You are probably right Lady. This is the last straw all the way around..

Oh him getting a divorce will definatly not make him feel better, once he figures out what all hs is actually going to lose and how much this will cost him in the long run...
Monetarily and emotionlly..... But it may take that for him to see this. I don't know.......

Like I said to him one time "Is all your loosing , worth what little you think you are going to gain?"

I don't know Lady he does not seem to care if they accept her or not.... He keeps saying he is done with his family... He does not care if our children accept her or not.

I know in time that may bother him but for now it does not.... No one accepts her at all even our friends have said she will never be welcome if he ever decides to contact any of them again...... Its goin to be a very lonely life for him without any of his family even if her family accepts this which I do know her sister has no problem with it....

I talked with DD and she knows having no contact with her dad is the best thing right now.....

She realzies he is saying things because of his anger and guilt. Plus he knows she will tell me about it. I wonder if he does it thinking I will contact him?

Anyhow no one will contact him anytime soon. He is on his own for now. I do hope OW is ready for this. Because I think his anger is going to get worse.

His entitlement will probably become worse now as well. He will probabbly get on his high horse and say I don't need any of them blah blah..... So would not surprise me if he does something he thinks will show us all he is right.....

I think we are in for a very bumpy ride in the next few weeks.....

I think he might do it hoping it will get "attention" from you and her. No one needs to be in his "line of fire" right now. Let him go on his own miserable way, til he wakes up out of the fog, and repents if ever. I really hope he does eventually. I would love to see your family reconciled...before it's too late.

Love, Lady

Lady I pray he does wakes up to. But from the way he is acting now I am not sure it will ever happen....

Its a scary thought that he could be like this forever. I do wonder sometimes how many people who get into something like this never come out of the fog or confusion .. whatever you choose to call it.

Well I can say this for now its not to late. But that could change if he continues down this path of destruction.

I already told him last month I w on't wait forever... He looked at me and said ."You won't?" I said " No I won't."

So maybe now its beginning to sink in I won't wait forever.

I will not lie I am just sitting here waiting for a knock on the door sometime soon to be served with D papers. It scares the crap out of me but something tells me if he does that it still won't be the end for us.......

How can he file for divorce anyway, he is on the road all week isn't he? Anyway I think he is too much in the fog to file anyway. He wouldn't even be able to think straight doing that. Whats he going to say "I want to file for divorce because I committed adultery on my wife?"

Love, Lady

...But if I were you, I would still get right into court for CS and alimony. You do need to know that your finances are in order so you don't have to worry about that.

Love, Lady

Well he is on the road but that not to say he couldn't ask to be in town on a friday early...

Who knows what he would say Lady.... It's a no fault state actually unless you go for one of the five exceptions. Which is what I would do if I filed. I really don't even think he would tell a lawyer the truth.

I know he did go to MIL's family attorney about a monnth ago asking questions and her attorney pretty much blew him off...

The attorney told my MIL he would not represent WH at all and after MIL told him the story he pretty much laughed it off as MLC and said he will come out of it....

I guess its just a wait and see thing now.......

Oh I am lady I am trying my best to get something started.. Been making some phone calls today and see what I can come up with.....

Gotta make some appointments with attorneys and see if I can find one who will work with me...

Does this mean could just get a divorce without your agreement/consent, or finances in order for children and alimony? I'm not sure I know what no fault means...

I know he did go to MIL's family attorney about a monnth ago asking questions and her attorney pretty much blew him off...

Good, I'm glad he wouldn't represent him. WH isn't doing to well until he goes in the "right direction."

Love, Lady

No what no fault means is he does not have to really have a reason... Most of the time in that case its irrconsiliable diffrences....

No I would have to be served and I would have like 20 days to respond to it... Then it goes in fornt of a judge who will set up all CS and Alimony and all division of things...

but I will tell you this even if he goes this way I will be sure and bring up the adultry in front of a judge.... I could also contest it if I so chose to..... No fault just means its easier .. you don't have to rpove anything....

yeah but there are pleanty of lawyers in this town who will take him on..... I do wonder though if he will be honest with any of them......

You know and this is off the subject .. but this one thing keeps popping up in my head..... WH has a big tattoo on his arm of red roses with my names across it.... I mean it covers his from his elbow to his wrist.... I often wonder how OW feels having to look at that daily...... I remember when he got it like 10 yrs ago I told what if something ever happens to me or us, you will have bee branded for life... His words to me were..." You are the love of my life and anyone in the future will just have to live with it, but nothing is ever going to happen to us we are forever." yeah well look 10 yrs later... short forever don't ya think?

Oh okay now I understand, at least if it were to happen you would be able to talk to the judge, and fight for what you need. But I am hesitant that it will happen.

Wow!! That is even better, WH has to look at that daily too as his reminder of "the real love of his life". When he drives he looks at that...when he lays down he looks at that...when he washes up he looks at that...
I bet you he hasn't forgotten what he said to you either.

Love, Lady

Your hestitant that what will happen? Him filing for the big D?

yeah I like the idea he has that tattoo myself now.... if nothing else is a constant reminder of what was....

[quote]Your hestitant that what will happen? Him filing for the big D?

Yes. I wouldn't believe him unless you seen it. But because he made the "threat" you will be prepared to do what you need to do. I think what he told his mother was
a bunch of hot air, testing her. He still didn't get her approval.

Love, Lady

lady,

He has been threatening D since July.... Everytime he gets mad about something he says it..... So I have to just let it roll off my back.. Now thats not say he won't so it at all....

In fact when he talked to DD that evening while he was talking bad to her and called her names he never said anything to her about a D....

Oh he will never get his mothers approval. So he might as well stop trying....

I am so glad WH is gone on the road.... The urge to just hear his voice is very overwhelming tonight. I have not felt this way for days.

DD is being so good to me. She tells me all the time she loves me.... tonight she tells me that when she gets a job she wants to move out. I asked her why? She said because mom I need to be a grown up and be on my own. I can't bear the thoughtof her leaving me right now. DS has been staying at my SIL's the majority of the time its been so much better for him tere. He has his cousins and aunt and uncle... A family unit and its been a big help for him to have the male figure in his life be stable. If DD moves I will be all by myself..... That scares me so much. DS will come home if I ask him to but for now I want him to have the stability he needs. Until I can CS in place he is better off there anyway.

Seems like my whole family is going away from me.. Last year this time I had a whole family now I have not even half a family.....

"we are forever"


I don't know how many times my WH wrote that in cards that he has given to me over the years. I have kept so many of them. Threw them all in the trash one day, but dug them out. It hurts to see those words.

I am worried about you with your daughter thinking of moving out. I thought she was going to be able to help you with the bills some when she started working. If she does move out, you will be fine. I know she will still be there for you. I just hope she stays a bit longer until things get better for you one way or the other.

How's the job going?

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 6
Married 13 years
Plan B 10-11-05

Kim,

Yeah the we are forever thing really is short lived isn't it?

I think DD will stay for awhile if I ask her to. She has not gotten a job yet so for now she is here. I know she won't leave me stranded if I need her. I think I just need her to stay until I can be strong enough to handle being alone so much.

The job well its ok. I don't like working in fast food but for now I have to do what I have to do. I am still looking and hoping something better will come along though. I do my job with no complaints and do the best I can because thats how I am but believe me first thing that comes along that is better I am outta there.....

I hope you are doing well tonight. It is hard Kim but you sound so strong and determined to do this I think you will be a sucess with it. I myself have messed my planb up 2 times now. But I am back on it and will not do it again.
Especially after the WH has acted to his mom and DD last weekend. This man needs to suffer for all he has done... I believe he is starting to just by how he is talking to people. He has so much anger right now its better we all stay away. I do wonder if its part guilt also. I sure hope so.

Keep on keeping on Kim your doing a great job.....

Hurting -

Thanks for your words. Sometimes I come across stronger than I feel. We will have to see what happens from here. I am only on day 1!!!

I am glad to hear that DD will stay with you until you feel strong enough.

Hey, you keep your eyes open - something else will come along for you as far as a job is concerned. Be proud of yourself for what you are doing. Use it as a stepping stone. I know you are doing a great job & that's what will get you recognized as a person with work ethic, standards and commitment. Your employer will notice your hard work and this will look great for you when you are interviewing for the next job.

Your H has got to start feeling some of the guilt for what he's done SOMETIME. Maybe it is now. I hope so too. People who lash out at others do not really think too highly of themselves.....

Hang in there.

Kimberly

Thats what I say to Kim, he being so mean and lashing out at everyone shows he is having a difficult time dealing with reality.

Well one thing for sure, we have all agreed that all of the family will leave him alone for now. DD says she is not going to contact him at all. I hope they can all pull this off for a few weeks just to let it all set in on him... I truly think that without any family contact for awhile things will start to get to him..... I hope it works that way.....

I know its only day 1 for you but be prepared you will go through withdrawl yourself. It is tough but you will make it through it......