Okay, that will probably be the biopsy, which will tell if the cells are precancerous or cancerous....hopefully not.

Lady

Journeling

Last night was a pretty good night. We both watched the Olympics together and talked a good bit. She told me about a book called "The Last Leaf" I may have the title wrong. Anyway, it sounded very interesting and she seemed to enjoy telling me about it and I enjoyed the real conversation very much.

I long for that so much. The real conversation that is.

We both went to bed, "still separate bedrooms" but she did give me a nice hug and several kisses on the neck, check and lips. It felt very nice, but she still went to bed in the other bedroom. I long for her presence in our bed again. SF would be very nice, but what I really miss at the moment is just the physical closeness of her body. Her smell. Her soft hair. I could just cry at times thinking about what time is being wasted away and we will never have back.

I just mourn for our boys. They have to watch us in separate rooms. I worry about what that is saying to them.

I need my wife. Is that wrong? Am I being needy? Clingy? or Normal?

It is been since 9/10/2005 that I have had a passionate kiss from my wife. Of course there has been the occasional peck on the lips and checks, but nothing with passion like a lover.

I miss that so much. I have not held her hand in almost 6 months. I have not had my arm around her in over 6 months.
Am I being needy? Am I being clingy? Am I being normal?

I miss her sooooooo much. I wonder sometimes does she miss me? Does she lay awake at night and want to be with me?

I am so lost at times. Can't think straight sometimes.

I told her after some relationship talk this weekend that went kinda bad the following.

I struggle with the right words to say at times. Trying not to LB and trigger her. I feel like a pretty good free throw shooter that makes almost all his shots, but I now have the game on the line and the pressure is affecting my coping ability to make the shot. My shooting percentage (...ie the ability to carry on a normal conversation and choose the right words) is a good bit lower now, because the game (our marriage) is on the line.

I feel I am cracking at times under the pressure.

Is that normal? I love my wife very much. Want my family very much. I feel like I just need a transfusion (withdrawal of divorce, I love you from her, kiss, affection, sex something to show me the game is not on the line at the moment). Is that normal?

Just thinking out loud MB friends. I really don't know that there are any good answers for my questions. Just thinking out loud.

WOL

I can sypathize with you here wol. When the conversations start just go with it and don't try to over analyze what you want to say. Keep it light and funny if you can and unrelated to R-talk.


It's so hard isn't it?


wol, WW and I still sleep in the same bed but it is as if there is a wall between us so just be patient and hopefully the offer to come back will come soon enough.


No, No No, & Yes! You are a normal man who hasn't had his needs met in a long time. Those are normal feelings.


Again, I'm right there with you and can tell you these are all normal feelings. I miss it too!


wol, I can tell you that everything you have described or are feeling is normal. It is obvious you love your W and want to meet her needs.

This takes time as you know.

This just came on my radio. I nearly cried listening to it. Looked up the words. This is a pray to God. The first time I ever saw it. Look at the words. The words to this song almost to a perfection describe my feelings at the moment toward my wife. I think most BS's working on their marriage probably feel this same way. Such beautiful words.


Unchained Melody -


Oh, my love, my darling,
I've hungered for your touch a long,
lonely time. Time goes by so slowly
and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?

I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
to the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me,
wait for me.
I'll be coming home, wait for me.

Oh, my love, my darling,
I've hungered for your touch a long
lonely time. Time, goes by so slowly,
and time can do so much,
Are you still mine?

I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love, to me.



Amen WOL

Ask Lemonman about the HPV.

I am a woman...a health professional recuuperating myself from the flu...and have NEVER heard of catching HPV from a tub...gosh if so, I will cancel my vacations all this year...nothing but showering..

Page Dr. Lemon and ask for his verdict. He'll shoot straight w/you on that issue.

Meanwhile, are you on antidepressants? I haven't been reading up on you and want to say I will pray for your WW and her healing.

Just want to make sure you remain whole and healthy for your kids and the fight ahead of you.

Justpeachy,

Thanks. I will call out to Dr. Lemon. I aggree the tub issue is far fetched.

I am on AD's. Lexapro. Thank goodness. Thank you so much for your prayers.

WOL

WOL,
Of course what you're feeling is totally normal. I don't know if this will be of any comfort to you at the moment. But if and when your wife starts warming up to you -- showing you more attention, concern, and affection -- at least you'll know that it's REAL. Sometimes I wonder if I pushed myself too far too fast with my H, making our current setback even harder on both of us than it otherwise would have been. Take some deep breaths. You're doing great.
--SC

Thanks SC

If she does come back I indeed will know it is for real, because she is really dug in to the stance of, when and if I come back, I want it to be because I wanted to, not because I was pushed, pressured etc.....

Anyway thanks so much.

WOL

This is EXACTLY what you want. DO you really want a W in a M who is unhappy and doesn't want to be there. As I said before, that is lonlier that being alone!

You should want more than that.

HTW

Without a doubt that is what I want. I just want her to realize it before it is too late. I am afraid she may give up . Since she is not following through on anything from MB I am totally in the dark on what and where her mind is at the moment.

WOL

WOL,
When we first started MC, our counselor recommended a book to my H (which he never read) about how to live with uncertainty. I can't remember the title or author now, but I wonder if it would help you get through this continued "limbo". If you're interested, I could find out what it was and let you know.
--SC

I am new here, and cant add athing to help anybody yet but I do no somethings about hpv virus. I found out I had it about 6 years ago. I had been married for 10 years and could nto beleve I had something like this. My doctor said is very common and lots of people have ti without ever knowing it. she told me if my husband even had touched anotyher woman and then went to the bathroom and touched himself he could have gotten it like that and poassed it to me. He also said if anyman touchd me after he touched himself and he had it I could have got it like that. I did have some instances in college where I had been touched by a longtime boyfriend, but we never had what I thought of as intercourse. We only touched each other. My dr said the hpv virus can stay in the body for 20 or more years without ever showing up and then suddenly it shows up - a lot of times becuase of stress. My mom had died and my dad was having a really hard time and pretty soon after that is when I had a found out I had hpv virus. He told me not to assume my husband had been with somebody else because of that, and I knew I hadnt been with another man in my life.

I dont know if this applies to this problem, but wanted waiting n love to know my experience. His wife may not have done anything wrong. I dont know how long you have been married, but if they had evern been touched or touched anybody else before they got married,that could be why she has hpv virus.

SC

I would love to know the book. If you can find out what it was let me know.

Thanks

WOL

Thanks Karen

That is pretty much what my wife said her GYN told her. Personally I hope that is possible and that is the case. The only problem is I have not been with anyone and she has not either. We were together at a very early age and married very early.

Hopefully some answers to all this will come soon.

WOL

I've been trying to find a study on the Internet that shows the HPV virus can live indefinitely on a metallic object or ceramic surface, such as a hotel tub. I have been unable to find any such thing. Also, I've tried to find a reference to a medical study that would lead to a conclusion the virus could remain dormant in a human body for years or decades. Such a study would, of course, be one that lasted fifteen or twenty years and would have to track a statistically valid number of individuals. Frankly, the only information I've been able to develop is to the effect that there has never been any such study. I've found some articles that indicate doctors use the "dormant" story to make their patients feel better about having contracted the disease.

Color me awfully disappointed at the lack of information I've been able to find. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I hope Lemon can shed some light on this subject.

Longhorn

Thanks for your info. I have not been able to find anything that supports that either.

WOL

Thanks for everyone'e help with my medical information. Hopefully, all the doctors have contacted him private by email so that he will have the full scoop on my personal information. Hopefully, he will scan the negative test results I received from my doctor concerning all blood tests for STDs and put it on here for ya'll. I would LOVE to see that put on here since it appears to be everyone's business.

And, he will NOT be coming to my biopsy appointment on Monday because I do NOT want anyone there that is "so concerned" about me that he puts my very personal medical info on this board without even discussing it with me.

As you can all see, WOL's spoiled, self-centered brat, whiny, WW with the "big girl car keys" is PRETTY ticked about finding this crap on here. Anyone that reads this, please feel free to contact WOL and let him know I posted just in case the key log program on this computer isn't up to speed and I have made a move without it being tracked.

I truly do thank those of you who have prayed for my medical problem, but the rest of you (and you and God know who you are) can discuss my business with my husband all day long. All it is doing is making me more and more furious with him. Thanks!

RLD

RLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was wondering about you!

Thinking about you lots! Praying for you lot!

I am sorry that you dont approve of your husband getting support from people who do truly want to help you guys.

From what I know of WOL and have gotten from alot of his posts - even from the ones where he may be complaining - he thinks VERY highly of you, loves you - you are his world...but is terrified he is losing it. And he comes here to see if maybe he can help keep that world together.

His discussing your personal matter was probably to gather support from people he knows are genuinely interested in you and he - like me!

I personally dont think you are spoiled or self centered...i think you are frustrated...but the same way you may talk to a girlfriend or God...some men feel better talking when no one really knows who they are....remain annonymouse - since no one knows his name, where he lives...he feels safe to talk bout his feelings.

Would you prefer he kept the bottled up and then released them in a rage on you next time you guys fought?

My husband used to HATE that I post here, for while told me to stop airing our dirty laundry. Mostly because he didnt like the way it made him look...he soon realized that alot of the things being said were true...and changes needed to be made. He also realized I needed a place to get things out so I didn't take them out on him. this is the place.

If he ever came back to MB, he would know not to read my threads <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hang in there RLD. And as hurt, as angry and as furious as you are - try to cut him a bit of slack - he is worried, he cares, and he is doing what he can to cope and get through this.

You are his world...

as for the sex talks RLD

He is just trying to protect himself. I know you hate to be doubted...but you lied about feelings you had for a man. Your word only goes so far at this point.

it does change - i promise, it does. My H and i rarely check up on eachother anymore....we trust eachother's word...but it takes time.

Dorry

Thanks for posted back to her. I appreciate you thoughts and trying to encourage her in the right kind of way. She is furious with me at the moment and I hope to be able to talk to her this afternoon or this evening so she can see what my real thoughts are.

I did ask her if it was ok to put a prayer request on the boards for her and she told me she did not mind. I guess what I am guilty of in her eyes is answering some of the questions that were brought up to me about HPV which I have even discussed with her before.

You are right though. I do feel safer talking anonymously on the boards than to a real live human.

I just hope and pray she will get over her anger with me and see it all for what it is. An effort to make me a better husband and father and be able to move past whatever issues have come between us in the past.

Thanks again.