hsmomx3,
I'm glad to hear from you. I'm sorry things are going rough, and are very confusing. The drug angle is interesting, and could explain some things, right? What does your pastor think, does that make sense to him from what he knows?

Can you have drug testing done w/o the person's consent? I don't know, would be worth checking into though.

My prayers are with you,
MSA

The pastors are not aware of the drug angle as my kids just brought this to my attention in the last week or so.

But here is something else that happened which I find very interesting.

On the night of my birthday, I told him to make a choice but he has decided to stay home. BUT he called her in front of me. It was juvenile gibberish and I was fuming but did not say anything except this: I said to him as he was talking to her: tell her there is not going to be a divorce and he told her, then i said, tell her there will be no separation either, and he told her and they were laughing. At the end of the conversation he said, "i love you too." He never says it first, but says it after she says it to him.

Also, the calls--the pattern is that he checks his voicemail several times on weekends and late at night, followed by several calls to her.

It is very odd.

I did speak to my father in law and sister in law about the drug angle, and they both think this makes much more sense than a love affair as the supposed affair could be used as a cover.

My sister in law said that if he truly wanted to be with her, he would have left by now.

I cannot have the testing done without consent but the question remains how do i bring it up? my father in law thinks we have to wait it out.

He also added that when all is said and done, I may have a full plate as he feels that my husband will have an emotional breakdown as well as all of the guilt, etc. that is building.

Another weird thing: in the last month, he has stopped being intimate with me. never gave a reason, just stopped completely and he is still sleepin in our bed.

maybe you all can put a different angle on all of this because it is so weird.

and his clothing is very clean as there are no indications of fooling around and no clothing is missing from the drawers.

PS he has spent no money on her either.

Very strange. This must be tearing you up. I cannot believe he is so blatant about contact with her! Telling her he loves her, in front of you???? C-R-U-E-L!!!!!

I suppose they could use an affair to cover the drug angle, I don't know. Have you read up on side effects of meth or other drugs, and started really looking for them? Including sexual side-effects? He could stop being intimate with you for those types of reasons, or perhaps because OW is telling him to... hard to say.

MSA

Yes, I did look up the drug stuff.

my son brought drugs up yesterday and i said that i had read that meth and pot can have a minty scent. he asked how i knew so much about this and i said that i had read about it online.

my son later told me that my husband is on to me and the drug issue and i told my son that we don't know for sure if he is on to me or if he is really doing the drugs but the irrational mood swings, the mint smell, the call to her before he gets into bed next to me, his constant tapping of his foot....strange.

yeah, she might be telling him not to be intimate with me but he has never ever taken orders from a woman before so all of this is strange to me.

Yeah, it is cruel what he says in front of me.

also, this woman changes her voice. i kid you not, we have heard three voices and it is bizarre.

something is weird about her and to think she works in a pediatricians office!!!!!

Very strange. Meth is a very dangerous and addictive drug from what I know; if that is what he is involved with it would be good to find that out for sure so you can proceed with a PLAN. How does he know OW/dealer/whatever-she-is again? (From where, how long?)

she works in the office next to his and they have known each other for over two years.

I don't know what he is doing but he is coming home later and later like between 9:30-10:15PM.

It's awful but I pray a lot.

And there are no drugs in his stuff either because I check everything.

also, he is working at the most 4 hours per day which is not like him. he no sooner gets to work, than he leaves with her in her truck to go to the park to hang out. then at 5, she gets off as does he and they do who knows what.

it is bizarre. no, his boss is not located at his place of work as her office is a good 10 miles from his.

You find this interesting?

Is interesting really the word you want to use?

How's your plan working so far?

He's patronizing in front of the woman that he spends most of his hours with...openly professing his love TO her...in FRONT of you...and you find it "interesting"?

So now it's drugs.

You keep finding excuses for him.

While you are out... spinning your analysis....he's drawing closer and closer to her.

I've told you, long ago...the end of your marriage will be inaction on your part.

I know I sound harsh... but seriously...why is this okay for you?

No E... you are correct...you can't force ANYONE to make a decision. I didn't FORCE my H into making a decision. Nobody has that kind of control.

HOWEVER.... as a BS...we owe it to OURSELVES...and our CHILDREN....to stand up and say ...NO IT'S NOT OKAY FOR YOU TO TREAT ME THIS WAY.

Here are your clothes... get out of my house...take this behaviour away from me, my home, and my children...until such time as you figure out who YOU are again...I don't want THIS person around.

If not for yourself...for your kids.

So you take a piece of his hair and test it for drugs...and you find out...YES..by golly...he's now a drug addict too.

Okay...now what?

You've done nothing about his affair...what could you possibly do about his drug use?

I don't understand why you take the time to go through his things... snoop around. You don't have to put yourself through that..he's being totally forthcoming of the fact he's having an affair..and isn't willing to stop it.

They are LAUGHING at you.

Where is your SELF respect?

Why are you letting this happen to you?

Is this man worth this?

Not the man you married...THIS man?

HSMOMX3,

Betrayed has a huge point...After reading the latest, I might tend to agree.

Drugs ? Proof isn't there as of yet. His telling HER that he loves her in front of you, isn't even something that my H did. The laughing, yes.

I'd place his things in a bag, and leave it out for him. I know that hurts.

Doing so will not force him into her bed, if that is what you are worried about. If he wants to be there, he already is..trust us.

And, remember... you've been beyond nice and accomodating. If he wanted her at this point, he'd be with her.

This man is going to lose his wife, his family an his job soon.

He needs to open his eyes.

Here for you...

Eibrab

Any new news, Di?

i just asked him very gently if he was doing drugs and
told him why i was asking.

he said no then said that if he was, did i think he
would tell me and i said no but that i would hope he
does so i can help him. again he said no.

now i am really confused but i think he loves the
attention this woman is giving him, the mid life
crisis thing plus any chemical imbalances he might
have are all contributing to whatever is going on.

I spoke to a counselor who is convinced this is really not an affair.

Actually, all of those who know him well now think this supposed affair was/is a coverup for something else.

i am fine as are the kids.

I'm glad you are doing okay. Have you considered a private investigator at this point?

MSA

The PI---well, this woman at work is going to have her license plate checked by a PI friend of hers and she is getting it done at no charge. Next week, my best friend and I will do a stakeout where he works. He does not know her car from Adam!!

Things are okay here. He came home at 9 lastnight
which is earlier than he had been coming home in
awhile. He was very quiet but when 11:30PM came
around, he demanded our 12 year old get in her room. He gets
really agitated at this time because this is when he
calls "her" and our daughter knows it and likes to keep him
from calling her.

I was sleeping on my back this morning and when he
went to change positions, he hit my elbow, yelled at
me and asked if I had learned anything and to give him
his space. He then asked if I was retarded. I only
replied with a "whatever."

I later explained to him that I had not been feeling
well for a period of time. He did not appear mad
when I explained it to him.

He has not been leaving for work until about 12:15!!
A part of me thinks deep down, he wants to get axed
from his job. Who in their right mind would go in to
work that late and only stay until about 5PM?

In the last few days, I have been led to pray and read
my Bible a lot more than usual. I cannot explain it
but it is almost like when you have a craving and you
just cannot help it, you've just gotta have it?
That's what this is like and I am also led to pray so
hard for myself--continued faith, strength, wisdom and
courage, do what is right, pray for him that his eyes
be opened, pray for the kids, etc.

I have never experienced this before and I know I am
not imagining it either.





Our daughter asked him why he has not been going to the
park on Sunday's as he would meet her there while we
were in church. He told her that he only goes if he
feels like it. Well, he hasn't felt like it in about
four weeks. Now if that isn't God working, I don't
know what is.

His repsonse to the drug questions I asked were
bizarre. On the one hand, he said he wasn't doing
any, followed by a "if I was doing drugs do you think
I would tell you?" Based on that I say he is.
However, I have never found anything in the house or
in his stuff and since bringing this up, I have not
smelled that minty scent that we would smell so much.

I don't know how you are coping with his freely coming & going and openly calling OW...

But I do pray that God gives you the things you pray for, continued faith, strength, wisdom & courage. It is NOT in your imagination that craving that you have for God, it is a natural and necessary yearning that we have to fill that God-shaped space in our hearts.

Just remember that this life ultimately isn't about your WH, it's about God; your relationship with God; your marriage is meant to teach you about God and allow you to express God's love to each other. That isn't how it's working now for you, but it's my prayer that things will change.

MSA

Any new news hsmomx3? Thinking about you...

How am I? Depends which way the wind is blowing.

I was given some info on this woman with regard to her address/home phone, the children she lives with, their dob's, her eviction from where she lives, etc.

The info contradicts the info he gave me and I gave it to him. This was last Sunday evening. He had a royal fit, told me I was this and that, etc. that is when he decided to sleep on the couch and he has been there ever since.

Has this so-called affair stopped? No. And this does not appear to be your average run of the mill affair as there are too many bizarre circumstances.

He hadn't touched alcohol in two weeks until yesterday. He drank 13 beers lastnight and became rude so I took the kids and left for awhile. He got mad at us because we caught him with his cellphone twice and he did not like that.

He told our oldest that he is in a mess, doesn't know how to get out of it, does not want to leave us because he still loves us. He is a WIMP.

I had a part time job which I no longer have. We do have a lot of bills and he feels I need to search for another job.

I feel like telling him that if he stops what he is doing, maybe I will seek some work.

He still comes home at night, still at home on weekends, but this is still no excuse for his weird behavior, and why all of a sudden is he sleeping on the couch. A few months ago would have made more sense.

Are you still counseling with your pastor? Are you getting good advice from him?

Do you feel drugs are involved as we talked about before?

Not sure about the drugs because ever since I brought it up, I have never smelled that minty scent. BUT lastnight he was drunk and was dancing around and my daughter asked him if he was doing drugs and he said oh yeah then named several different types.

Truthfully, I do not know.

What I do know is that his relationship with OW is a pity/co-dependent thing.