Okay Dazed,

While we can all argue later about whether he should have gone to Plan B earlier (I am with Steve Harley...Dazed did it right). But let's get to the point at hand...

I think you really have not much to worry about, Dazed. Really! Your wife has been all over the place, has been in and out of the house, has threatened suicide, has caused your daughter a lot of harm, and has generally shown herself to be unstable.

I assume you have documented all of this. That document will be HUGE in court. Why? Because it wont be based from recollection...it will be based from daily recordings. So, your attorney will say "Isnt it true Mrs. Dazed, that on Marvember 33rd of this year, you left your house after telling your husband that you wanted to kill yourself, and then went to Mr. Sleezbag's house for the evening, leaving your daughter and husband to wonder where you were or if you were alright?" And her answr? "Sir, that never happened. I never said or did that." "Well Mrs. Dazed, in this journal entry by your husband, it states that you did say and do this...and your daughter witnessed it. Should we call your daughter in here in order to test the veracity of this entry?" "Uh, no. I dont know. Maybe I said something like that...but you dont understand, I had been oppressed for so long..." Attorney interrupting her "Thank you Mrs. Dazed, that is all I needed with that question."

How do I know this stuff, Dazed. Because I went thru this exact thing. The more she has her actions thrust into her face, the more evidence there is, the more you are shown as the the responsible parent and dutiful husband...the worse things will get for her.

From everything you have written here, I see you having a slamdunk case. Your attorney telling you to negotiate with her, I think is misguided. I have had attorneys say to take the easy way out, because there is less chance of losing. Sure, when you have a bad position, that may be true. But, with what you have written here, the case is open and shut.

We all knwo the crazy stuff your wife has done. So, what is she going to say about that? How is she goign to defend it? And here is the big question...let's say that the judge can feel for her as the opporessed with (yeah right!), he is still going to have to deal with this: can I trust this woman not to lose it gain? At least Dazed has been consistent and responsible.

This is THE key. you must show yourself as being consistent and responsible, while showing her as being NUTS!

My wife charged all sorts of crap. She asked for EVERYTHING, even though she had abandoned me and the kids twice. But she still wanted sole custody of the kids, $1400 a month in child support, spousal support and more. Know what she got?

I got primary custody of the kids, she was ordered to pay $1200 a month in child support to me, and she would get visitation as we could set-up based on her work schedule, etc.

Dazed, dont you back down. Dont you be scared! You have all the ammo you need. You go for primary custody of your daughter, with your wife paying custody payment. You also send Plan B letter and go NC.

When your wife gets your response to her petition, she will lose it. She will be angry. Then, she is going to get a PBL that tells her that you still love her but there will be no more contact until she ends the affair. Thus, she wont be able to take out her anger on you.

Do not back down. You are entirely right...she is entirely wrong. You have done well so far. Dont go jelly legged. Your daughter and even your wife are depending on you to keep doing the right thing. So, no negotiations. Stand for your family. No talk of divorce with your wife...and then no talk at all once in Plan B.

We are behind you. So, is God. Trust Him.

In His arms.

MM...I am 100% with you.

Clarify - I think you are you saying his Plan B letter should be delivered with his response pleading but before the actual temporary custody hearing and while they are still living together?

I bet Steve may recommend waiting for the hearing for them to actually separate...we'll see.


MM, a question about NO NEGOTIATIONS... I ask this in case Dazed decides to at least discuss this with her.

If Dazed asks "what's it going to take for you to move out yourself" without negotiating and merely replies that he will think about it is that OK.

Heck, she may volunteer her "demands".

For example, if she just wants money, a car, a washer/dryer, some furniture, and a little custody then he may be a fool not to consider it. Yes, he has a strong position but if she is willing to negotiate away to 90% of what we think Dazed should get just so she can get out immediately then it may behoove him to at least discover her thoughts and take the information to Steve and us. Her out with a PBL in hand and a negotiated exit (strongly favoring Dazed) may in the end be better for recovery????

Again, do not negotiate but it may be OK to just briefly explore her position and try to identify what her "reasonable" expectations are instead of what her attorney asked for.

WS's are sometimes silly enough to disclose their entire legal battle plan.

Mr. Wondering

p.s.-I guess I am saying "Don't negotiate" but if she wants to talk about everything pertaining to the case then let her talk and Dazed can just listen. A sort of Plan A meeting of her "need" for communication.

dazed...

I am sorry for the turn of events also. I guess I am one of the ones LM is referring to with the misguided support or whatever. However, I still think you did the right thing. In this case, I don't think sticking to your plan A hurt you at all. The best plan B occurs when she is left with a good taste in her mouth as someone said and you have done just that. You are making the right decisions.

BUT, now is the time for your plan B. It is going to work tremendously because you have done a textbook plan A. Write the letter, run it by your attorney, and run it by some of the people here since there is obviously a lot of experience with this. It is going to knock her for a loop when you're not there to comfort her, tell her how wonderful she is, and catch her when she falls. Go dark now.

I am sorry you felt like you were going to catch crap for what happened. Nothing could me farther from the truth. All of us read what happened and know that you are doing what you think is best after listening to several opinions. Listen to MM, listen to PEACH, listen to everyone. We know you are doing the best you can and NOBODY is ever going to tell you any different! All of us (I think I can safely say this) are 100% on your team and don't want to see you get hurt.

You are in my prayers as well as several others on this board. You are doing wonderfully. Keep your chin up buddy!

SNT

SNT,
"I am sorry for the turn of events also. I guess I am one of the ones LM is referring to with the misguided support "

I guess we'll have to add Steve Harley to the TOP of the "Misguided Support" list too!! LOL Along with a LOT of MB veterans and Plan "A" legends like LOSTVA <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No... DAZED did EXACTLY what he needed to do... although the MUCH harder and HIGHER road... he did what he needed to do to give his Marriage a chance.. and he is still the Rookie of the Year in my eyes....this ain't over yet....

I thank GOD that he didn't jump the gun like a lot of people told him to do... I mean... there were certain people among the Plan "B" police that advised him to "Go Dark" and "Throw her out" a WEEK or two after D Day.....

IF Dazed had done that he would have NEVER made ANY love deposits and more importantly taught his daughter a VERY BAD lesson...
One of ANGER...REVENGE....STRIKING FIRST.... and general behavior that is all to common in this world today towards "Giving up" and quitting on Marriage when the going gets tough...

Instead... he showed his W that his love IS unconditional....that love endures ALL (till death do us part not until cheating do us part.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

And he taught his daughter how a REAL MAN acts when faced with trouble and pain.....STRONG... and UNWAVERING standing up for what is RIGHT NOT....what eases the pain or POSITIONS him better.....A man of FAITH in what is RIGHT enough to put himself in harms way...

For that DAZED will ALWAYS be his Daughters HERO!! Always be a STRONG OAK tree in her life.. not a PINE TREE that moves back and forth with every breeze that blows...someone she can count on to do what is RIGHT... even if there is personal loss in doing it... and his W will see that someday too...


So....we are the DEFENSE and I guess if what dazed thinks happened... happened... we are off the field...(for now) let the OFFENSE take the field and the "B" team... take it from here....\

JP... this is the last I'll ever say to you... you're way too sensitive.. (or have a guilty conscience) I wasn't referring only to you....That " man picking on Woman" thing was a little funny to me... You use words like "Lovingly" but I really don't see anything loving in ANYTHING you say... you're words are mostly negative and mean towards Mrs. Dazed and all WS (I know... WW and W are different... right.....BUT in the NON BITTER world..... the same person REALLY)
Your advice is always aggressive and hurtful wanting the WS punished and hitting rock bottom.... no love there that I can see...tough love... or just revengeful? Using the STICK of Plan "A"... there's no STICK in a LOVING Plan "A".....

These WS are PEOPLE that HURT just like us... they were hurt FIRST as a matter of fact!! They aren't dogs to be punished and beaten with a stick....for making a terrible mistake.....What they do is hurtful.... but... they are LOST and HURTING TOO.....Not just lying disgusting people that EVERY MOVE is based on the "A" and hurting the BS.....Every word a lie... everything about them EVIL.... THEY ARE PEOPLE... and even a WS deserves to be treated with respect (not thrown out of their HOME with all their belongings packed in plastic bags on the porch) and even a WS deserves LOVE and KINDNESS.... and your words and advice are void of either.....

I'm sorry your XH hurt you so badly that you wait every day for him to crash and burn..... along with Mrs. Dazed and all the other WSs in the world... I have forgiven my WW and am mostly at peace with what she's done.....I pray that God will lift this bitterness from your heart towards your XH and someday you forgive him....so YOU can live a happy LOVE filled TRUSTING life without...... a "stick"....GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK (ducking)

GOOOOO DAZED!!!! WOO WHO!!

THEN DON'T SAY A DARN WORD AGAIN.

I swear man...Just because I DO NOT AGREE WTIH YOU DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT'S OK FOR ME TO GO AFTER YOU...

You can however, feel free to get my private email from some of my friends here. I'd be glad to take it offline.

I personally think you're a bit off here. A bit outta touch. Again, b/c I don't agree with you or your ways it does NOT give me license to diss you publicly.

WHICH I COULD DO SMASHINGLY BY THE WAY!

Incidentally NO guilty conscience. And can say that I am not very sensitive either.

What I see is over and over the WS is passively encouraged to continue their destructive behavior. Cruel is being angry or mean or degrading to a WS. Not standing up or doing what is right or called for...especially when a child is in the home and depends on the parents to raise them. Sadly, many WS forfeit their roles as good parents..we see it far too often here.

I don't ask about your personal sitch. Nor do I question it. But think that if you're gonna go there with me, then lay your life out on the line...so we can decide how to judge you if you're up for it. Personally I would NOT read it. You don't really interest me. I am interested in helping...not enabling, but helping. And yes, real love is many things...refer to love chapter in the Bible for clarification. It is many things. It is also tough.

But I reserve that right. The right to rip into you. And I will not.

And no, I don't walk around with some stick. Nah. Ask some folk who know me.

The mere fact I pisssssss u off royally is wierd enough. To think I bother anybody that much? wow. It is indeed wierd.

If you're gonna be cool about things, then why on earth why do you post the crapola about me you do? If you want to talk to me, then do it. We can get you a way to do that. And again, I reserve this right, but can say that I will humble you offline. I don't serve it here, but mind you man, I can do it.

I find your words disgusting to say the least and if I found a smidgen of truth hidden in them, then I might find myself hurt. But alas, I DO NOT.

So either take this offline or let's get on to helping a friend in need instead of behaving immaturely tossing out insults as if you were judge and jury.

Will not waste a .01 millisecond ON THIS ISSUE AGAIN!

I personally wish to apologize to dazed for the interruption in this thread.

Sorry dazed my man. Let's all focus on your sitch. We are indeed praying for you.

and no, I will not give up on you. Your family can still make it! Nor is anybody here at all being hard or any 2x4 at all. We think you did great...good plan A. One of the best ones btw. And you will do good, just as good when time comes for B.

Just sorry all this is happening to you, or to any family here.

Okay, Dazed, I am with Mr. Wondering and MM. I have find it incredibly hard to believe your attorney's statement that, at a temporary orders hearing, a judge would NOT hear what your wife has been up to when it comes to taking care of DD. I cannot believe he/she would not allow evidence with regard to her suicide "threats" or about leaving DD and a 15 year old boy places for hours on end and lying to you about it and telling her to lie to you about it. I cannot believe a judge would not want to hear about her choosing to leave daughter at SIL's house or the shopping mall or the movies so she can go screw her boyfriend. A judge WILL want to hear that because it goes to who is acting in DD's best interests. Also, in most states, he/she who gets custody gets the marital home.

I DO believe a judge will hear evidence on this because I was a witness at a Temporary Orders Hearing where the parties were disputing temporary custody of the child. That darn hearing dragged on for 4 days over a 3 month period. You need to make sure your attorney understands you're not playing Mr. Niceguy anymore and that you want to go for your wife's jugular starting with hearing on Monday and through to whatever conclusion there is - whether its an order of divorce or reconciliation. YOU instruct him/her what evidence you want to present - including SIL. Your attorney works for you and not visa versa.

Okay, enough for now, my little guy is running a high fever in his bed upstairs and one of my dog is doing poorly downstairs...

BB

Thanks for your input...I was having a blonde moment and couldn't remember it was you that was attny.

Thanks so much. Going back to game with ds. He is winning. Guessed "expeliarmus"...

Whatever Peach... (sorry Dazed) thanks for the KIND response.... proving my point...I'll pray for you....
About the "Love Chapter"... did you mean this.... No TOUGH LOVE that I can see...... sorry...
You don't "bother" me... no more than a flea on a dog...


I Corinthians 13:4-13

4: Love is [color:"red"] patient and kind [/color] ; love is not jealous or boastful;

5: it is not arrogant or rude. [color:"red"] Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful[/color]

6: [color:"red"] it does not rejoice at wrong, [/color] but rejoices in the right.

7: [color:"red"] Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. [/color]

8: Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

9: For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;

10: but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.

11: When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways.

12: For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.

13: So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.


GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

PH:

I am becoming very very interested in knowing your "story". You have more than once now attacked another member here, yet you quickly hide behind the "veil" of God after you do it. So....lets get it out on the table here. What's your deal?

I am open enough to admit that maybe I can perhaps learn a few things from your POV. Would you be so kind and give us a synopsis of your history with Wayward Wife (?), so we (I) can understand where it "is" you are coming from.

If you so choose to do this, do it on another thread so we can all stop T/J Dazed thread.

Lem

LM,
I haven't attacked anyone... just the advice that undermines what Dazed has paid his hard earned money to get BTW.,. I get frustrated for him because certain people dump on any progress his "A" is making..

Never tell him HOW to plan "A" only... HOW to "B"
I have been posting here for since 1999 so it's not like I am hiding anything....I regained my Marriage after WW divorced me and married OM (for 5 months).
We re-married and were happy for 4 years... BUT... I didn't follow MB principals about NC...that... and the fact that my WW is under a doctors care for SEVERE depression (hospitalized twice 50 meds all the time)....and OM never gave up... she is "friends" with him again...

I never did a "B" even when she divorced me..... I made my mistakes folowing MB principals... so that's all I stick by..
Because if they worked (although not forever) in MY case... they WORK!!!
BTW... I don't and never have used God as a veil for anything.... I just try and tell Dazed to LOve his WW home.. not throw her stuff in the street.....

So.... have some fun with me if you want... here's my profile below.... fire away..... FRANK

Frank:

This is where I think you are "misguided" yourself. Why in the hel* do you think I or anyone else would have some "fun" with you because of your struggles with infidelity. These comments are the precise reason that I wanted to know more about you.

I did NOT know that you have been here since 1999. Your "pain" and "struggles" are not anything that anyone is going to use to discredit you , BUT it would be helpful (at least for me) to know where you are coming from. Some of your "comments" about Plan B and staying in "Plan A as long as the affair continues" are perhaps seen and viewed just as "crazy" as the views that you see as too quick to dismiss Plan A.

I will read a little more about your story. I am sad to think that you think so low of people that you thihk they "would" have some fun at your "expense" because they don't agree with you. Especially regarding a topic so soul crushing as infidelity.

You may be correct in some things you say here, but at the same time, you sould re-examine your own "motives" and prejudices...who knows, it could be "fruitful".

Lem

I sense that for whatever reason, you are deftly against Plan B

LM
"This is where I think you are "misguided" yourself. Why in the hel* do you think I or anyone else would have some "fun" with you because of your struggles with infidelity."
I'm "misguided"? I was just told....

"But think that if you're gonna go there with me, then lay your life out on the line...so we can decide how to judge you if you're up for it. "
and you said...
" So....lets get it out on the table here. What's your deal?"
I understand words....I know EXACTLY what was meant by those statements....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"Some of your "comments" about Plan B and staying in "Plan A as long as the affair continues" are perhaps seen and viewed just as "crazy" as the views that you see as too quick to dismiss Plan A."

This is my point... STEVE HARLEY.... NOT PLEASE HELP... says.... to do a Plan "A" as long as possible (for the BS) as it builds love units in the WSs Love Bank....

And he also teaches (now remember..... these are his prinipals... the principals of THIS site) that Plan "B" is NOT a "wake-up call" for the WS.... it is designed to PRESERVE LOVE IN THE BS FOR THE WS.. in the event that the affair continutes in SPITE of a good Plan "A" AND the BS starts getting "tired" and sees too many love units coming out of the BSs love bank....and keeps the BS from LB and removing units from the WSs love bank....

The reason being.... WHEN the affair ends.... AND 97% OF THEM END...within 6 MONTHS of seeing the light of day... there are enough love units in BOTH the Ws and the Bs love banks that reconciliation is POSSIBLE.......

So...go back in this post to the beginening.... there were people that told dazed to go into Plan "B" in OCTOBER!!!
THEY.... are "misguided" and should re-examine thier own "motives" and prejudices... because.....THEY WEREN'T FOLLOWING MB PRINCIPALS of "A" and "B"

I have NO MOTIVES (other than helping Dazed) or prejudices (other than sticking to MB principals) All I do is try and keep this MB ship on the right course....
Plan "A" while the spouse is HOME....Plan "B" once the spouse has LEFT the building....IF...AND ONLY IF.... THE BS's love is DYING from the pain of all this...

It's funny... this board was sooooo different in "the day" when it was newer... EVERYONE kept each other strong while the plan "A" was on... and stalled the plan "B" as long as the BS could retain love.... I can't remember ONE instance where ANYONE told the BS to pack the WS in bags and throw them out... not one....
AND MOST of the success stories back then were ALL Plan "A" stories like LOSTVA..etc....

I'd LOVE to know the numbers for success of those that plan "Aed" for a MONTH and went "dark"... compared to a LOOONG plan "A"....but... who knows....

As for me...Plan "A" is natural for me... I just don't like hurting anyone.. even for "their on good" It's not my nature... so I guess I'd rather be the BS than the WS anyday...

I believe that PH has an interesting perspective and this could be an interesting topic – especially considering his knowledge and experience of the “old days”. I do however think that too many of the recent posts here (not only from PH but also the replies from many) have little relevance to Dazed’s situation and are not helping him. It is also clear that every single post on these 52 pages has the well-being of Dazed in mind but not everyone has the same opinion on what is best for him.

I recommend we take this issue outside this thread and concentrate on Dazed. Let’s agree to disagree on what is best for Dazed. He has shown an ability to react correctly so far.

I humbly ask everyone who takes exception at my suggestion or thinks it is aimed at them personally to either sleep on it or start a new thread to respond.

Dazed,


Mr Wonderings posted a piece over on Pep's Wizard of Oz thread that I think you may want to find and print out for your wife to read. It reminded me of her.

Exactly. Both should be delivered the same day if possible. I'd ask Steve, but my thinking is that he should not wait to go to Plan B once he delivers his petition. That petition will end his Plan A anyway...and there is no need to subject himself to her abuse that will surely come.


I think he can LISTEN! He can record (have that tape recorder handy, Dazed) and let her lay out what she wants and what she will do. But Dazed is not to agree to anything. In this way, he can take a baseline to his attorney, one his attorney can work from. In court, his attorney will know that she has agreed to at least that which is on the tape...and can go from there, pretty much assured that the judge will give Dazed at least what his wife agreed to.


I absolutely agree! But, once his petition reaches her, he can count on no coopertation from her for awhile. So, if this discussion is to happen, it should happen today.


Not a problem.

Just a little blurb here...

PH and JP...knock it off! Your argument helps no one, as it has gotten personal.

Both of you had valid things to say...but took them as attacks on each other. It shouldnt be that way.

PH...I do agree that the best course for Dazed was to follow the master, SH. He knows better than the rest of us.

But JP...even SH wont say that doing it his way will make thinks happen the way you want 100% of the time. As the Plan B Czar on here, I agree with you that the handwriting has been on the wall for while that Plan B was/is going to have to happen. I think SH would agree also.

Folks, you were both right. The key here is timing. It is like a military operation. When opening up an attack, you cannot be early or late. Both will cause failure to your mission. You have to be ontime.

SH was/is trying to get Dazed to do Plan A and then Plan B in proper timing. Plan B is best done when Plan A is done to its proper conclusion. Dazed needed to finish some things up (no matter whether his wife filed or not) in order to be ready for the club of Plan B.

You see, someone said something about the stick of Plan A. Plan A isnt a stick. If anything is a stick, it is Plan B...although it isnt used that way. Plan B is for the BS...to get off the rollercoaster. But the great side effect is that Plan B causes great pain to the WS. And I can tell you...I cant say I was upset that my wife hurt so badly in Plan B...after everything she had put me thru.

Plan B allowed me to pull back and ignore her. Her affair, her pain, her needs. She was no longer my concern. So, when she left messages on my voicemail with her obviously in pain, I can honestly say that I felt..........nothing. There was no sympathy for her. No concern for her. I was now in a place of peace...finally.

You see, the pain caused the WS in Plan B is all their doing. It is their fault! It is like a guy that is working in his house and accidentally hits his hand with a hammer. I can care for and have concern for that guy. But a guy stands in front of you and on purpose takes a hammer and slams his hand with it? Well, that is just too darn funny!

Same thing goes with the WS. When my wife left those messages, I have to admit that I laughed to myself sometimes. Not in a sick way. But in a way that said "Dont want to hear it. You did this to yourself. You can get yourself out of it if you'd like. I do not feel sorry for you!"

Plan B is a great tool for saving a marriage. But it has to be timed right and done right. SH was attempting to do that with Dazed.

I also advised Dazed to prepare for Plan B, to get his PBL ready. Did that mean I meant he should abandon his Plan A yet and ignore SH? Nope. It meant that while conducting the operation called Plan A, he needs to begin to plan for the next operation, which is Plan B.

So, with that being said...this mess needs to stop now. All of us have been affected by this mess. All of us want the best for Dazed...and for our own marriages. So, come here...offer your opinion and support. But stop making this personal.

Now, you two apologize to each other before I get Pep to smack both of you upside your heads.

In His arms.

Mortar have said over and over that he should always go with what the pro's say...as that's their line of work. I agree that it should be well timed...but knew it was looming, the plan B on the horizon.

And a few posts back, I said let's just get on with our friend...in helping. No more TJ.s
I am not interested in any supposed issues between somebody else who disagrees with me. That's not my focus. But when it is taken down to a personal level and becomes less than decent, I will address...did it, and am moving on as I know we are doing. To our friend...helping our friend period.

Hey everyone...

Thank you all for your help...

Man, I am so nervous right now... This is just nuts... Spent the entire day with daughter... WW was here hanging around for most of it... Between trying to be a good dad and spend what might be the last night together in peace and push back WW that is pissed way off... All most too much..

Okay- Talks with WW today have not went so well... I tried to be nice last night when she got home at 6PM... She came in and shown Christmas gifts she had bought daughter... Made it a point to show them off and wanted to wrap them up together... Was all friendly and nice... Wanted to talk to me about what type of IPOD to get daughter and so on.

Things were okay for awhile... I went ahead and asked about the petetion.
She had one copy of the petetion for both of us to sign.
This is not the same copy of what her attourney sent mine that is suppose to go to court tomorrow.
Her copy does not ask for the house, but does ask for the furnishings and shared custody.

When I suggested that she leave the house intact with daughter staying she got way mad... Accused me of taking her kid away and she would never agree to it... Accussed me of punishing her...When it got angry I stepped away.

She thought she did not have to go to court.... Is really upset over that... Actually was scared of it...

The last thing she offered was for me to keep everything if she could get shared...

Okay-What to do!!!!!!!!!
DO I let her know that I am going to ask for a countinuation of 14 days....

Explain to me what my odds are on winning a full custody...I need this continuation to get my mind right.
This is all happening too fast for me... I am struggling with being a dad, running the house, how and what to say to daughter now, how and what to say to WW, Do I go for the scorched earth plan to take a run at custody that is going to be hard to prove...

I can't even get time to finish my dam post much less read all the stuff posted to me... Wife is swirling around me and wanting to avoid court tomorrow... She is bouncing off the walls right now... From begging me to threatening me... Offering to give me everything for custody to going to take everything and full custody if I don't agree....

DO NOT TALK TO HER ABOUT ANY OF THIS! You tell her you have an attorney and she has an attorney that you are both paying alot of money. LET THEM DO ANY TALKING THAT NEEDS TO BE DONE. She chose this route, now she must live with her choices. MAKE NO DEAL with her about anything. Go to court tomorrow and just let your attorney do all the work.

BB