Short Update-
WW was home last night at 10PM
There was little talk. She was completely shutting me out. I think i may have already reported this. She slept on the couch.

This morning I woke her up and she was very short with me. Not friendly at all. She complained that I had her alarm clock. I suggested if she needs to shower first to go ahead. She just set there.

Later while she looked for cloths in the closet I walked by and she said, do you know what daughter said to Ex-SIL? I said; No, tell me. She said; daughter does not want to come home when I am here because she hates me. She hates me for what I am doing to her dad and her. Mom is hurting my daddy so badly. We don't want her to leave. Daddy is tring so hard and she just keeps hurting him and me.
WW stops and looks at me like I am the bad guy. Says, I hope your happy. I said, that is nice isn't it. You tell me and daughter that you want a divorce. You file for a divorce. Why? To start a new life with a new man. How do you think she should feel about this? It's not a life that she wants or I want.
got to go.. write more later...

Out of the mouths of babes. Heck yeah, your wife is pi##ed at you. You are soooo at fault for being the good guy. How dare you want to keep your family together. That is so completely selfish and uncaring? How could your daughter side with you when she could side with a cheating, lying, mean-spirited mom who gets her jollies by saying painful things to you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

By the way, the woman I am describing is the WW. Not the woman she was before the affair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Sarcasm is my gift, might as well use it where I can since I am plan Aing my butt off with my H. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

<<<hugs>>>
Loni

I was just reading what Mortarman said and something came to mind. I didn't have this thrown at me but I am wondering if it would have helped. What I was thinking was that it sounds like there are times when she inwardly wants to come back but can't see the how or the why. When I talked to Harley, he was so big on having a plan. Do you think she wants someone to tell her "how" to leave the OM? She can't figure out how to do it by herself? I remember when I was in the midst of the fog, I couldn't figure out how to do it. I was so hypnotized by it that I felt guilt when I would think about breaking it off. I felt guilt about hurting the OW and what she may do if I did. If someone I trusted (probably not my W at the time but it could be different for you dazed) would have said these are the steps in the plan to leave the A, would that have helped? I think it would have especially when I was forced to zig or zag and I didn't know how to zig so zagging looked a lot better.

Also, when Mortar said that it would help if a bunch of people that were close to her told her it was wrong, maybe it would strike some chord with her and sink in. The trick there is finding the right person or persons so it REALLY hits. What I am saying dazed is that you should find that someone or someones who your wife will listen to and will also be on "your" side. It may be her mom. It may be a minister of hers at some time. It may be a friend of hers that she has been putting off for fear of what they will say. Find that someone who can talk to her and WILL talk to her as long as it takes. She is getting her marital advice from the OM. UGGH! I think Mortar is right on target here as usual but I may hesitate to get as many people as I could to blast her. That might send her into emotional overload.

You have a lot to think about but I think you are heading in the right direction. It's hard to read the signs sometimes because of alterior motives of a WS but it sure looks promising. Just stick to YOUR plan and maintain YOUR boundaries.

SNT

Good response!! Keep the affair out front. Keep it exposed. Keep calling it what it is...ugly.

Your daughter is doing the same. Good for her! Your wife NEEDS to hear this stuff. She needs to hear how you have changed and about the great future together. She also needs to hear how so very wrong what she is doing is.

Give no quarter to the affair. It is your enemy! Do everything in your power to confront the affair. My wife used to say shortly after wanting to come home, that I hunted her down like a dog. That her and OM werent given a moment's peace. I was sssssoooooooo happy when she said that!! It validated everything I had dreamt at night as I was doing all of that. You know the dream...where the OM and my wife are sitting there arguing over how I was continuing to collect intel on them. That I knew their every move. That I wouldnt allow the kids around the OM. That I wouldnt concede to divorce. That everytime he came up or the affair came up, I called it nothign but nasty, disgusting, evil, immoral, etc.

Can you imagine how things went there in "soulmate land?" Can you imagine on how the OM tired of hearing about this crap (she even told me later that he got to the point that he told her that he did not want to hear one more thing about me...now, here she was going thru he!!, and he is saying that he doesnt want to hear it or support her by listening...wanna guess how that did in the ole love bank?!?!?).

One time, my wife stopped by to see the kids. She then, after maybe 20 minutes with them, said she had a headache and was going back to her apartment. So she left. But my intel gathering later showed that she went straight to the OM's house. I made sure that she knew later on that I knew that she had left the kids that night...lied to them...and had gone to the OM's.

Give no quarter to the affair. Take no prisoners. I was an inspector general in the army. Our code was "Droit et Avant" which means "Right, then forward."

Be right...always. Then go forward.

In His arms.

Steve is the master of coming up with a plan. Yes, she needs help in how to get out. I wrote my wife several letters over the time I was in Plan A. It talked about this in there. On how she could get out. I gave her books, like one I think was entitled "Hope for the Separated." Plus harley's books. Added to this, she did have a few sessions with Steve and at least understood what the plan could be. So I think dazed could write this out...what we have called before sort of a Plan A letter. It is kinda a map, showing how she could get out of her mess.

No blasting. That is never the point. What I was referring to is exposure. You see, if you expose, people will gang up on her in their own way. But I would be very hesitant to enlist people to do this for you. Most people want to stay away from this stuff like the plague. And others that would agree to do this would probably have an agenda. I think that just exposing, and re-exposing when necessary...is enough because most people believe what she is doing is wrong. And if they do, then they cant help but change their attitude and how they act around his WW. And with that change, also goes away the comfort of the previous relationship. Now it is more tense.

Which makes WW even more uncomfortable...which is right where he wants her.

In His arms.

YEA!!!! for your daughter!!! You have NO IDEA how powerful that is!

I know this is gonna sound weird to you -- but I hope she leaves. Its better for your case. If things get to the point of custody arrangements, we need you to have the upper hand -- she needs to feel the pain of losing her daughter. I know you don't want her to go, but think of it as losing a small battle so you can win the war.

She will feel very obligated to OM at this point. She has made him a lot of promises. I would be interested to know how much he has done to change his life for your WW. That could increase her sense of obligation to him. And he probably is making her feel very very guilty.

At that end of that is the feeling of sacrifice and entitlement that both of them will have towards each other. Their expectations will be so unrealistically high -- they will be thinking "I have given up so much for you, you better be worth it..." It will kill their relationship.
(Regardless of if you still want her back at that point...)

Dazed, watch for suicidal comments from her. I really had a plan for this.....I wanted very badly to get into some kind of accident that wouldn't be my fault. I couldn't leave my kids with the idea that Mom committed suicide....but a car accident was very appealing. She's probably wished you dead more than a few times too.....sorry.

MM,

"I might agree these were lovebusters under some other circumstances. But where he is at right now, it is VERY important that he not give credence to the affair. The affair is the enemy."

I agree somewhat BUT there are two ways to say things....

The thing I'm confused with is this "carrot and the Stick" thing;... I searched and searched the site and can't find it... is this a new Harley method or someone else's idea?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

The thing we have to be careful of IMHO is telling DAZED methods that worked for a specific situation... like LEXXY...
I think your incite is GREAT!! However, what made YOU mad might not make Mrs. DAZED mad.... you are a VERY unique person...and so
is she...

That's why I try and stick to what HARLEY says is the way to do it.. because he's got a plan that has worked for THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of Marriages... not a SPECIFIC situation....

Sure if we could read minds we could tweak it better... but we can't..... GOD BLESS, FRANK

Mortarman- Your really on point today man...

I will try to finish up my conversation with WW today.
She continued to get angry as she talked about daughter being mad at her. I did NOT take any of the bait. I never once raised my voice or even commented unless it was the right time. DID NOT REACT.
Okay, she rolls into this long speach about all she has done for daughter over the 12 years. Carried her in her belly for nine months, gave birth that nearly killed her and destroyed her body for ever, raised her every day and night, clothed her, bathed her, on and on. I let her go and did not even pay much attention. Then she closed her speach with, and you... Now super dad. Change yourself to be great. Do everything right... Your soooooooo _ucking perfect now....You get to make the rules and say, well she's all mine now. You want the divorce so too bad for you. No kid...
I did not even reply. That appeared to piss of WW even more.

She says, so what about Ex-SIL preachor brother that you supposibly went to about IC? Is he even licensed. I said, well he is a pastor and a man of god. I think he is qualified to give me some references for IC for me and daughter. That is what I wanted. She says, so what about Veridian. I said, come on. Was you impressed with that woman that we seen. She was a joke. I just want to find a good person to subject my daughters mind to.

She said, and you tell me; "You have changed". You go out and buy CD's to listen to just knowing "I" like them. I know you don't like that kind of music. I said, was you with me when I bought them? Did I ask you what music you like or did you even tell me. I bought new CD's because i like to listen to music. Now I have more time to enjoy it. It makes me feel better. So what when your not around i turn up the stereo. What is wrong with that. She's quite. keep in mind I am in the kitchen getting breakfast. Daughter is not home.
WW starts back in. You tell me how you have changed. She almost word for word recieted my mantra. I mean right on the money. How the future is going to be great and we could have the story book ending and how much i love her and how happy we will be together. Almost write out of a letter I wrote her. (This was all said, in a sarcastic voice).
She stops and says. So you will be happy by just me being here huh... Just as long as you have me here all to yourself. Well let me tell you how it would be..
I would not talk to you, go anywhere with you, do anything with you, kiss you, touch you, sleep with you, or ^uck you.
Do you really want a wife like that?
I just keep moving preparing for work. Once she had stopped for a few moments.
I said, You got it. She said, got what. I said, you recieted the way it could be perfectly. The part where you were quoting me. You got every word right. All of it.

She said, Gooooooooooddddddddddddddd.
You don't interest me anymore, I am not attracted to you anymore, I am not in love with you any more. Do you think we could realllllllllyyyyyyy have what you say with out that? NO we can't. I wanted you for so long. I don't no more.

I really could not comment or take much more. I said, well I am living now. I will dust the snow off your car for you and try to have a good day. She just made a growning sound and I left.

She called me about 20 minutes ago on my office phone. I did not answer. she called on my cell. When I answered she asked where I was at. I said, work why what's up?
She said, why did you spend another 185 dollars with Steve Harley again just Friday? WHY... I said, i needed some one to talk to about all of this. I can't do this alone. She said, why not a local councelor? There cheaper. I said, we talked about that this morning. She says, I think your wasting your money. I said, he is helping me with my sitch. She says your sitch huh. I said, you know what i mean. She says, it cost to much. I said, well he has given me references where to talk to others for support that does not cost money. That can be a support group. She says, really.
Are you going to stay at work today? I said, well i have no choice. She said, okay, bye.

Wow -- she really wants to bait you today.
Great job holding your temper and avoiding her attempts at fighting!

Gotta laugh -- I called my BS "superdad" too. Same deal, I was virtually a single parent up until D-day. I was also freaked out that after all those good years. I was messing it all up. Just keep on reinforcing that these are HER CHOICES. You don't get to coast by on good-parent credit -- you have to REMAIN a good parent always!

She wants to be convinced of your changes.

She also is convinced that she will never have the same feelings towards you that she has for OM. She really believes it. She won't understand this until she sees through OM. He needs to fail.

She also thinks that you want her back -- NO MATTER WHAT. You need to change that perspective.
She doesn't think you want HER, you just want your "wife."

Let me tell you dazed -- you are doing everything you need to do. You asked me a while back what really made a difference for me? It wasn't anything my husband did. It was my relationship with OM imploding from all the pressure. That is why I don't want you to fear Plan B. As much pressure on the two of them as possible and for them to spend a lot of time not being able to make each other happy.

Once I was thoroughly disappointed with OM, the fog cleared. Thats when you are able to see what a rock the BS has been.

You are getting good at this!!

Not all yours...both of yours. Your wife is choosing to leave the family. Not you, and not your daughter. Those that want to leave, leave o ntheir own...by themselves. The family will continue. I told my wife these exact things. She didnt like it at the time...but it showed how committed to the family I was...AND it told her that I wasnt out to take the kids for my sake but for the family. It took the arrows off me because eventually she came to see that this was nto a selfish action on my part.

I like it! When a BS learns NOT to respond when goaded, it begins the power shift back to the BS. The BS gets control, the BS makes ALL of the rules...the BS sets the agenda. A beautiful thing!

Hhhhhmmm, for someone no longer interested in her husband, she seems to know a lot about what he is upto and keeps track of a lot of things he says and does. That sound strange to you for someone that doesnt really care? Of course, I am being sarcastic....she does care, which is why she is saying these things. This is more evidence that she is uncomfortable in the fog and fighting to find comfort there. But you will not allow her comfort there. And that is what will draw her out...and thru your meeting ENs, she will be drawn to you.

IT IS WORKING!! Do you see how staying on point, staying on message, eventually seeps into their fogged out brain? She may not agree right now...but she has the truth now. And she has a decision to make...to either accept her "truth" which is increasingly becoming painful to defend...or accept the truth. Good for you Dazed!

And keep repeating this.

They ALL say this!! All of them when they reach this point. My wife did. And guess what? Last night, she came in and kissed me, gave me a hug and jumped into bed and told me about her day as she laid her head on my chest. Seems that she was wrong when she said that, wasnt she? Ignore this Dazed...she has no clue what she is talking about!

A swing and a hit to deep left field!! Nice job. That was the PERFECT response! Silence, and then back to the message.

If this were true, SHE WOULD NOT BE HAVING THIS DISCUSSION WITH YOU!! She is not trying to convince you of this, she is trying to convince herself! So, I say again...ignore this part also. It is pure fog babble!

Dazed, you are doing perfect. You continue to meet ENs and show her the changes. You do not back down from the affair or from protecting your daughter from your wife. Enforce your boundaries through quiet, loving but stern discussions. Dont go off! Jsut continue to stay on message.

My guess is she is about to crack. She may crack and come home and say "Well, here I am but this is all you get." Blah, blah, blah! But, with her home and NC with OM (that has to happen or dont you stop the divorce stuff), even if she is saying she isnt going to participate as a wife, you still have the advantage of her there, the OM gone...and the ability to build love units in her bank. And as Dr. Harley states...when you build enough love units, you will have romantic love.

I know, because I have been thru what you are going thru...and things have changed for my wife and I. Even after all of the "you no longer interest me."

In His arms.

Mortarman hits the target again!!!

Dazed -- please don't let her words hurt you! We ALL say them! They mean nothing! Just know that she's going to keep spewing venom your way -- stay on track. Don't let her words phase you!

She's trying to make you LB. She's trying to make you stop loving her. She desperatly wants you to fight with her!

You know why? She needs more fuel for her affair! She knows how weak her position is, she needs your help to keep it going. If you would very kindly please start fighting/yelling/screaming/stalking/crying.....that would give her some more reasons to leave you.

What you are doing now by acting calm/stong/confident/courageous/virtuous....makes her look more and more like the bad guy.


I agree with MM -- you are doing AWESOME!!!

Dazed,

I am right here with you in my heart and prayers. It must have been so hard to hear what she said to you but please know that I have heard the same garbage from my H. Almost verbatim.

It really is fog babble and as hard as it is to hear you really need to disregard it. Don't believe it even for a minute. Remember this is not the same woman. She is the WW right now and every word she speaks needs to be decoded from fogese to english.

My H has said the most hateful, horrible things to me and then will turn around and say the sweetest things. You are doing great. Hang in there.

Loni

Lexxxy is on to something here. Think about it like this...

You are a bomber pilot in WWII flying over Nazi Germany. You have a mission and they are firing missiles at you, trying to divert you from your target. But, you just ignore the explosions and the noise. You concentrate on your bomb run.

That is what this is like. Dont look out the window at the the explosions. You have a mission.

In His arms.

LEXXY.... GREAT INCITE!! You are so valuable here!! God Bless you for staying here to help!!

MM.... WWII I like that....NICE ONE!!

I have to agree with Help. Lexxy, you are such a godsend. I have wanted to hear more from the WS's point of view because it is so foriegn to my thinking.

Loni

Hard to add more than was already said by Lexxy and MM. If I could just reinforce keeping your boundaries in check. When she gets mad and starts yelling, don't open up your boundaries to make things easier and don't pull them in either.

Be the constant.

The OM is scrambling. All the decisions seem real easy about the future...about the fantasy life...about everything until crunch time rolls around. Well, baby, it's crunch time for your W. The OM sees this and is doing his best to convince, control, push, etc... He is scrambling. Things that seemed a sure thing are starting to get doubted. It makes you and your "option" all the more attractive. I know because I was there. When I was getting ready to break it off, the OW started putting everything into hyper-mode. One of those things was to send me snippets from old e-mails that I had sent which said how sure I was of our future, etc... And when I read them, I wasn't so sure anymore.

And, I am not saying you are, but definitely don't pay attention to fog babble which gets you down. All WS's think or say those things. They mean NOTHING! Keep your chin up, keep your temper in check, keep your boundaries in place, and stay with your plan.

You're doing great dazed,
SNT

Lexxxy--
She had no intentions on staying in the house the day after she filed. OM told her she had to leave the house and get away from me. He has to be really mad that she is back.

If I had agreed to go peacefully and sign her paper work then from that day on fantasy island is in high gear again.
Stupid ole me went and counter filed going for custody. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
WW was out of the house the night before i filed.
WW's attourney told her very rudely to try and make it one night with out your lover and stay in that dam house if you have any hopes of retaining that kid.
WW's attourney said do you think you can stay away from him for a night? She said, i was not at his house! Attourney said, was you at another mans house?
WW was badly hurt by this. She told me this stuff Sunday.

YES, he using the guilt trip on her. I think is playing off her every word. She tells him I am guilt triping her and she appears to be on the fence. Now he is really doing it back at her.
She ask me the other day during a real talk with the wife.
Do you really think he left her for me? I mean they were having problems and the no sex for a year was real. I think he was really going to leave her....
She has told me this several times. At first several weeks agao. I said, he did do it for her. Now, I kinda back away from that. Telling her your righ dear. He did not do it for you. He is just triping you. This way she don't see leaving him as another hurdle. (I tell myself) YES, I DO THINK HE DID... YOU BET THAT SLIME DID..
He is also blaming ME for him having to get another job that I'm sure is a pay cut. In face I hurd he has already jumped to another job. Hmmmmm That matches his EW character check sheet. CAN'T HOLD A JOB FOR A YEAR... Even a book keeper job... Man how freakin hard can that be.

Yes, she is promising him. You know she is playing both sides. That text message she sent him "Soon sweet baby it will be u and me. C U N in my dreams" That was sent from my bath room the light she filed. He wanted her that night. He was really upset she choose to stay with me and I bet he would like to know she slept with me too... NO SEX.. Just holding...

You know I have asked her the that question a dozen times. "IS HE REALLY WORTH IT" She says, what. "LOSING IT ALL". She had no idea what I was talking about. This was D-DAY and a few weeks after. I have not said that in awhile. I figured major LB...
It did stick. She has refered to that question before when she tells me about her fears of making all the wrong choices and regreting what she is doing.

I agree with Mortarman on that one. I liked the comment about not allowing her to live with regret of losing her family with out trying. That is exactly how I feel. I have been reluctant to go there. I know what her response would be at the moment. "I tried for 15 years" I have heard that statement to my asking for 3mo NC and try with me.

Lexxxy-
Your view point is very helpful. I don't mean to pry into your past. Why did you choose to stray from your marriage?
You know why mine did if you read all my story.
Thank You SO MUCH..

FRANK- Your confidence makes me feel good. Thank you.
MORT- Your direct tact is often refreshing. Maybe at times blunt but I get your point. BTW... The bomber story was great! Really a good way to look at it... Thanks Man!

______________
I wanted to comment about EXPOSURE....
To me this is very very important to do RIGHT...
I see to many people on her "including me" being directed to drop bombs with out knowing what size and for how long.

The exposure I did was very affective in turning a blinding light on this sick affair.
HOWEVER, I completely isolated my wife from people she used as support that would have helped coach her back to home.
HER FAMILY... They all came at her with clubs and bats over this. I told them to much detail. They already new many skeletons from her past that she did not know they new. This blew up on me big time. She accused me of telling them our life long laundry list of problems. Then my family joined it.
This isolated my wife from people that really love her and me. She will not speak to them. She can't get past her values and image as the GOOD ONE being gone for ever. Her entire family knows of her affair and how it is hurting me and daughter.
I should have really nuked his family, and there work place.
Only lightly blowing up the affair with people she would need to help her come home.
I helped a control freak isolate her. She has no one to incourage going home to her...
I see this as my biggest mistake.......

I want to add another little update-
WW called again about 30 minutes ago. Just wanted to say she was picking up daughter from her after school location today. I told her I had her swimming gear packed and ready at the door. She could just reach in and get it.
WW said, well do you think she will just quit again. ((Knowing why daughter quit 1st time was hard to not say)....WW was making daughter go every night this past summer so she could meet OM...)) I just said, well I think she is really into now. She has made new friends that go most of the time and she did so well at the swim meet last Sunday. A first and a second place at a race. I bet she is pretty pumped right now. WW was quite for a bit.
Her come back was well, I'm sure she will be excited to come home tonight to see what new gifts you have bought her.
(In a very calm voice, no temper) I said, WW are you still mad about me buying her a $10 CD?
Okay- Here it is....Did you see her grade card hanging on the fridge door at home? She has all A's... Do you remember what that means? We give her 5$ per A each nine weeks. This totals up to $35 dollars counting band and everything. I told her I would just get her two CD's to as her reward this time. WW says, oh. Well don't you think she should have at least got to pick them out? I said, yes. She did. She told me she wanted Kelly Clarkson and Hawthorne heights. That's what I got.
WW is quite..... I said, well I will see you later, bye.

Dazed, I am feeling the EXACT same way here my friend since my exposure to WW family has had similar effects.

It would be interesting to hear what the vets have to say. My wife is so ashamed that she feels she can't come back now. Who can she turn to? She hates me for exposing and is upset at her family for how they are treating her. How can she come back with all that? I feel you pain.

All WW has is her new "friends" and OM.

How can she come back with all this baggage?

AMEN BROTHER..........

Rowing the same boat...
I told my wife I would speak to each one of them. I did speak to my MIL. Told her WW REALLY needs you. PLEASE DON'T judge her for this now. I played my part in this marriage going bad. I don't take the blame for her affair, just know I made some mistake two.
I love your daughter very very much. I will do anything to help her now.. She needs a real friend. Her pain and OM is the reason she is acting so hateful towards you.
My MIL has reached out to her. I have told my wife about my call to her mom. Her mom wrote her a letter telling her she loves her and to please come home to her or she will move in with us to help us out. WW was some what touched. Unfortanity, WW took the club to her first. Went right her work place and asked where that puke was at so she could give him a piece of her mind. MIL said that there was a boy that was playing with her when she walked in the door. WW told him to leave NOW. MIL said, WW nearly pasted out. She new that was him.
That's the long of it man... Try to repair the damage done to those that count but keep them on your side. My fear is that WW's family will start to accept OM and turn on me. I say just keep open lines with her family. NO DETAILS to blow you up again later. Just friendly talk about kids an small talk is working for me.

Good luck

Good question for both Dazed and HopeThisWorks!

My wife had the same problems. Her mother even said that due to the fact that our whole town basically knew about the affair (not due to me...but due to the magpies at church spreading the news)...due to the fact that she had lost custody of her children...due to the fact that all of our family and friends knew about the affair, that she jsut couldnt go back. Tha tshe would just have to start a new life.

THIS IS MORE WS MALARCHY! You both did right, and in the end...it will prove itself out.

Sure it has taken time for my wife to get over that. And she hasnt entirely yet. But she is slowly getting involved again with the family. She is again talking to old friends. This all takes time.

Look, no one every said that exposure wouldnt cause damage. But, just as a fireman sometimes has to set a fire to stop a fire (for those that dont understand what I am talking about, please ask and I will explain), so exposure causes light and devastation to the affair. There is very real, emotional damage from this. But the damage from the light is so much less than the damage that was being caused by the affair.

My Dad used to say when we were workign around the house that you "had to make a mess to clean a mess." You knwo what I am talkign about? we are painting a room...and there is drop cloths, furniture pushed into other rooms, stuff everywhere. it looks liek a mess. But that mess had to happen in order to get that room painted and move everythign back. And then enjoy the new room that was created.

So goes it with this stuff. Remember, any damage to your spouse and to her relationships with others falls directly on her/his actions...not on the BS exposing. They really only have themselves to blame!

So, do not think this was a mistake. This is not a deal breaker. The ycan overcome this, as my wife is still continuing to do. Your marriage can overcome this. What it cannot do is overcome adultery. And exposure is one of the most effective ways to stop an affair dead in its tracks.

As Steve harley said...everything short of a billboard is acceptable.

In His arms.