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Hi all,
Yes, the happy story is over... my W is gone again... all was well for almost 4 years after we re-married after her affair.

I thought I'd tell you all not to bring you down...but to warn you that Harley is right... NO CONTACT is the ONLY WAY to go in MOST cases.

My STBX was still in contact with her OM because I stupid. I trusted her and when I caught her... I let her talk me out of NO CONTACT... she felt bad for him.
I wonder if she feels bad for me now...

When finances got tight a couple of months OM was right there telling her we were going to lose the house (not even CLOSE I'm here making it on my own!!) AND>>>> there to HELP HER BUY A SMALL COTTAGE that she can afford
"BY HERSELF"... yeah right...

Anyway... I did what God wanted me to do.. I took her back... I forgave... I just should have listened to Harley about the no contact....
I'll be OK... God will continue to bless me... and I'm sure....he'll deal with them too....
I hate her OM. Mostly... for breaking up Nana & Papa... our grandchildren deserve better....

Remember... NOOOOOOOOOOO CONTACT... NONE... NAADA...ZILCH...NO CONTACTO.....
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS TO YOU ALL FRANK


It’s not the absence of trials that determines our happiness
Its the absence or presence of God
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Hello, PH.

I'm very sorry about all you have been though. Thank you for sharing your update with us.

You'll always know that you tried your best for your marriage. Please take comfort from that.

Alph.


Me, BS 37 Him, WXH (Noddy) 40 DD13, DD6 Married 14th August 1993 D/Day 2nd April 05 Noddy left us 3rd April 05, lives with OW (Omelette) 28 Divorce final 6th July '06. Time wounds all heels... - Groucho Marx ...except when it doesn't. - Graycloud
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I'm sorry about what happened, Frank. There is comfort in doing what God wants us to do, even when the results are not what we expected or wanted. And I trust that this will now provide some closure which could not have occurred if you hadn't previously taken the path of reconciliation.

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Anyway... I did what God wanted me to do.. I took her back... I forgave... I just should have listened to Harley about the no contact....
I just want to point out that whether or not you took Harley's advice on this more seriously, you had no control over whether your wife actually followed it. Her choices were (and are) her own.

You cannot know what might have happened if you had tried to forbid your wife from contacting this man. The story may have taken a different direction for a time, but it may have ended no better.


Profile: male in mid forties
History: deserted after 10+ years of marriage, and divorced; no communication since the summer of 2000
Status: new marriage October 2008
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Alphin,
Thanks yes I really tried...she has MANY emotional problems that complicatem this...she is on more meds than I can count.. she got new meds and I think that's one of the reasons she was "reasonalble" for a while.. now... she's off the edge again (threw a rock through my/our window one day and hit me in the back with a golf club a week before she left)

GnomeDePlume
Yes you're right... it's MUCH MUCH easier this time... I went from 190lbs to under 150 last time. God has certainly sheilded me from the MOST of the pain this time...
You're right about something else... she wouldn't really try to grow our marriage... never wanted counseling...reading...etc...so of course she never "got it" about the no contact.. said she thought she could be friends with him and a good wife to me... but... satan works slowly and carefully like a drip of water on stone...if you're not careful..even the strongest stone is split in two....
I'm just sorry that our great story for the lord was ruined....
GOD BLESS.... FRANK

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PH,

It has been a long time my friend. I am truely sorry that you are back here with your marriage in this situation. After all of these years, yours was one of those strange but uplifting stories when you two remarried. I cannot believe it has been 4 years.

So PH what is your plan? What are YOU going to do with your future, for your happiness, to make you feel whole again?

It seems to me that her issues are really beyond the Harley approach, although you are sure right, that is why Harley is absolutely adament about NC in the future, because for some people the draw cannot be resisted. However, give what you said in the last post, I think the issues were bigger than that. Physical assaults suggest something much deeper.

I am truely sorry that this has happened to you. I hope you post some more, and perhaps this time YOUR future can be made whole.

God Bless,

JL

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HI JL,
Good to hear from you too old friend....!!!!

"After all of these years, yours was one of those strange but uplifting stories when you two remarried."

PLEASE PLEASE don't feel let down by this.. WE ALL had a lot invested in my marriage and at first... I almost didn't come back for fear of ruining the "story" of our re-marriage.
BUT... when you're dealing with a spouse as mentally ill as mine.. it's a LOT tougher... and her OM is VERY crafty (so is she for that matter)

When you think about it...it's a TRUE TESTAMENT to God's POWER and Harley's wisdom that we got this far...
If Harley can turn HER around (even for a while) that speaks volumes and as for GOD... he still left her with her free will....she choose to turn from his blessing just because we hit a bump financally and her lack of faith shined through...
Anyway, it's not as painful as before by a LONG shot... I have my two beautiful grandsons and my daughter... I hurt for them... my GS won't have Nana and Papa together and her poor daughter has to deal with the kind of person her Mother is again.... THAT is sad...

What will I do? I've prayed a lot and I'm just going to file for D...I think she has finally killed any love I had remaining.. my Love Bank is not only empty... she burned to the ground...all that remains is pity as I guess on some level I still care about her...
She already tricked me into "trying" again...how much she loves me...but can't live with me....how hard she WILL try... that lasted about 2 days... (It's SOOOO much like the first time it's scary!!) It was because our D was upset with her and she saw me as a bridge between them!!! Now no contact for 30 days......

I LB'ed BIG time when I saw OM driving her in her car and found out her MOTHER was in the back seat!! told her she was acting like a Wh**e. I also told her maybe she's better off with OM because he can't do any better and that I could.... Not a very good Plan "A" huh!! LOL!!
Oh well... I'm a little rusty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I still have to leave room of course for GOD'S will... BUT... the miracle will be what he does inside MY HEART this time... I deserve and want better than what she's capable of giving...
So.... I'm sorry for ranting... WHAT HAS HAPPENED WITH YOU OVER THE LAST 4 YEARS? GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS FRANK

Last edited by PLEASE HELP; 10/06/05 08:48 PM.
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Frank !!!!!!!!!!!

We were all just talking about you over on the EN board...there was an impromptu Old-Old-timers reunion....Lori even popped in ...


{{{{{{{{{{{{{Frank}}}}}}}}}}}}}


I am so sorry to find you here ...I am so sorry to hear about your W....and the pain you are going through.....I wish you godspeed in your personal healing and recovery....


That is what I am aiming for....personal recovery....I too, after 6 years, did not recover my marriage....Dewt and I are separated as of this September...

It is so good to see you, but not in these circumstances....

all the best to you, Frank...


Dylan


Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world.
~~Buddha
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Please Help,

I suspect what is helping you in your decision is that you can look back and see that you did ALL that you could. You gave her another chance, you changed, you forgave, you listen to God, and still... I think at this point barring Devine intervention you are on the correct path.

I also think given what you have learned here and from your experiences you will find the person that fits you. I can understand your deep sorrow for your family and how this has come down, but you can look at them and KNOW you did all you could. I suspect they know as well.

It seems that her Mother is not much better than she, so in someways this is not surprising. I also suspect that she will not be anymore stable with OM than she was with you. Here issues seem to be pretty deep. He will tire of her eventually.

My suggestion is to adhere to the old adage
Quote
The best revenge is a life well lived.
Live your life with laughter, appreciation of beauty, and the joy you find in the people who enter your life.

I am truely sorry this has happened, but I am so glad you came back to post and give us an update. I think there is another message here beside No Contact. And that is professional help is something to be seriously considered even if the marriage seems to be recoverying.

I must go, but I hope you drop in from time to time and tell us about your life, and the successes that will come into your life.

God Bless,

JL

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Hi Dylan,
Sooooo good to hear from you my friend... Well. I'm kind of embarrased to be here really... BUT...what can you do... I TRULY tried... I'll be better than alright.. there was a lot of pain being married to my w for many years before her affair. God bless her... she's a very sick woman...pray for her....mental illness is a cruel cruel sickness. Pray for her...

"I too, after 6 years, did not recover my marriage....Dewt and I are separated as of this September..."
Well, you know me the hopeless optimist!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I say....you never know..... my friend just reconciled after 7 YEARS of seperation...Praise God they have two children... one, his daughter doesn't even remember living with him,... sad.... this stuff is so so sad... the enemy has made it so common I've even seen it in cartoons!!

I'm sorry I haven't been there/here for you...so I don't know all the details.. Lori would tell me some here and there... but my mind is like a strainer lately.....
You just NEVER know what God has in store for you two...whatever it is.. I'm SURE he'll bless you... you are one of his diamonds. God Bless and thanks for the hug...

JL,
You're right... the best revenge IS a life well lived.... I PLAN ON IT!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And also about needing professional help... that might have helped but would SURELY help a couple without one with so many issues....
Oddly... I don't have deep sorrow...unless I think of my Grandsons... even then... it passes quickly....
I plan on hanging around on MB for a while... Maybe I can help... I'm a EXPERT on WHAT NOT TO DO!! LOL!! Maybe I can help someone NOT make the same mistakes we did... GOD BLESS...GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK

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Hello Frank,

I am so sorry to hear of your wife and the renewal of her affair after what seemed to be a total recovery.
My thoughts and prayers go with you, your wife and your entire family (grandsons included of course ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

Peace and love to you,


Love and Prayers
Nicole
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PH,

Actually you are very very wrong. You are in fact an expert on what does help and what does work. You accomplished something few do. You not only fought for your marriage, you regained it AFTER your W had married OM. That my man took something special and you have it. I recall your story vividly.

What has happened now, is a manifestation of HER issues, not your failure. She is the one with huge issues.

You on the other hand took the time to learn how to do things differently. To change your approach to things, and THEN used this information to make a remarkable turn around in your marriage.

You are being far too modest and this site DOES need your expertise badly. Please offer it to those who need your help.

God Bless,

JL

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Hi Nicole!
How are you!! Thanks for the prayers we need them...sorry to bring out the "vets" with this bad news... again... we did our best...I hope and pray all is well with you...

JL..
WOW....I can't tell you how much I appreciate your kind words... really... they brought a tear to my eye old friend...
I've always promised God that I would NEVER forget what I went through and I would ALWAYS try and help because... as you and I BOTH know... this is sooooo hard...sooooo very very hard... and really.. not what we THINK it is when we first find out about it.

That's what most people never learn.... it's not a TYPE of person (evil...calculating....etc..) that has an affair...or a REALLY bad marriage..... and for those who REALLY get it... something WE.. (not that we deserved it)...have at least contributed to the "environment" that an affair can set root in...and then... the changes we made in OURSELVES... not to woo our WS back... but to GROW and learn so at very least if divorce is the result.. the NEXT time we are in a relationship... we can have a healthy happy AFFAIR-PROOF one... THAT.... is the advantage we have from coming here.

She can only TRY and pull my strings now... like the other day.. even though I told her I didn't want to confuse the boys by taking them out "together" she brought them over on Sunday... I didn't want to dissapoint them so we took them out... BUT... she knows now that isn't what I want...if this was 5 years ago I would have gotten so hopefull about us...I'm much wiser now.... she's still the same...has to get her way no matter WHO it hurts....the hook never even got to my mouth this time LOL....

My wife came home... and left the same person she was...she didn't want to find the things SHE did to create WHAT happened to us....where I took her back and watched her leave again as a VERY different person than I was....
That is why the pain is MUCH less this time...because I KNOW I did all I could do for our marriage and our grandsons... but she.. well she is probably just going to repeat her mistakes again and again..
Today... should be our 20th wedding anniversary....(we got married BOTH times on 10/20) sad for BOTH of us......but only fatal (emotionally) for one of us...

Her next move... Lori and I figure.... if it gets too frustrating during the divorce.... the mental hospital...again.... pray for her....

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Hi Frank,

Remember me? (((((Frank)))))

You know, I've talked about you so many times over the last three years. I am so sorry that your remarriage was not the success we had all hoped and prayed for... but you, my friend, ARE a success! Listen to JL, okay?

I don't hang around here too often, so don't be alarmed if you write back and don't hear back for awhile. I've just begun a full time job that's very physically difficult and tiring.

I am praying for you... and for your W.

Hugs, Sheryl


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Sheryl,
Do I remember YOU? are you kidding <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You kept me from jumping off a bridge the first couple of weeks I was here... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I was out of control... Then.... I learned...
Well... we ALL worked hard on my Marriage ... it was the best we could do dealing with someone with her type of problems.

I pray God will heal her someday.... she was a really good spirit at one time...
Anyway,.,, it's good to hear from you... I hope all is well... GOD BLESS... GOOD LUCK & PRAYERS... FRANK


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