story, bob! I think I repeated every single one of the five cuss words last night!

Ok, I am much calmer now and at work. WH and I are going out to dinner tonight to discuss the last bits of our agreement for D. Any suggestions? We need to discuss visitation, separating our finances and he wants to talk a bit more about what we "talked" about last night. We had a calm discussion this morning on the phone regarding my pain and anger. Also the things he said in response to my anger. I did manage to tell him that I will be protecting our children from further hurt by him which includes not allowing him to expose them to OW. I got him to agree not to introduce OW into their lives unless he "legitmizes" their relationship my marrying her. We'll see if that holds up but then DD can hold her own too.

Me too!!!
I said "when are you going to step up to the plate and be a man?"
Apparantly the answer, un-spoken, was "not any time soon!"

FF - those of us who are on the other side now, and happier, can see that you are going to be so much better off later. But you gotta get through this crap first.

I too wondered how on earth I would raise my 2 boys alone, even though my Ex did very little to help anyway. When the pump broke on my well, I cried "why does he get to walk away and live in a fantasy world while I have to fix this." When my pipes burst, I cried again. When I had a hornet nest in my spare room, I cried some more.

When we were completeing our final divorce agreement I called him (living with OW at the time) and asked him to please meet me for an hour on Saturday to go over the final stuff. He said he couldn't do it, he was busy. I said, ok Sunday. Still too busy, so he told me just to write it up and he would sign it. I talked to him on his cell that Saturday - I could hear a lot of noise in the background, so I asked where he was. He was at OW's 8 year old daughters soccer game. That is why he couldn't meet me to take care of the D papers. Little girls soccer game.

Our 17 year old son is the starting middle linebacker for his varsity football game. My Ex misses at least half of his games. But at that time he couldn't possibly miss OW's daughters soccer game.

I wrote up the D papers without him, he signed them without a word.
Of course now he complains - says I "screwed him.".
Well, maybe a little!!!

My point is that your WS is being a huge poop head, and your sons health needs are certainly part of it, but not entirely. It is possible for a WH to be a huge poop head even when their son doesn't have special needs.

FF - God is going to give you a double blessing some day.

Here is the scripture I am currently carrying in my pocket:

Phil. 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heaven ward in Chris Jesus.

Well, obviously He is giving me what I need through people like you WOF. Thank you.

FF,

Foggy or no, it can't make you feel good to react that way.

You know I can relate to the anger. I have shocked the heck out of Patriot with some of the vile things that have come out of my mouth!

Probably looks akin to something like the little girl in the Exorcist. At least, the look on his face was as if that's what he'd seen!

Maybe some would feel better after venting in such a fashion. I did not. I only felt worse, actually, because then I not only had the negative feeling of the anger, I had the negative feeling of what I chose to do with that anger. Also, I knew it was wrong to treat another person that way, regardless of what they had done.

If you identify with that, perhaps you could find another outlet for your anger. Posting here helps, I'm sure. Although, you would probably be censored if you spoke too freely. Also, Patriot might not appreciate you teaching me some new vocabulary. It is an alternative if you need to get your feelings out.

A journal is another option. Sometimes pounding away at the keyboard gets those feelings out. Sometimes you don't even realize what is going to come out before you type it!

I've been 'learning myself up' on control lately. It does help to put things in perspective, learning the ways that I attempt to control situations or people that are beyond my control. I hate to think of all that energy I've wasted trying to control things I couldn't. It would have been so much wiser spent on things I actually could control...myself, of course. If I can cuss like a sailor and make my head spin around, imagine how much I could better myself if I channeled that kind of energy!

Sounds like you have a lot of energy, too, and a lot wiser things and people to spend it on.

All my best to you, FF. You are such a blessing to us all.

Froz

Amen to that! And also to what AP and others said -

The pain will not last forever, especially when your blessings start pouring in by the doubles!

Right WOE?????

"I struggle every day with my need to control things and pray for God to help me let go and let Him take over the wheel. Someday..."

FF, I was thinking about this sentance of yours. Not to quibble, but I think of it a bit differently.

God has a plan for me. He has given me free will and expects me to use it to get wherever I am supposed to end up. So, I am still at the wheel. I am supposed to be. But, God is riding shotgun and He has the map.

I just have to learn to stop looking out the window so much and stop yelling at the other drivers and listen to directions.

With prayers,

Oh yeah, Froz that would be me too. My head DOES spin around LOL The worst part is how I feel after and how I just drive a bigger wedge between us.

Awww, thanks froz and weaver.

Ooooh...a new emotional word picture. Wow, two good ones in one day! Appy, that is a terrific way to look at it and I am LMAO at the yelling at other drivers part! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

That is a terrific analogy! I like that. It struck me kinda funny too, FF.

Partly because I can relate and partly because DS15 1/2 thinks his Mommy has "road rage".

He even accused me of it last week on the drive to get his learner's permit. He also shared with me that during Driver's Ed., in the book, there was a picture of a psycho-looking, crazy cartoon face driving and he stated to the class..."Hey! That's my mom!"

Guess I need to find an outlet, too, and maybe a chill pill or seven.

(I really am better at the road rage thing, btw. DS15 1/2 exaggerates!)

FF - you are entitled to your hurt and anger and he deserves every tirade you send his way. I'm astonished that you can go out to dinner with him and be civil - my WH and I can just about last in the same room now for an hour. Your feelings towards the OC are perfectly normal, I'm sure. I'm convinced it won't be long before an OC enters our situation and it will piss me off so badly to think of him doting over a new baby (my WH is brilliant with babies - nappies & all) when he gave so little of his time to his 3 lovely daughters over the past few years.

FF - you have many caring friends here who have taken you under their wing. Their prayers will continue to bless you and give you support through this sad time. I understand you need to keep your own children away from OW. I had the same desire but my WH took the girls out last weekend for their birthday, bought them each an IPOD and then took them for dinner with OW without my permission. All this from a man who is having a shunt put in his arm this week, to start kidney dialysis early in the new year, and who thinks that OW will stand by him with all that implies. If she does, she must be totally desperate for her British passport. Divorce we must. It's a sham of a marriage. There are some marriages that cannot/should not be saved. I think we both come into that category. All blessings TT

((((FF))))))

Sorry this is so tough for you. When is he leaving?

TT, I would be sooo angry if WH did that! What nerve taking the girls to dinner with his kooze OW! Argh.. I am angry for you. We had a pretty nice dinner together. That is the weird thing, except for my tirades we get along better now than we ever have in our M. That is why all this threw me for a loop because the love had returned in our M.

Smur, not sure yet. We did a lot of talking tonight and more later to talk about before we speak to the attorney tomorrow.

I will post in the morning. I have to really think through some of this and get feedback.

Gosh everyone, I am truly blessed and overwhelmed by your love and generosity of spirit. I was telling WH about many of you tonight. Really nice to have this kind of support. Thank you.

Well, we did go to dinner last night. I said to him "describe for me how you see things post D" and here is the kicker...he wants to live at home in the guest bedroom. He said he had hoped nothing much would change. Our money would still be co-mingled and the only thing different would be no SF and him sleeping in another bed. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I asked how he thought that would be any different than it is now with me essentially giving him permission to hurt me by him going to see OW in the open and not always coming home at night. How would he "explain" that to DD? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Then he told me (sheesh what I learn when I just sit back and not control the conversation!) that he doesn't plan on spending much time at her place. He doesn't like her lifestyle, is tired of her and her trying to control him through OC. He said she tells when, how and if he can see OC based on what she wants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He is very unhappy having two woman controlling his life and telling him what he can and can't do. He admits it is his fault that he caused this mess and he can't believe how badly he messed up his life and the lives of his children. He is glad she has OC instead of us because being around a baby is hard for him. He wants to make sure OC has a dad but doesn't want an R with OW. He doesn't think she will let him be a dad to OC unless he keeps seeing her. hmmm...excuses or truth? It felt sincere but I don't know. He said he knows he has rights but wants to give her time to adjust to the idea that he has no interest in her anymore. I do have trouble buying this based on the number of minutes on those cell phones I discovered but ok.. I am keeping my mouth shut and listening.

He loves me. He finally realized it was him that was the problem though he does still blame my A for many of our problems and I can't argue with that. He believes he has finally gotten the need to stray out of his system and the last 18 months with OW has opened his eyes to what he has done and how badly he messed up. He is unhappy with his choices and sorry he brought a child into this. He is also scared to death the something will happen to OC like it did our DS. Oh and he is still crushed by the sit with DS.

Ok, I told him I would think about his post D fantasy but doesn't sound like the greatest idea for me maybe for the kids but not for me. I did tell him that if, I mean IF I did let him live at home that he would need to care for our kids 50% of the time as though it was true visitation. That means every othe weekend I get off and 1/2 the time during the week. As well he would be expected to do his own laundry, clean up after himself and his bathroom etc.

We talked about staying M'd too. But that means no R and NO C with OW/OC until he completely got through withdrawl. He has to think about that because of the OC issue.

So, that was my night. More later. We meet with our attorney today to finalize the D process. Can this get more confusing?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's such a great technique, isn't it !!!

[b]absolutely freaking ridiculous!

so glad you simply listened ....

of course ---> NEVER agree to anything remotely like this

if your H wants a live-in-maid/babysitter/financial planner/cook/laundress/companion ... he ought to PAY her better than he's paying you

and .... if you will please note ... his "fantasy post divorce" disallows YOU privacy and dignity and a chance to date other men without him watching !!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />