WOL, I think she is just using those things as excuses. Either way, you know you did nothing wrong. And her objection to the letter to your FIL simply begs the question: what was wrong with giving him the letter if he supposedly already knew?

Her reaction tells me he doesn't know and was never told, so he believes you are simply trashing his D.

Yep, in fact I told her that very thing this morning on the phone. I told her that I was pretty convinced she was not completely upfront about the details of her A to her parents.

I told her she probably did what she did to DS16 this saturday and just said she made some phone calls to OM and shouldn't have and is sorry, blah, blah, blah but she is unhappy.

BTW, I think I know why she cuddled. She said she took 2 Tylenol PM's last night. They really knock her out. I asked her when and she said when DS13 and I went to the barn for him to hit balls.

The point is, she was already exhausted and the TyPM's must have made her resistance down so to speak and she was just kinda feeling whatever. That is my take anyway. It makes more sense, because she had a little vinegar in her on the phone at 11am this morning.

She has started wanting to play the victim, (I have been scared for 26 yrs of you, done things I did not want to because I would not stand up to you) Baaarrrffff !!!

I corrected that real quick last night when she tried it as an excuse for why she is unhappy. In front of the kids, I asked her, have I ever hit you, acted like I would, yelled at her, cussed at her (other than recently on D-day and 2nd D-day), given her any reason to think I would hurt her. He answer to the boys was no. Then she said it was her fault, she just never would let me know when she disaggreed on something. She said she was afraid of my temper, anger. Again, no reason to suspect I would do anything to her or kids. Pure hogwash. I am sure that is part of WS: You too can be a Victim Part 1 course they teach at WS school. Maybe her sister gave her that tip.

All the females and some of the males and my friends are saying, my God, most women would die to have a Husband like me. I do not take compliments well, although it is nice to hear, but their words, not mine.

This is just crazy. I am wondering if the Divorce papers ar e part of the fog she is in and if I can really delay and show her I still care for her and will be there for her if it will make a difference.

That is my hope.

Waiting, be prepared for her to keep up the "I'm afraid of him" mantra. Expect her to bring it up in a court setting. My ex-wife did that in the divorce hearing though I'd never touched her and never even raised my voice without really severe provocation.

There was no evidence, of course, but her attorney put me on the stand and asked me "isn't it correct to say that you have beaten your wife on occasion?"

Be ready for it. If you think about it, it's about all she has left.

Waiting,

I think this is what your W did.....

After exposure to her parents, SIL, etc, she got frantic... so she felt she had to hurry out and file just to "show them" "See how unhappy I was!"
A way of trying to justify, and make it all "look" a little more legit.

Like maybe she was thinking... "I was filing for divorce anyway, doesn't that make "me" look a little better?"



What a waste of money!!!

Lady

Yea, that is very sad. I have seen that train coming for 2 days because she has never said she was afraid of me prior to 2 days ago. Probably Divorce Atty speak I guess.

I just saddens me to think that would happen.

BTW, I did not get to tell you. Congrats on the football game. We were pulling for you guys. V. Young is amazing Michael Vick but better and taller.

How is the baseball team going to be this year?

I never even thought of that possibility. You could be right. I think it was more a freak out response to the exposure and not that calculated, but it could be.

BTW, I have no idea where the money for the atty is coming from. No clue.

Yeah, it probably is in the divorce attorney's handbook. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


*****

UT did play a pretty good game after a rocky start. Two high-powered offenses and defenses that got pretty well shredded. Young is excellent, but had a career game too--he was in the zone and stayed there.

I haven't really heard anything about the baseball team, to tell you the truth. They are expected to be in Omaha in the early fall every year, and I suspect it'll be the case this year too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Waiting,
your WW is as fogged of an individual as there can be. When looking at the big picture, I think this reaction is fairly typical. Lots of emotions (albeit confused and irrational) at work here. This is anger at the exposure #1 and probably coupled with some withdrawal. Waywards deal with this and I dont think her having the D papers drawn up necessarily mean she will go through with it. Maintain your boundaries and keep implementing the MB principles. Dont give her anything to justify her actions to others. Let her actions make her appear to be the fool she is acting like right now. IF....she crosses your boundaries and starts further depleting your love bank you will have to protect your love for her, what little is remaining. I wont offer any advice about when it is appropriate to make a decision on Plan B. I will leave that to the more experienced MBers. But I do believe that it is a decision you will likely be faced with in the near future if she continues down this path and exhibits even more irrational behavior. My prayers are with you and your family.

waiting, sorry to hear your WW dropped the D bomb on your. They will one day realize what a mistake they made.

It still isn't over so don't give up. You have obviously made great strides in yourself over the last few months and they will serve you well.

Stay strong my friend.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You don't suppose she would be "honest" and tell her lawyer she has had an affair would ya?

Thanks WCNTexas. I have thought I will most likely face that soon also.

HTW,

I have been following you sitch. I have you on my fav's and get emails everytime someone responds. I haven't said much because your sitch is kinda out in front of mine if you know what I mean. Keep up the hard work. I know it is brutal.

Waiting,
the Horns baseball team should be able to make another run at the NC. Their top recruit is a kid by the name of Jordan Danks. Jordan, I was told by major league scouts, would have likely been the #1 overall pick in last June's major league draft if he would have come out. He is 6-5, 225 lbs......plus power, plus plus speed, plus arm.......a true 5 tool player. His brother is a pitcher with the Texas Rangers and the kid and his family didnt need the money. So, he called the commissioners office before the draft and told them to tell everyone not to waste a draft pick cause he was going to Texas. So with Danks and all of the youngsters they had last year....they could even be better than the championship team. I shudder to think how much the rest of the country is going to dislike us if we win the NCAA Basketball Tournament as well.

Hey thanks for the info WCNTexas

I read about him (Jordan Danks) in Baseball America and he is truely a 5 tool. We are a baseball family. True nuts for it. Including WW. Both sons hope to play D1 one day but they both know how tuff it is. Both sons throw right, bat left. DS16 is pitcher, 1st, 3rd and CornerOF, DS13 plays all 9. Neither are 5 tool. They are missing the speed, but love the game and are good at it.

Thanks for the update on the Horns. We are GaTech fans, but love Texas baseball. Good luck this season.

WOL,
5 tool can sometimes be overrated in my opinion. Maybe to provide a diversion, you should read Moneyball if you havent already done so. It is about the Oakland A's and Billy Beane and how they have utilized the principles of Bill James in evaluating players. They take undervalued players that have some "blemishes" in their games and as a result win with a lower payroll. Very interesting. I will stop now so as not to hijack.
One other thing.....contrary to popular belief, speed can be taught. Get those kids into a speed class. Even if they arent naturally blessed, they can be taught how to maximize what they do have.

Update:

Last night was my Mom's 72 birthday and we all (brother and his family) and our family went (ww included). We had a nice time and it was a little sad bring my mom back home. She is widowed since 2002. Married 48 yrs.

When I got in the car I told my WW it was sad to see her go in her house alone on her birthday. I really did feel bad for her, but I guess I wanted WW to think about some stuff.

When we got home I probably LBed or came very close to doing so. I asked info about atty she got. I asked her if she wanted to rip me to shreds, etc... in court. I told her there is nothing in the GA Law that she can divorce me for. The only way the court would allow it, is for her atty to develop some lie about me.

I really tried to reassure her I love her and to please wake up and not blow things. I really felt like I blew it. I know I should not have done so, but I did.

We went to bed about 2 hours later.

This morning (Saturday) after my shower and her bath I asked her a ??? and said I really want her to know she has a safe environment to answer it truthfully. I asked her about Sex with OM again, did she, she can tell me, etc..... She said she had not and she would not lie just so I will quit asking her. She said after all she has said, don't I think she would tell me.

I reassured her again that I loved her, wanted to care for her, but wanted her to feel safe to tell me. I feel if there is something she has not told me recovery will be impossible. She told me again, no sex.

A few minutes later, I asked her if she would talk to SH on Monday morning. She said at this point, she probably will.

I don't know what to think of that, but I hope she does.

I have spent most of Saturday at my office printing several successful sitchs for her to read. I do not want to appear like I am trying to educate her, but merely show her what I have been talking about regarding the success stories.

I have Dorry, Suzet, BobPure, Mike and Cindy, SmartCookie. I know all are at various stages, but I found issues in all these that she and I can relate to.

I hope I am not going to be doing wrong by showing these to her.

Part of me wants her to read and post and another part of me wants her not to because I post here often and feel she would freak out at some of the things I have written. Not that I am ashamed of doing so, but that I have been very frank about things and there has been lots of info about snooping, plan A, etc...

Any thoughts on what I am about to do or how to do it?

What about encouraging her to read here and post here?

Somewhere on MB is a "_____"'s letter to WS (I think the poster's name is something like Braveheart...help me out other MBers). It is written by a WS telling other WS about her experience and marital reconciliation. Might be something to print out.

One small problem I see with the strategy of printing out other success stories is every WS thinks their "fantasy" and/or problems are unique. Because they know the outside world dissapproves of affairs their guard is up on reading anything which may disrupt their beautiful fantasy. They like to stand behind the hollywood image of following their heart and finding their soulmate...so your information to the contrary may be neglected for now. No fret...if she doesn't read it don't take it away. Without a word just leave it sitting around. She may pick it up later in private. She may be curious but at the same time not want to give you false hope.

Mr. Wondering

It is truehearts letter to WS's

WOL,

If you are going to use Trueheart's letter then copy and paste it into a word document and change Trueheart reference therein to a 25% success rate of affairs to a 3% success rate. I think it is more significant and convincing to indicate that research shows only 3% of affairs make it 5 years. I have never seen the 25% figure and I do not know what it refers to...25% end up married? 25% of all affairs or just the ones that result in divorce? Does that account for secret affairs?

I am trying to remember more statistics but I think it is something like 20% (or 20 out of 100) of affairs result in the break up of a marriage and of those 20 only 15 out of 20 result in marriage of the affair partners. Then after 5 years studies show 12 or those 15 end up being split up leaving only 3 of the original 100 (3%) [hiccup] successful.

I think the percentage is significant because WS's always think their situation is unique and their soulmate is real. The 25% in Trueheart's letter looks like too good of odds to a WS...3% not so much.

Mr. Wondering

My wife told me this morning she may talk to SH on Monday. I am wondering what to expect. I hope and pray this will be a chance for her to see that MB/SH can help.

Any suggestions on what to do Sunday in prep for meeting with SH.

Hi Waiting,

Been away for your eventful week.

Mate, I feel for you. You are in my mind constantly.

When my WW decided to go, I didn't let her put anything past our kids. I told them she was leaving us to shack up with him. She said she would still go to church, I told them that was a lie. All the WS B/S under the sun came out. SHe told them that they liked OM and could come and live with them when they "got their own place" I told them they could stay with me and they immediately said they would stay with me. Nothing went the way she expected.

Then OM's wife came in and went to town on her.

After that, I came back inside and told her to be gone before I got back from dropping Eldest Son at school. Got home, she was still there. Told her to leave but she was having trouble separating from 14yo son. Her last vision of him was seeing him bent over on the driveway sobbing in her rear vision mirror as she drove down the street. I took her house keys off her and said she had to call me if she wanted to come to the house for any reason. Took her credit cards too.

Nothing happened like she expected.

Then the 3 of us (2 oldest sons & I) went into full spiritual warfare mode. I did some scattergun type exposure and the affair was dead within a week.

I could well be wrong about your situation but I wouldn't be taking any crap from her at this point. Why is she still living with you when she has filed? How much are you going to take here before you let her get a glimpse of her future?