Kim & SM -

I'm glad to see that both of you are getting back involved in church and renewing your relationships with God. It is indeed a paradox that the worst of times drive us to do what we should do in the best of times.

Kim - I hope you don't mind if I copy your words and send them to #2S who is a Minister of Youth. I think he would find that encouraging.

I know you both will do well.

Georgia

Good morning. I got really sad last night. It was cold when I went to bed, and all I could think about was that WH was probably plenty warm snuggled up to OW like he used to with me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I felt really lonely and sad, wondering how long I'll be sleeping alone like this and missing H terribly. Little things like that really set me off. Good thing my cats came to snuggle.

And then DD woke up screaming at 1 a.m. and I couldn't get her back down until 1:45.

Hey parents out here, why would a 10-month-old wake up screaming? I can't decide if it's teething or separation anxiety. And what did you do about it when it happened to you? I've tried nursing her, I've tried rocking her, I've tried rubbing her back. Last night I had to do all three to get her settled down.

It's really weird... it's a shrill cry/scream that she doesn't do during the day. She will be fine as soon as I pick her up, drifting off to sleep in my arms. As soon as I start to lay her down, she'll start screaming again. Then she'll stand up in the crib pulling at my clothes. I don't think it's because she's sick, because she's been doing this for over a week now. Any ideas?

Sorry SM that you two had a rough night. My DD's have had a few episodes of night terror, but not for a week like you are discribing. Is she fine during the day? Teething, ear infection, constipated, anything??

Maybe this phase won't last much longer ((SM and DD)) Maybe she is getting cramps from all that big girl walking!

You know SM, when my daughter was 8-10 months old (and I was still nursing) she would get a little "spoiled" - maybe that is separation anxiety? Happened with both daughters now that I think about it. Nursing at bedtime (10pm), 3am and in the morning turned into nursing at 10pm, 11:30pm... then 10:00, 10:30, 11:10, 11:40 (10 minutes a time) - you get the idea. Finally I had NO CHOICE but to let her cry it out. TORTURE. But it worked after a few nights. You could give her a little Tylenol if dr. says it's okay to rule out teething. Then process of elimination if she sleeps it's teething, if she wakes up then probably separation anxiety or "spoiled" sleeping. Much more cozy in Mommy's arms then in the crib alone when a person wakes up to roll over or whatever!

If it's any consolation, I thought sleeping was THE HARDEST thing about parenting - harder than discipline, the work, feeding issues, changing them... you just do not know what to do sometimes! Do you let them cry it out? Are they hurt? Are they just getting alittle spoiled? Are they scared? Should you go to them? UGH UGH UGH!!!

And just like with a WH, a little reinforcement goes a long way! Going in ONE TIME for 5 seconds and you can have to start all over with 20 more minutes of crying. I swear a one really bad night and one a little bad night of an hour + of crying w/o me going in the room to get her was what did the trick. I am a softie, but it just got ridiculous! Yes, it's true - you may have to do Plan B at night with DD! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good luck!

MSA

Ha, ha... plan B with DD? That's pretty funny. I hope it doesn't come down to that.

I'm kind of freaked out tonight. I think WH may have come into the house today while I was at work. An important piece of mail had come for him yesterday, and I planned to give it to him tomorrow when he comes for DD. However, it's gone now. I don't know what to do. He still has the garage door opener remote. I haven't hassled him about it b/c he said it didn't work. To be honest, it would be pretty easy to jimmy the lock on the door between the garage and the house.

What if he broke in? What if that means he's been here looking at the email between my attorney and me? Or worse, what if he found the journal my IC told me to keep? Not a log of contact with him, but the stream of conscience really bad nasty one that I funnel all my anger into. The one that will be shredded or burned once I'm done with it, never to see the light of day? What if he took it and made copies of it and plans to use it against me in court? I read over it tonight, and I thought it looked like it came from an unstable person. Plus, a couple of the entries allude to the mystery man.

Any ideas on how I should handle this? There's no way I'm going to say anything to WH about it. He'd get mad and say I'm full of s***.

I'm so glad I see the attorney tomorrow. I hope I can sleep tonight!

Tell him directly tomorrow about the piece of mail, that it came but turned up missing. As far as accusing him then of coming into the house... I wouldn't if you think he's going to deny it. If he did come into the house and take the mail, he probably did it as fast as possible so as not to be seen. He is probably in too much of a fog to be searching for diaries. Also, wouldn't that be illegally obtained? (Stolen!) Ask your attorney tomorrow, but I don't think he could use it even if he did see it. Where was it, stowed away or out in the open somewhere? Your attorney shouldn't have too much trouble even if that were the case explaining that a diary is the privately expressed thoughts of a mother who has been abandoned by her WH for an OW... anger and other feelings are natural. You were always worried about what you said on this site too, but I think you have displayed only the most upstanding and quite compassionate perspective on the situation, and any judge would be a fool not to see that. You strike me as anything BUT unstable.

Can you change the locks or add deadbolts with different keys? You have a right not to have your personal dwelling broken into when you are at work, don't you? Ask your lawyer.

Is there ANY chance the piece of mail was misplaced? Our minds do tend to jump to the most suspicious at times like these... perhaps you mislaid it and he never came to the house. Are you POSITIVE where you left it???

MSA

I would hate to have to change the locks again. I already did that on my attorney's advice the day I filed... bought new doorknobs and deadbolts and got help installing them from my neighbor. It would be hard for me to install a deadbolt on that door myself, b/c it's a metal door, there's not one there already, and I don't have the tools for that. Mom suggested a simple bolt lock or chain.

About the chance of it being misplaced... I've searced all over the house and can't find it. I guess it's possible I could have misplaced it, though, since it's been a long time since I've had a full night's sleep.

However, I know he's done this before. I guess he had requested a payoff statement for the mortgage, which came before I filed so he still had a key. I set it on the table and intended to copy it for my own records before he came over to see DD the next time... but it disappeared, too. I never said anything about it to him.

About the evil journal, it was in my nightstand drawer, but not anymore. I guess my concern about that is, maybe he could ask for his lawyer to subpoena my journal during discovery. I would turn my real journal over, but then couldn't they say, that's not the journal we're talking about, and produce a photocopy?

On the plus side, though, I have some great news. Mom's BF let it slip last night that they plan to drive down to be with us at Christmas. It was supposed to be a surprise. I am SOOOO excited about that, and I really hope it does happen! Now if only I can keep that a secret from my brothers so at least THEY will be surprised...

I am happy to hear that you are getting a Christmas surprise!

The journal thing is interesting. I wonder if our deepest thoughts are admissable in court, considering the WS don't seem to have any thought process at all!

Did DD sleep well last night?

So what day did you change the locks? How could he have gotten in the house yesterday with the locks changed - I'm confused...?

I can't imagine what's in the journal that would be used against you - I wouldn't worry about it, what did your lawyer say?

Hi, Mrs. S. I changed the locks the day I filed, but the door to the utility room from the garage has never had a deadbolt. I've gotten in myself with a credit card once when I was locked out.

He handed over the garage door opener with no trouble whatsoever. I checked it, and it really doesn't work. I'm thinking I may be imagining things and just being paranoid... maybe I DID misplace the piece of mail, or perhaps a cat knocked it behind a piece of furniture? I will scour the house again looking for it.

Nothing too new at the attorney meeting. WH did file a response to the divorce complaint. I'm sure it was all standard stuff to deny everything, except some of it was insulting. For example, in my complaint, it states something like, "Plaintiff has made significant monetary and nonmonetary contributions to the wellbeing of the family throughout the marriage." His response to that? All allegations in paragraph # denied.

I was puzzled at his response to the paragraph that said "The wife has not allowed cohabitation or condoned the defendant's behavior." His response was to deny that, too. I don't get it... I certainly didn't condone his behavior, and haven't allowed him to stay here (not that he would want to, I guess).

Interesting was the response to the accusation of adultery. It cited part of state code and said he wouldn't respond to it b/c to do so could cause bad stuff to him or his family members. Basically pleading the fifth. Sounds pretty incriminating to me.

Tonight, our interaction was fine for the most part. He came to get DD and stayed for a few minutes watching her "walk" around the room pushing a walking toy. I asked if he would let me come nurse her at 8 b/c I left my pump at work and was worried about getting another plugged duct. He said OK. When I got there, she wasn't interested in nursing. I offered to do in the spare bedroom so we wouldn't disturb his TV watching, but he was quick to say no. Makes me wonder if OW was hiding back there.

When I went back to pick her up at 10, everything was OK. We talked briefly about Christmas shopping, the visitation for the upcoming weekend, and DD switching to home daycare in a couple weeks. That was it.

Yes!!!!! DD slept all night!! Unfortunately, I still woke up around 2. I guess she has me trained now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad DD got a good nights sleep, sorry that you didn't. I hope you have a good day.

Reading about your WH's answer to the D papers was helpful. It gives me info on what to look for in the final editing of mine.

The other night was a fluke. She woke up screaming at 11:30 and 3:30. I figure it MUST be teething. The night she slept through, I gave her ibuprofen right before bed. Last night, she got it a few hours before, and she woke up right about the time she could take another dose.

I had a really rough day yesterday. Had a meeting a few counties over near where my in-laws live. I cried all the way back to the office, thinking about all the happy times H and I have driven that route. Ended up leaving work early to be with DD.

Had the divorcing parent class last night, too, which was so depressing. I cried the whole two hours. Made me really want H to come back so we don't have to put DD through this awful mess. He's got the class next week... maybe it will have a similar effect on him.

Have you ever seen "Hylands Teething Tablets"? You can usually find them at Walmart in the Pharmacy. They worked great for my DD's. They dissolve under the tongue, they work well to calm the baby and just 'take the edge off'.

I am sorry that yesterday had triggers for you. I hope you and DD have a nice weekend.

Yep, we have those. We've tried them before and they didn't seem to have much of an effect on DD. Although, now that I know FOR SURE she is teething, I will try those again, probably tonight!

Thanks... we hope we'll have a good weekend, too. I'm planning to take her to see Santa tomorrow, and we have a Christmas party to go to tomorrow night. I was going to get a sitter, but my friend says it'll be kid-friendly, so hopefully DD will enjoy herself, too.

Sometimes when my kids don't sleep well but they seem fine, a day or 2 later they come down with sniffles/cold/flu and then I think, "Ah, she probably had a sore throat and sinus headache, just no sniffles yet!" - has happened more times than I can count.

Probably teething though. Bubblegum Motrin is my friend! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Have fun at the Christmas party tomorrow!

MSA

Teething. The one remedy I found most effective was from the healthfood store. A product by a company called Bioron. It is a white box with a Koala Bear and pink/blue writing. The product is called: Camillia (sp???). It uses the camomile liquid which numbs the gums. The come in individual vials which taste like water. You just squeeze it into their mouths.

My son's teething episodes used to clock on about 2am each morning. I learned to give him a dosage before bed time and he usually slept through the night. Even now with his molars coming in, I give him the same liquid, just a higher dosage. I gave it to my son when he was under 1 year old. It is safe.

Sure wish there was something we could squish in the WS' mouth to make the A go away. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks, Mrs. S and Orchid. Actually, Mrs. S, she's just now getting over her latest round of daycare-itis. And Orchid, I'll check into that Camillia stuff. Sounds like it could help!

DD and went out shopping today. Tried to go see Santa Claus, but she of course freaked out. I hope he will still bring her presents! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ran into a friend of WH's, too. He said that he "caught WH by surprise" at his apartment complex... Friend was at a party at the neighbors. He said WH was with his dogs. Dogs? Turns out one of the dogs was OW's. Friend said he let WH know that he thinks this is low. Told me things would work out.

Everytime I run into someone like that, it makes me feel a little better, knowing that I'm not the only one who thinks this is wrong...

DD and I had a great time at the party. There were 3 other babies there, and all the grown-ups had fun watching them interact. I must brag that DD was the star of the evening. She kept everyone entertained. Food was yummy, too.

I felt a little twinge of pain, though, seeing the babies who were there with their happy mommies and daddies together. But I did well. I didn't mention WH or the divorce. I didn't drive by his apartment (or OW's) on the way home.

I finally realized something tonight: It's WH who is missing out, not me and DD. She and I are having some incredible bonding going on, and he is missing everything. He hasn't even seen her try to walk yet! Whatever it is he THINKS he's gaining by being away from us, it doesn't compare. Whatever it is that he's doing instead of being here as a devoted father and husband, it's shallow and probably not as satisfying. It's his loss... maybe someday he'll realize that.

It IS his loss, I hope he realizes that soon as well.