Well, she will have to give up ALOT of good friends in order to avoid the consequences of her lies. And she may well choose that. But hopefully, she will come to her senses before that happens. We have many WS's on this forum who came to their senses and feel great remorse for their actions. So, it is very possible. Sanity returns when the affair ends, that is why we are so ****** bent on busting up the affair around here; we know it is your best hope. Removing the affair has the effect of removing alcohol frm the alcholic. With that removal, sanity is possible.

Any word from the OMW? Hopefully you are staying in touch to ensure contact doesn't resume?

I haven't spoke to OMW since last time I mentioned it here - I figured she would have called me by now...also wife not acting any different (?) maybe she doesn't feel all is lost with OM (?). If she doesn't call I'll call her bu Monday.
Overheard wife speaking to the D's teacher on the phone today (she wants to leave her husband as well - I had given her a couple of my books (5 LL and HN/HN)). My WW was laughing w/ teacher that we(?) had enough resources here to save the world - I would agree w/ "we" if she actually read somthing. I'm glad that she finds this funny.

It would be a good idea to tell the OMW that your W now wants a D. Y'all can compare notes.

Do you have any way of telling if W is still in touch with OM? Does the OMW monitor his contact?

I've been reading after the affair and it states that after an affair ends then withdrawl sets in - however I have not seen any indication from my WW that she is in withdrawl there has been no change in her what so ever!?

It could either mean the affair is not over or that she has hopes that it will resume. That is why it is good to keep up the pressure by staying in contact with the OMW.

If you askme, like ML said, it might not be a bad idea to let the OMW know your wife is looking for a divorce. It might give her a clue about the possible intents of her husband. At least then she would know how serious your wife was when it came to the affair.

Spin,

""BTW was informed today by the WW that her father is going to front the $$'s to buy me out""

Remember your post about the lies?? I bet a dollar to a doughnut this is another one. Please verify w/FIL and at the same time tell him this is the worst thing he could do for your M and his grandchildren.

k

Today I have an appointment with my lawyer. I dread this - but I'll go. WW and I got into it last night when I told her that if divorce was her goal that she better not look to me for help. She said that I'm forcing her to proceed this way because I'm not being cooperative and that she has to go the legal route because she needs to TAKE because I won't give. She said that if my goal was to win her back then I must accept that I need to let her go! She says she needs her freedom and space and that I can't/won't give it to her - therefore she is taking it. She wants to keep the children as well with me having visitation and every other weekend. Her father is giving her the money and she thinks it is wrong for me to be upset that after 15 years together he is willing to cut a check (especially since he doesn't agree with divorce) she thinks its best for the children.

she's full of nonsense isn't she

Yes, but I've got no choice - she is dragging me by the short and curlies and no matter how hard I resist she pulls harder! Is there no magic bullet?

Can you make sure your FIL realizes what he is giving her the $$ for? The REAL reason?

L.

Are you refering to OM? I have told him...but I think he chooses to beleive his daughter that the OM has not been part of her decision..that her disatifaction/unhappyness has been a long time coming and that she is no acting on it..so her and the children can have a better life! He is giving her the money so that she and the children can stay in the house without disruption in their lives..so he beleives he is doing it in the best interest of his grand children..the problems are 2 - 1 she is counting on getting hugh support payments that won't happen and 2 - she is disputing the value of the house (she thinks the realtors are valueing the home too high and she wants it to be lower - I guess so she doesn't have to pay out too much.

Just got back from lawyer's - she told me not to move out and continue life as normal as possible - spend time w/ children etc. She told me she plans to take this slow - I approve obviously because I feel the more time w/ her the better. Now I need a plan!! Suggestions?

Enlighten your FIL ASAP. Make sure he realizes she is now using him to enable her A. If he still wants to dish out the $$, then you both know he is an enabler. Otherwwise, offer to work out a deal so that the children have a home with the faithful parent. It w/b hard if his daughter is the one who will be homeless but she can always stay with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Also, let FIL know the handout is just the beginning. One thing with the WS' is that the calculator in their brain is broken and usually expect all to give them a handout. After all, the A is not their fault. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

L.

Hey Spin,

How r u doing?!??!?

L.

I haven't posted for a couple of days because truth be told - I feel like I'm swimming w/ an anchor tied to my waist. My WW's determination to end our marriage is prceeding w/ Full Steam. She has gotten appraisals on the home for the split of assets- she has arranged to get $ to pay me out. She is as cold and distant as ever. She is living and acting as if I'm not even in her life. I don't know if her A is still going or if she is planning to continue it after I'm gone or if she is just getting ready for the next person. I don't know if it's a MLC as well or what - she is/has spent big $ on all new clothes/lingerie, she is arranging surgery to fix up ailments - she is considering Plastic Surgery (Re. stretch marks from child birth). She has thrown herself heavely into work and dances around the house listening to all new music - going to concerts w/ single GF from work - dressed to the nines I might add. It all seems so hopeless - I think it might be best to just cry uncle and move on.

spin, believe me, this is not hopeless. We have seen far worse than this come back from the dead. What did your attorney say? Have you protected your finances from her?

My lawyer says to stay put for now - until a settlement is negotiated. She beleives that as long as we each play ball that it won't take long since my wifes desire to end the marriage is so strong! Joint credit cards have been cancelled etc just the house/line of credit left but no brainer - lots of equity in house to cover etc. Hard to beleive that this can come back from the dead when her desire is to cremate the remains!! I have tried to be an upstanding citizen threw out this saga (not an angel - by any stretch of the imagination) but she has tipped the playing field onto its side - hard to right it with support from one side only.

spin, why don't you call Steve Harley and let him assess your situation? He is damn good and could give you a plan. He is worth every penny.

I have an appointment today..I hope he can help -- I'm feeling like I tried everything!