Will just say a prayer for you today...and for your DD. Please keep her away from this stuff ok?

You will do what you think is right.

Please however, ask the Harleys.

I am worried about turn of events today..your ww has done the "why would you love me" routine before and then run off.

I do want you to heal more than you can know. Just please think with head...and remember DO NOT take the blame...your WW keeps saying "I wouldn't have cheated if you had woken up sooner"...

What is that????

We all can improve ourselves...what MB principles are all about! But it is a personal choice to become unfaithful to your partner.

Do not take the blame. Please do not. Be as loving and as kind as you want..just remember, taking blame has ramifications if things go south...I know..my xh had taped conversations with me where he'd try to get me to say that I'd been a "bad wife" or how I should have done something better to meet his EN's during plan A....yes, some WS will do this and use it b/c they have no REAL weaponry in their grasp to justify their position.

I say to sit back, do not react...and think.

Daisy-Peach
Daughter knows very very much. Not all my fault.
WW was very very careless with OM in front of daughter.
WW introduced them early on. Told Daughter that he was a friend from work. They did many things together. Swimming, shopping, dinner date, and movies. Because of the 400 text messages, and 300 phone calls a month from March to September, Daughter was exposed to her cross chat with him. Daughter 12 figured it out on her own before I did. Daughter 12 told me that she told mom that she don't like that guy no more and she don't want him around. She said, dad he and mommy never did anything you know, but he was too nice to her. Like you and mom used to be. She told me that OM surprised them at Wal-mart one day. WW was totally ignoring Daughter and when he started touching mommy arm I hit him with a bottle of fabric softener. This all made me sick to here. However, I know I have yelled at WW about OM at times when Daughter has heard.
Daughter and WW were as close as mother and daughter could ever get. Because of my absentce they did everything together. That is were WW went wrong by exposing OM to her.
Daughter asked me why momming don't like her any more. Ever since OM became mommys friend, Its like I don't matter to her now. I hate him for that. Dad when do you think that mommy will pull her head out and be my mom again.
Then his mother at her school. I asked WW how his mother even new about her and why. She said OM told her. So you know OM's mommy must really be a great one too. Condoning her son's affair with a married mother, then attempting to be friend to my daughter at school. I asked Daughter to tell me what that woman said. She told her what a great person OM is and how he and her are great friends and they would like to be friends with daughter. Daughter said this all made her stomach sick and she felt like her head was going to pop it hurt so bad.
This is why I wrote the letter to OM's mom.
Daughter blames WW for the problem in our family. She wants her mother back at home. She often has no patients for WW now. If WW is acting withdrawn from us she is sad and angry. If WW yells at me she has become increasingly angry with WW. I know this is all bad, and daughter is hurting.
I know the pain myself. My parents divorced when I was only 9. I hated them both for what they did to each other.
My dad acted just like Peachy's WH. He tried to beat up my mom, broke into the house by kicking in doors, hired PI's, installed phone taps, verbally fought in front of me and said things that destroyed me. I suffered very much, scared for life. I became an introvert and depressed. I lived three years with my grand parents as my grand father was dieing of cancer. Me and my grand mother bonded. I became her son that helped her get passed the grief of loosing her husband. During this time my mother went two years with out tring to reach me. I have forgave her but will never forget. My dad once he gave up fighting with my mother tried to be good to me. However, he to was just to busy to be a father. He owned two businesses and never had time for me. My dad lived in another town 30 miles away. Going back and forth on week ends, holidays, and summers ruined any chances i had with bonding with friends. Every year after summer I had to make a new best friend because my old one gave up on me and could not wait all summer for my return. This isolated me as a kid. I felt so alone for must of my child hood.
You see I know what divorce does to kids. This is part of what fuels me and my love for WW. I'm a caring person. I do very much love my daughter and the woman I married. I'm scared for both of them. I want to help them. I will take the bullet try to save them and us. I know there is a good deep inside my WW. Is she to far gone to the dark side? I don't know. I pray for her and my family. I ask that you all pray for my wife too. She is the one that needs god the most right now.
I wanted to say somthing to Peach.
Your post about turning your husband over to god. That really got to me. That made me cry. I think all of us BS's think about it just like that. Can we help or is it too late for us and at what point do we turn it over to god. When really god is there the entire time, it's up to us to listen. Just like my wife questioning that feeling inside her when she thinks about being with OM and not me. I have always had a silly belief that god speaks to all us this way. Our conscious is like a phone line to god.
I used to pray for god to help me, but have realized how selfish that is. I pray for god to help my wife and daughter. I ask him to help save our marriage and I promise him that I will not fail my family again. I believe he with us, we just have to choose to listen and look.
Okay- I'm stepping down off my soap box now.
I did call WW just before lunch. My lunch plans changed and i had told her I would be home for lunch and she could find me there if she needed me. I so let her know what was up and asked if she was okay. She sounded okay and was not crapy with me. I wished her a good day and to not let any one hassle her.
I bet the real big push from OM started today.
What do you all think I should do about the secret cell phone???????
She hides it in her purse. I hate that she's got it but it really bothers me when she uses it in the house. She has carried her purse with her into the bath room for long periods of time. That was her old trick before D-day.
I check the history on it when she's in the shower. Part of me is really scared of what I might find. I think if i seen a message from him telling her sex stuff or hating on me I might loose it.
Do I just ask her if she has a new phone or what.... I think its in OM's name. Her name comes up on the display, but when I typed the number in at the provider website it comes up as wrong name or number.
She told me along time ago that OM wanted to give her a cell phone to replace the one i broke.
It just hit me, OM probably gave her the phone or made her get one just so he can keep tabs on her.
There was no other numbers in the contact list other than his. His number is the only one on the call log and also on the recieved log.
That basturd..... Is it wrong to pray that god get him for this and do it now?

The phone my wife was using I just stepped on it and crushed it...destroying it. Didnt say a word to her. Didnt have to! She was POed...at the time, I didnt care.

Not sure if that was the best course of action...but I would have no problem throwing away a phone belonging to the OM that was in my house. Or anything he may have given her.

In His arms.

Mortarman- I can always count on you to cut through the crap and do what needs to be done... lol

Thanks Dazed...

On a similar note, while in Plan A, I used to irk her when I would catch her calling him, and I would say "you are not allowed to call him." Man, that got her ticked off. How dare I treat her like a teenage girl? Well, everyone knows the answer to that question...because she was acting like a 17 year old in heat. If she wanted to be treated like an adult, then she needed to start acting like a 30 something year old Christian wife with three kids.

That even caught the eye of a Christian counselor we went to see during all of this. Actually during recovery. we were rehashing some thigns she didnt like during the affair (like me exposing, all of the intelligence gathering...and treating her like a child). I told the counselor in front of her that she wasnt allowed to see or talk to the OM. Could I stop her? No. But there were things I could (and did) do. A married woman is not allowed to carry on an affair. It is immoral...and in Virginia it is against the law.

So, while feminists would hate me talking to a woman like that...I had no problem treating her and the affair just as it should be treated. I love my wife. But when it came to my WW? That is a different story!

In His arms.

If the phone is in OM's name then I suggest calling some 1-900 party line numbers or calls to China in Peak hours. Set the phone down and rack up a huge bill. Download crappy ringtones or other features which cost $$$$.

Obviously confirm the phone is in his name first otherwise your wife (you) may end up stuck with the bill.

Mr. Wondering

ps-If she starts deleting her call log you can always check the hours/minutes of phone usage log to confirm contact

p.s.s.-If you destroy the phone, OM just got a settlement so they will likely just get another and never allow you access (she will hide it better).

p.s.s.s. - keep up the Plan A, she may be breaking.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

I like Mr. Wondering's idea better!!! Leave it to a lawyer!

In His arms.

Mr.W- I agree.. I had first planned on using it as a way to snoop and see how the other half is living. What type of messages OM is leaving. Control and pressure or loving sappy crap. My feel is control and pressure is increasing daily. Now that OM is a free turd I think pressure and control is on order for WW.
I have been wondering all day how see will take it. Knowing that with me she always hated it. However, Harley said that she may see his control methods as attention and affection. I hope not. The woman I knew would have told him where to shove it in no time flat. I know she is confused and can't think, so it may seem nice that OM is directing her along. Let him do the planning and thinking. I think that has been what he has been doing all along. I give him credit for being good at playing her. I never did that with her. The last time she had any of that was early in high school when she dated a guy way older guy that abused her badly.

FRANK-
I wanted to say your comments are so inspirational to me. Thank you so much. You are correct, my wife does not have the capasity to be violent with me. She has a lot of bark but no bite. She is 5'1" 120lbs. I'm 6'4" 215. No she has never seen a gun. I had to train her how to use mase...
OM is a low life that his EXW tells me he has threatened many times and recently pushed her down, against the wall, and held her by the arms over her stair case. This was all to make her stop talking to me and WW about who he really is. His wife was also very small. 5'2" 95lbs. What a big man throwing around a woman the size of a child.
Back to my point.
FRANK-Please stay active in my sitch. I really draw strength from you and your reassurance is great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Thank You..
Thanks again for your prayers. Pray for my wife too.

Dazed:

I find some of your posts confusing. I am not quite sure of why you are in denial of all of this. You are worried about what HAS ALREADY happened. Man, I know that everyoine here wants you to so much save your marraige, but I must say...at what point do you stop "taking bullets" and start protecting yourself. Are you on Antideppressants? Do you fully realize the extreme dysfunction that you live in and allow to continue.

I know that you and I are completely different people with completely different view points and are in different stations in life....But we are both still men...and at some point, the bullets that you think you are brave for taking, become a "crutch" that you are afraid to stop using.

It is your life, so in the end you will end up being 100% responsible for the outcomes of life.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

HI Dazed...

Thanks for the kind words.... I hope I can help because I KNOW how VERY VERY hard this is...

I've got to say that (Knowing the signs) I only hinted before that your WS heart is softening...returning to normal... NOW I AM SURE.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />


LOOK AT WHAT SHE'S SAYING....!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As she held on to me she said, it feels so natural to touch you. The way we fit feels right. You are so familiar to me. It feels so wrong deep inside to think about being with anyone else. RENT THE MOVIE "THE STORY OF US" With Bruce Willis....and IF SHE WANTS TO watch it with her (pick the timing well and it will be a knock-out punch!!)

BS. I still love you YES!! NO love you BUTS!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

She says, god your so perfect now. You are the dad to DD that I always wanted. You are trying so hard now it makes me so sad. I should have found a way to talk to you before all this.



AND YOU GOT A TON OF INFORMATION BY BEING VERY GENTLE AND NOT PUSHING.... I WAS AMAZED AT THE LONG CONVERSATION ABOUT OM.... THAT IS RARE.....EVEN IN RECOVERY.......AND WHEN YOU VERY TACTFULLY ADDED YOUR VERY INSIGHTFUL IDEAS NOT ONLY DIDN'T SHE STOP YOU.... SHE AGREED!! GREAT JOB... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> (that was very dangerous BTW like going for it on 4th and 10!! but you got your first down..... be careful....that was rare..) BUT....She fact that she let this conversation GO ON FOR SO LONG.. is such a good sign.... like.... YOU AND HER AGAINST OM... (instead of Her and OM against YOU!!!) Nice change.... no defending the OM ....NICE!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />




However, it is a VERY delicate time right now..... I saw (and I'm sure you've noticed) INCREDIBLE PROGRESS AND HOPE..

I'm sure that this has the potential to come to a head VERY SOON....

But like I said.... a VERY delicate time....

BECAUSE of the progress it is YOU that must be at your strongest now.... there WILL most likely be a setback.......at least it's highly likely..... It may seem like you're back to square one..... This will be very frustrating and hurtful... But the affair WILL die and like anything that dies.....it will take one last desperate gasp......clutching and fighting for a last breath.....think of a life struggling to stay alive....it will have great strength......then die.....

This will be very hard on you.... the hardest to date....DON'T REACT.....DON'T FLINCH........CONTINUE TO BE GENTLE AND HOLD YOUR ANGER
(Which I think is very natural for you.... you strike me as a very good and kind spirit )
Any ANGER.... JUDGMENT......PUSHING.... will give this thing CPR and help it live....it's gonna die.... just let it.... don't give it ANY breath at all......BE SMART.... STAY STRONG...... YOU ARE GETTING THE JOB DONE.....YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!

LOOK AT HOW GOOD YOU'RE GETTING....!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


"I'm debating on calling her today and offering to be there or give remind her to not let him push her.
However, I think that makes me look like the pusher. So I'm standing down, hoping that he will continue to unravel and help her see that the light. I know patients, and planning.

I think I just need to make me look safe and un-pressuring right now. Attractive to her so when OM pushes she has me to run to."

RIGHT RIGHT and RIGHT..!!!!!


I did call WW just before lunch. My lunch plans changed and I had told her I would be home for lunch and she could find me there if she needed me. I so let her know what was up and asked if she was okay. She sounded okay and was not crapy with me. I wished her a good day and to not let any one hassle her.

NICE PLAN "A" STUFF HERE!!



+Our conscious is like a phone line to god. " I loved that thought....thanks...


I'M TELLING YOU BROTHER... YOU ARE THE ROOKIE OF THE YEAR.... WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> you really get this and are doing a great job.... one that you can be VERY proud of.....you're strength no doubt is coming from God..... he is with you I can feel it.....



This will sound crazy but affairs remind me of the movie "The Exorcist" Remember when the priest confronts the demon and the demon tries everything to "trick" and scare him so he'll believe he is in control.....

Like....making the bed move.....vomiting.....taking on the form of the priest's recently deceased mother..... all the tricks and scare tactics.... when the young priest gets weak.... (REACTS TO THE DEMON) The older Priest tells him to leave the room right away... because the demon gets STRONGER WHEN REACTED TO..... Much like this affair stuff .... when we react and lovebust.... the affair gets stronger.......weird....huh


I wanted to answer some of your questions IMHO....

I know there is a good deep inside my WW. Is she to far gone to the dark side?

NOT EVEN CLOSE.... SHE WAS.......BUT YOU'RE BRINGING HER BACK..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Do I just ask her if she has a new phone or what.... I think its in OM's name.

DON'T EVEN LET HER KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT IT...... NEVER GIVE UP AN EDGE... YOU CAN GET GOOD INFO FROM THIS.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


That basturd..... Is it wrong to pray that god get him for this and do it now?

DON'T WORRY... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> HE'LL GET HIM.....AS HARD AS THIS IS TO BELIEVE...YOU MAY FEEL SORRY FOR HIM SOMEDAY....



She is 5'1" 120lbs. I'm 6'4" 215.

LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> THAT IS GREAT......I GUESS YOU'RE SAFE....


GOD BLESS YOU DAZED... YOU'RE A GOOD MAN THAT IS FIGHTING HARD (With gentle power) FOR YOUR MARRIAGE....

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND POST AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.... WE'RE HERE....... AND WE WORRY WHEN YOU DON'T..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS...FRANK

P.S. If you think of it....please pray for MY WS.... she's very much in the dark side and she is going through a lot of confusion and pain right now... and I can't help her..It's in God's hands...

Update-
No ground breaking news.
I had more drive by encounters with OM yesterday than ever before. The morning I seen him a block from my house. I have started showing him he is No.1 each time I see him. Knowing he is unraveling I figure a little push from me might help. He is a coward having me taunt him should really eat at him. When I see him there is no signs of humor on his face. In fact he looks scared and does nothing. I no he will report this to WW. I'm hoping with anger and demands tie to it.
I seen him again as I took D12 to swim team practice. Don't worry I did nothing with D12 in the truck. In fact I turned to talk to daughter so she did not see him.
After dropping off daughter I seen him go by the school in the opposite direction. Gave him the sign. Then a few minutes later as I left a Wendys drive through.
WW called at 5 and gave D12 a couple lame excusses for not being home until 8PM after practice. When we got home WW was back in the withdrawn mode. I tried to make some small talk nothing. I gave her a new YMCA membership card I just renewed. Nothing. She asked to go to Wal-mart and get a few things. D12 left the room and I asked was that directed towards me or just D12? She said nothing. I said that's nice of you, thanks. As she left for Wal-mart she asked if she could bring me something back to eat. I said no thanks. If you can't be seen with me, then don't bring me nothing to eat. Maybe wrong, but I was angry.
When she came back she set back down on the couch. Silent. I tried to talk to her, all most nothing back. We watched tv for nearly an hour. When i sent D12 upstairs to get ready for bed. I asked WW, So did he give you a big lecture to night or what? She says why would you say that. NO. I said, well you haven't said three words to me all night and are as distant as you can be and still be in the room. He must have told you to not talk to me, huh. She said what makes you think I even talked him. I did not see him tonight. I said, okay. I seen the clown driving around several times. I figure he was looking for you or talking to you, thats his normal routine. She said i did not see him tonight. OKAY, and I left the room. After stewing for a bit, I went back down. Picked up my things I had left lay around. I told WW, Okay so you want me to ignore you back. Is that what you want? Okay then, I'm going to bed. If you want to talk, you know where I'm at.
She came upstairs later. I heard her at the bed room door way. She looked at me for a while, then went on into the guest room and slept there. I woke up around 3Am. Decided to go check on WW. She was actually in the guest bed. I went down stairs to get a drink of water.
I decided to write her a note and place in her make up room to read in the moring.

I wrote a little note. I can't remember all of it but here goes:
WW, All I want is for us to be happily in love with each other. I dream of a time when we can have friendly conversation with each other about anything again. I want to do fun things together with you. I want to know you again. I want to know about things you like, what interest you, makes you laugh.
I wish we could do little things together like walks in the park, shopping for music and cloths or just even house supplies, watching movies or watching tv and missing half the show talking and planning things for us to do in the future together. The fun parts of life.
Love
Me

I put the note in a place so she could easily find it. I seen her purse and checked the phone. She called him at 5:05, talked for 3 min. He called her at 5:10, and talked for 8 min. He called her at 6:01, the same time I passed him on the way to swim practice. Talked for 6 min. Then she called him at 7:22 and talked for 53 min. This was right up till I got home. When I got home the front door was locked. This must have been to give her time to put the phone away.

This morning i broght her back another pop and snack after dropping of D12 at school. By then she had to read the note. She thanked me and said, you deserve better than me.
Thats all for now.
Dazed.

Dazed....
Sounds like a tough day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...
I think seeing OM is getting you angry and that anger builds inside you...I feel for you!



I understand the silent treatment and the frastration...but (you knew that was coming) try not to be sarcastic...


How does a statement like this help you? Just ask if she spoke to him IF you believe she tells you the truth!
Why do I get the feeling this statement was not said in the most loving tone? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Seriously, dazed...try to hold back...

Does it matter what he is telling her? No. Any contact is bad! So, just say you don't want any contact! That is your mission to END the contact!


I thing it is fine that you told her this....She needs to know you don't like him driving around....and again you don't want CONTACT!


Again, this statement does not help....

I don't really know what else you can say....maybe just tell her what you said in the note...that you want to talk to her freely and have her feel the same...



A really nice note!


Dazed...I am a confused! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Why have you decided not to take the phone??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You know she is talking to OM and you are not putting a stop to it....is that not the 'stick' of plan A.... I am all for trying to save a M, but why are you not telling her you know about the phone calls and you know about the cell phone and that you don't like it....take the phone! I know, you figure she will go 'underground'....so what? Why are you making it easier for her to carry on the A????? How does you knowing that she has the phone and you knowing that she talks to OM 6 minutes here and 50 minutes there help you???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> SHe is having an A...ofcourse she is talking to him....untill the two of you agree that she can have a phone and YOU get to look at who she is talking to and for how long, basically until you are in the first stage of recovery ....you assume she is talking to him! Take the phone!

Best to you dazed! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Daisy <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Nice work Daisy...
Took the words right out of my mouth,....I'vc been busy today.... DAZED.... she's right... you're doing great otherwise... keep this stuff to a minimum!! This is the delicate time remember? You are the safe place with NO PRESSURE!!! And keep your middle finger in your pocket.... you're better than that.... don't let OM see you REACT to him.... he......is......not......worth......it.......

He looks kind of panicy huh!!! LOL... POOOORRRR OM... (let's not gloute though.....he's still around and can to damage.....) Let's be better than that...


DAISY.......The only thing is.... don't you think it's better for him to ignore the cell phone? I mean... at least he can keep tabs and KNOW rather than GUESS what contact is..... THAT WILL MAKE DAZED MORE LIKLEY TO PRESSURE..I THINK.....

WE KNOW... she'll still have contact.... and WHEN they are in "Recovery" he can ask for no contact.... BUT...

Although she's really leaning towards DAZED side of the fence she's still on it.....we don't want to knock her off the fence with something she may see as CONTROLING.... the very thing OM is doing to push her towards DAZED.... she can't comprehend this yet IMHO......

GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS.... FRANK

PH...

I do understand he does not want to be controlling....but I would be interested to know what is DAZED reasoning for not doing anything about the phone....(I might have missed it...sorry)....


I know he cannot force her not to have the phone....but should he not express his hurt to her of her having the phone? Is that not part of PlanA? (Plan A in theory is easy....it is harder in practice...I am confused <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />.....)


Dazed....
It seems to me that OM is getting desperate...who knows what he is telling her...but driving around your house all the time is not a good sign....IMHO it is a sign of desperation on his part.....he is not as sure of their A as he would be otherwise......

So, use that to your advantage <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />....don't show the finger....let him know you see him....but no need to show him what this is doing to you.....

Best.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Daisy

Thanks to you all on here.
I'm sorry to say that today I crashed pretty hard.
The frustration and pain did come to a boil today.
A friend of mine that I told about WW needing a job called and gave me a tip about an office assistant opening here in town. I checked it out and the job is pretty much the same thing she is doing now.
I called WW and asked if she was doing okay. I asked if she could talk speak with no one around. "YES". I asked if she could use a good job lead. She says I don't know. She says well what is it. As I told her I was looking on the Internet and pulled up her work place site. I seen the add for her job was gone. I asked do you still need a job. No answer. She says well i have to go, well talk later.
So she is not going to quit like she had said. I decided to call WW and see if she could go to lunch with me and talk. She said, sorry I have plans.
Okay- This is where fate would have it. As I'm heading toward town for lunch, right as I near the Interstate over pass I see my WW's car go by on the highway.
I lost it. I knew she was going to go see the basturd. I turned on the highway and followed her to the next exit. Right to a parking lot where the puke was parked waiting. Also a new girl friend of hers setting parked just a little ways way. I stopped besides OM and he did not even see me. He was to busy watching WW getting out of her car. I honked at him and waved. I pulled on into the parking. WW did not even see me..wow She was getting into strange womans truck when I pulled in right in front of them. I got out and told WW to get out. I asked her friend if she knew that WW was still married to and she has a little girl at home and how it felt to be condoning an affair of my wife married to me with that low life puke parked just over there. She looked at WW as if surprised. WW put her head down. I motioned for OM to come on over. WW says please leave. I said get out. She gets out. Tells me she is sick of me making her look like a fool. I said, you are a fool. A married mother running around with another man and lying to everyone here about it.
Before I left I told WW that if god did not get him first I would. I know this was wrong... I just was so frustrated.
WW says why are you doing this. I said, I'm so stupid that I still love you. Your continueing to see him is destroying us. Just stop seeing him. You got started this mess by seeing him, just stop it now for us. She said just leave. So I did.
I called WW's work around 2:45. They said she is out until 4PM. Okay-I figure she is at one of a couple places. Police, Lawyer, Court house. I sign out of the office, head home to make sure daughter is safe. I get one block from the house and WW calls my cell from the house. She wants to talk about our divorce.
I get there she ask me to just agree to a divorce and be normal about it. I told her how i felt about her us the divorce. We started talking about OM. I told her i would show him the same respect. I pointed out that OM just dumped his wife that he promised to love forever. What makes you think he wont do that to you????
I will do anything for you. Obviously even make a fool out of myself to prove to you that I love you. I will never agree to hand you over to a theif that stoll you away. I will never agree to just hand you over to this guy that completely disrepected his wife, you, your child, and me.
I can not stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life. I do not have to agree with it. She got mad and said I just cant talk to you when you are like this and she left.
I have to go home now. Should be nice tonight.

DAZED.... what were you thinking.... (PLEASE ALLOW ME TO BEAT YOU UP A LITTLE.... THEN WE'LL WORK ON FIXING IT) oh man.... I'm afraid you did some serious damage here....NOT FATAL... but you may have to see her leave now... SH*T... I tryed to warn you last night that the "bad" would pull back hard....that this would be the hardest time and you needed your strenght the most over the next few days...

Man.... I hate this......^%^&^^%*@^%%%@&**@^%%$$@@^^^
atuff.....

This could have been avoided.... NOT EASILY... but it didn't have to happen...

WHAT IF SHE WAS MEETING HIM TO BREAK IT OFF......????????
WHAT IF SHE WAS MEETING HIM TO BREAK IT OFF......????????
WHAT IF SHE WAS MEETING HIM TO BREAK IT OFF......????????
WHAT IF SHE WAS MEETING HIM TO BREAK IT OFF......????????

That is VERY possible......WHAT IF THE FRIEND WAS THERE FOR SUPPORT (should have been YOU but...)

WHAT IF HE FOLLOWED HER AND SHE WASN'T MEETING HIM BUT THE WOMAN TO HELP HER SORT THIS OUT?????

THIS....MY FRIEND... IS WHY WE DON'T REACT......

OK..... get it.... you were a BAD BOY today....
Now before everyone jumps in and says..... RUN HIDE.... SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY... AND GET A BAZOOKA RIGHT AWAY......

You have to be humble and ask her forgivness...... you may have enough in the LB to weather this.... turn it to your advantage......

WHATEVER SHE SAYS IN RESPONSE SHUUUUUTTTTTTTT UPPPPPPPPPPPP unless it's a question.... and be VERY careful HOW (what tone) you answer in..

NO PREACHING TONIGHT...
NO PLANS TONIGHT....
NO BARGINING TONIGHT....

OOPS....
NO PREACHING TONIGHT...
NO PLANS TONIGHT....
NO BARGINING TONIGHT....
NO TELLING HER WHAT TO DO....
NO ASKING QUESTIONS....
NO TALKING ABOUT OM....
NOTHING BUT QUITE OR LISTENING (AFTER YOU TELL HER YOU'RE SORRY)

What you did was wrong...telling her friend about this.... that was wrong my friend...sorry....that was kind of cruel....especially if she WASN'T meeting OM and was followed...

So.... THAT is what you tell her you're sorry about....
When you saw OM you lost it.and you're sorry....

See....THIS IS THE VERY THING WS'S ARE AFRAID OF

NEVER LIVING IT DOWN....
NEVER BEING "REALLY" FORGIVEN
BEING PUNISHED FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES....
FEELING LIKE A TRAMP FOR THE REST OF THER LIVES...
DEALING WITH ANGER AND JUDGEMENT THE REST OF THEIR LIVES....
NEVER REALLY FORGIVING THEMSELVES THE REST OF THEIR LIVES...


YOU GET THE IDEA.... THEY ARE SO CONFUSED AT THIS POINT THEY THINK....IF THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN... MIGHT AS WELL
AT LEAST TRY....AND BELIEVE OM'S PROMISES


OK..... GO BACK AND READ MY POST FROM LAST NIGHT.... AND START OVER.....YOU CAN STILL DO THIS....DON'T WORRY.... I THINK YOU MAY HAVE ENOUGH IN THE LB TO GET BY THIS...

PLEASE CALM DOWN AND GET HUMBLE.... THAT WAS WRONG TODAY..... IT'S OK.... WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES...SHE MAY FORGIVE YOU (BTW... not that she didn't bring this on herself but that's between us OK)

You may be able to use YOUR forgivness a little.....and ask that she forgive you since you've forgiven her.... and that you're not asking to go back all the way back.... but back to a couple of days ago...

GOOD LUCK X 100!! AND VERY VERY INTENSE PRAYERS FOR TONIGHT AND TOMORROW FRANK

Dazed....

So sorry <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />.....I did not know what to say when I read this....I did not want to take out the 2x4....

We all know what crup you have to put up with and that it is painful to see her with OM, etc...remember we are on your side....

Nevertheless....your objective (I am assuming) is still to save your M....the way to do it is to do the Plan A thing....

Dazed..you are hurting <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />...but do try to follow PH's advise...try not to LB tonight! Seriously....this is the time to show her that YOU are the MAN! You don't yell and preach and defend your actions! You do not want to LB tonight! Try, really try!

You took some steps back today....but you can take some forward....so do that....

Best of luck to you..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Last thing....take advantage of this board and come over here not just to report the new events...but YELL and GET all the anger out of you....I do that....we all need an outlet....so unless you sit in your car at the railroad trucks as a train goes by and SCREAM AND SCREAM (as I have done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />)...come over here!

Daisy

Ok.

First of all, to those who constantly type in all caps, it is considered yelling on the internet...

Now Dazed...

I was afraid this would happen.

A BS can only endure so much before they come close to breaking...that is why plan A has a time limit.

Do not beat yourelf up. You've taken so much from this woman...I do not understand any moves she has made. One thing is for sure in my opinion...

She was NOT going to break it up w/om.

I don't believe that for one minute.

However, before doing anything else...like plan B, I do believe you should send WW a card and flowers...she may not feel like talking...I don't thinks she would. Ask for the forgiveness...and yes, help, I am with you..but my "with you" stops here...ask for forgiveness because you have forgiven her. Say that you've been pushed to your limit, but you still believe in your marriage and still believe both of you can work things out. I would do that and no more.

My heart says that you're nearing the end of a plan A. When the plan A stress gets to the BS stuff like this happens...and they begin to LB themselves...

Think hard. Call the Harleys. When you are at risk for losing the remaining love you have, that is when you consider other options.

One of the things I always believed and still do is to never give a WS an inch when it comes to weaponry against you.

Your slightest wrong move can be used as ammo to justify the horribly and dastardly deeds that are really going on in the shadows with the op.

I would spend tomorrow getting flowers to her...a card to her..and think...and call the harleys. Get a call in asap. This is not good to do anymore. This kind of behavior cannot happen anymore. Your daughter needs a stable home now. She's got one parent who is. And that one parent has so much stress up to his eyeballs that he is beginning to unravel himself. Who is left to be the responsible loving parent for your dd?

You owe it to dd to stay sane, stay smart, and do all you can do to keep your family together.

If your ww files for a D, then let her. But get and gather the evidence and counter. When a D is contested, it takes longer btw! I hope and pray she doesn't do it...but she is still very much in the affair.

All actions point to the affair being active. I also do not like the way she has suddenly "clammed up". That makes me think she is up to something.

I gotta go...am on call tonight, need to return my ipod, and get to gym..hopefully the pager won't go off. I'd llike six hours of sleep tonight.


She is a taker right now...and takers use every instance to TAKE AND BLAME. Take and blame! That's what she was looking for dazed...a loophole to make her actions ok in eyes of others...the "but you don't know my crazy bh" story...

This is not the first time you've treated her like a disobedient child. I think it is a huge LB...but you did it...you had your limit and you've reached it imho.

How do you find out if she's off after om? Easy. You hire a PI...if you want to see if she's shacking up with him, meeting him, etc,hire one! Do NOT go after her yourself or else stupid things like this will be the result.

Dazed....

Peachy is right....get a PI if you want to know what is going on! That is why they are there....it is not a good idea for the BS to go off following their WS.... I did that one night followed my H around (BAD idea)...did not catch him doing anything(thank god)...but after that I realized if I had I was bound to do something like you had...and would that have helped????



Get the flowers...get the card...and call the Harleys....

I have been suggesting that for some time....why not try it now.?????

What do you got to loose...

Best....
Daisy