MORT---YOU ARE RIGHT ON THE MONEY-----
His anger is growing just as you said....The longer she remains attached to me the more it drives him nuts...

While we talked Saturday night about OM and how he does not understand how she still loves me and he keeps reminding her of how bad I am and that I am a fraud and lyer... I asked WW... Have you ever asked him if he still has love for his wife... She said, she did and he told her he _ucking hates her... I said, how long were they together? She said, they dated a couple years in college and was married for eight. OM tells WW because of all the bad stuff that she did to him that he hates her now and really never cared about her anyway.. He felt trapped and had to marry her...
I asked WW... Does this guy seem like a guy that could be bossed around by a 5'1 95lb girl? She said, well know... I don't understand that either...

Okay- Big picture.....
WW told me that nine weeks ago she promised OM that they would be together... She agreed to divorce me and run away with him...
She told me that ever since that time he has been constantly expecting her to do what she agreed to... As time has went by the fun and laughter with him has been over shadowed with his anger and pushing her to do things she is not ready for. The day she went to the lawyer both times to file for a divorce she says, he paid for it and used that against her to follow through... He told her if she did not do it then he was gone forever...
She said, that she just keeps lying to him becase he gets mad at her. She thinks that his anger is because of her lies... He justifies it and she is believes in what he says...
FOG LIFTING----
She said, Dazed you have made this so hard for me...When would go to OM's he would get so angry with me because that fun girl that he wanted was not there... I missed you every time I was at his place... It pissed him off when I wanted to talk about you and have him tell me about the future...
There were times when I would leave there when he would make me feel terriable... Then you would welcome me with open arms... There is you standing in our home wanting me and comforting me when I totally did not deserve it... I would think what am I doing... How can I leave him now... He is so nice to me and the guy that is suppose to be is not all the time any more... I just want to be happy... He made me happy before I started dragging my feet... He says, she changed his entire life for me and now I am just using him... YES, OM TELLS HER THAT SHE IS USING HIM..........

The PLAN A has worked against OM's anger... OM is a control freak.... It is just eating him up that he can not obtain total control...
He was going nuts Saturday because she was once again dragging it out... She said, that he was so mad at me for not agreeing to those divorce terms he just hates me....

Once again I blew up OM's plans.....This took control away from him and he can't stand it....

WW confirmed that he has been stalking the house at night and that makes her uncomfortable.

BOTTOM LINE_________________
I see this affair dieing...
WW just called me and told me that a big part of her wants me to rescue her and bring her home... She is up on the fence even with the divorce hearing 4 hours away...

I really believe her.... This is not a ploy to get me to cave on custody......
She told me that she really does not want to go to court today and does she really have to.... She made no request...
I just kept on with my Plan A... Showing her the path home...She wants to take the path.. I really believe...
She just don't believe in me yet...
She thinks I never cared about her and this is a show... I really think she wants to come home... She would if it was not for control freak...
YES, we will have much healing to do and will need major MC and family MC to repair what I did for years and what she has done this year...

You all say that she the court room will lift her fog and driver her home...
How will WW see me as anything but a selfish piece of $hit for having my attourney present to the court that she is a unfit mother.

I KNOW I can't chance having daughter around control freak.
That is my motivation here... That is why I want custody.
Her leaving the home last night is almost like she is pointing the gun at her so I can fire it... Why else would she have moved out last night?
Is she setting herself a trap so she can fall into it and either use this to hate me or use this as a reason to go leave OM with him being so angry...

This all sucks...
I have came so far in such a short time... No the biggest bomb of all is right here today at 2:30..... This is either going to blow me up or blow up the affair...
I am so nervous about this...

After talking with WW for 45 minutes this morning she wants to call me back and talk more later.

Yes, I agree that Plan B would give him complete control which the source of his anger... He would have what he so despritely wants...
He has told her I don't really care about her.. It's all about me... Pulling the PLAN B trigger too soon would confirm what he has told her...

Mort---Me loving WW and her confiding in her hero OM is source of his anger... He sees his grip loosening and he can't stand it.
The only man that ever really got WW is now not easy to confide in??? what ... She is now scared of making OM made at her...
His mantra included WW was just living for me as my house wife slave....
I asked WW... Maybe a little LB... So what it crunch time..
When she told me about the expiration date set by OM and the final move out time and she had to sleep in her apartment and the heat barely works... I said, WW...we know why you left when you left...There you go again... Hurting yourself living for other people...

The phone call I had with her today was very good....
I asked her if that part of her was ready yet... ready for me and you to rescue us?
She said, yes and no. Got the why now again... I hit that one out of the park.... Too much to recall... Bacially accepted my failure and presented it in away that I was trying to save her from making the same mistake that i made and waking up one day to late to change it.

Report this to the police. After court today, have the magistrate draw up a restraining order against the Om coming near you or your home. This is stalking (he has stalekd your wife all along). And whil your wife can permit it with her, you can stop it at your home and with you and DD.

And before you do that, I am thinking that the next time the OM is sitting outside or drives by checking on things, call the police. Have the police drive up and ask him why he is there and tell him that he has been reported for stalking.

Do this Dazed. This guy is unstable and may be a physical threat to your wife and family. If you have a gun, have it ready also, because you never know what this guy might try. If you dont, I would seriously think about purchasing one. While restraining orders are nice, if that guy wants to do harm, that order isnt going to stop anything. And it will take longer than you need for the police to arrive.

Protect, protect, protect. You, your daughter...and eventually your wife. You are doing fine. I am praying about your court today.

In His arms.

Your lawyer understands (and supports) that your primary objective is to reconcile your marriage, and that you are going through the current situation because you must protect your daughter, correct? If your lawyer supports your bid for marital reconciliation, maybe you can share these latest developments with your lawyer and ask him to approach her lawyer before the hearing. See if, with the support of her own lawyer, she will take the steps necessary to come home.

oh dazed, please please please don't back down with what you must do in court.

I sense that you feel its some kind of LB'er to tell the TRUTH in court. This is simply one area you can't go easy on her. There is too much at stake.

Let's leave you and your wife out of it for the moment. There is an innocent 12 year old girl that needs to be protected. Its become abundently clear how manipulative, abusive, and controlling the OM is. An adult like your wife is having trouble dealing with him. I think there's even more sickness we haven't heard about yet.

Your sweet daughter must be kept away from him at all costs. Stop worrying about whether WW will be sad about being called an unfit mother. And start worrying about what could happen if DD is left in the care of two people with very bad judgement and selfish behavior. Not to mention the abuse and control she would be witnessing.

You're a grown-up. You can deal with this. Your wife has to live with the consequences of her actions.

But SOMEONE has to look out for that poor child. If it has to be you, using your attorney, and disclosing the TRUTH, so be it.

Have you brought your lawyer up to speed on all the happenings of the weekend? When are y'all meeting at the courthouse?

He needs to be up to speed ASAP.... Almost always before these things the two atty's get together and try to hash out something. I would settle for no less than a RO against him, a Mental Health evaluation of your wife, heck I'd even recommend supervised visitation......

If your atty is up to speed, this thing shouldn't go to trial today, her atty would be a fool for doing so....

Dazed,

Many court do not allow cell phones into court but if this one does I'd be wary of your WW having an open cell phone line so OM can listen in. If you notice her fidling with her phone in court I'd have your attorney ask her on the stand if OM is listening in to the proceedings or have him otherwise advise the judge to instruct her to turn off her cell phone. If OM is listening in that should make him nice and furious.

Also, I am no big gun advocate but I'd certainly get one in your sitch as MM suggested above. OM is a loose canon who maybe sees you as his only obstacle to happiness. Knowing the nature of affairs I can only suppose that he may believe going after you would actually be protecting WW from her controlling/domineering husband. Even if WW chooses you, OM will not believe WW made that decision willingly. OM will never believe HE WAS/IS THE LESSOR MAN.

Watch your back.

Mr. Wondering

Thinking about y'all (((Dazed)))...... I've got a light week, in the evenings this week. If'n your close and you need an ear, e-mail me..... Take care and God Bless....

Just wondering how you are doing ((dazed, DD and WW))

I am waiting to see how you are and your sitch. God bless you all and may He open you WW's eyes to the devil her OM is. Hang in there, I really have a lot of hope for you. If and when this is over, you are going to be an excellent husband. You have already shown that you would walk through fire to help your family.

Take care,
Loni

Dazed:

I too am enjoying watching and listening as the OM destroys the relationship with your WW. This guy is dangerous, abusive, and a control freak.

My FWW told me she glanced quickly at her OM during her affair and said she actually saw devil-like horns sticking out of her OM's head. She said she sort of refocused her eyes and the horns were gone. I think your wife's OM is full of the devil like my FWW's OM was. My wife's OM was 1000% driven to break up my family so he could reap the sexual and emotional benefits of my wife.

You are going to get your wife back. It will not be a victory like winning a race and you will not feel like a winner but you will become a survivor with another chance to rebuild your marriage like so many of us who survived the battle with the devil himself.

I am happy that the affair is crumbling although the devil will continue to fight hard all the way to the end. Fight back and save the family.

TooSoon

How did it go yesterday??

Dazed,

Where oh where are you? Thinking of you!! Hope you are okay.

Blessings,
Lady

Dazed????

tap...tap...tap...

Okay Dazed...you have to check in. With so many things going on )court, as well as OM going crazy), then we want to know how things went and how you are doing. So, report in!!

In His arms.

Dazed,

We will support you no matter what. Judges have a way of making the "adults" get together and agree on a compromise. They just like to sluff off their obligation to make tough decisions and act like they will punish the party unwilling to compromise. They are 3rd parties we can't control. We know you did your best and we will help you from here.

If you think you made a mistake yesterday...we all made plenty of them and NO mistake is insurmountable.

I hope your wife is home and you two are working this out and you just don't have a moment to update us.

Either way, we support you and your family.

Mr. Wondering

Dazed,

I'll just echo a few points that others have already made.

1.) I'd let the police know that he is stalking your home at night. Get a restraining order if you can. If not the police may just "drive by" your house a little more often to "check things out".

2.) The recomendation to get a gun. I don't know how familiar you are with firearms handling. Just for the sake of arguement I will assume no one in your immediate family (WW, DD, or You) has familiarity with this. If this is true, I do not recommend getting a firearm.

If you are familiar with firearms handling then you probably know what the major concerns are.

BTW: I do not intend for this to be a thread hijack. If someone whats to question me on my comments please start a new thread and I'll answer those questions there.

I grew up in a military / hunting family. I have been around firearms my entire life. My W grew up in a hunting family. She has been around firearms her entire life.

One of my best friends is a very skilled gunsmith and has obtained a class III firearms license.

I have a great deal of respect for what firearms can do. As our (W & I) fathers before us at the age of 12 we gave our DD a rifle and safety / gun ettique lessons on how to handle it. We will do the same for all of our children.

Firearms come with a lot of responsibility. Mishandled firearms are DEADLY dangerous. All family members know the rules of safe handling in our household.

BTW: I hope court went well for you yesterday. I really expect that she will make her choice soon. Personnaly I'm hopeing for the fairy tale ending.

Stay Strong!

We're all worried and wondering....
Hope all is well Dazed....

Dazed, hope you post soon since many of us are worried by your absence. Hope everything went yesterday. I know it must be a difficult time right now.

Update:

WW tried one last effort to get me to agree to shared custody... She dropped her request for furnishings and money... That left her with asking for: Temporary use of her mustang. Cloths, and shared custody.

I declinded...

Her lawyer immediately tried to attack me as soon as she presented her case...
Stated that I threw WW's belongings out on the front lawn and pushed her out the door...
Stated that I was never a working part of the family and spent all my time away racing cars leaving WW to raise our kid and manage the home...
Stated that BS will most likely alledge that WW has a boyfriend and that is the only reason why WW is here today..
Stated that WW has never been out of the house with a this alleged boy friend... The only time out of the home was when BS threw her and her belongings out.

My lawyer objected to WW lawyer tring to argue against claims that we have not made...

I got the impression that the judge also did not like the approach taken by WW's lawyer...

The judge awarded me full custody until Jan. 2nd... By that time the court appointed GA is to meet with daughter and find out what she thinks about this... The rest of WW's petetion was accepted...
WW got her belongings that are already with her... Temporary use of her mustang....

The judge lectured us about the affects that divorce has on kids and how this damages them for life... Then they are left tring to adapt to new people brought into the family and then the kids are left trying to figure out where they fit in and who has authority over what.
The judge also said he did not have time to hear who has done what between the two of us... The matter here at stake is the child... That is the only concern as far as he is concerned...
He says, Mrs. Brown is already out of the home and in an apartment.. Mr. Brown is to remain in the family home... Also, this is the school holiday for Christmas break... The judge also sited the timing of this divorce being just in front of Christmas as less than ideal...
The judge asked that we negociate Christmas between us or he will...

Once the GA has reported back to the judge he will decide what to do about temporary custody...

There was one thing that I was not happy with... My lawyer presented to the judge that WW has not been in the home much for the last four months... In and out and living with OM... I has wanted that presented with more detail but he is a lawyer...

WW is very angry with me.... She thinks I am punishing her and just being mean and selfish... She thinks I made the laywer say she had not lived there for a month until she filed the petition... I told her I know that was not all entirely correct but neither was the statement your lawyer said about me... WW lawyer try to win a case... They don't care about me or you.... Your lawyer blew what you told her out of proportion and mine did the same...

WW says, she can't believe me... She was so fair and gave me everything and all she wanted was shared custody and I could not even do that. She is very hurt...

She came over to the house right after... Demanded I give her my key to the mustang... Told me to forget about repairing the engine and what ever I bought to return.
She was really mad at me and screaming....

She came back by right after work to get her car and ask if she could come back later and give daughter her Christmas gifts...I said, okay... Suggested we work out a Christmas day for daughter... She said, no..

WW came over later with gifts just bought and not even wrapped.... The gifts was just purchased from stores in Topeka... Now I know where WW and OM was at all day yesterday.... Out shopping in Topeka...

WW was for the most part nearly crying as daughter opened the gifts... Our dog brought WW a toy to play fetch with... WW started to cry and held the dog for awhile..

Once WW had opened her gifts from daughter, she started to make some comments... WW said, daughter... I want to appologize for being a bad mother for the last four months... Apparently I have not been around for the last for months and now your dad does not think that I should have you...
I stopped her right there.. I said, WW do you think that is apporiate to be saying... She stopped...
That kind of spoiled daughters attitude and she thanked her mom and left the room.

WW spoke softly but was emotional... Said, I guess the last 12 years with her was all for nothing... Everything I did is all gone.... It is just so unfair... You are off living your own life for years...Barely any time for us... Now you are super dad and just take her away from me... I can't believe I tried to nothing but fair to you and you just take her from me... Now I have nothing... Nothing... You won't ever see me again for this. You find her a great mother...I mean that... You better get her a great one.

She told me she no longer has a reason to live...
She said to tell daughter she loves her, tell her mother that she loves her...
I asked her to stay and talk... She said no.. I told her to stay and talk to daughter then... She said, you can't tell me what to do... and left..

Her mother called me asking where WW was... She asked if WW went through with the hearing... She said she called WW at 11AM and WW told her she was not sure if she was going to go through with it because part of her really wanted to come home...MIL told WW to go home and give BS a chance... You two love each other and he says he will do things right this time, let him prove it...Do it for your daughter if nothing else... WW said, that this is a cooling off period after the hearing... She will figure it out with in the next 60 days or less.... MIL said, she told her to quit that job and go home... MIL said, she would be happy to come over and help with daughter and house work so she can have all the time she needs to work things out with alone with BS... WW said she would think about about it.

MIL did not know that WW has her own apartment and moved out on her own... MIL was angry with her for that... MIL thinks that OM purposely tried to get her out of the house just so she would loose daughter in court... Interesting thought... She might be on to something...

She was angry with me for asking for custody... I told her WW rotation plan she wanted for shared custody and MIL got mad... Said, you can't raise no kid like that... What the ****** is she thinking...

I told her that I had not talked to her lately because I did not want to give out information that would appear as me teaming up with you to get her back...

MIL understood, but was still angry with WW... She wants to find OM or his parents and let them know what he has done to her daughter and family...
I discouraged her from doing that... I told her that I know you are WW's mother and want to help do something... However, I believe her and OM will never make it... I feel there affair relationship is doomed... Please, don't fuel it to continue... Please don't give WW the teamed up feeling.
I know your mad at OM... Just as I am... She said, she still wants to talk to OM.. If nothing else tell him that he will never be welcomed into the family and if he comes around there she will find someone to take care of him...
I laughed and told her that he will probably call the police on you...That is his favorite thing...

I encouraged MIL to call WW because she was feeling so bad... Asked that she just give WW a chance to talk to her.
MIL called back and said that WW would not answer the phone.

I called the phone and WW answered for moment only could hear her bawling then she hung up..

MIL called back later saying that WW called her back and reported she was at her brothers house talking... MIL suggested she go home to her baby, and WW said... No, Told MIL that you did not live what I went through.. MIL said, she told her to give me a chance... WW said she had to go and hung up on her...

This morning MIL called me at 8:05 saying that WW called in sick at work... MIL called OM's work and they told her the same thing... MIL said, she was so mad that she told his work that he is not sick... They said, oh... MIL said, he is just worthless and a home wrecker that has caused my daughter and her entire family many problems. MIL said, she should have probably not said anything but she was so upset... I tried to calm down MIL and told her that what she is doing will only push away WW from coming home... WW is very very subborn and she will accept your guidence and nothing else. MIL said she knows but she is her mom and feels so helpless being 30 miles away...

I AM NOT SURE I DID THE RIGHT THING.... WW said, her lawyer told her that 90% of the time that the awarded temporary parent retains the child... WW was crushed....

I am just not sure...WW denied most of the claims made by Ex-SIL... Daughter did too..
It just is not setting in that I am doing the right thing with full custody... I know that OM is a sorry SOB and can not be trusted... WW putting OM first is the other reason.. I keep telling myself that is why I am doing this....

I feel like I am punishing WW.... She was such a great mother and I was not the bad dad WW is saying now, but lets face it.... WW did cover for me a lot....

It just feels like I am doing something wrong... WHY.....

DAZED.... E-Mail me immediately......... wbill70@yahoo.com