Thanks for your input Cookie.

That is why I posted it. I really am not trying to be controlling. Just want it to work out so badly.

Thanks for your frankness. Really.

WOL

WOL,

Listen to SC, she is dead on. Go, learn, participate, and allow your W the pleasure of picking something that turns out to be meaningful to you.

God Bless,

JL

I know WOL. ((WOL)) -- A nice appropriate brother/sister type hug that time. And I'm sure the month of May seems like an eternity from now. Hang in there pal.

--SC

(Hi JL!)

Thanks JL and SC

I really do appreciate your advice. At times I just have a hard times processing things lately and the boards give me a good place to bounce things.

On another note, RLD had her first cancer treatment yesterday aftertoon. She is at home and not feeling very well. Please remember her in your prayers.

She is due for 5 more over the next 6 weeks. She will probably feel pretty crappy for 2 - 3 days after each one.

WOL

Cancer treatments are very difficult Waiting. My mother had them too.

I don't know if this will help, but I just happened to be reading a book yesterday on the benefits of melatonin. The book is called "Physician's Guide to the Right Medicines."

Melatonin Levels Fall...

After age 50 the melatonin levels begin a steep decline. By age 60, the pineal glad prduces half the malaonin it did at age 20. Depleted melatonin informs the body that our years of sexual reproduction are over, so the cells may as well break down and die. And thechronic diseases related to aging begin--cancer, heart disease, cataracts, diabetes, astma, arthritis, and many more. Adding synthetic melatonin to our bodies declining supply reverses the paterns of aging keeping us vital, healthy and sexual into our 90's and beyond--and melatonin is available. Inexpensive melaonin pills and capsules are sold at drugstores and health food stores without a prescription.

AS A Cancer Fighter....

Melatonin is a multifauceted anitcancer compound that...

--Reduces the effects of hormones that can trigger the growth of certain cancers, such as cancer of the breast and prostrate.

--Enhances the ability of the immune system to identify and destroy abnormal cells that may become cancerous.

--Prevents the usual age-related decline in immunity that makes the body vulnerable to cancer.

--Hinders the growth and spread of cancerous tumors.

Paoli Lissoni, MD, San Gerardo Hospital, Monza Italy, is using melatonin in conjuction with traditional cancer treatments. Melatonin has ben shown to protect the brain from injury and to protect nucleic acids from carcinogens.

Waiting...if this is something she would be interested in please let me know, and I will let you know the dosages to take. Also..first thing...ask her Dr. about it.

Other things that might help...
1. Drink lots of water. 1/2 of body weight in ounces. If she is 120lb, then she should drink 60 ounces a day.
2. Lots of fruits and vegetables.

Praying for her.

Lady

Waiting, I'm sorry about my comments yesterday. It really is hard to be enthusiastically loving when we are sick. This may be why she is the way she is right now. Be patient, and take good care of her. Go out of your way to serve her and love her during this very difficult time.

Blessings,
Lady

I am trying to take care of her and love her as best I can. I do so want to be there for her.

I hope and pray daily that she will drop the divorce petition and put the past in the past and let us work together to build a wonderful marriage and a happier home for our children and ourselves.

WOL

For some reason, I believe she will drop the petition. What would she have to look forward to divorcing you anyway...nothing but more complications...and I think she knows that. She has been ill Waiting...her thinking may not be that great due to that. I was crazy with the hormonal changes before my surgery, lack of blood supply, I was not thinking clearly a lot of time, hasty with stupid decisions, irritable etc... She is probably the same way, her body is way out of alignment right now, and probably has been for quite some time with immunity problems and female problems...if you can understand it in that way, it might help.

Lady

For those that followed and offered up prayers from RLD's post about me. My cardiologist thinks my stress test is ok and no procedure is needed, but my Blood Pressure is still up so I am now on BP med. That is a praise report.

Things could be much worse. Much much worse.

WOL

Thats great news Waiting. Hawthornberry (herb) will keep your heart in great shape. Everything God made is good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Blessings,
Lady

To my MB friends,

I have not posted much on my marraige because I really don't have anything new to add. RLD is still pretty much in limbo mode as for as I can see.

I would like to think she is in deep thought about moving on to recovery, but I really don't know. I have quit probing her for info about our marriage. Truth is, I am tired I guess. Not giving up, but just tired. I feel like I give all the time and get very little if anything in return.

I know that is sad, but it is the truth. I know it sounds selfish also, but I guess getting something in return is almost like oxygen in a relationship. It is needed and I am very low in oxygen. I can almost feel my lips turning blue.

WOL

Today our youngest DS13 left to go to the beach with friends for a week.

Oldest is pretty independent at 16 now and comes and goes to see his girlfriend and go to baseball practice or school.

That leaves RLD and I at home this week at home in the evenings together. I am hoping and praying we will have a chance to connect sometime this week. I am not going to press, I just hope she makes a move.

Just updating you guys.

WOL

I know the feeling wol. Try pulling back a little since she should defenitely know where you stand by now.


It's not selfish since you have put your TAKER away for a very long time and he wants some attention. Again I know the feeling and it really hurts becasue you still love your W. Have you tried doing something for yourself that would help satisfy your TAKER with LB'ing your W?

Thanks for the words of encouragement HTW.

I know you sitch is worse than mine. A whole lot worse and I don't see how you have held up.

You are right. My Taker has been put away for a very long time. I am not even sure where to locate it at the moment. I have tried to do stuff, but thing is my energy level is rather low. Not that physically I can't do anything, but my mental motivation is just not there. Almost an I don't care enough to make an effort type of thing.

I guess that I am so low and starved that if she were to reach over and hold my hand, cuddle in bed or stroke my hair that I would be good for days if not weeks. Is'nt that pathetic.

I used to think if we went more than a week without SF that I would die. What an idiot I was.

Anyway, I am trying to find something to give me pleasure in life for me.

Thank God for my kids. Our new lab puppy has been a help also. I have taken great pleasure in doing things with and for both sons and enjoyed the company of our dogs.

Anyway, still looking, trying, learning, etc...

WOL

Today was a rough day. We had a very rough night last night which lead to an even chillier day.

I don't know where we are going.

I told her today that I thought it was so said when 2 people that used to flirt with each other after 20 yrs of marriage on the phone, email and test message and had a great sex life and really enjoyed doing things and going places together have come to this.

It is very sad. I asked her when we were going to bury the hatchet. I haven't recieved a reply to that question yet.

WOL

RLD checked on a marriage course for us yesterday. I was very happy about that. I was gone all day to The Masters practice round so we did not have a lot of time to talk yesterday.

I am really hoping this course that she is looking into will be a real breakthrough for us. She has to be interviewed before they will except us. I am not sure I understand all of that, but I will just go with the flow at this point.

We neither one seem to be angry at one another at the moment. Maybe we are about to experiance a breakthrough.

I certianly hope so.

WOL

Update of our sitch for my MB friends.

Marriage: Still in limbo. No hearing, RLD says she is praying about direction for us to go regarding a marraige course. She says she does not feel a prompting to do anything at this point. We've had many words that God has most likely been speaking to her through many people about what to do and to take a step of faith.

No such move from her yet.

Her Health: She is in the middle of her treatments for her cancer. It wipes her out. She had one yesterday and she is in bed in a lot of pain, etc..... Hopefully that means it is working. (Please pray for her)

My Health: I am on my 2nd BP med. The 1st did not work and I am hoping diet, exercise and the new med makes a difference. My doc is also concerned about diabetes even though my sugar was ok last time he checked. I am trying to watch what I eat that would hurt that reading also.

I was told to try to keep my stress down by my doctor. What a laugh. It is so funny it is sad. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, that is were we stand.

WOL

Well we were setup for a marriage counseling week retreat, sent in our paperwork and all. They did a followup phone call with RLD and all of the sudden the facility we were going to called and suggested that at this time we are not candidates for the retreat.

We are a MC reject. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I don't know where to go at this point. Many people have said Plan B and others Plan D. I just wanted my wife back. She knows what God's will is but chooses to ignor it.

I am praying about what I should do next. I am so tired of trying to talk to her about all this.

WOL

if you can afford it, and can get to florida, there is an MB weekend coming up April 28th...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi011_0604.html




just a thought....

I am sorry for my intrusion. Soulloss thought I left MB. I changed my username from adrianc to iknow and I couldn't post that on my orginal thread since my WW was reding it.
Soulloss, I opened up a new thread "it's not you, it's me".
Thanks and sorry again fro my intrusion.

BTW, my WW wants a divorce too but she's not doing anything about that. And I am still fighting... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />