I am proud of you for standing up for yourself and your children.

Go SC!

Thanks UVA. I appreciate it.

Signs and wonders shall follow those who believe!

I think that's a good sign Waiting! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Lady

I'm in your corner, Waiting. Never doubt that. I've followed your thread, your life, through a lot of hills and valleys through the months since you found out. I’ve stayed up nights to make sure your last post of the day has been made. (Fortunately, I retired from the USAF a few years ago and I don’t work. I can afford to stay up late. Haha)

Friend, I don't have any faith...none whatsoever...that your wife has had an epiphany and now she’s going to fly straight and normal. Not yet. It was just last week she was making snide comments about your blond assistant, remember? Four days (three?) later, you caught her making phone calls to the a**hole she’s been committing adultery with.

I haven’t yet got beyond that part about “…tell Bobby, OM (and) I did not keep you out all night…” In spite of you saying she has not seen him, he’s four hours away, those words imply she WAS somehow with the OM and that they were out “on the town.” The alternative interpretation is that they had been out with sister and Bobby at some point in time when they DID keep them out all night. Maybe so. The second option is not as bad as the first but I don’t think your wife has yet admitted to one or the other.

It strikes me that the “four hours” separation between them can be halved if each drives halfway…or the a**hole might be willing to drive a little further than halfway.

You mentioned something about “stalking” a day or two ago. Can you elaborate on that? Do you think he’s been doing “drive by’s” or watching your house or anything like that? That would be another indication he’s willing to drive a long way to see your wife, as well as being actionable.

At the very least, you know she was contacting the OM on the phone. But…on the other hand…if she wasn’t in physical contact with him, what were those two sexy dresses you found Christmas Day doing hidden away at her parents? Then there was the “hangup” call you got from another one of your wife’s friends the day after Christmas on the number that was really her secret phone. That’s awfully fishy and I haven’t read anything on your thread that that has yet been resolved. That was just the day before yesterday, for Pete’s sake.

Pardner, people just don’t change this quickly. I don’t think your wife can yet be trusted to have altruistic motives such as the outing with your son and you. She has yet to admit to doing much of anything along those lines and, based on just the small things you uncovered last week, she’s being anything but transparent. Please, guy, guard against unwarranted optimism and wait for bona fide movements toward honesty, an attitude of marriage building, transparency, etc.

Best wishes…hang in there.

Notwithstanding Longhorn’s delusions about Texas beating USC, I believe that he made some very valid points above. I think you should be Cautiously Optimistic. For as Longhorn puts it, many questions are left unanswered in your sitch.

I am going to take it as a good sign Lady but I am going to follow Longhorns advice and be very careful and not expect much at this point. I aggree things seem to be moving too fast for recovery.

She is unable to meet the guy halfway because her time and our family schedule would not allow it. I do believe the dresses were for her parents Christmas party. I don't think the OM was there. Could have been, but not likely. Of course it could have happened and that would have provided an opportunity for my SIL to do something with them together because SIL was there. The hangup call was from a guy in his 60's that I suspected about a year ago, but turns out it was not him. He is just someone that likes to talk horse to WW, but I am sure WW told him that I did not want conversations with him or any other horse show males, which is why he probably hung up the phone. The called the next morning but did not leave a message.

I will just have to wait and see.

Thanks guys.

I agree Waiting... be cautious too. I still am, probably will be for a long time. But I am still thankful for even the little good changes, even if they aren't all that consistent. They may be in time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lady

Hello Wait;

just checking in...sorry I missed your email until today.

Just keep trying to judge her by her actions and ignore how she claims to "feel" right now. A date to a movie with kid is encouraging but I hope you can get out alone this weekend with her and kick off a new year with a sort of commitment resolution. A New Year's toast to legitimately "trying" and putin' 2005 behind you. By the way, I am more inclined to believe Ladysheep's line of thinking. I think your WW was tiring of the deception and the affair was no longer paying off for her. I think she just may be commiting to No Contact and withdrawal may not be that bad cause she accepts it. After withdrawal we'll see if she is ready to work on the marriage...

Lots of hope...we'll see. I ain't going on much here.

I've rethought my earlier letter to FIL a little and with the alzeheimers (sp?) mixed in it makes it tougher but my thinking is you write him a letter and then contemporaneously speak to him in person. You will be seeking his counsel as the patriach (sp?) of the family and asking him for guidance on what the "family" should do about daughter and OM. You can interject what you hope to happen and give input when asked but try to guide FIL to make the right decisions or leave him to ponder about his course of actions. He then chooses to do the right thing allowing you all to become a stronger family or he makes bad choices and you're back where you started but he must be dealt with and a letter by itself is probably not the best way to deal with it.

just my $.02

Mr. Wondering

p.s.- I am still in Newnan visiting my in-laws so I won't be around much.

Thanks Lady and Mr. W for your hopes for me. Last night was fun, Narnia was great. All 3 of us loved it. WW was not feeling very well. She is starting to come down with something and she has Asthma so head and chest colds really kick her butt, so that was a damper. She slept downstairs in the chair last night so she could sit up. (That is very normal when she is having breathing problems).

She still will not tell me she loves me. I don't really say it much but I try to tell her at least once a day, usually at night. Her response is either nothing, total silence or she says " I Know". Mostly it is total silence like I said nothing.

I did find out that the "Date" was really my DS13's desire to see Narnia and she said ok for him, therefore we went. It was not her idea, but hey, I will take it.

Was Narnia a cartoon? Did you really like it? [I am a big C.S. Lewis fan]

I take it there is no word yet from SIL?

Hi Mel, (my explanation below about CS Lewis is for anyone not familiar with him at all)

Narnia is not a cartoon. Real actors and computer animation that is about as real looking as it gets.

Have your read the Chronicles of Narnia?

The movie is a disney produced movie done by Walden films.

Walen films wanted to do all of CS Lewis's childrens books.

Lewis as you know, wrote "The Lion, The Witch and Wardrobe and 6 other books. He and JRR Tolkien (Lord of the Rings) were big buddies and CS Lewis wanted to write some childrens fantasy books as did Tolkien. CS Lewis's books are all written with a Christian meaning and his 7 childrens books have metophers relating to Christ and God's Plan for Redemption.

See link to the movie: http://adisney.go.com/disneypictures/narnia/index.html

It was awesome. I highly recommend it even if you don't like Sci-Fi/Fantasy you will like this movie being a Christian. It will melt your heart.

CS Lewis was a brillant mind and Disney and Walden did a very good job of sticking to his story.

Regarding the SIL, I have not heard a word. Nothing from WW or her.

Thanks, WOL! I will have to pick up the book. I have many of his books but have never read any of his fiction outside of the Screwtape letters.

WW talk today:

Wife came back from the doctor and she is pretty sick. Oxygen saturation rate is fairly low and she is now on meds. She gets pretty down emotionally when this happens too. So, she comes by my office to do some year end stuff and just before she leaves, she shuts my office door and wants to talk to me.

I am thinking, oh boy, here we go. She tells me that her good friend she had breakfast with last Friday has hammered her pretty hard. At breakfast my WW told her what was going on with us and what she had done. (The friendship is pretty much a one way friendship and this women really does kinda use my wife) We (wife and I) are friends with them as a couple. Anyway, my wife was still pretty much suicidal at that point less than 8 hours from 2nd D-day. (She is not now at all feeling that way) So after her confession to her friend at breakfast her friend goes home and tells her husband. Her husband then tells her that we are both selfish and self center anyway and told his wife she could not have anything to do with my wife if it was going to upset her so much, etc......

Anyway, her friend has called her several times and apologized for telling her above, but my wife is pretty hot about it still. I still can't figure out why she confessed all to her anyway, unless the friend could tell she was crying and upset and would not take no for an answer. After discussing all that my wife asked me if I was going to give her Dad's cell phone back to him or not. I told her I wanted to talk about it. She then said, why don't I give it to her, I told her because she may keep it and keep it secret again. It was like she had not even thought of that. She said I was right and she had been proven to not be trustworthy and I should not give it to her, but she wanted me to give it back to her Dad. I told her I may, but may not have time today. She said she did not have a problem telling her parents but she felt the cell phone should go back to her Dad. I said I agree but I am sure the subject will come up as to why I have the phone and am returning it.

We pretty much came to a stalemate on that subject. Then I brought up the 2 dresses in her parents closet. She said she did not know, they were probably left in there since August's horse show. She said they probably were left in her parents camper. (believable I guess). I told her what I suspected but she said it was not what I thought.

She asked me was there anything else I wanted to ask and I said yes. I asked her if she has meet the OM halfway or has he come down. Was he at the Christmas party for her parents. She said no to all.

At least some of my questions were answered. Hopefully she answered honestly. I would have no way of knowing for sure.

She left my office looking frustrated but said she was not mad.

I hope this is part of progress.

Its real easy to resolve the issue about the dresses and the OM being at these parties. She could refer you to someone who was at the party and you could verify it independently. Or perhaps you could find out from her parents. And you can bring up the dresses in the closet when you speak to her parents. She should welcome this opportunity to clear her name.

I thought about that and am trying to remember some names but if her parents are involved with a cover up they will not come clean on the party issue. I really don't think he was there and the dresses do look dirty like she has been to a horse show and not dry cleaned.

I looked at them and you can tell they have been worn in dirty conditions and that is pretty much what you cloths look like if you dress up and go to a horse show. I have seen that for years. I do sort of believe her on the dresses. They are summer dresses now that I look at it, so she probably just has not thought about them. I guess a BS's mind wanders so much.

I am still going to do some investigating about the people at the party though.

WOL, women do wear sleeveless and short sleeved black dresses year round. Black dresses are not really seasonal. MEN! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I guess I did not know that. Your right though. Men <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I guess I just never noticed the sleeves <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the heads up though. I am still going to look into who was there.

Just an aside, was this a formal event at a horse show? I was raised at the horse tracks and we did have the rare formal event at big races, but it was rare. My dad owned quarterhorses.

Okay, two black, sexy dresses secreted away in a closet where they shouldn't be, right? I talked to a female friend about that and she said it reminded her of something she used to do in high school when her parents wouldn't let her go out in a micro-mini skirt. Apparently it was a regular practice to have such clothing hidden at a more "liberal" parent's house where she could go change and then proceed on her date attired the way she wanted to be. <shrug> I don't know if that contributes to this discussion or not. Your call, pardner.

Second, pardon me for being skeptical, but I refer to my post about things she's done just in the last week or so. With respect, am I totally wrong in suggesting her truthfulness hasn’t been all it could be for a while now? I’m sorry, I’m just suspicious and I’m not certain her response about the OM not meeting her halfway or something like that can be viewed as being established enough to accept without more information. What is the debris or soil on the dresses? Does it look like what I see in rodeo arenas here or something else? (BTW, when, and why, do they hold formal occasions in horse show arenas…where one would wear a sexy dress to?)

I apologize again. I know she's sick and it's probably not the right time for questions raised with her, but there's just something that keeps prodding me about those dresses.

Another thing. You said her 60-year old friend calls to talk horses with her, right? Why would he call on a "secret" phone number if that's all he wanted to do? Couldn't/Wouldn't he do that on an open line, or was that number the only access he has to her? You don't have a land line?

Okay, I'm going to take my paranoia and go watch a movie or something.

Take care, pardner. Be strong.

Oh yea, people in the box seats really dress up the last couple of nights. Evening gowns, tux's etc.... The show in question was the really big one of the year.