OK, but I will reserve the right to cease eating if there isnother withdrawal of her completing the plan....> Lemon is geting the bowl and utensils ready to be served up for a late night snack

Lem.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Honestly KIm, I am proud of you and pleasantly suprised by your determination here...but I kmow that you know this isn't nearly enough......telling him that you want him out is a whole hwell of alot different than actually having him removed, or you removing yourself with your son.....

Goodluck here...

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ----------> testing the crow with soem nice seasonenaings.

I read this story in a Reader's Digest (All In a Day's Work) a long long time ago.

A biologist was studying birds somewhere or other and tagging them with the info for the Washington Biological Survey so if any of them were caught or died the tags could be sent back to the study team, along with any pertinent information. One day the team received a tag, along with an irate letter. It said,
"Dear Sirs,
I followed the directions on your bird exactly: Wash, Biol, Serv. It was the worst crow I ever et."

Bon Appetit!

Kim, I am confused why you are regretting exposure? Do you think that things were better when you were helping your H hide hide his affair? Your H was perfectly happy when you just shut up and went along. But, your marriage was crumbling and you were dying inside. The things you have been doing, although very tough measures, are all designed to bust up the affair. Your exposure upset his affair and made it much more difficult to carry on. Affairs are no fun to carry on when reality interferes. Your actions caused great conflict by scaring and embarrassing them. That is a GOOD THING. Exposure is part of a long term strategy designed to ruin the affair; without it the affair only grows and evolves because the fantasy was never burst.

The goal of exposure was not to buy you some love from your H, but to interfere with the affair and hasten it's death, so you can save your marriage. I believe it has acheived that purpose. In order to save your marriage, you have to do everything possible to upset this affair, because the affair is always the greatest threat.

Jean,

I hope you get that chance too. I don't know, I think I would have gone more crazy with WH out of the house & in contact with OW. Less contact between me and WH means he doesn't get to see what a great person I am. You are going through a touch sitch - I like your phrase "Jerry Springersville." I feel like my life is straight out of a soap opera.

I am looking forward to being able to do things for ME for a change. I am glad that my story has given you inspiration. I love the slogan you have on your fridge.

Tell your kids how special they are everyday.

Kim

Hurting,

How tender of you WH. My WH didn't show any emotion.

I went up to WH's room and gave him a hug. He held me close and I lay down with him for a while and dozed off til he went to work. I was glad I was able to do that. He knows I love him. But, I am not backing down on my decision to have him move.

This is how sick WH is though. Before he left, he got aroused and tried to make moves on me. That was definitely not what I had in mind. I told him no and he stopped.

This is what I am dealing with.

Kim

Mel & Lem -

I know you guys have long gone to bed......But YEAH I DID DO IT!!!!

Catching up on all of your posts!!

Kim

Thanks Lem. I need all the rooters I can get. I keep thinking about the lady you mentioned the other day whose WH was way worse than mine. I will keep that as my hope.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kim

You tell him Mel. He said I wasn't going to tell him to move out!!!!

Kim

Lem - I am proud of me too. I do still have more "fighting" to do. I do have to follow through and make sure this happens. It has been torture here. I hope it doesn't come down to me removing myself and my son, but if need be I will take that step.

NSYN - Cute story!!! I did have to read it twice....maybe b/c it's so late!!!



Mel - I am second-guessing myself, feeling a bit guilty. I should not do that, I know. Maybe I feel like if I take responsibility for this whole thing that I can somehow magically fix it. But I can't. There is no magic fix for it. I am trying to blame myself for why I am having to go into Plan B, maybe???

See how WH's manipulation is still working on me even though he is not here?? I have taken responsibility for the part I had in creating the atmosphere for the affair. The rest is out of my hands.

End of story.

Kim

Kim,

Even though I am going through the same thing as you right now. I have to say you are a lot stronger at this point than I was. I am so proud you have stood up and taken control.

I wish I had taken control a long time ago then maybe this
whole thing would be done with by now. I really am just starting to get some control back in my life. My WH knows pretty much everything that goes on in my life due to my DD who loves to blab. I have asked her not to tell him but she does anyway. So it has hendered my progress with him some.

You stay strong and work on you and take care of DS and everything will fall into place. Remember the one thing you have on your side is Time.....

Huring -

You are up late!!! Can you just not sleep??

I will be watching you on your Plan B. I know you can do it this time. You are almost on a whole month. Wow. Did you go through any withdrawal from WH?

Thanks so much for your kind words - I am putting my trust in the Lord and giving this over to him.

We can get through this!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Kim

Kim,

Oh yes I did go through some rough days. What didn't help was falling off the planb wagon a couple of times. What ever you do don't fall off.. It just makes the withdrawl worse and it will set you back with WH because he will get his fix.

I fell of it last week in fact. Let me tell you I paid the price for it for about 3 days. I did nothing but cry and miss him all over again. Please don't make my mistake......

Sleep what is that I have not really slept good in months. I go to bed but I dream every night of what was or what will be.... I still reach out in the night and expect him to be there.... It is getting a little better but not much...

Like you said though turning it over to God is the best thing to do. As Mimi told me God has the plan we just have to let him work it out.

Well I am off to bed now and try to sleep.. Try not to worry to much. I know easier said than done....

Take Care

Hurting

I am off to bed too. Have to get up & 3 hours for work.

I am sorry you are having trouble sleeping. I went through a long phase like that last month. Somehow I am sleeping o.k. now. That will probably change once WH moves out. WH has been sleeping in the other room for a month now and since he works night I am kind of used to him not being there anyway......

Plan B is going to be hard I know. I am trying to figure out how to handle the calls to my work place b/c I know he will try to reach me there. Of course he knows my extension & I never know who is dialing in. Today when I didn't want to speak to him, I just avoided all of my incoming calls. I might have to ask for my extension to be changed.

And every morning as DS is getting on the bus, I call WH so they can chat. Time to start thinking about that kind of thing.

I will not fall of PLAN B once I get on it!!!

Kim

Thanks for saying that Kim. I think that it pretty much what has been driving me crazy. I keep looking at where I have been wrong, so I can change, apologize, be repentant and get my H back.

I need to make the changes for me, not to get him back. I am falling out of love pretty quickly it seems. But I guess that's the roller coaster.

The girls and I have decided since it is an all female house, we are just going to run around in our underware from now on. And it is nice to not get that deer in the headlights look when it is time for him to come in from work. I was always so nervous when he came home, waiting for him to decide what kind of evening I was going to have.

This has its advantages too. But greiving the dream-that is still a big heart ache.

Jean,

Too often we BS are too hard on ourselves. And it's like we don't WANT to let go of the WH. But you know that phrase....If you love something, set if free.

I have to learn to LET GO. I cannot control him although I would like to at this point. But what kind of a relationship would that be??



Why should he get to decide that? Isn't it great right now not to be walking on egg shells??

For me it will be a big relief not having to hunt for his phone, not wondering if he is writing yet another love note, not putting my ear to the door of the bathroom to see if he is talking to her.

You and the girls take care!

Kim

Just an FYI, most affairs don't end until you go to Plan B.Plan B does not mean you failed in Plan A, it is just the topping on the cake. Some end earlier, most don't. But the key ingredients are: a good Plan A that includes exposure, avoiding lovebusters and then Plan B. Plan B does not signify failure, it is just part of the process. And in this situation, your H wants to have his cake and eat it too. Hence Plan B.

Kimberly- you go girl!! We're all proud of you, now the rebuilding of KIMBERLY can begin. As Melody said, "most affairs don't end until plan B". Now WH has to see what life will be like without you, and you can face life without all the drama and emotional uphevial. I know in my case I feel so much better about myself in plan B, DD and I have our routine, we're not wondering where mom is and if shes with him, because after all she chose the affair and OM over us.
Stay strong and come here to the wise experts thay can really be a force to help you, as they did for me. I know I screwed up a few things early on and they were a big help with my plan.

I am confused ...
has an official plan B letter been given...
when was he asked to leave...

what is the plan...

ARK

Ark, she is asking him to move out, then once he moves out she will give him the Plan B letter. She just told him last night to move out.

Kim, please go read this excellent article posted by Suzet:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...;page=0#2788569