Her car is a major source of irritation and blame. It needs to get fixed. Better for you to do it than OM.

Plus you need to avoid any more upsetting drama filled evenings.

I just spoke with WW... She gave me the way now again... Asked why she cares so much about me when I left her alone.. etc..etc...
I gave her my mantra... She said add NOW to the end of everything... I said, until you are ready to work on the marrige, it will always be NOW... If we don't start today then tomorrow it will still be NOW... Then the next day, would also be NOW until we get a starting point for us... Then once we start, we can say...yesterday...and then a week, a month , a year..

She said, well this all sucks... It took this for you to wake up... If this had not happened you would not have changed...
I said, WW... I will tell you again and I know you probably think I just keep repeating myself, but I am so you will realize I am for real....
I have learned to change my perspective about life... Not that I never cared about you or loved... I always have... It is just that I finally get it... I figured out the major things that lead to our problems and me hurting you.
Things I have learned and want to ; Respectful, thoughtful and showing these things ...

(More later) gotta run

You are getting to her and making a difference and you ARE changed forever. Keep it up.

Dave

Soooooo??

So, progress is being made. She is confused and that means she is comparing the husband with the OM. Generally, in the fog, no reasonable comparisons are made and the BS cannot even compete.

TooSoon

I meant "sooo" as in what is going on -- we need an update!!

(sorry TooSoon, didn't mean to be questioning you)

That's ok Lexxy. I had reread my short post and I wasn't sure what I said that was wrong or offensive. Thanks for clearing the air. This case is in the see saw stage right now since his WW is being pulled both ways.

TS

Well the roller coaster was in high gear....

Friday after work WW tells me that OM gave her the final drop dead date of Friday night at her apartment with all her stuff...
She told me that she had been lying to him all week about having her bags packed... She said, she was scared and OM was really pushing this and if she did not do then he would not see her anymore.

We talked about pretty much the same thing... Why now, she has made so many promises how can she turn back now...

So Friday night she stayed home... Knowing he was going to be mad at her she came to me for comfort and I used the entire time to Plan A....

Saturday she was now regreting her choice to stay home... She was now angry and hostile with me again... Saying stuff like now she just missed her chance to be happy....
She called OM from her cell phone in the basement...
OM was yelling at her so loud that I could here it from up stairs.... Every other word was a curse word... I was going to go and end the call but he was love busting so hard I just listened... He called her a liar and could not think on her own and she is this and that and she and blah... He told her to get in her car and be at his place with all her stuff in the car in 20 minutes or he is done forever...
She did not pack up nothing... She came to me for help again... She looked like she was going to just stay then at 2PM she bolted for the door with out anything in hand....

2:15 I recieved a call from OM's cell phone... The phone must have been set down so I could hear what was going on..
OM was yelling at her, screaming at her... Telling her to just leave you _ucking liar... He threw her out she was kicking on the door begging to get back in... He actually told her he was going to call the police if she did not leave... He yelled for 15 minutes at her calling her everything and telling her to go home to her so familar precious little husband type of crap... Told her she blew with him, he was tired of waiting and he is done...

Of course she just kept begging him in tears... Told him she loved him and please don't be angry... Please blah blah... Then the yelling stopped and it went silent...

I was hoping to hear her scream in pain or saying anything that sounded like a him hitting her.... I did not hear that... What I did hear was more than enough for me...

I took daughter to King Kong and spent the next 3hours...
Because of all this and WW I did not work on her car Saturday at all.

WW called me from home at 6:30PM Saturday... She asked for me to help her... She can't do this alone....
I left the movies, and rushed home... Good thing... OM was parked out front in his car... As soon as he seen me he flips me off and drives away.
WW has already put on PJ's and is on the couch... She tells me that he is out there waiting on her to pack bags and she is scared...... She don't want to go now... He is scaring her.... She said, he gave her 30 minutes to pack or he is never going to talk to her again.
She did not get up at all... She for awhile acted like this was her final answer... OM called from pay phones twice before I took the phone off the hook.

WW for most of the evening was accepting what she did and that she was going to stay home.
She said, she had no idea he did that with the phone and she was so sorry bhah blah.

She told me that he is more and more angry all the time now... She said, he is always mad at her now.
Told me more details about OM... That he makes her report what time each one of us goes to sleep at night and where... She is to sleep on the couch and have no contact with me at all.... He drives by the house to make sure that lights out matches her reports...

He tells her all the time to just ignore me because I fill her head with lies and guilt trips...

She said, that she has got to the point she don't even want to text or call hime because he is going to ask about when she is leaving me and divorce, and he is mad all the time..

He told her he is tired of thinking for her and she just keeps lying etc...

So, Saturday night she said it was over with him... She did not go when he wantes and now its over... We watched spiderman and she kind of felt okay about it... I told her the sapy line that I will be her spiderman to rescue her just with out the flying over building part...

We even watchted the story of us dvd...

Saturday night I thought was going to be a huge break through. She went from scared of him, to happy to be home, to tell me how you can make it work stuff.

Sunday morning she was hurting about him... Just after I turn the phones back on, OM calls from another pay phone.
Bingo, like a flash of light she turns to OM is great and BS is all bad and why did she ever think about staying... How we never had anything in common,,,

Sunday morning she started justifying her leaving again, that I can just never make her happy....
She grabbed a hand full of cloths and all her stuff from the make up room and off she went...

Right before she left, daughter came down... WW says, well he must have got you to ask me to stop,,, DD says, I have cried about this for weeks, what good does it do? She stomped upstairs....

WW left and never returned... She text messged daughter at 8:30PM telling daughter to tell me that she is okay... Told DD good night...

So, OM loved busted big time... WW confessed he was fun and nice at first but now he is always yelling at her...
She was with OM all day... I took pictures of OM's car at her apartment... They don't know yet that I know where she has the apartment..

She has no car with her right now other than OM...

How can this not cripple her in court tomorrow?

Gotta go... More later

Who said there aint no God!?

Under no circumstances will the relationship last more than a few weeks or a few months for your WW. At best your WW will be a slave to this demanding and likely abusive OM.

Under no circumstances can you let your daughter be close to this guy and this volatile bit of information must be passed on to your lawyers.

The fog has got her so screwed up she can't see the light of day. The good news is your wife is already lying to him making this a "new marriage" from he77 and he sounds like the devil himself.

You will win her back soon but you must throw away any of your your pride to accept her back."

TooSoon

I can see you maintained your perspective and focus. You are not taking her addiction to OM personally. It makes no sense why she continues to entertain thoughts of leaving you yet...out the door she walks. Apparently she is addicted to both y'all. What OM doesn't know is you've got God and us on your side. Great job with your Plan A.

Good luck in Court today (if it happens). You are a good man.

Mr. Wondering

Dazed-

I only have a few moments...I'll post more later. Personally, I'd consider this the beginning of plan B. I'd make it VERY clear to the wife what she's going to have to do in order to come back now.

NC...PERIOD...no mistakes, not one. If you come back, you will NEVER contact OM again. If you do, you're out with no coming back as an option.

MC...of Dazed's choice. Family counseling as well to try to heal the rift between WW and DD.

NC letter that YOU can read and be with her to send.


MM might have some better advice for you, but this is my take. She's crossed the 'line in the sand'...at this point, I'd make it very clear she's not going to be able to use you as a safety net everytime her and OM have an issue. Now, SHE has to rebuild the marriage, not you.

My thoughts, I'll post more later man. Prayers are with you and your court situation today.

Quick Update:
OM has told her that no contact with me is just what she needs... He is ordering her to go no contact with me...
If I gave her a PLAN B he would be doing back flips for joy... He thinks that is what it will take to finally isolate her completely break her of me....

She told me that he has been telling her what to say to me and has been asking her to role play with him so she is prepaired for anything I might say to convince her to stay home....
She told me that he has also told her how she is suppose to treat me once they are together...
She said, that OM told her that she is to never talk about me again... He never wants her to talk of me again... She is not allowed to talk to daughter when she comes to visit about her dad... He did not want to hear WW say stuff to daughter like, "how is your dad doing stuff"... OM said, that he can't stand it when WW compares BS to OM and he has told her to never do it again...

He has told her that she is making him be mean to her for er own good....
He says, that she will only do move on any issue unless he threatens her....

I am not going to change my posistion in court...
There is more control / manipulation tact that she told me that he is using on her...

She confirmed that he targeted her from day one... She said, that he remembered seeing her at his former job when she worked at a radio station and he would watch for her everytime she walked by his office... The day she interviewed at her job he remembered everything she was wearing... Yet, she still thinks that there meeting and this relationship with just something that happened... (yah right)....

I am very busy today... Please pray for us...
God bless you..

((((((((((Dazed))))))))))))

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Dazed,

Owl brings up some great points. But I would still keep the Plan B selctor switch on safe, for right now. What I mean by that is be ready to take it off "safe" and pull the Plan B trigger at a moment's notice.

But right now, I would wait and contineu to do Plan A. when your enemy is destroying himself, do not try to help!! Let me ask you a tactical question here...

Why is the OM so angry? I ask this because his anger is what is causing their fantasy to explode. He is LBing all over the place. And you are making him LB!! So, how are you doing that???

Each situation is a little different. While affairs are remarkably similar, they also have their nuiances. So, with yours...think about this for a second. Why is the OM so angry?

While we await your response, let me tell you what I see.

You continuing to counsel with SH has been great, as he knows more about this stuff than any of us!! Under MOST circumstances, you should have already gone to Plan B. But why did SH say for you to stay in Plan A a little longer?

First, because you seem to still have love for your wife and are not in danger (yet!!) of losing it for her.

Second, he saw in your situation an abusive and manipulating OM. In this case, a guy like that is going to LOVE you abandoning your wife to him, because then he can fully control the situation. Right now, if you cut her off from you, she will just take that as the final decision and just allow him to tell her what to do.

She fights his manipulation right now because she still has you and DD. That will change soon, maybe even a little today during court. As long as she can continue to see your changes, continue to feed on her "addiction" to you and her family, then what it is doing is causing her to not let go. And not letting go is what is making the OM EXTREMELY angry!!

The OM is angry because he KNOWs what you represent to her. Each time she lies to him, or doesnt do what he says, it reinforces to him how much "control" you have over her (you dont control her, but in his world, it looks like it!!). That is why he says that she cant talk to you, even after their supposed marriage. Because he KNOWS what you mean to her.

He tried to woo her away, and she wouldnt go. He is now threatening her. And he has seen that his threats make her come running back. But so far, his threats havent made her make the clean break. And that just continues to build his anger.

Your wife has said that she is scared of him now. Guess how long that will last?

So, I will say that even though I love Plan B, and under most circumstances, you should have already gone to Plan B...in your case, I would listen to SH and let this thing play out a little longer. I know this sucks for you, and for your daughter. And I promise you, one way or another, this will stop very shortly!! Today's court may help with that!

OM will contineu to LB. Especially as long as you hold sway over your wife. Also, and NEVER forget this...that as long as you continue to follow God, then He is going to continue to cause huge problems for those two being together.

This guy has shown he is a manipulator and abusive (not physically...yet!). As long as your wife has an alternative (YOU!!), she will not let go with him. And that will piss him off!!

They are now in that viscious cycle downward (I love when an affair relationship starts doing that!! It is awesome!!). Let it die! Continue to do what you are doing, because your Plan A is helping it to die. Again, be ready for Plan B. It may even be needed today. See who court plays out, and then the next week or so. Let court settle down before making any decisions.

Hold tight. Just like in the military, we had to learn patience. If we opened fire too early or late, we could screw up the whole operation. We had to be right on time. You need to be right on time. And Plan B time is coming unless she changes direction. But let's wait a little longer and watch the OM play his cards.

In His arms.

He is an abuser. Read up on the characteristics -- because one of the primary ones is to isolate their victims from their support. That is exactly what he is trying to do to your wife.

I agree that the longer you stay in Plan A, the more damage you do to their affair.

I'm anxious to hear about how court goes. Its unlikely that OM will allow her to withdraw her petition, and yet she is terrified of what is going to happen. I sure hope you have everything in order. And I pray you get a restraining order against him for DD.

MM-

Given what Dazed has indicated about the OM, I agree with you on holding off on plan B. OM is NOT very bright...he's taken exactly the WRONG tactic to keep the WW...because there is NO WAY she could possibly hold to the promise of never talking about someone who has been such a huge part of her life for so long...and will continue to have impacts on her life for the rest of her life...because of DD if nothing else.

And how in the world does he think he's going to FORCE DD not to talk about dad?? Like that's gonna work...the ONLY way I could see him doing that is by actually being abusive...which I truly believe would force WW and DD to leave him.

Dazed...this R between OM and wife IS doomed...I cannot imagine how it could last any length of time with OM behaving this way. Hang in there friend...I really do believe that things will work out for you soon.

Parental Alienation



Help Stop Parental Alienation

A custody angle your attorney should be apprised of. PLEASE protect your DD from this guy!!!!

[color:"red"] She said, that OM told her that she is to never talk about me again... He never wants her to talk of me again... She is not allowed to talk to daughter when she comes to visit about her dad... He did not want to hear WW say stuff to daughter like, "how is your dad doing stuff"...

[/color]

oooooohhhhhh

see if you can get your wife to say this on a recorder or have her put it in writing ....

could be very useful in court

Wow Dazed,

How can your W honestly think OM loves her. I pray all the bad spirits get out of the way of her thinking, and that her eyes and ears would be opened to God TODAY!!!!!!!

Lady

Dazed,

I will pray for you and your success.

I do however have one very important point: If your wife insists on going with OM there isn’t much you can do. She may or may not realize her mistake. Honestly – I think she will come crying back within a month.

The OM shows the characteristics of an abuser. He finds ways of controlling his “pray” and manipulating it to act according to his plan. At the moment he uses threats and anger to control your wife. If she breaks out of that he will find another tool to control her. Most likely that will be violence but if your DD is in his reach it might be through her.

Mind you – I am not saying he will be violent to DD! He might manipulate your WW through your daughter. That is one of two VERY IMPORTANT REASONS you utterly HAVE TO stick firm to your custody claims. The other reason being the fact that girls that grow up in abusive households are statistically more or less doomed to enter an abusive relationship. For your DD sake you have to create the security that is so important for her.

I want to suggest one thing for your WW. Can you make some assurance to her that if she chooses you the OM can never reach her?