Hey, I'm up to 215 posts... I'm starting to become a real regular on this site. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Of course I have a long way to go to reach MelodyLane's 13000 plus comments. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

As you can see, I am just killing some time before I go to my brother's house for the night.

Thank God for sane family.

Shaden

I have been reading the latest developments in your sitch with rapt attention. I feel the need to say my 0.02 cents because I think you are about to go awry from your A game. You have been doing well lately. However, I feel that you’d be making a big mistake if you move out of your house.

First, leaving your home will put you in a precarious legal position if you want custody of your child and would like to avoid alimony in the future in the event of a D.

Further, if you want your M to have the best chance of surviving, you must stand your ground and not run when things get tough. It is not right or just for a BS to leave their home when they have already been abused by their WS's A. It is your home and if your WW wants space that badly she can move out. Not you! You will not be close enough to work on your M while away. Believe it or not, I believe the recent events in your sitch portend to a good outcome for your M. You guys are at a threshold and what happens next depends to a large extent on your reactions to events as they unfold. Moving out will not be a step in the right direction.

As Mr. Wondering suggests, I would not worry about ILs right now. The marriage is between your WW and you, so I would not discuss your R with them at this point.

I understand your feelings, but do not let your emotions dictate what you do at this time. Rather, let reason and your compassion for your WW and children guide your actions. In short, do not move out, do not move out, do not move out.

I feel like I do the same...think more clearly when angry...but maybe it is just the ability to focus when in "panic mode"? However rash decisions are made in anger too.
I have been fighting depression (situational they call it) off and on for years. I can force myself to go through my hair and makeup routine but it is my "mask" ... I started Zoloft, an AD 1 month before I learned about the A...if not for that I think I would have killed myself when I found out. seriously.
Does she take anything for her depression?
Is she gonna go to a counselor?

Shaden, please don't leave your house over her temper tantrum. Tell her family to mind their own business, this is between you and your W and you will handle it privately. But just don't leave. That is the worst thing you can do. You can't work on your marriage if you run. You have to stay and face this like a man. Your W needs you right now.

Shaden, I think what UVA says is an excelent point. Wish I could keep my own focus to say the same thing! But I was thinking that....really I was. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

too late... I packed a few things and left.

Now I think I have to atleast for credibility sake. If you have followed you might know that a part of my problem has been too dependent and needy. I talked about leaving twice before and didn't. I think, just like exposing, I have to risk this to show her that I will do it and be fine on my own. It is not what I want, but I also cannot stay in a M with the behaviour as it is. I probably should not have jumped to this decision... but now that I have, I think I have to stay the course. To go back now would appear needy and weak... she has already lost too much respect for me.

I do believe my W loves me and wants the family to stay together. I think she is getting some bad advice, is just too exhausted from her own guilt and depression, and the OM seems to be out of the picture... so a little absence might do us all good. It might backfire, but if the M is over that easily, then it wasn't worth it anyway.

We'll see what happens.

Shaden

Leaving is viewed as abandonment in many courts. Don't allow her to punish you, Shaden. If you leave, you are just letting her manipulate you with her little tantrum. If she needs some "space" let her go to a hotel or go out to the garage. If she wants some "absence" let her go in the garage.

Your boys need a sane parent, Shaden. Go home and take care of your family. You have a family to take care of. This is ridiculous.

Shaden -

Sorry you have left. I think it was a bad decision. If possible, take your boys with you on that "business" trip.

Hang in there. We are all in your corner.

Please don't add to the hysterical high drama that she and her family are trying whip up. Your boys need you to be sane, at least. Please don't participate in the nuttiness.

You made a mistake by leaving. But guess what? You can undo it by returning home. In practical matters, reason often requires a balancing of benefits with costs. Some thoughts on the issue of credibility which you seem to be concerned about. First, as your WW is still in the fog, you cannot let her be your barometer of right and wrong. You have nothing to prove to her. Second, your credibility is not at stake. Admitting that you make a mistake and trying to undo it shows more character than keeping on doing the wrong thing just to prove that you were right or a "man" of your words when you were wrong in the first place. Do the right thing and undo what you just did wrong: return home. Last, if the case goes to court, the judge will not give a damn about your wish to appear credible to your fogged-out WW by ABANDONING your home. If you want to have a Pyrrhic victory, then by all means stay away. If you want the best for your M and CHILDREN return home.

The possible gain of appearing credible to your fogged-out WW is greatly outweighed by possible gains to your M and CHILDREN if you return home.

Best wishes.

WELL PUT, UVA! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I returned home last night and slept in my bed beside my W.
We had a talk when I was at my brother's and I said I felt it was better that I was in my home... she agreed.

Thanks for your prayers and support. I have regained control of my emotions again.

Shaden

Could your WS be showing signs of compassion and care for your feelings and circumstance????? Show her appreciation for this gesture. Make her feel like a contributing spouse in the marriage. It appears she did this against the advice of MIL and sister to protect your feelings.


I do not know if you ever want to speak with OM again but I seem to recall you all go to the same church. Maybe you could request an every other week plan to continue at the same church or some other arrangement. Maybe OM and his wife are already interested in finding another church and he'd be willing to give up your church completely. At least it is an option you could explore. I mean, he asked if there was "anything he could do".

Do not call today or even this week. Give it some time and thought. Just an idea.

Mr. W

I just got back to the office after attending a funeral. One of our employees lost her 20 year old son in a car accident. It was a very sad funeral... and I found it extra hard as the boy had the same name as my 10 year old.

The message from the minister really struck home... talking about the importance of family, and that Love never dies. I needed to hear that this morning. On the way to the funeral I was feeling very tired of everything... I was feeling like the only reason I was staying was because it was easier... for the kids, because of finances, etc.. After hearing the message, I know that is not the only reason. My W is important to me and I still love her. She is worth the fight.

Mr. Wondering, I love your quote on the bottom of your signature. I am going to keep asking what God is telling me to do. I think I was meant to go to that funeral.

I am going to stop obsessing, stop thinking about the inlaws, and find some patience again. With the exposure earlier this week, that rid me of most of my anxiety about OM still being in the picture. Now I can give my W the time she needs and just try to be strong. I know I can get past the A... it is whether my W loves me enough is what I am having a hard time dealing with. I now have to stop thinking about all the "sacrifices" I made in the past for my W... that doesn't matter anymore. What matters is what I do today and tomorrow.

Please keep praying and supporting. It helps.

Shaden

You are doing great, my friend. That is the right attitude. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, MelodyLane

I couldn't have gotten this far without you... and the rest of the "team" that has taken an interest in me.

Thanks for sticking by me this far... even when I was too stubborn to listen to advice.

Shaden

OMG, you're Canadian. Please tell me you're not a Maple Leafs fan.

Go Red Wings.

Mr. W

Mel,

Thanks.

Shaden,

You made my day!!! I believe you are on the road to recovery. I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.