|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Sue ... Mel and Pep are MEAN in case you did not know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
yes we is! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,781
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,781 |
Hmmmmmmmmm...
Mean?
I don't think so, however........
You are both STARTLING at times, I must say!
I get a jolt right through the keyboard sometimes!
"The actions you speak are louder than your words!"
Author unknown
"Miracles are seen in light."
From "A Course In Miracles".
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57 |
Here's a question - wife seeing/retaining a lawyer today - any lawyer worth their salt will want the situation to be seperated quickly w/ assets disposed of etc. - Child issues I'm sure the lawyer will want her to have children etc. - What should I expect - W is not a happy camper today and after the visit will probably be an ice queen - I like to be prepared - but never done this before - what can I expect?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
spinmaker, when she comes home, come back here and tell us what she says. We will help you weed through it. You will likely need to get your own lawyer to protect your interests.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
She said that my actions are leading toward a bitter and hurtful divorce and if I continue we will end up hating each other.. What she wants is for you to bend over and take it without complaint. She wants you to make it easy for her and be her "friend," "for the sake of the children." That protects her from facing the consequences of her cruelty and when you object or interfere in her cruel strategy, she will accuse you of "making it tough" or "bitter." It's sort of like the rapist who says "just lay there and enjoy it." DO NOT go along with it, spinmaker. By that I don't mean that you fight with her but that you very firmly, but politely stand your ground and don't agree to be her "friend," [you are her husband and no sane person would have a "friend" who lies and cheats on them] and you don't agree to cooperate in any divorce action. You will only cooperate in marital recovery. If she wants a divorce or a seperation, SHE will have to do ALL the work. She will have to MOVE. She will have to buy new furniture, etc. Whatever you do, don't make it easy on her, don't help her destroy your family.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
p.s. and do not be deluded into thinking that appeasement will get you anywhere. It won't. Your responsiblity is to do what it takes to protect your children and your family. You are the only sane person in this scenario and your children only have you to protect them.
Secondly, women do not respect men they can run over. For many of us, our love is contingent upon the respect we feel. Please just keep this in mind in your dealings with her if you get an urge to allow her to run over you. It will be tempting.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57 |
Well she came home from work/lawyers office today - we some how arrived @ the same time - rare occurance - children were shocked but as always they were happy. She had that same look she had when she foot off the plane from Philly (where she met the OM - start of PA/EA) - its almost the same look my children have when I catch them doing somthing that they shouldn't - you know embaressed/shocked and scared all at the same time.
She handed me a letter from lawyer - rather plain really.
Pleased be advised that we have been retained on behalf of your wife, 0000, in relation to your recent seperation. (?)
It is Ms0000 hope that your matrimonial issues can be settled amicably, quickly, and without the need for court intervention. It is in your best interests to seek legal council to represent your interesys, as it is our desire to negotiate a Seperation Agreement. Please advise as to whether you will be retaining a lawyer.
We understand that you currently both remain in the matrimonial home and that this arrangement will remain in place until you have an opportunity to purchase a new home. We are in the process of gathering all necessary financil disclosure in order to determine whether there will ba lump sum equalization payment owing.
Please have council contact us.
Told wife that I have lawyer - have for months - also told her who it was (she seemed shocked - friend (hers) hired her as well - she has a reputation of being a Bull dog and very good & expensive - but cheap if I save my marriage). Also told her I wasn't into divorce just reconsiliation (yes I stole that line from here) also told her that my goal remained the same - she smiled and shook her head and said yes I know. I also gave her DORRY'S post to read. She never got through all of it - she had a girlfriends birthday party to go to - won't be home tonite - not good to drink & drive - yes I encouraged that part. Comments
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Just quietly take the letter to your lawyer, spin, and get her advice. Why does the letter say "until you have an opportunity to purchase a new home?" Is she under the impression that you are going anywhere and are looking for a new house?
In the meantime, no lovebusters and no educating her. Just keep the articles to yourself for now. You will be fine.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
agree with pennylane ... uh ... I mean Mel
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
agree with pennylane ... uh ... I mean Mel <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 984
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 984 |
In my professional opinion, standard form letter....take it to your lawyer...that's why you hired him/her.
BB
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
In my professional opinion, standard form letter....take it to your lawyer...that's why you hired him/her.
BB <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> kewl
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57 |
Yes she expects me to move out - as do many of my friends/family as well as hers (you know - if it were role reversal I'd get treated the same way - what is it w/ society anyways? It should be M/F whichever you PA then find your own house w/ just the clothes on your back!! Also getting huge pressure from same groups to just end this thing and get on with it..I can't seem to make them understand my viewpoint either...if I can't convince them do I really stand a chance to convince her?? Have I looked - yes as I drive to work and no I don't detour -same path each day...so little on the market it seems and I beleive it will always be that way if I keep seeing the same 50 houses. I'm going to finish LB book this evening and start After Affair one.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
spinmaker, I would suggest informing her that you have no plans to move anywhere. Moving out would be a HUGE HUGE MISTAKE. If anyone should have to move, it should be the one who is having an affair and wants to seperate. NOT YOU. Your moving would only insulate her from the consequences of her bad choices, but it would not be uncommon for her to move another man into your home. This happens all the time.
It also opens you up to charges of abandonment in divorce cases. Let her know that SHE will have to move, without furniture and without kids.
Please disabuse her of this notion NOW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
why oh why do men allow themselves to be manipulated so easily by women? Can someone please answer that for me?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Spin - How long does it take for a divorce to go through in Canada?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 1999
Posts: 2,121 |
why oh why do men allow themselves to be manipulated so easily by women? Can someone please answer that for me? Pretty amazing, isn't it? And why are some of us blessed with the ability to manipulate men to do some pretty incredible feats and others (me) only master the ability to get them to take out the trash? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> Spin, please listen to your advice. DON'T make ANY efforts to move!! You are handing her the affair on a silver platter if you do. How are you going to feel driving by YOUR home and seeing HIS car in the driveway? Make her face the REALITY of her choices by having to find a new place, new furnishings and new expenses. Save the FAMILY home for you and your kids.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 57 |
In Canada or at least in Ontario you have to be seperated for one year before a divorce is granted. Seperated does not have to be a seperation of households but rather a seperation of lives..therefore it could be argued by my wife that when she moved to a seperate bedroom in July that was the starting point so one year from then. My lawyer - I know will insist that I stay in the house and that she should be going...if wife chooses to follow this path then I will be forced to play hardball because I will do as instructed by my lawyer - if she speaks to her friend (the one w/ same lawyer - she should realize that this lady takes no prisoners...thats why I hired her
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
Okay, that is very good. It gives you plenty of time. Can you believe that in some of the states (Idaho for one) you can be divorced in 6 weeks?
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
417
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,624
Posts2,323,506
Members71,983
| |
Most Online3,224
May 9th, 2025
|
|
|
|
