hurting

i am amazed at the strength and courage you have shown throughout this whole ordeal.

i wish the best for you...you deserve it

Thank you Eav for those very kind words.... I don't feel very strong and have often wondered if I had any courage at all. You have no idea how many times as I sit here and type these posts the tears are rolling down my face and I can barely see. So my strength and courage comes and goes alot.

I never in my wildest dreams thought that at my age I woul be facing such turmoil. I always thought we would be together forever. Now its like starting over and I feel like a scared school girl who has no knowledge of life. My H has been my rock for over half my life and now that rock has crumbled to sand. So now I have to dig my way out of the sand pit and move upwards. It's not an easy thing for sure but I am beginning to see the top of the pit and I am doing my best to grab the edge. I will haul myself out one day soon and life will be good again.

I like you just want my H back but as the days go by, I do wonder if it will ever happen. He is just so confused and fogged out. I just wonder if he will ever come out of it...

but no matter what I will survive this. Someday in the future this will all be a distant memory. And I will have learned a lot of things to make my life happier. Also no matter what happens I will love my H for who he used to be and as the father of my children. I do hope that we will get past this and become a family again, but if not I will be ok and move on with life......

Oh thats good, if something else doesn't come up with another lawyer. I'm hoping you can somehow do it all for free. Did you look at the links that "inanutshell" left for you too? It looks like there might be some good options there too.

Love, Lady

Lady,

Yes I looked at them and that actually were I found this prepaid leagal thing at..... Belive me I was ready the Okla. divorce laws very carefully and I was surprised at some of things I saw....

I will let everyone know what I find out tomorrow.

I hope I can have some good news. I really need this done like yesterday.

hurting I think you are doing great!

and i'm crying too as i'm posting most of the time ans especially today because someone on my thread just called me a stalker. That's real supportive don't you think?

hurting
i don't think i'll be posting anymore. I'm barely holding myself together as it is and now i'm getting more unkind and unsupportive posts on my thread. I'm at a really bad place right now and i know that i can't deal with that...It's sad cause this was the one place that i thought i could come to where people understood and believed there was still hope......now i've got no husband and no support system
great life i've got isn't it?

Good luck to you and I wish you the best.

DD was upset tonite and I asked her why. Seems on Saturday when all of this money thing happened she called her dad later on that evening. I did not know this.

Anyhow she was telling him how upset she was how he is treating us and how she didn't like what he was doing. Well he got nasty with her and called her a name.... The B word.

She told him she didn't like OW but she was trying to be nice to her because of him so they could have a good relationship. I don't know what all he said to her but it upset her pretty bad. She wants to have a realtionship with her dad so bad but now she is torn. I told her I could not tell her what to do but in IMHO se should just leave him alone for now.

I tried explaining to her that if this is how he is going to talk to you then you don't need that crap. Also leaving him to rut in his pig sty without any contact from any of us will eventually start to bother him.

I can't believe how he is now talking to DD, she was the only one who tried to be nice and keep a relationship going with him. I really think he has gone over the deep end.... I don't see how he can ever repair any of these realtionships now.... He has really stepped over the line way to many times.

I told MIL tonight if someday he does crash and burn it will be hard for anyone to trust him fo ra long time. MIL says she is done and has no desire to see or speak to him at all..... It makes me wonder if he ever does want to return home he may not even try due to all that has happen and how he has talked and treated everyone.....

I wonder if his guilt and fear would keep him were he is just so he won't have to face anyone? Scary thought....

What a nigt last night. I finally went to bed and for some reason I jusr fell apart. When is this loneliness and pain going to stop?

DD came in my room and layed with me and let me cry. She kept saying mom its going to be ok... He will someday see the pain and hurt he caused you. she said he will regret this. I do hope she is right. She says you know him and OW won't last forever.

I would have thought by now I would be doing a lot better with this by now. But everyday I still feel empty and alone. While I was at work the last few days I just kept waiting for him or OW to come walking in. I am so glad that I start on the late night shift thursday, the odds of him showing up then are pretty small so maybe I will feel better.

I just want to feel better and move on and it seems the harder I try the worse I feel... I still can't imagine life without him and I know I have to get used to it. This is just so hard......

I slept with the phone beside my bed for 6 months expecting the late night call that never came. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had actually gotten the call...

You will eventually feel better but it does take a long time, and usually a lot longer than we want.

Take care,

Miker

Miker,

I know what you mean about waiting for a phone call that never comes.

I was getting the calls before I started planb just not the right calls. All of his calls were cake-eating calls.

he knew just the words to use to continue his cake-eating as well. This man wants us both and will freely admit it to me but not the OW. She has no clue he was still coming to me up until a few weeks ago.

But now I am in a strict planb because I could not take the cake-eating anymore and now he is mad and threatning with the D word. Maybe he will maybe he won't, I have no idea.

So maybe I am still just very early in this to be able to detach a lot. I know in time it will get better. But I still am praying someday I get the call of him wanting to make things work....

Good Morning Hurting,

I think they way your H talked to your DD yesterday did you in last night. He treated her terrible. He is using every way to hurt you now. He used money and next he is going after DD. It may be best for her to end all contact with him for a while until he can respect and love her. She doesn't need to hear his abrasive words. I think we cry the most when we think of the children and how they are being effected and treated by the WS also.

Don't cry for the man he is now, who knows if he will ever be the loving H he was before. You are letting him know through Plan B that you won't tolerate living with his abuse because that is what it all about now is abuse. He is losing control of everything, the only one he has left hanging on a string is DD and OW. He has a lot of anger because of what he is doing, and he doesn't realize why...well I wonder, right. And when he gets on the phone with anyone his anger and rage spew out at everyone. Let go and let him LB OW if he needs to LB. You have to realize what is in his heart is not love. He can't love anyone right now not even OW. He's gotta feel miserable, how could he feel any other way. This sin is going to make him feel terrible, and it will get worse the longer he stays in it...sad to say, but true.

You and your children hold on, love and take care of one another. Tell Hurting2 I said "hi". May God heal all of your broken hearts.


Love, Lady

Lady,

he has never talked to my children like this before. It breaks my heart to know he is doing this to them.

I wish I knew if he was feeling miserable. He just seems to be going through life without a care in the world. Your right everytime he talks to someone anymore its like this. First him mom and now DD. He is trying so hard to make everyone think he is justified and right. Can he really believe he is? Just a few weeks ago I had thought we would still be able to have our marriage but to be honest now I am not so sure. Even though I want that I am so afraid that even if he does realize what he has done his shame will keep him from doing the right thing. I don't know if he could ever face all of us again. We have all told him including his mom if he ever wants to come home no one will throw this in his face or say I told you so. But he has a lot of pride so I feel that will stand in his way....

I have to hang on to the thought that someday he is going to realize what he has done. I can't imagine him living the rest of his life like this. I will move on but can you imagine living in a world of lies forever and for now thats what it feels like he will do. I pray for him that this all will change over time because I believe the guilt and shame will eventually do him in.

I just wish I could forget about him and move on but I know deep down inside of him is the man he used to be.... I just wish I knew a way to bring him back.....

The way he is talking to DD shows you he is feeling miserable. The finances were his target now she is. Tell her not to be a target for his abuse, she needs to get out of the way. Let OW be his target now...and see how long that lasts.

Love, Lady

Trust me Hurting, he is going to be a very lonely man only having OW. It's going to take time, and he is going to have lasting anger, guilt and shame until he cannot take it anymore. This may wake him up. I hope so. You aren't giving into anymore of his "attention seeking behavior" and he doesn't like it. Good job!!

Love, Lady

You know I think back and yes he has gotten angry at our children for things they have done. But he has always been there for them. But now not worry about if they have a roof over their head or food in their belly is just something I can't understand. He told her your 18 now get off your A$$ and do something. I understand she has to become an adult and learn to care for herself.

But what about DS who is 15 ? He has done the same thing to him pulled everything out from under him with no feelings.

As far as OW being his target, I think they both are usuing each other as targets. DD was telling me last night that when she saw them together at the bowling alley how OW talked to him like a dog. SIL confirmed this since she was there talking to him one night several weeks ago. DD then told me that she said Dad I love you, to which he said nothing. OW then hit WH and said your DD said she loved you arn't you going to say anything? If I had done that to him or talked to him like that he would have gotten mad and never allowed it.... So why is he allowing her to treat him this way?

I will talk to DD later today and try and make her see leaving him alone is the best thing she can do for herselve right now.... Maybe only having OW and her DD and all their dysfuntional firends in life will make him see what he is giving up....

Family
Stability
True Friends
Home
History
Grandcildren
Children
Wife

Yeah I am not falling for ay more of his attention seeking behaviors. And I guess your right he is getting very angry now......

I keep remembering what my mom told me on sunday.....

she said " Carolyn, let him divorce you . Because you and I both know this thing with OW won't be a lasting thing. I bet you within a year he will be wanting you back. Then its up to you if you want him back."

In a way I hope she is right but who knows how I will feel in a years time...... Right now I could say I would take him back, but a lot may change in that time....

quote]He told her your 18 now get off your A$$ and do something. I understand she has to become an adult and learn to care for herself.

But what about DS who is 15 ? He has done the same thing to him pulled everything out from under him with no feelings.[/quote]
Those poor children!!

This is good....Plan B is working for you.

Love, Lady

I have yet to see how this is working for me.... Yes I am ot involved in the drama so much with him and OW. But I continue to be in the drama of how he is doing my kids...

I guess I am not understanding what you mean by saing PlanB is working for me? Do you mean the fact she is treating him like this? From what he says and has told him mom a few weeks ago she takes care of him and does things I stopped doing..... Not sure what he means unless he is talking about kissing his butt..... Maybe I was not perfect and I let some of his needs slide as well as him letting some of mine slide... But one darn thing for sure I never strayed in my marriage no matter how things were going ....

Yes, and in time he is not going to like feeling so angry, unsettled and unstable all the time with no family at all..he will have to go through this on his own, and it will be terrible for him. But this is the last straw. If this doesn't work, nothing will.

If he thinks he is going to feel any better getting a divorce, he's wrong!!

Love, Lady

I didn't mean that it's working to make you feel terrible. Because I know that this is devastating. What I mean is...

Yes, OW false colors are beginning to show. Remember what your therapist said. It takes 3 - 6 months for the glamour and passion to wear out. It's going on 4 months now from 1st D-day. The good thing is is that she will never be accepted by the family. This is making him angrier, and he will lose respect for OW before long, especially because mom doesn't like her.

Love, Lady