JL:

Thought you might be interested in knowing, when I began posting back in Feb of 2004, you are one of the posters who responded to me back then. I posted under a different name and I recently reread all my old desperate please for help and understanding and you came to my aid as you are for Dazed and many others. Thanks again for your input for me back then.

TooSoon

I would also think it advisable NOT to forewarn your daughter that she may get asked questions about your supposed "inappropriate" relationship with her. WW may plant this thought directly or indirectly with the GA and the GA may pursue the question with your DD. You do not want daughter to respond that "Dad mentioned that you might ask me about that" as that may seem like you "coached" her or were defensive about it. I think it best if your daughter responds naturally with the shock and awe that such questions would even be considered.

Besides WW might not pursue that insidious angle at all. She is likely just hinting at it to scare you cause she knows how hurtful that would be. The actual wife and mother in her should not allow her to go there. If she does it will just go to prove further how abusive and irresponsible your WS (not your wife) is right now. Still wise to protect yourself with recordings (an ounce of precaution is worth a 10 lbs. of regret).

Mr. Wondering

Toosoon,

Thank you very much. I don't recall your previous name here, I think it has to do with age or something <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />. But, I am very glad I could be of some help.

I'll try not to read your mind...too often. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

Midwest101 was my old name. That was the feeling of my body's age after DD, WD, Recovery, and the marriage rebuilding period.

TooSoon

Update:

There is just no rest with this....

After the wonderful morning with daughter being upset and WW calling a dozen times to go nuts on me things did not slow down much the rest of the day...

It was 11:30 before I could get daughter to school... Some how I found time to take the dog to doggy beauty shop and retrieve her by 3pm...

Pick up daughter from school by 2:30pm and take her home..

Daughters girl friend 16 came over to see daughter... They asked if they could go to the movies.. I let her go but she had to call me from the theater when they got there and when it let out... I was very uncomfortable about this but I thought as long as she follows the rules then I would give her a chance... They called as required...

Before 5PM my work HR asked me to stop by and see her... They gave me a written warning for not giving advanced notification to (HR) when I am out of the office.
Real nice... I spoke with my manager and he was upset about HR taking this action... He claims to have really pushed on them for NOT supporting me in a time of family crisis...
Atleast he is in my corner here at work...

I got a call from WW while picking up daughter from school at 2:30... She asked if she could go do something with daughter after work for her birthday... I said, sure however daughter is planning on going to a movie with girl friend.. She will be available after 6:15PM...
WW says, well I is it okay if I walk over there from my apartment? I said, that is okay.. How about I give you a ride to the mall and you two can hand out there? She said, no it is a short walk, I can make it...

I had not hung up with her for 10 seconds, she calls me back... Asking if we started her shared time with daughter on Monday... I said, WW... I think the GA is suppose to report to the judge before we start any rotation shared arrangements.... She hung up on me...

She called back asking that I call my laywer and figure it out....Pissed me off big time.. This is her jacked up bull ****** deal like normal it is Dazed that has to figure everything out... Then listen to her say how Dazed did not exist for 15 years.... Just gets old... I am actually I am already over it, but just gets my heart rate up thinking about it.

The lawyer told me that i have full custody until court hears the GA and rules by Jan 9th... GA is to report by Jan 3rd.
Attached is the letter I wrote WW... I figure I better go to emailing her so she can't turn what i say all around..
_________________________________
WW-
Can we jointly agree to work out Christmas with DD12?

If you want Christmas Eve or Christmas Day or want to split up both days…You let me know what you want…

I have no confirmed plans for either days, Christmas Eve or Christmas Day…

To me, it is in every ones best interest that we work out a plan that we can both spend as much time with DD12 for the holiday as possible.

Her dream was for us three to open presents together beside our tree on Christmas morning. Please, let’s do the best we can for her….

NOTE:
I have been informed by my lawyer that DD12 is to remain with me as full custodial parent until Jan 9th…

Jan. 3rd, I believe is the date that the court appointed GA is to report back to the court.
We are to work out together between us three how we want to spend our time with our daughter.

Love always,
Dazed
_____________________________________

THE REST OF THE STORY---

I got to the mall and wait for daughter outside the theatures at 6PM... I called WW but she no answered or called me back... I am not sure if she is still planning on meeting daughter or not... So I thought I need to visit with daughter ASAP to make sure we are all on the same page, plus... Check up on her like a dad should do...

Little did I know that WW had already called daughter and told her that Dad would not let her see her tonight.. When daughter seen me, she was not so happy... Thought that I made it so she could not see her mom for mom's birthday and now I was just checking up on her...

Daughter and friend asked to come over to our home to hang out and spend the night... I was agreed to that, but her friend backed out. They asked to go to the video store and rent some movies and hang out for a while. I only had ten dollars cash on me to give daughter...

Knowing I had two DVD's already out and most likely late... I went home got them and went to the store... Daughter now is mad thinking I am only there to chech on her plus at this point I still did not know that WW had already made me out to be the bad guy...

They asked if they could go over to Ex-SIL's to eat dinner and hang out... I said, okay for one hour and if Ex-SIL knows about it and it there... I called Ex-SIL and they left...
I got over to Ex-SIL's about 1hr 30min later... Daughter had not eaten and she was watching tv with four girls and the 15yo boy... Ex-SIL was there and cooking dinner..

I told daughter she had to leave... She was very angry with me... I was going to make her leave so I could take her by her mothers apartment to see her atleast a couple of minutes...

When we got to the truck, daughter was very angry and blaming me for not letting her do anything... I told her why I gave her a short time over at Ex-SIL's... To go see her mom... She then told me what WW told her about me being the bad guy not letting her mom see her....
I told her that was not true, but daughter was really mad and asked me to not talk about it...

I called WW and told her she needed meet me at the house in 20 minutes... She was going to clear this up with daughter... She said, can I come get her and talk with her.. I said, NO... You will clear this matter up with all three of us present...

Daughter was mad when we got home... She went to her room and and locked the door...

WW came over and daughter said, she did not want to talk to either of us and for us to just leave her alone... WW started to weasle out of clearing up what she said... I stopped her and told her to tell the truth... Daughter was angry and left the room...
Once daughter left... I explained to WW that the GA will ask her if either one of us has been putting things into her mind to sway her one way or the other... The judge told us to NOT do that. NOT to even talk about this or us in front of her... Now you go and try to turn her against me... Look at what you have done to her...Our daughter... Are you happy with yourself?
You had better correct your statement you made about me to her then no more talking to her about us and divorce...period..

She set on the daughters bed room floor quiet... Daughter came back up stairs yelling at me leave her and her mom alone. I told WW,, Here is your que...

She talked to daughter for about 15 minutes... WW asked me if she could come set down and talk with me.
WW set down and our dog brought her a baby to play fetch with... She held the dog and looked around the room... I could see her get sad. I offered her a drink... She almost cried. She set and put her head in her hands for a few minutes... Then said, the only way she is ever going to be right again is for me to hear too...right? I said, that is the only way she does not get hurt..

She started telling me about how her heat does not work and how bad everything is...There was not anger in her voice...I just listened to her talk... I made a couple of comments of the subject when a tv commercial came on that reminded me of her old manager from the radio station... We reflected some memories about that...

I asked if her brother did anything to fix her car... She said, no he did not help it.. You were right... I said, yeah... I have a new engine ready for the car... Let me fix it so you have a car that will work...She did not argue or disagree with anything.

We watched David Letterman for a while... I could tell she wanted to lay down and get her blanket so bad... She took her mittens off two or three times and kept putting them back on... I could tell she was really thinking... She told me that she told daughter to not be mad at me and this was not dads fault...
I asked her if she wanted to take some pop with her.. She frowned and declined... I told her that for some reason I keep waking up and coming down here to wake you up.. Do you have an alarm clock? She said, no actually I have been using the phone to wake me up.. She says, that is sad... You have to come down stairs to wake me up... I agreed..
I offered her an alarm clock... She said, no thanks...

She went back up to tell daughter good night... I almost dozed off watch city of angels on tv... I heard WW standing there.. I told her take the pillow home that daughter made for her... Daughter made her a pillow out of blue to match her birth stone color...WW said, yeah .. I have been using cloths for a pillow, this will be great...
While at the door, I gave her a hug. Whispered to her that it's too bad that things are so bad on your special day. I gave her a small kiss on the side of her head before I let go. She said, thank you...

Oh, and while she was upstairs with daughter talking I took two bottles of pop and put on her front seat.

This morning at 6AM I woke thinking I needed to wake her again... This time I just called her phone... No answer..
She called about 7:20.. Says, I seen you called... I said, yeah I woke again feeling like I needed to wake you up... Weird huh... She said, well I did over sleep and just woke up.. She said, I am really missing everything Dazed...
It's so cold here... The heat barely works, the vents don't hardly work... I am cold all the time.. I am sad all the time here... There is nothing here...Then daughter told me she wanted me to have my mothers ring back and to start wearing it again...

She asked me if daughter slept on her bed last night and was okay...

I did not say anthing while she was talking... When she stopped and paused for awhile... I said, WW everything here misses you too...The rest of those rings are all here too.
If you would like a warm place to stay that has a comfortable bed you call me...

She said, I will think about that...

She said, thanks for the pop she could use that...and she would talk to me later...

Daughter was not angry with me any more after WW left...I took daughter us an ice cream bar and offered it to her as a piece offering... Daughter was happy and said, only if you set here and eat yours with me... She said, your still over protective dad, but I am not mad at you any more...

I we joked around for a while and she wanted to me to listen to her two new favorite songs... Eminem's mockingbird and last call I think it is...

Daugher is so great... She says, dad since you say we need to do a better job communicating here goes... Mom wants to got to lunch tomorrow with me and I want to go to aunt J's after words and spend time with the kids..

I tucked her in for the night...

WW called first thing this morning and said she is sorry for everything... Said, that she feels bad about everything.

See sent me an email minutes later offering to give me some money because of all the money she has cost me... Lawyer bills, counselors, me paying for everything at home, etc..

She notes she transfered money into the joint account... I responded telling her to keep the money... Don't worry about the expenses... The way I see it is that money can be replaced... Daughter, and you can not... So what is spending a little money on us...

She has wrote back about half a dozen times about doing stuff with daughter and wanting to go to lunch with her and take her to J's house... Asked about my Christmas plans... Apparently my brother called her and asked her to let us repair her car after Christmas day... I am worried what else might have been spoken there... He normally gets me into trouble with her even when he thinks he is helping.

Gotta run....

What do you all think about me offering WW to come back home plan A style??? I think she knows.... Not sure if I should offer her or wait for her to offer me...

Can you believe after all that crap that happened yesterday that I still got in some plan A points... I was so freaking mad at her yesterday... I am still going to report what she pulled on daughter... Even all that and I get on look at her and scent of her and I calm down... I was calm yet very much tough on her about the lies she told daughter...
Yes, I am going to report that to my laywer..

Man, I thought with her out of the house things might calm down a bit... Was I all wrong...

This is why anytime you arrange time together with DD and WW you should make sure it's in e-mail. With e-mail you can at least defend yourself against the "he said/she said" argument.

Dazed, I would highly advise supervised visits only with DD and WW for now. No letting her take her to the movies, etc....

WW, is very unstable, and now she is going after DD with her cruelty. I'm serious Dazed....you have to be very careful of that. In fact, being she did that to DD, I would have very kindly asked her to leave after clearing things up with DD. That was a terrible thing for her to do to DD.


Lady

I agree....call your attorney and get advice on how you should proceed with allowing her "visitation".

MM / BritBrat - What do you think? He doesn't want to appear like he is denying visitation but he also does not want to make it appear he feels safe having DD alone with WW. Where should he draw the distinction so as to not jeoparize his January hearing?

Mr. Wondering

P.S. - Dazed...simply awesome squeezing in some Plan A amongst all that. Wonder if OM was in panic mode wondering where she was? Someday maybe you'll get the chance to call him on your cell and leave the line open for him to eavesdrop. lol

Dazed:

I would say to let her come home if she promises NC with the OM. Remember, housing and domestic issues are part of the woman's needs.

Don't feel sorry for her at the expense of your marriage and your own emotions. She must stop the affair and she can have her old normal life back. Give it to her now and you become an enabler, the guy who buys drugs for the drug addict. Your WW must suffer and the pain must be greater than the benefits of the affair for it to end.

Patience at this time will win her back on the RIGHT terms, your terms.

TS

Evening update:
WW emailed back n forth all day today... ALL friendly..
If I get time I might put them up... Many good things... All out dialog was centered around daughter... Finally a converstaion that did not revolve around emotional US talk...
Several points of interest....
WW feels bad about costing me money... She deposited money into my bank account today.... My brother made a phone call to WW today... Surprise to both of us... He asked her to let me and him repair her mustang for her.. Told her that I have a new engine ready and that it will enable her or daughter to get another 100k out of the car if needed... He told her he knows money will be tight for us for awhile so he is chipping in a couple hundred in parts and his time to help get it going... His Christmas gift to us....

WW said, he told her that I was really down and missed her a lot... She said, she felt really bad after talking to him.. He was friendly to her, is helping with the car and told her how he sees me hurting...

WW offered to come over to the house and help with daughters laundry... Wanted to know why daughter is sleeping on the floor in her room... I told her because she heard you say you are sleeping on a floor in your apartment...

WW took daughter to lunch today... Told me about where they went and communicated the times and asked in advance and everything... WW wanted to take daughter shopping after work... She mentioned that she wanted to buy her a gift so daughter would be happy.... I told WW what daughter really wanted for Christmas to make her happy is us...

There was nearly a dozen emails she sent so I not even touching all of it... I plan Aed my you know what off... I thought I scored really good... WW called me a couple other times as well... Very nice each time..

I told WW I would go work on her car engine while she was with daughter at the store... WW agreed and I asked WW to get her niece a gift for me while they were out... WW kind of felt bad when I told her that I had already bought gifts for her other niece and nephew...

Here was a big test that I Aced... WW calls me tonight when I am at the race car shop working on her engine...
She says, oh your still there... How much longer..well never mind... I thought you might be home by now... I said, I can come home right now... She said, that's okay.. By the time you get here, daughter will be ready to go and I will just take her back over to aunt J's house... She wants to spend the night there if that is okay with you? I said, okay I will wash up and leave now... See you in few minutes...
This is the same situation that drove my wife to and OM... She sights this very situation every time she gets mad at me.... WHY YOU ASK... She called me many nights while at the shop and I would tell her the same answer... What did I do then.... I would not leave for another 30 minutes to two hours... I would make myself a liar and hurt her feelings very badly.... She told me she would cry each night I did that to her and she would set and wait for me all alone and each time I did this she would lose love for me....
OKAY--THIS TIME..... I set my ****** down.... Washed my hands... Told the guys I gotta go, see yah later....
Thinking the entire time... Man what if my truck don't start...What if I get pulled over... What if I get stopped by a train....
I rushed my butt home... Pulled right up and walked right in... Only taking me a few minutes like I said....whew...

I get in the door... WW is cleaning off the kitchen counters... Daughter is all happy to see... Says, hi daddy really happy when I get in the door... Man, I am thinking don't pinch myself...I don't want to wake up... WW has her shoes off and when I walk in the kitchen and tell her sorry about the mess she smiles at me and says, stay here for a minute... She comes back holding a Christmas gift... I am like WOW... THANK YOU SO MUCH... She says, come on Dazed it is only a Christmas present... Open it...I said, okay but you have to open yours... She said, okay..

We set down together at the kitchen island.. As I opened it she was fighting back tears... She got me a Calvin Klein cologne variety pack... This is really big.... Right after D-DAY I went to Dillards looking for a new cologne to buy... I brought home several testers and WW was upset about that... She had always bought my cologne... This was her job to pick out how she wanted me to smell when it comes to cologne... Back when we had that arguement she asked why I needed to change colognes... Then I said, It is your job to pick out my cologne right... I have been out for six months......Where have you been...
Can you believe she gave me a gift.... Cologne... Something that means a lot to her... Remember she likes to smell my scent in the pillows and on my cloths when I am not there.
I opened each one and let her smell... Each time I held another bottle for her to smell, she would shed a tear..

So, I said.. WW would you like yours now... She said, sure...I gave her three to open and told her there is one more not wrapped yet that you will have to wait for..

I gave her the sweater first... She opened it and held it to look at for a while... Told me is was very nice and she really liked it... I told her that the color looks so nice on her... She had to began to cry and had to go to the bath room and regroup...
She joined me and daughter int he front room... Daughter was in very good spirits... Even thought she tried on jeans for thirty minutes and could not find any that fit... We joked around for few minutes... I gave WW the other two under the tree... Ear rings and a braclet... I explained what I liked about them and why I thought she would like them... She began to bawl.. Told me they were beautiful and she said, I thought you said you only got me small stuff... I said, well they are small in size right? She said, they are very nice....She asked if I could hug her... I went over to her and she squeezed me as tight as she could... Daughter came in the room and joked around with us and said she was ready to go to aunt J's....WW said, I need you to hold these for me... I said, please take them.... She said, no I REALLY NEED THEM HERE FOR ME... You hold them for me okay...
I gave her another hug... She held my hands and said, I am not doing so well Dazed.... I don't know how much longer I can make it... The nights kill me... I just can't sleep and stop thinking about everything... Daughter says, guys... I hate to interupt the cry party, but I am ready to go...

WW says are you going to be here or working on the engine? I said, we can meet up where ever you want later on... She said, okay... Not sure what I am doing or when... I said, I will have my cell... I will be here or at the shop... You call me if you want to meet up or just talk... She said, okay... Thank you for the gifts... They are great... You really did not have to... I said, yes I did... We went out side and I put more water in her broken car... Daughter wanted to to come over to window and she blew me kisses like old times... She would catch mine and I would act like hers was going to blow me over when I caught it... WW nearly started crying again....
That's it..

Dazed,

You're doing great. Hopefully we'll see more reports like this.

Almost forgot;;;
Daughter gave WW her mothers ring back last night for Christmas....
WW is NOW wearing it... Keep in mind this ring came off with all the others in JULY....

This is one of daughters favorite songs

Eminem Mockingbird lyrics
______________________________
Yeah
I know sometimes things may not always make sense to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that upper lip
What you crying about?
You got me

Hailie I know you miss your mom and I know you miss your dad
When I'm gone but I'm trying to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gonna pull together through it, we gonna do it
Lainie uncle's crazy, aint he?
Yeah but he loves you girl and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls
Lookin' puzzled, in a daze
I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move, mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that, the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up as daddy that he had to see
Daddy don't want you to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way, your mother and me
But things have got so bad between us
I don't see us ever being together ever again
Like we used to be when we was teenagers
But then of course everything always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we have no control over and that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head and go to sleep
Maybe one day we'll wake up and this will all just be a dream

[Chorus]
Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that upperlip up little lady, i told ya
Daddy's here to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But i promise momma's gon' be alright

It's funny
I remember back one year when daddy had no money
Mommy wrapped the Christmas presents up
And stuck 'em under the tree and said some of 'em were from me
Cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat up the whole night crying
Cuz daddy felt like a bum, see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
*Either kept getting broken into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom was saving money for you in a jar
Trying to start a piggy bank for you so you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot so momma moved back
Onto Chalmers in a flat one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work, you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V. and momma didn't like it
And you and Lainnie were to young to understand it
That Papa was a rollin' stone, momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was just make you proud
Now I'm sittin in this empty house, just reminiscing
Lookin' at your baby pictures, it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown, it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, I guess you pretty much are and daddy's still here
Lainie I'm talkin' to you too, daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

[Chorus]

And if you ask me too
Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird
I'mma give you the world
I'mma buy a diamond ring for you
I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'll go back to the jeweler who sold it to ya
And make him eat every carat don't ****** with dad (haha)

A well deserved good night for the Dazed family.

Awesome job again.

Future consideration...I think MM advises against the stick of the Plan A but if you are going to go to Plan B soon then you may want to indicate at some point that this "accomodating" attitude of yours (though O.K. for now) is temporary for the holidays. She needs to know every minute she is away from you guys is killing you and that she can not come home on the fence. I think some subtle hints that if she won't choose to come home than you will have to consider some tough choices to protect your heart.

I could be wrong...I am not as familiar with this transition as others so I will await the response of others.

Seems to me you want plan B to be a shock but you do not want it to appear vindictive. The letter explains it but some prior verbal hints may set up the comprehension of the letter...thus making clear, up front, the purpose of Plan B letter. (unintentional circular logic) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Enough of this tonight and this weekend. Enjoy Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you and yours and everybody on MB. I'm leaving town to visit the in-laws in Atlanta. Be there 12 days but we are bringing a laptop this time so I hope to check in often...but no where near as often as usual.

Mr. Dubya

Your WW is definately torn and is still being pulled by the OM. She couldn't take the gifts to her apartment because she would be questioned heavily and with a mean spirit by the OM. I would stay in Plan A through the holidays and see if she breaks. She seems so close to coming home as it is. If after the holiday, she becomes mean and distant again, then she was sucked into the season and is now back to her old self. I would think then you would need to protect yourself by implementing Plan B. That way she will know she has been given an ultimadum.

I get the feeling her EN's are being filled by both men today. The OM is losing big time, but she still goes back to the apartment with no furniture and bad heat. That doesn't make sense to me. She still wants it both ways. She may enjoy Christmas with the OM and be as confused with him as she is with you. Keep working Dazed, the roller coaster confusion for all of you will still continue on. In the end, you will get your wife back, and the devil will fight hard to keep the separation within your family.

TS

WW just asked me why she deserves me to still love her...

She said she does not want any thing in that apartment that way she can think it is only temporary and she can leave at a moments notice...
She said, again that she is missing everything at home.... She is missing daughter terriably...
She asked if I had the day after Christmas off... When I said yes, like enthusicasticly said... me too...

She asked me to call her at 8:05 at her work today...
I need to think of the correct way to answer her deserving my love question..

If you are Christian, tell her that you are just following the example of our Lord - because none of us "deserve" His love. He just loves us anyway!

Love isn't something you deserve really; it's a gift freely given.
Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

Dazed,

Since I have been EXACTLY where you are, let me give yo ua couple pointers here.

First, on the love thing...it is a rhetorical question for her. While you always need an answer for that question, the answer is NOT what she is really looking for. By now you are probably saying "Huh?"

This is one of the characteristics of a WS who is trying to find their way out of the fog. Your wife has heard you before, on why you love her. On why you changed. On if this will be permanent. Think about this a sec...why does she keep asking the same questions Dazed...especially since you continue to give the same answers? Why does she continue to have the same set of questions?

Answer: the fog. You see, your answers come thru in pieces. Like a cell phone that is in a bad reception area. Each time you talk, she gets a little piece she didnt hear before. Each time you repeat your mantra, the whole answer begins to form and to coalesce. What I am saying is that she asks the questions because she wants you to repeat the answers...so she can understand. So she can believe.

Your changes, your mantra, did not compute in the fog. Historical revisionism (which is set-up with such words as NEVER and ALWAYS) rules the day. So, she looks at the grass and sees orange grass, when in fact it is green. The fog has made her believe it is orange. But she keeps hearing from you that it is green. Eventually, as the fog begins to clear, she sees glimpses of green.

What she wants from you right now is consistency. If you rock the boat, she WILL run back into the fog and shut down. She is looking to find out if what you are saying is true.

Dazed, you MUST weigh every conversation and every action. You did well thinking thru your actions about not coming home in the past...and then hurrying home this time. That alone, more than all of your words, scored HUGE points with her!! But you are going to have to think thru what your actions and words appear to be in the fog. Because in the fog, if something can be taken a bad way...it WILL be taken a bad way!!

Keep everything short. Small bits of information. You are going to have to "chew her food" for her. What I mean is yo uare going to have to set-up the information and your actions so that they can be accepted in the fog.

Like I told you before, this stuff is not new. I told you that two days after the hearing, my wife began talking to me JUST as yours is. My hearing was on Dec 13th of last year. By Jan 1st, we were back together and moving in together again.

I was ready and able to go to Plan B after the hearing. I expected to have to go to Plan B. But, I wanted her to push that button. I wanted to see what her reaction to everything would be once the dust settled down from court. So, I sat back, I talked to her, we went out to dinner a few times and talked. I made the kids available to her whenever she wanted them. I did all the things yo uare doing now Dazed.

And she never pushed the Plan B button. I think if I had gone to Plan B right after the hearing, she would have taken it (in the fog) as I had gotten what I wanted, I had punished her, and now I was moving on. I thought thru that and I had to make darn sure that she could not perceive my actions that way.

Hold your fire, as you have been. Let her take this in the direction that she wants. You are prepared if she leaves for good. You are prepared if she comes back (you had better be, as that will be the harder of the two options!) So, let her run with this for a few weeks. I dont think it will take that long. Shoot, I dont think she is gonna want to go back to court again. The last time took a lot out of her!!

Steady as she goes. Stay on message. As some say on here, be the lighthouse in the fog. Keep showing her the way home thru your actions.

In His arms.